Back: Depressed

[tojaz]

Thanks for your support, TJ.

 

It's not even an apology that I'm hoping for, just some acknowledgment that I exist, that I meant something. She threw me out like garbage. GARBAGE. SHE DOESN'T GIVE A **** ABOUT ME. I have no idea what kind of person does this.

 

Mine was the same SHB and i do wonder about that all the time, but in the end it just shows me what she has turned into. Cold and heartless i guess. I hate to think that way, but as I always say actions speak louder then words. Not what you wanted to hear I'm sure, but its the truth. I keep telling myself I wouldn't want someone like that, but I often have a hard time convincing myself.

 

Sad situation is that its their selfish state of mind. My ex actually told me flat out that she couldn't be bothered to care about me anymore.

TOJAZ

[trippi1432]

Mine was the same SHB and i do wonder about that all the time, but in the end it just shows me what she has turned into. Cold and heartless i guess. I hate to think that way, but as I always say actions speak louder then words. Not what you wanted to hear I'm sure, but its the truth. I keep telling myself I wouldn't want someone like that, but I often have a hard time convincing myself.

 

Sad situation is that its their selfish state of mind. My ex actually told me flat out that she couldn't be bothered to care about me anymore.

TOJAZ

 

I can understand how you both feel on that, been through it once myself. But, on the other side of the fence....when the ex tells you everything that is wrong with you (and nothing is wrong with them...it's all you)....is that really what you want to hear? When the actions fit the words on a permanent basis....where do you go from there?

[soheartbroken]

Lisa, Tojaz: we stand together in solidarity. Tojaz, those were really, really harsh words. Who says these things?

 

And no, Trippi, I would NEVER want to hear about all the things that are wrong with me from her. Those words would haunt me, and I can figure out for myself where I/we went wrong for the most part.

 

It would be nice, however, to have chance at a conversation where I can confirm some of the issues, to make sure that I've worked on them. You know, a mature, grown-up, non-blaming conversation, sometime well after the event, between two decent human beings who are able to acknowledge their shortcomings, yet still realize that they were an important part of eachother's lives. But if she can't even say 'hello' then fat chance of this conversation. Mind you, I'm not ready to talk to her anyway, it's just that I wish she'd send out an acknowledgment of my existence for now, so that doors of communication can be opened in the future.

 

So for now, I'm really ******* pissed that she dropped off the face of the earth. Hopefully the anger is just a stage that will subside, and then I won't care much anymore. But this might take awhile, if ever.

 

Maybe she left me for the person I thought she did, and so she doesn't have the guts to talk to me in the face of her lies. *****.

 

Thank you all for your posts.

[Logik]

Hey SHB. I haven't posted here in months either. It's been 9 months since my wife left me and about a month since D. We don't speak, except for when it's about the kids and that's perfectly fine with me. I think the philosophy "Out of sight, out of mind" pretty much sums up how my brain operates. I think you need to distance yourself from her mentally. You need to move her to a different part of your mind. A friend once told me, "Take her off the pedestal and bring her down to your level." I didn't really understand what he was saying until I realised that I was placing her too high in my priority of thoughts.

 

I am not asking you to forget about her, because then you wouldn't have learnt anything from what's happened to you, I'm just asking you not to view her so highly. It helps. And stop beating yourself up about it. **** happens. You're not perfect. You're gonna make mistakes. You're gonna backslide. You don't know what she's thinking, so don't guess. You don't know how she's feeling, so don't guess that either. Being too hard on yourself contributes to unhappiness.

 

All I'm saying is, you need to see her as a person who has come into your life, served a purpose, and left your life. It's the only way you can move on. And don't try to think of what purpose she served either, you might only learn that later in life - or you might not ever recognise it. Let it be. If you keep looking backwards, you'll trip going forwards! Take her off the pedestal.

 

Keep on keeping on.

 

L

[tojaz]

Lisa, Tojaz: we stand together in solidarity. Tojaz, those were really, really harsh words. Who says these things?

 

And no, Trippi, I would NEVER want to hear about all the things that are wrong with me from her. Those words would haunt me, and I can figure out for myself where I/we went wrong for the most part.

