Back: Depressed

[soheartbroken]

Well, I'm back. I think this means that I'm grasping at straws.

 

I've been away from the forums because I was getting some unpleasant responses, but mostly because it was contributing to my ruminations, re-opening old wounds.

 

It's coming up on 8 months since my ex left. There's has been absolutely no contact. Things are worse. I went from "heartbroken" to depressed. Not major, major depression, where I can't function, but just constant negative thoughts. Very scary thoughts too, like being alone forever, or depressed for the rest of my life. I haven't gone on medication but I'm considering it. Sometimes I'm afraid to hang out with people because I'm afraid I won't be able to fake it.

 

Those of you who know me know that I've tried everything in the book.

 

So....I don't know. Depression is seriously disturbing, and I don't know how people live with it. I keep hoping if I can "get over" my ex, that this cloud will go away. I just keep waiting, hanging on, hoping for better days, still trying to plan things with friends, go to work, etc. Today is a bad day where I've been sitting around alone since I got back from my hockey game at noon.

 

Has anybody here become depressed 8 months out? I mean, it was normal at 3 months. But after all this time, what the hell? I guess it's not surprising given my tendency toward negative thinking. You know, I've tried to catch myself when I start to think of my ex, and I seriously don't go 2 minutes without thinking of her. What is wrong with me? Two minutes after 8 months??????

 

To further complicate things, I've realized that since I was a kid, I've had minor depression (dysthymia, if anyone is familiar with the term. Means lethargic, oversleeping, pessimism, etc.). But it's never been this bad. In fact, one common theme with the disorder is that you don't know that you have it, you just think you're moody. And I was certainly happy with my ex.

 

So, has anyone become depressed after a significant amount of time had passed, and come out the other side?

[LisaUk]

Hi SHB

 

Its good to see you, I have been thinking about you a lot, although not under thses circumstances of course.

 

Is depression normal? YES. Check out my thread on here at the moment. It's one year exactly to the day today and I am still up and down. Stop beating yourself up, everyone deals with it differently. I think at 8 months I was still heavily questionning why and thinking of him a lot of the time, although study took my mind off it a lot. I think of him less now, but it's still there.

[hopesndreams]

Keep plugging away at it and eventually the cloud will lift and there will be sunny skies. That's what I tell myself anyway. Next month, it will be a year of separation for me. It still hurts. Not as bad as it once did but there are moments where I break down, still, and pray God will let him find his way back to me. It's pathetic. It makes me feel stupid.

 

You aren't alone. I have done the "fake it til you make it" for months, but am only fooling myself.

 

Having a real bad day today.

 

Chin up eh?

[tojaz]

Welcome back SHB, missed you, but also hoped not to cross paths again if you know what I mean.

 

Quit putting a time limit on yourself, it takes time and you never truly "get over" someone that played a significant role in your life. It takes time and it takes as much as you need. I get very depressed at times and I'm almost a year out. I'm not as bad as I was though, and I've learned a lot about me along the way.

 

Still the moments come, I woke today to a beautiful morning today, I was excited and briefly forgot that she was gone. That was a beautiful moment, but hit hard when reality came rushing back. Your going to back slide from time to time, but your a lot better then when you first got here as well. I remember.

 

Take heart, your doing fine and at your own pace. Big hug for a hard day to you.

 

TOJAZ

[LonelyTiger]

I'm so sorry to hear you're feeling this way soheartbroken.

 

I have always had a tendency to depression so I know that it's really tough to deal with. When my husband first left I was very ill and couldn't get myself out of bed. I refused to take medication and I did eventually recover, but looking back I think it would have been much easier for me if I had.

 

If you have a tendency to 'low moods' then it is no surprise at all to find yourself in this position 8 months down the line. Although there are specific stages to grief, they don't have a rigid order and you can return to any stage at any time until you are fully recovered.

 

Have you heard of the book 'Rebuilding - When your relationship ends' - by Bruce Fisher? It was recommended to me by a nurse who was mopping up my tears at one of my frequent visits to the doctor when my husband first left. I found it very helpful.

