Eeyore79 Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 (edited) ETA: Sorry about the lack of paragraphs, I put them in but the site won't display them. My problem is this: I have a little fluffy girl dog who weighs about twelve pounds. I had her before I met my boyfriend and we are very close. When I'm not at work she keeps me company, she sits on the sofa with me while I watch tv, I talk to her, I feed her tidbits when I have food, I play with her and brush her and walk her, etc. I do have other hobbies and I go out sometimes, but when I'm at home my dog is always in the room with me. The other day I had a huge argument with my boyfriend because he's jealous of how much I cuddle and love my dog. If we're cuddling on the sofa, the dog sometimes gets all tail-waggy and wants to be friends too, so she jumps up on the sofa... apparently I should reject her when she does this and push her on the floor instead of greeting her. He got really angry because he says he can't stand the prospect of never being alone with me for the rest of his life, because the dog is always in the room. I mean, come on... she's a dog, we are still alone even if she's there... what difference does it make if she's lying on the chair or in her basket? Her basket is on my bedroom floor, because it's cold downstairs and I feel safer knowing she's upstairs and an intruder couldn't harm her. But he doesn't like that either... he thinks she should sleep in the kitchen, and he also wants to lock her in the kitchen whenever he wants some time alone together, especially if we're being intimate. As I said, I don't see what harm she's doing if she's lying in her basket or whatever. He complains that the sound of her licking or biting herself drives him crazy, especially if he's trying to sleep. I think I'm out at work and hobbies enough already, so I'm not going to lock my dog in the kitchen when I'm actually at home, otherwise I'd never see her. He doesn't like that I cuddle her and tell her I love her; he actually admitted that he's jealous of all the love and attention she gets. I said what if she was a child, not a dog; would he still be jealous of me loving her? He didn't really give a straight answer to that, but it seems like he would be jealous of anyone with whom he had to share my love. He also complains that I stink when she has cuddled me or licked me, but he is apparently the only one who can smell anything on me other than perfume, so I think he's just trying to be nasty. He is mildly allergic to dogs, but he knew I had a dog before we even started dating, and he decided that he could cope with it. I make an effort by bathing her weekly, brushing her to avoid loose hairs around the place, vacuuming the sofa and using washable covers. I don't think it's really about him being allergic though; it's about jealousy. He wanted to break up because he couldn't stand her, and he maintained this stance while I cried and got upset... but as soon as I said ok, whatever you want, we'll break up... then he changed his tune and was sorry and petted my dog. He says I am incapable of compromise, but I think I'm doing enough by cleaning my house and washing my dog regularly... I'm not going to start rejecting my dog and locking her in the kitchen just because he's jealous of her, I think that's too much to expect. I's cruel to the dog to shove her out in the cold kitchen just because my boyfriend is there, and what if we eventually lived together, would he shove her out there all the time? So what do I do? After that argument he seems to be ok and isn't complaining about the dog, but perhaps he's still quietly jealous. What sort of man is jealous of a little fluffy dog? Edited March 8, 2010 by Eeyore79
Ross PK Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 Ha ha, usually it's the other way around. Well, obviously it's your boyfriend with the problem here. You shouldn't have to stop giving your dog love or lock it in the kitchen when he's around. I was going to say maybe you and him could come to a compromise and not show your dog as much love when he's around. But then why should you even have to do that? All I can think of is for you to just tell your BF that it's something he's going to have to live with and he really shouldn't be jealous. Explain to him how most other normal people wouldn't be.
prettybaby Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 Dogs can be an issue. I don't know how your dog is, but mine has always been glued to me ever since he was a puppy. And I admit that, when I'm with my boyfriend, I would like for the dog to stop putting himself between us. I can't be mad at the dog, because he's used to being the center of my attention and that's all the poor thing has ever known. But I also realize that his habits will have to change now that my boyfriend is around more and more often. Luckily, my boyfriend seems a little more patient and understanding than yours. But I still feel for you. It is a tricky situation, and animals don't understand when you suddenly change your behavior and habits. I'm not sure yet how I'll be able to find the right balance. My dog sleeps on the bed with me, and I don't want him there with us when my boyfriend's there, so I put the dog in the living room. But last time was a disaster. He whined ALL NIGHT I'm not looking forward to our next try. In the mean time, I don't want my dog to start associating my boyfriend with negative consequences. *sigh* Sometimes I wish I had gotten a cat instead of a dog. That being said, your boyfriend shouldn't be so demanding. His attitude would really piss me off. I have also had my dog for much longer than my boyfriend, so I really feel like he has no room to make decisions that affect my dog's life and happiness. I feel like it's up to me to find the right balance and figure something out that makes everyone happy. Those things take time.