 

It would be nice, however, to have chance at a conversation where I can confirm some of the issues, to make sure that I've worked on them. You know, a mature, grown-up, non-blaming conversation, sometime well after the event, between two decent human beings who are able to acknowledge their shortcomings, yet still realize that they were an important part of eachother's lives. But if she can't even say 'hello' then fat chance of this conversation. Mind you, I'm not ready to talk to her anyway, it's just that I wish she'd send out an acknowledgment of my existence for now, so that doors of communication can be opened in the future.

 

 

SHB there are many reasons she may not contact you, and to be honest you will probably never know why or get that conversation you are seeking. After my wife left, she switched to hit and run tactics. We didn't really talk about "it" much. She preferred instead to hide and conduct herself through Email and 1000s of text messages. Anything to keep her from having to look me in the eye. On the few occasions that I did have to talk to her, i panicked! Conducting herself that way, I truly never knew if that would be the last time I would ever speak to her, see her. So I stuffed it full of everything that I could think of, did everything I could to be heard in those precious few moments. Wrong move as that pressure just caused her to create greater distance.

 

Fact was SHB, she was afraid of me. Flat out to the point of shaking and having panic of her own. I had always thought that she felt I would physically hurt her in some way, that was how she put it to me. At the end though a lot of things came out, and the phrase that at one time killed me but also helped me to stop resisting her. She told me "I'm afraid of you because being with you makes me doubt my decision"!!! :( That shattered me, but in light of knowing the pain I was causing her, I receded. Only saw her one or two times after that, at her request. She always left in tears and with some hurtful closing remark to keep the wound open.

 

So SHB you see, for your ex to face you is for her to face the damage she has done, the hurt, the guilt, AND any doubts she may carry. That is the signature of a walk away. Doing whatever they can to avoid facing their own demons.........even if it costs them everything.

TOJAZ

[nobmagnet]

very accurate tojaz,

 

Lowly and I went for councelling last feb after he left for the first time. I got lots from it but it was very one way........nobby you did this and you did that,ect. It got to session 5 before i said to the councellor " is there any chance that Lowly could explain to me where in this relationship did he feel he might have gone wrong?" she completely agreed and set homework for him to make a list of the things he may have done better or did wrong.

 

 

We went away. i did a list of the things i felt he did to make me unhappy........it was long. when we went back she asked him to open up with his thoughts. He said eh? she said "you know, your homework about where you may have gone wrong." He said he couldnt think of anything.:eek::eek: she was shocked and turned to me and asked is there anything you feel he may have done??

 

I read my list ( Crying with fear) watching him go purple with rage but suppressing it. i gave examples ect. She asked him if he agreed that that kind of behaviour would prevoke unhappiness in me. He looked at her then me and said Yeah i suppose so.

 

Fast forward 4 months on, when he once again hated me, he grabbed me by the arms for no reason and said spitting in my face that he didnt beleive he had done anything ever wrong it was all me and he hated me.

 

 

so..........if you get to talk dont expect the truth. They will see it how they want to see it no matter what we say or do.

 

Comfort? well i suppose it was. Finally realising he disliked me so much and thought he was perfect made me back off and just be perfect. Made his dinner smiled all the time carried on happy..........and that my freinds is why he had to get caught cheating. He hadnt the backbone to either work at it or walk away.

 

closure? well thats acceptance. Its being happy in your own skin. What they did they did and there is nothing going to change that. We would all love them to come back and say " Im sooooo sorry i made a complete mess of it can we try again??" Some will be relieved and some, like me, will just turn round and say " tough sh*t but thanks for saying it"

 

 

Nobby xx

Edited April 1, 2010 by nobmagnet

[McGrupp]

- I took a break from therapy and constantly going over all my negative emotions

 

yes!

 

what up girl. ill say as we keep thinking about our exes the cell's are fertilized and multiply. so thats we we go crazy.

 

when you get something else in your head, anything else, the brain will fertilize those new thoughts in and feelings.