 

Is it possible that something has triggered this particular episode of depression? Sometimes the chemicals in the brain can be thrown out of whack by an upsetting or traumatic event and never quite return to normal. You are then likely to be at higher risk of the depression returning when something else, even something minor, comes along to throw you off course.

 

Taking medication can sometimes be the only way to get the chemicals back on track so it might be worth considering. Maybe this would be a good time to have chat with your doctor.

 

Even if you decide not take any meds, things will get easier with time and the more low periods you have, the more practise you have at coping with them.

[soheartbroken]

Thank you all for the [quick] responses.

 

I don't know though. To me, it seems like things run deeper. Not trying to minimize what anyone else is going through though. I just think that not getting 2 minutes of rest from my thoughts is a bit much, you know? Maybe if it's busy at work I get ten minutes or something.

 

So ya, I keep on plugging, but it's like there's a carrot dangling in front of me [the carrot of happiness], and I keep chasing it, but it's just out of my reach. Like, maybe with the sun coming back I will feel better, maybe if I read just one more book something will click, maybe if I post just one more time something will resonate with me, maybe if I take this meditation class my mind will be free...the days just go on and on...but it feels like she left just yesterday.

 

I just want that moment, that moment of awakening.

 

I can't imagine not thinking of her. I mean, what else would fill my mind? I always have something on my mind.

 

Sadly, I would still take her back to this day.

 

Lisa: of course I read your thread!

[soheartbroken]

I'm so sorry to hear you're feeling this way soheartbroken.

 

I have always had a tendency to depression so I know that it's really tough to deal with. When my husband first left I was very ill and couldn't get myself out of bed. I refused to take medication and I did eventually recover, but looking back I think it would have been much easier for me if I had.

 

If you have a tendency to 'low moods' then it is no surprise at all to find yourself in this position 8 months down the line. Although there are specific stages to grief, they don't have a rigid order and you can return to any stage at any time until you are fully recovered.

 

Have you heard of the book 'Rebuilding - When your relationship ends' - by Bruce Fisher? It was recommended to me by a nurse who was mopping up my tears at one of my frequent visits to the doctor when my husband first left. I found it very helpful.

 

Is it possible that something has triggered this particular episode of depression? Sometimes the chemicals in the brain can be thrown out of whack by an upsetting or traumatic event and never quite return to normal. You are then likely to be at higher risk of the depression returning when something else, even something minor, comes along to throw you off course.

 

Taking medication can sometimes be the only way to get the chemicals back on track so it might be worth considering. Maybe this would be a good time to have chat with your doctor.

 

Even if you decide not take any meds, things will get easier with time and the more low periods you have, the more practise you have at coping with them.

 

Thanks for your post LT.

 

What "caused" the dysthymia, originally, was my mother leaving when I was six. I didn't even see her for a month afterward apparently. I have no recollection of that period of my life...anyway, I did eventually see her on weekends etc., but I think it profoundly affected me. I've heard that "mother loss" can trigger dysthymia. But with a routine (school, sports, etc.), people can largely cope with it, often just thinking that they're a bit different.

 

But I think you're asking about this more recent depression, which started about 1-2 months ago...not too sure. I did make a trip which involved traveling through my old city (not stopping though). I also was pretty inactive, particularly during the Olympics and while on this trip. But I've been back to routine for awhile now.

 

How long were you ill for, not getting out of bed?

 

Yes, I've read "Rebuilding". Didn't particularly resonate with me though. Or, I guess I should say that it didn't change much.

 

But anyway, thanks for your response. Having people to talk to today is really helping me, even though too much time on these forums can be problematic. Today, it is good for me.

 

Also, I did try "thought-stopping". I googled it and tried to put it to use. It worked for a few days. Then something happened, and I just didn't have the energy to do it anymore. I just let the thoughts overcome me and I couldn't fight them.

 

This is all pretty scary. I don't want to be depressed for the rest of my life.

[D-Lish]

This is all pretty scary. I don't want to be depressed for the rest of my life.