Author Eeyore79 Posted March 8, 2010 Author Posted March 8, 2010 (edited) Well that's how I feel too... it doesn't seem fair to the dog to reject her whenever my boyfriend is around, or to shove her out in the cold kitchen just because he wants to be "alone" with me. It's ridiculous if he's jealous of a little dog, and it's stupid to say that we're not "alone" because the dog is in the room. I mean, what if we had a child... would he want to lock it in its bedroom so we could be "alone"? He made me cry by saying he wanted to break up, obviously hoping to beat me into submission... but when I agreed to break up because I wasn't prepared to reject my dog, suddenly he was all apologetic and petted my dog. I really don't know what to think, but I'm upset about him disliking my dog because she's like my baby. What I don't get is that in the past he's talked to her and played with her, and even walked her, and now suddenly he's saying she's in the way and he's jealous of her... What upsets me more is that the dog was a little jealous when we first started dating, but she's got used to my boyfriend and wags her tail at him and wants to be his friend, and I feel like he hates her. She happily sits on the floor, or in her basket, or on the other chair while we spend time together. But that isn't enough for him... if the dog is willing to share me, why can't he? I feel like he's being incredibly selfish. As you said, prettybaby... I've had the dog much longer than I've had my boyfriend, and if we break up I'll have her for a long time afterwards too... she is a constant in my life, I love her and I'm not prepared to reject her or shove her into the kitchen to howl and cry all alone. ETA: Oh, my paragraphs seem to have started working again! I can't edit my first post now though Edited March 8, 2010 by Eeyore79
Bejita463 Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 if the dog is willing to share me, why can't he? I don't disagree that the guy is being a jerk, but what kind of logic is that? I hope you don't say things like that where he can hear them.
Author Eeyore79 Posted March 8, 2010 Author Posted March 8, 2010 I don't disagree that the guy is being a jerk, but what kind of logic is that? I hope you don't say things like that where he can hear them. It seems reasonable to me. The dog was here first, this is her home, and she had me all to herself for a long time. Now she has to share me with my boyfriend and she doesn't get all of my attention, and although she was a little jealous to begin with, she has accepted him and is affectionate towards both of us. He, on the other hand, has obviously not accepted her... the dog is being more mature about the situation than he is.
2sure Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 As long as the dog is not reacting aggressively to him when he hugs or kisses you, and as long as you are able to not be distracted by the dog (too much)while you are talking, having dinner, or watching TV together...the bf needs to grow up. But...I cannot have sex with a dog or cat in the room. Other people, OK, but NO Pets even in the room.
mrt336 Posted March 13, 2010 Posted March 13, 2010 It seems reasonable to me. The dog was here first, this is her home, and she had me all to herself for a long time. Now she has to share me with my boyfriend and she doesn't get all of my attention, and although she was a little jealous to begin with, she has accepted him and is affectionate towards both of us. He, on the other hand, has obviously not accepted her... the dog is being more mature about the situation than he is. This might be your problem. This is very umm, weird is all I can come up with. You're treating the dog like a human being and THAT is very very... just weird. Pets are great and deserve a lot of respect and care and affection, BUT, they aren't people. They aren't nearly as emotionally complex. The way you talk about your dog, it makes it sound like she is a top priority in your relationships. 1: Family 2: Dog 3: Boyfriend 4: Best friend 5: other friends 6: coworkers etc. That's not really healthy. Pets are pets and if you put their "feelings" above a living breathing human who is CHOOSING to make you a priority in their life, you need to reciprocate that. Your dog didn't choose you out of thousands of girls in the city to belong to, your boyfriend did choose you and made you an important part of his life. He is over-reacting, but not by much. You need to re-evaluate.
Recommended Posts