 

its like if your addicted to smokes. the cells that are addicted multiply and they are addicted (these new cells)

 

so in fact by continuing to think negative you just fertilize those thoughts. when we get out of our heads, live in the now (cliche i know), we can see that its really not that bad at all!

[mikeymad]

SHB there are many reasons she may not contact you, and to be honest you will probably never know why or get that conversation you are seeking. After my wife left, she switched to hit and run tactics. We didn't really talk about "it" much. She preferred instead to hide and conduct herself through Email and 1000s of text messages. Anything to keep her from having to look me in the eye. On the few occasions that I did have to talk to her, i panicked! Conducting herself that way, I truly never knew if that would be the last time I would ever speak to her, see her. So I stuffed it full of everything that I could think of, did everything I could to be heard in those precious few moments. Wrong move as that pressure just caused her to create greater distance.

 

Fact was SHB, she was afraid of me. Flat out to the point of shaking and having panic of her own. I had always thought that she felt I would physically hurt her in some way, that was how she put it to me. At the end though a lot of things came out, and the phrase that at one time killed me but also helped me to stop resisting her. She told me "I'm afraid of you because being with you makes me doubt my decision"!!! :( That shattered me, but in light of knowing the pain I was causing her, I receded. Only saw her one or two times after that, at her request. She always left in tears and with some hurtful closing remark to keep the wound open.

 

So SHB you see, for your ex to face you is for her to face the damage she has done, the hurt, the guilt, AND any doubts she may carry. That is the signature of a walk away. Doing whatever they can to avoid facing their own demons.........even if it costs them everything.

TOJAZ

 

Tojaz, are you and your x me and my w in a parallel dimension? That is almost exactly the way things have gone down with me, and it's killing me to have them think those things.

 

SHB- mine W didn't even give me an xmas present 3 weeks after we separated (she had it for a while too). And you can't send a letter mixed with nice and anger. That confuses them even more (done that), then they just think you're crazy, which makes them want to avoid you even more.

Sorry to say, but you talking about not having a choice about contact is STILL your choice. You can write a letter, call, text, email etc. You may not get a response, but more than likely they will read what you wrote. They will know you are pining for them and what is going on, so no need to contact you.

 

In you choosing to not contact them (instead of "i'm not contacting them because they don't want me to), you are taking back power. Someone once said "those who care the least have the most power". If you can at least fake it that you don't care for now that will put you leaps and bounds above where you are.

 

The keeping busy yes will get your mind off things, as it has done for me, so I feel for you. I'm getting burnt out myself. This has taken us to a certain level of healing, kind of like a plateau in working out. You have to now do something different to facilitate healing.

 

Take my advice with a grain of salt, as I am in the middle of a D myself and I have a tough enough time doing these things myself. There's a reason they call it "crazytime".

 

Be well, and keep posting.

[tojaz]

Tojaz, are you and your x me and my w in a parallel dimension? That is almost exactly the way things have gone down with me, and it's killing me to have them think those things.

Yes Mikey, i think they are very similar, thats why I jumped on your threads. It tears me up just thinking of all the things she believes, and knowing what she had to tell her friends and family in order to let herself do this.

 

SHB- mine W didn't even give me an xmas present 3 weeks after we separated (she had it for a while too). And you can't send a letter mixed with nice and anger. That confuses them even more (done that), then they just think you're crazy, which makes them want to avoid you even more.

Sorry to say, but you talking about not having a choice about contact is STILL your choice. You can write a letter, call, text, email etc. You may not get a response, but more than likely they will read what you wrote. They will know you are pining for them and what is going on, so no need to contact you.

 

In you choosing to not contact them (instead of "i'm not contacting them because they don't want me to), you are taking back power. Someone once said "those who care the least have the most power". If you can at least fake it that you don't care for now that will put you leaps and bounds above where you are.

 

The keeping busy yes will get your mind off things, as it has done for me, so I feel for you. I'm getting burnt out myself. This has taken us to a certain level of healing, kind of like a plateau in working out. You have to now do something different to facilitate healing.

 

Take my advice with a grain of salt, as I am in the middle of a D myself and I have a tough enough time doing these things myself. There's a reason they call it "crazytime".