 

I know it's scary when you're in the middle of it and you can't see a way out. You don't have to suffer in silence- I'd talk to your doctor and discuss medication. You don't have to take it if you don't feel comfortable, but I'd at least discuss your options with a professional.

 

I've taken anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds in the past and they do make a huge difference. At my worst, I can't eat or sleep, I start avoiding friends and family and go into cave-mode. After my divorce, I couldn't even go out in public without bursting into tears.

 

Depression isn't something to dismiss or take lightly- if it last for more than a few months- you should take action.

 

I can tell you after being through it and coming out on the other side that you can recover. As hopeless as it may seem when you're at your worst- you can beat it.

[soheartbroken]

I know it's scary when you're in the middle of it and you can't see a way out. You don't have to suffer in silence- I'd talk to your doctor and discuss medication. You don't have to take it if you don't feel comfortable, but I'd at least discuss your options with a professional.

 

I've taken anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds in the past and they do make a huge difference. At my worst, I can't eat or sleep, I start avoiding friends and family and go into cave-mode. After my divorce, I couldn't even go out in public without bursting into tears.

 

Depression isn't something to dismiss or take lightly- if it last for more than a few months- you should take action.

 

I can tell you after being through it and coming out on the other side that you can recover. As hopeless as it may seem when you're at your worst- you can beat it.

 

Thanks for your reply.

 

Well, in the early months after the split, my school doctor did give me an rx for meds, which I didn't fill. At the time, I really did think what I was experiencing was completely normal after the breakup.

 

But now it's been awhile and my thoughts aren't getting much better. The initial anxiety has died down a bit, but that's about it.

 

I really, really don't want to screw with my head though, so I'm holding off.

 

Maybe I should make a doctor's appointment, maybe see a psych, and see what they think. I've heard the psychiatrist just spends a couple minutes with you and gives you an rx though. Not what I'm looking for.

 

I know a lot of people go into "cave mode" after a divorce, but I've never seen it on these forums after 8 months. Even though I know grief can take a long time, it should get better, shouldn't it?

[D-Lish]

Maybe I should make a doctor's appointment, maybe see a psych, and see what they think. I've heard the psychiatrist just spends a couple minutes with you and gives you an rx though. Not what I'm looking for.

 

I know a lot of people go into "cave mode" after a divorce, but I've never seen it on these forums after 8 months. Even though I know grief can take a long time, it should get better, shouldn't it?

 

It took me about a year before the tragedy of what I went through sunk in and the depression took over. I immediately went into busy mode and stiffled my pain so I wouldn't have to deal with it. You can't avoid dealing with it forever though. When it finally hit me, it hit me like a ton of bricks.

 

I don't know where you reside- but my family doc was amazing. She was the one that provided me with the initial counselling, diagnosis and subsequent referral for further therapy with a counsellor. It's covered under health care in Canada- and my experience was great. I've seen clinical psychiatrists in the past, and I prefer speaking to therapists.

 

I took Wellbutrin- and I achieved good results with it. My mood stablized within a month, I had no side effects (besides more weight loss), and I got back on my feet.

 

You don't have to take meds if you don't want to- but it won't hurt you to talk to your family doc.

[LonelyTiger]

First of all, you will not be depressed for the rest of your life. You can take medication if you need it and you can learn strategies to cope with it. I suffered from depression for 15 years, in varying degrees, also triggered by events in my childhood, but also partly genetic. I was on and off medication, saw counsellors, therapists etc and did a lot of personal development.

 

Until my marriage ended I hadn't had a severe episode in at least 7 years and even this episode wasn't as long or as bad as some I'd had in the past. How long is a hard question to answer. It went on for months, but some days I was able to get out of bed, other days I didn't just consider suicide, I planned it - right down to the letters I would write. Sometimes at the doctors I would talk dry eyed and rationally, other times I could barely speak through my sobbing.

 

Grief is a very painful process, and its often said that divorce or relationship grief is worse than grief caused by death. People will go through it in their own way and their own time.

 

If you feel you have worked through the stages in rebuilding and nothing has changed then perhaps something is blocking your recovery. I'm sorry, I don't know your history, but have you seen a counsellor or a therapist? Not just to talk about your break up but to talk about you and your future.

 

I went to see a marriage counsellor (alone) because that's what I was advised to do. I realised, while I was talking to him, that my marriage wasn't the issue. My husband was gone and I needed to work on me NOT the break up.

 

If your dysthymia was caused by your mother leaving, it's not too big a jump to see that a major depression could be caused by your wife leaving but that is something you would need to explore with a therapist.

 

There is no shame in taking medication for depression, it is an illness, the same as any other and sometimes medication is the best option for full recovery. It won't 'screw with you head' it will fix whatever has gone wrong.

 

Thanks for your post LT.

 

What "caused" the dysthymia, originally, was my mother leaving when I was six. I didn't even see her for a month afterward apparently. I have no recollection of that period of my life...anyway, I did eventually see her on weekends etc., but I think it profoundly affected me. I've heard that "mother loss" can trigger dysthymia. But with a routine (school, sports, etc.), people can largely cope with it, often just thinking that they're a bit different.

 

But I think you're asking about this more recent depression, which started about 1-2 months ago...not too sure. I did make a trip which involved traveling through my old city (not stopping though). I also was pretty inactive, particularly during the Olympics and while on this trip. But I've been back to routine for awhile now.

 

How long were you ill for, not getting out of bed?

 

Yes, I've read "Rebuilding". Didn't particularly resonate with me though. Or, I guess I should say that it didn't change much.

 

But anyway, thanks for your response. Having people to talk to today is really helping me, even though too much time on these forums can be problematic. Today, it is good for me.

 

Also, I did try "thought-stopping". I googled it and tried to put it to use. It worked for a few days. Then something happened, and I just didn't have the energy to do it anymore. I just let the thoughts overcome me and I couldn't fight them.

 

This is all pretty scary. I don't want to be depressed for the rest of my life.

[riegelbeagle]

I feel very lucky to have the dr I am about to share with you in my area. He has helped me see things about myself and more importantly why I do them. I still screw **** up but I am getting closer to the person I was intended to be on this earth instead of what my upbringing and society taught me to be. Please everyone take a look at his website, he also has some books his latest explains a lot about relationships. Its call the lion and the unicorn by dr mark waller. His web site is http://www.markwaller.com

He has also gone through much of what we are all here about. He also holds frequent webinars for those who can not have an office visit. At bare min take a look

[LonelyTiger]

I've seen clinical psychiatrists in the past, and I prefer speaking to therapists.

 

I agree. Psychiatrists are doctors who prescribe medication for mental illness. Psychologists or therapists will help you work through your problems. Personally, I've never found psychiatrists particularly helpful.

 

It may be that you need medication to kick start your recovery and then counselling or therapy to start working out your future. There are lots of different therapies out there which are worth investigating to find the one that's right for you.

[soheartbroken]

Hmmm. The consensus seems to be to see my doctor. But I don't see the point if I already know that I'm against medication. Oh well, I'll do it anyway. I just hate wasting tax-payer money on these visits.

 

And yes, I've had two counselors in the past 7 months. I kind of reached an impasse with both, I think because of the depression.

 

(We were not married. This was a same-sex relationship. I don't think it matters, but just sharing so people don't get confused. I've tried to indicate my gender by it won't show up).

[D-Lish]

Hmmm. The consensus seems to be to see my doctor. But I don't see the point if I already know that I'm against medication. Oh well, I'll do it anyway. I just hate wasting tax-payer money on these visits.

 

And yes, I've had two counselors in the past 7 months. I kind of reached an impasse with both, I think because of the depression.

 

(We were not married. This was a same-sex relationship. I don't think it matters, but just sharing so people don't get confused. I've tried to indicate my gender by it won't show up).

 

You are not abusing the system by talking to your doctor. Doctor's view depression as seriously as they view physical conditions.

 

And your gender shows up as female.