 

Be well, and keep posting.

 

Be forwarned SHB, don't send anything. I'm no writer, poet, etc. but in going through this, I poured my heart out onto as many pages as i could. Some beautiful things that to look back I'm pretty proud of. Only to have them thrown back at me and used against me.... or ridiculed. At one point had a chair thrown at me. It dosen't matter how beautiful a sonnet you write, their never going to see it that way. Protect yourself and just write it for you.

TOJAZ

[soheartbroken]

She told me "I'm afraid of you because being with you makes me doubt my decision"!!!

 

TOJAZ

 

But you see, Tojaz, you meant something to her. She doubted herself. I don't even get this. I meant nothing. I am nothing to her, just a speedbump in her life. I am not even worth speaking to again from her perspective. I have nothing to offer, she has moved on to a better person.

 

My self-esteem/confidence is in the dumps over this, and over looking at those pictures of her tonight.

 

I lack any confidence to meet anyone new, and I'm no looker. Combine these two and it's a recipe for the single-life.

 

Okay, I'm sounding too whiny, but that's where my thoughts take me.

 

I will get back to the other posts soon.

[Gunny376]

OK this thread is splitting into so many different directions?

 

First off? The one that's the cheater/leaver? They're always going to bad mouth you and run you into the ground. They're going to give you the "would've, should've, could've" speech as they're walking out the door.

 

It makes them feel better!

 

Mine? Was that I was a "workaholic" and never wanted to go anywhere do anything?

 

My version? I was so freaking stressed out, over-tasked, over-worked a Staff Sergeant holding a Master Gunny's billet (think a foreman being forced to be a plant manager). They were "burning" (court martialing) Staff Sergeants as though they were the soup Du jour!

 

They'd bring in a Master Gunny and smoke him, then a Master Sergeant and burn him, then a Gunnery Sergeant and smoke him. Each time they would relived (military term for FIRED!) I got thrown back into the job.

 

At 29 I would lay in bed with chest pains. I woke up one morning with a knot on my forehead half the size of a ping pong ball? Stress.

 

There's two sides to every story.

 

SHB you are something! Your something and someone to me, Tojaz, mikeymad, nomag and all the others that have posted to this thread.

 

Interestingly enough? My ex discounted me and my value, self worth, contribution?

 

But every woman I've got involved with since? Has told me?

 

Your X was crazy for divorcing you.

 

That's because all she accomplished by doing so? Was to make me a better man, lover, person for someone else that she could have had.

 

I've read tons of books about men, women, psychology, dating, seduction, attraction, sex, massage, cross gender communication.

[tojaz]

But you see, Tojaz, you meant something to her. She doubted herself. I don't even get this. I meant nothing. I am nothing to her, just a speedbump in her life. I am not even worth speaking to again from her perspective. I have nothing to offer, she has moved on to a better person.

 

My self-esteem/confidence is in the dumps over this, and over looking at those pictures of her tonight.

 

I lack any confidence to meet anyone new, and I'm no looker. Combine these two and it's a recipe for the single-life.

 

Okay, I'm sounding too whiny, but that's where my thoughts take me.

 

I will get back to the other posts soon.

 

Yeah SHB, I meant something to her I guess. Depends on what forces were acting upon her at the time. The fact is I heard it all from "I will always love you" to "I will never love you" I was told I was abusive, controlling, manipulative, wasn't good looking enough, that I held her back , that i had FORCED her to be with me for 13 years. I took every accusation she could hurl. Then when it was all over. Our last phone conversation. She tells me it wasn't true. That she just needed some time alone to see that. I asked her why I had divorce papers in my hand then? Her response was just tears and then click thats the last time I ever spoke to her, leaving me with more questions then answers.

 

SHB if I remember correctly, you two were together for 5 years. Thats not a speedbump, thats not meaning nothing to her. She will but whatever spin on it she has to, to keep her in the best light and to make it easier for her to walk away. Its easy to walk from someone that dosen't matter, its easy to gain support when your walking away from someone you've told your friends and family is an abuser, a manipulator. If a walk away paints themselves as the victim then its easy for them, but hard for the left behind. It hits the self esteem, the sense of self worth. I ran from person to person, everyone we had spent time with asking if they had EVER seen me be bad to her, anything!!! Nada. Yet she told me EVERYONE saw it but her. Turns out everyone were a bunch of people i had never met. That had never or rarely seen us together. Dont let her words or her avoidance get to you SHB. They are just tools of her own comfort and nothing more. Your the one coming here, trying to make sense and own the parts that you did wrong. Shes the one hiding from hers and by doing that, denying herself anything positive from this mess. Your going through hell now, but your going to rise from the ashes a better person then when you started. To quote Gunny, walking through "The Healing Fire" she never will.

 

TOJAZ

[mikeymad]

But you see, Tojaz, you meant something to her. She doubted herself. I don't even get this. I meant nothing. I am nothing to her, just a speedbump in her life. I am not even worth speaking to again from her perspective. I have nothing to offer, she has moved on to a better person.

 

My self-esteem/confidence is in the dumps over this, and over looking at those pictures of her tonight.

 

I lack any confidence to meet anyone new, and I'm no looker. Combine these two and it's a recipe for the single-life.

 

Okay, I'm sounding too whiny, but that's where my thoughts take me.

 

I will get back to the other posts soon.

 

My W hasn't spoken to me at any length in 3 months. Hasn't been civil or even respectful or for 5. She's gone for the jugular, and I've felt like I was pretty close to bleeding out on more than one occasion, but I didn't. I know exactly how you feel.

 

My self esteem is in the ****ter too. But ya know what? It's not always about looks. The dudes who you think "outkicked their coverage"? They got those women mainly based off personality and confidence, not looks. Humans of the female variety don't necessarily depend on looks too much. Think about it, in almost every other species the male has to dress up, expend energy do the mating dance etc to impress a mate. It's reversed for us. I've been in both positions...in 1 case I show up to a party self conscious, hide in the corner hoping a girl will talk to me, then get mad and angry that THEY aren't talking to me which saps my self esteem even more. You end up having a horrible night and blame it on all those stuck up b*tches. On the other hand, you can always "fake it till you make it" by getting out of your comfort zone. Be friendly, talk to them, SMILE and laugh and act confident. It's strange with that subtle change the environment you are in can go 180 degrees the other way. All of a sudden it's a blast, women are nice and flirty, and the night is a success.

 

Work on getting your confidence back. Exercise, go have fun. Get some anthony robbins tapes, wayne dwyer, mark victor hanson, john demartini. Have them playing at your house, in your car, while you sleep. Get that implanted in your brain. You have to feed your subconscious that stuff for it to stick. That's what I'm trying to do myself. Think of it this way. If you came across a girl who lacked any confidence and was so self conscious about herself, would you want to date her? Probably not. So even if (and i say if in terms of me winning 10 million dollars) our SO's were to look at taking us back, they more feel sorry for us than are attracted to us.

 

And you have to get those triggers (pictures/songs/"us stuff") out of your immediate vicinity. Put it in box, storage garage, locked chest at the bottom of Davey Jones' locker! It brings the pain back and is death by 1000 papercuts.

 

I was with my W for 5 years total. I think we just need to work on getting past this to the point where there isn't a "story" or significance associated with it. IE

 

I ate a bagel yesterday. WHO FRIGGIN CARES

 

I peed on my shoes a little when I went to the john today. WHO FRIGGIN CARES

 

I had a marriage that didn't work out, to a girl who wasn't willing to work things out. WHO FRIGGIN CARES

 

I think there's a saying that goes in business, but should apply to relationships as well...

Some will. Some won't. So what. WHO'S NEXT?!

 

Yikes, I think I am seeing the Gunny influence in my posts...

Edited April 2, 2010 by mikeymad

[LisaUk]

 

So SHB you see, for your ex to face you is for her to face the damage she has done, the hurt, the guilt, AND any doubts she may carry. That is the signature of a walk away. Doing whatever they can to avoid facing their own demons.........even if it costs them everything.