[WSeeker]

So, has anyone become depressed after a significant amount of time had passed, and come out the other side?

 

HI, Soheartbroken i remember you

 

You opened up your main thread in september right? Well im sad to hear that you're depressed. It seems that youre really not over your ex, i guess youre gonna have to give it more time. From youre post it seems that youre pinning. You have to let go of her. Its the only way. To picture yourself without her. And you must not count months. Youll get better when you get better there is no time limit. Again im very sad to hear that young people like you are depressed

 

My ex left me in the begining of August i think it was august the 5th. And its almost 8 months from breakup just like you. Well, i feel great now. We have been in NC for 2 months. I have another girl and i learned a lot from the break up. I got so much stronger and my life has changed somewhat.

When she learned i have another girl she started contacting me but i didn't answer.

 

Just don't worry this mild depression is maybe only a phase in your healing. Some people need a lot more time to heal, so be patient and brave and youll make it to the other side trust me . I believe young people have the strength to move mountains let alone get over somebody. You just have to find that strength in you and give it some time.

[broken hearted]

soheartbroken-I am almost 14 months out from the day my ex walked out and abandoned me while I was pregnant. I spent day in and day out avoiding everyone and everything since that day. I became severely depressed and it got even worse after I gave birth to my daughter. I would say that still 90% of the time I hide out in my house and avoid everyone. I have crazy social anxiety and feel as though everyone is looking at me and talking about my situation when I do go out in public. At least 5 or 6 days a week I still pray my ex will set aside his pride and find his way back home to me and our family. Please dont beat yourself up, you are mourning a tremendous loss as am I. This kind of loss takes years to recover from and there will always be a piece of us that belongs to our ex bc they played such a significant role in our lives. We will make it through this...we have no other choice.

[mimidarlin]

Cave mode...anti social...feeling awkward with others. I don't want to bring them down with my depression.

 

As for meds....ok so you don't like them. To each his own. I promise you that they work for me. You have a personal and genetic history that makes you predisposed to depression. I am grateful that my doctor told me not to go off my meds 18 months ago. This was before my father's illness and death and the subsequent divorce. It terrifies me to think where I would have been without my meds. I've seen people become something close to schizophrenic without medication.

 

Maybe you should read up about supplements and/or vitamins. Even my psychiatrist recommends taking a vitamin B complex. Their known to be important in nerve functioning.

[soheartbroken]

Thank you Mimi, Seeker, and BrokenHearted.

 

I will make an appointment and go from there. Perhaps I should try a supplement first. I've heard good things about St. John's Wort.

 

Broken: I've read some of your recent posts, and I know things are still tough for you. It seems so natural that you would still be reeling from what happened, yet I have no sympathy for myself. I can't help but notice that 99% of people are almost healed by 6 months, yet this seems to be dragging on for me.

 

Somedays it's thoughts of my ex that really kill me, other days I think about how I'm depressed and that brings me down. Either way, my brain won't give me a rest.

 

WSeeker: I've heard so often that one needs to "let go". But honestly, these are just words. I mean, saying that I'm going to let go does not stop the thoughts from cycling in my head. It cannot stop all the things that remind me of her...

[mimidarlin]

99% are healed by six months? That's BS. Going through the break up of a marriage will take most of us years. The dumpers might move on faster because they had made the decision months if not years before the actual Dday. Moving on at six months and trying to do the best we can. I believe that. What you see on the outside. How a person behaves in public is not how they feel on the inside. "Faking it till we make it". My philosophy is to find the humor and joy in my life where I can. I still get teary eyed when people ask me questions. Some nights I cry myself to sleep. It hurts. It hurts a lot. I don't know what my future will hold. I don't want a future without him.

 

But...I want to be happy. I want to be wanted. I want to be loved and cherished. I even want him to be happy.

 

I swear that we could have rekindled our chemistry if he had worked harder. He just didn't see it happening. In some ways I feel sorry for him because I predict he will make many of the same mistakes. He'll probably make more mistakes. He won't communicate. He'll avoid conflict. All of this will lead back to a cycle where he will end up unhappy and cheating or vice versa.