TOJAZ

 

SO TRUE TOJAZ!

 

SHB, I saw your posts from last night, don't beat yourself up over it, we all do it/did it, I only have to recall photos to mind to start crying, it's part of the grieving process.

[dazzle22]

MRI and PET scans have given us a new glimpse into how the mind works in depression, and I always point out these recent studies for patients with depression.

 

It is important that you get the correct antidepressant at this time. The right one for you will make you feel better, not like a "zombie". If you feel lousy on it, it is not right for your neurochemistry. This is why this is so important:

 

-I tell patients that when we undergo stress, our adrenals pump out cortisol. This, if chronic, starts to downregulate important neurochemicals that regulate mood. This results in depressed feelings. If the stressor lifts, the body resets itself. If however, this continues, the process continues, and the downward spiral continues.

 

- Now, here is the most important part: if this persists for too long, "software becomes hardware". Parts of the brain, like the hippocampus actually start to SHRINK permanently!!! and are incapable of "lighting up normally" on pet scans even with antidepressants at that point....meaning that you may never get back to your "baseline" if you wait too long.

 

Your inability to get your thoughts off her is like the others said, kind of like a short circuit that is being fed, like a rut getting deeper and deeper. The neural connections are strengthening this pathway, and this pattern must be broken for you to recover. This is called "ruminating."

 

I agree with one poster, that for people with dysthymia and then full on depression, Wellbutrin is a great starting med. Of course, I do not know your medical history, so take that into consideration. This is a life stressor that has now become a physical condition (altered neurochemicals). It is very difficult to "will yourself" out of this. It is like a plant trying to will itself to make beautiful flowers when it is not getting fertilizer...

[soheartbroken]

Sorry if this looks messy. I'm trying to respond to many posts.

 

SHB there are many reasons she may not contact you, and to be honest you will probably never know why or get that conversation you are seeking.

I'm still seeking that conversation. I will for years.

 

So SHB you see, for your ex to face you is for her to face the damage she has done, the hurt, the guilt, AND any doubts she may carry. That is the signature of a walk away. Doing whatever they can to avoid facing their own demons.........even if it costs them everything.

 

Perhaps this is accurate.

 

TOJAZ

 

 

We would all love them to come back and say " Im sooooo sorry i made a complete mess of it can we try again??" Some will be relieved and some, like me, will just turn round and say " tough sh*t but thanks for saying it"

 

Nobby xx

 

I would be relieved.

 

yes!

 

when you get something else in your head, anything else, the brain will fertilize those new thoughts in and feelings.

 

its like if your addicted to smokes. the cells that are addicted multiply and they are addicted (these new cells)

 

so in fact by continuing to think negative you just fertilize those thoughts. when we get out of our heads, live in the now (cliche i know), we can see that its really not that bad at all!

 

I think this is very accurate, McGrupp. I am trying to fill my mind with other things. Unfortunately I looked at family pictures of "us" the other night, and that has majorly set me back.

 

 

Sorry to say, but you talking about not having a choice about contact is STILL your choice. You can write a letter, call, text, email etc. You may not get a response, but more than likely they will read what you wrote. They will know you are pining for them and what is going on, so no need to contact you.

 

I guess "contact" to me means contact from her.

 

In you choosing to not contact them (instead of "i'm not contacting them because they don't want me to), you are taking back power. Someone once said "those who care the least have the most power". If you can at least fake it that you don't care for now that will put you leaps and bounds above where you are.

 

I have been faking it for 7 months. I haven't contacted her since I moved cities.

 

The keeping busy yes will get your mind off things, as it has done for me, so I feel for you. I'm getting burnt out myself. This has taken us to a certain level of healing, kind of like a plateau in working out. You have to now do something different to facilitate healing.

You're right, and I'm always trying to find new things to try. Thanks for your thoughts.

 

 

I think you need to distance yourself from her mentally. You need to move her to a different part of your mind. A friend once told me, "Take her off the pedestal and bring her down to your level." I didn't really understand what he was saying until I realised that I was placing her too high in my priority of thoughts.