 

It painful to think of how we contributed to the downfall of the marriage. Maybe accepting your part and thinking about how you got there. What will you do different next time. All of are older and hopefully wiser. Learn from your mistakes.

[Gunny376]

Well Hello Kiddo!

Sorry to hear that your down and out.

 

And yes its very normal!

 

Queen Victoria? She wore black and in mourning for over thirty years after she lost her beloved Prince Albert.

 

Me? Its been going on twenty years since I went through the "Big D" and there's not a day that goes by that I don't think about the X, and my children, and my grandparents, and others that I've lost in my life.

 

Eight months? Hey! Your SO wasn't just a one night fling. We're talking about rather significant emotional, mental, physical, financial investment here over the course of years!

 

Back in the day when I was going through it? And its was still raw? I use to hate people (especially those that had never been through it) tell me, "Just get over it!"

 

Initially while still separated and still in limbo awaiting my fate? I went to see a therapist on base. Evidently back in 1990, the Marine Corps/Navy thought that after just eight sessions you were suppose to be back to being a 'happy camper'

 

I slugged along, read books, struggled ~ and because of the serendipitous effects am still dealing with issues from my one and only marriage.

 

I hate my X! Not because of what she said and did during the marriage, not because that cheated on me with multiple men, not because of the divorce. But because of all the crap that she's pulled since the divorce.

 

Which leads me to this? You've gone through most of the five stages of grieving. But in all of your posts?

 

I've yet to see you post your anger at what she's done to you, how she's turned your life upside down, threw you under the bus. Made your life hell compared to the one you once had with her.

 

Anger is one of the five stages of grief ~ and you've yet to let it out. You will and can never find full acceptance until you let go of the love and admiration and let yourself fully feel the anger, the in-justice, the unrighteous of it all. And as I recall, she dumped you in a pretty bad, harsh and horrible way and kicked you the curb as though you were yesterday's trash.

 

I hate that you quit posting because you got some un-friendly responses. If that happens again, just post a PM to the Mods.

 

Tony the Mod here? He got kicked out of Kindergarden when he was little.

 

They told him ~ "OK Tony! You've got to go outside for recess."

 

"Recess? What's that?" he said

 

"That when you go outside and play."

 

Tony told them! "Tony don't play!"

 

I know! He's spanked me a couple of time when I first joined LS and sent me across to curb for a time out or two!

[LonelyTiger]

soheartbroken, I am 'against medication' too BUT I won't refuse to take it if that means putting my health at risk.

 

Mental health is no different from physical health. My father has epilepsy - he has to take medication in order to function normally. It would be foolish of him not to.

 

St John's Wort is worth a try, although it didn't work for me and there are side effects, just as there are with presribed medications.

 

I'm not a big fan of counselling myself either. There is too much looking back and agonising and analysing etc. I would highly recommend seeing an NLP therapist or practitioner. NLP can help with the depression and will help you to move forward.

 

I don't know where you got the idea that 99% of people are healed by 6 months. 'Healed' is a relative term anyway and many people 'move on' long before they are healed. These are just words and they mean different things to different people.

 

I am healed and I have moved on. Have I 'got over' my ex? No, of course not -I've loved him for 37 years. I think about him every day. Will I ever 'let go' of him. No, probably not, because I don't want to 'let go' of something that was so special. Have I accepted that he's gone? Yes, I have - and that's the real key to recovery.

 

Have you ever heard the expression 'depression is anger turned inwards'?

Gunny could be right. You need to feel the anger to get through your grief and reach acceptance of your situation. Only then will you become 'unstuck' from where you are now and be able to get on with the rest of your life.

[Gunny376]

And yes I've heard and read great things about St John's Wort. The thing is in our 'instant gratification world" that we live in the Western world it takes a good thirty to ninety days for it to kick in. It works in an incremental way.

 

If you decide to go that rule you must not be taking prescription antidepressant meds and St. John's Wort.