Well, I haven't been able to get her off the pedestal in 8 freakin' months. I messed up something good. I can't trick myself into believing otherwise.

Thanks for posting, Logik.

 

L

[soheartbroken]

She will but whatever spin on it she has to, to keep her in the best light and to make it easier for her to walk away. Its easy to walk from someone that dosen't matter, its easy to gain support when your walking away from someone you've told your friends and family is an abuser, a manipulator. If a walk away paints themselves as the victim then its easy for them, but hard for the left behind. It hits the self esteem, the sense of self worth. I ran from person to person, everyone we had spent time with asking if they had EVER seen me be bad to her, anything!!! Nada. Yet she told me EVERYONE saw it but her. Dont let her words or her avoidance get to you SHB. They are just tools of her own comfort and nothing more. Your the one coming here, trying to make sense and own the parts that you did wrong. Shes the one hiding from hers and by doing that, denying herself anything positive from this mess. Your going through hell now, but your going to rise from the ashes a better person then when you started. To quote Gunny, walking through "The Healing Fire" she never will.

 

TOJAZ

 

But Tojaz, she never badmouthed me to anyone that I know of. She did not give any excuse for leaving. She didn't tell me that I was inadequate, abusive, controlling, etc. She just...left. Died. There were no "words of avoidance". She never told me why she won't contact me. She said we should go our separate ways and that was that. I didn't press her. I've never had the conversation where I find out why I'm being left.

 

All the reasons I think she left - I took her for granted, I was controlling, judgemental, angry, lazy, etc? These are all the things that I SEE that I DID. This did not come from her.

 

I didn't ask questions, because I didn't want to live with her answers. I just let her go, no questions asked (except if we could try again in a couple years, ugh.)

 

God, I hope you're right about that "Healing Fire".

[tojaz]

I know I;m right, look back at all the success stories just in the time I've been here. People who went from the dumps to happy again and in some cases even happier. Delajoonal, Lupa, MayI, Brokenhearted, FL98. Even you, answering questions and learning. The Healing fire? Its all around you SHB just keep moving.

TOJAZ

[dazzle22]

Disappointing that your doctor did not pick up on a pretty clear cut case of depression.

 

Could you have painted a too rosy picture that day? Don't know if you had a chance to read my post about how neurochemicals get downregulated, and prevent one from digging out of a rut. If a person starts a thread saying they are depressed and can't stop their thoughts of guilt and thinking about an ex, pretty safe to say, they should be believed when they say they are depressed..

[soheartbroken]

Disappointing that your doctor did not pick up on a pretty clear cut case of depression.

 

Could you have painted a too rosy picture that day? Don't know if you had a chance to read my post about how neurochemicals get downregulated, and prevent one from digging out of a rut. If a person starts a thread saying they are depressed and can't stop their thoughts of guilt and thinking about an ex, pretty safe to say, they should be believed when they say they are depressed..

 

My appointment happened to get scheduled on one of my better days...

 

I did read your earlier post, thank you. I read all the posts that I get.

 

I didn't go to my doctor to get medication. I just went in to explore all my options, which she did not help me with. I don't really want medication for myself, for many reasons, although I do worry about what you mentioned.

 

I got better on my own after I went to see her, but now I'm back in a HUGE rut, hitting some of my worst days this Easter weekend (I looked at some pictures of "us", which I think set off this latest bout).

 

So...I don't know what to do anymore.

[nobmagnet]

:love: (huggs)

 

 

I am on HAPPY PILLS:laugh::cool::rolleyes: They are bloody marvelous......for me. I still feel pain and get sad every now and then but mostly I feel like me again. I have some side effects but the benifits out wey them completely. I remeber the day they kicked in.............i could see the sun and enjoy it too. It was like comming out of a long tunnel into a bright sunny day.

 

I wouldnt right off the idea. Depression crushes you and it effects us all differently. I could function, do the daily grind but i had no get up and go. I am a busy person my nature and i just couldnt be bothered.

 

They gave my life back and as soon as i sell my home and settle its the first thing i will do. Reduce them and come off but for now they have saved me and my family a whole lot of sadness from me.

 

Nobby xx