 

I take 5-10 mg of Melatonin as a sleep aid. I've tried every over the counter sleep aide there is. I'm adverse to taking prescription meds unless they're antibiotics.

 

For melatonin to have its full effect you need to totally black any and all sources of light, even LEDs from cell phones recharging, alarm clocks, fans etc. Any and all sources of light no matter how small.

 

You want to black out your bedroom, so there's not any light coming in. Go the whole deal. Mini blinds, curtain, drapes. You want your bedroom pitch black dark.

 

And you want it to be cool, it would be worth the investment of installing a ceiling fan.

 

While your at it? Get one of those sound machines that you can put on your night stand that makes sounds like a mountain brooke, the tide coming in, rain, crickets on a summer knight. Don't go cheap her either, get the best with the most sounds that you can find.

 

Get a mattress topper, preferably down, and invest in good quality bedding, sheets, pillows, body pillows, comforter, etc.

 

When you wake up? Get busy getting busy! Don't allow yourself to flop down in your favorite recliner, couch, love seat, and just sit there. Get busy getting busy.

 

I found it best to get up, hit the shower for a wake up in cold water (or as close to it as you can stand it) then get my daily exercise routine in. Then come in an take a hot shower. (Hint: I bought a bottle of red nail polish to mark where I like the shower at for both the "wake up cold shower" and the after exercise 'cold' shower ~ and yes the young lady at Walgreen's did give me strange expression and look on her face! )

 

You need to get your daily exercise program in at the end of your sleep cycle and at the beginning of your day. When I was a young Marine recruit hitting the dusty trail at O'dark thrity in the morning before the sun came up? I didn't have any problems sleeping.

 

40% of all cancers are preventable.

 

Don't smoke

Don't drink

Don't be around second hand smoke

Don't become over-weight

 

With that in mind you should look for a book titled "Eat This! Not This!"

 

Its a dietary guide, but not a diet plan. Its actually more of a grocery buying guide. There's a significant difference between "Land of Lakes" butter and "Land of Lakes 'Whipped Butter"

 

Its the supplements, food additives, and preservatives that food manufacturers are adding that are causing a lot of our mental, emotional, physical problems ~ and most of all why 60% of all Americans are overweight if not obese.

 

Get a full medical check-up and as a woman ask the Dr. to run test on your thyroid. Dysfunction in women is the cause of a lot of mental and emotional problems easily cure-able with the proper medication.

[WSeeker]

WSeeker: I've heard so often that one needs to "let go". But honestly, these are just words. I mean, saying that I'm going to let go does not stop the thoughts from cycling in my head. It cannot stop all the things that remind me of her...

 

You're right letting go has little to do with words. Maybe youre over analyzing your relationship too much. Thinking what more couldve been done. If youre doing that you need to stop. I did that and i constantly had headaches. Of course i think of my ex almost every day but that thinking has no great impact on me because all emotions are gone. You need to let your emotion lessen. As i remember you were in a 5 year relationship. I was in a 2 year relatonship and it still took me about 6-7 months to recover. I think you need more time.

[tnttim]

Why don't you start off with a small change in you life, try to find a negative and turn it into a positive. A bad habit is easy to spot and a small one can be easy to fix. Then you will see your life take on a whole new direction because you changed something small. Here's a spacial example, you have 2 arrows pointing in the same direction and they are parallel. You angle the top arrow just a little bit. Now at the beginning the arrows stay close to each other but as time progresses the arrows are no where near each other. That's how a small change brings on tremendous change, time ampliflies the change as is goes on.

 

The small thing I started out with was shopping for some new clothes. Very minor thing I thought at first. Then I noticed a bunch of changes, I felt good shopping that day so I was in a good mood the whole day. Then when I wore the clothes it made me feel good to look different. Then when I went out my friends said I looked good and all the females should beware. My W noticed I was moving on with my life and making new friends, and having fun. My self esteem was on the rise so my days got easier and easier. All of this from a simple shopping trip.

 

My point is to just change one thing, because you never know what will come from it, or how large it will grow. Plus that one change sparks the fire for other changes.