Al Posted January 9, 2004 Share Posted January 9, 2004 How many times is a relationship meant to be tested?! I've been in a relationship with this guy for about a year and a half now and there just never seems to be a dull moment but not always in a good way. So far, we've dealt with the: the fact that he has a child with another woman, untraceable emails to me from someone claiming that he cheated me with her and that she was pregnant with his child and now another situation has come up. I'll start by letting you know that about 2 months ago we moved in together and lately he's been spending a lot of time out with his friends. And out with his friends means going who knows where until at least 4:30 in the morning. About a month ago, I added a line to my cell phone contract so that he could have a cell phone. Well the other night I noticed that it was on the silent mode which I thought was odd. So I picked it up and looked through it to find his ex girlfriend's number programed in there and that they have talked several times recently. Of course, I freaked out and confronted him about it and he says that if he can't get ahold of some of his guy friends he will call her and that they use her phone to call him sometimes. I want to believe him but its hard. He says I have no reason to doubt him which I guess in a way I don't. But I've given him the benefit of the doubt when he says he won't leave me for his ex with his child and then I gave him the benefit of the doubt when he said the anonomous emails weren't true and that he didn't cheat on me and there was no second child. Now I'm suppose to give him the benefit of the doubt with this too?! I was in a 5 year relationship before him that didn't work out and it didn't seem like we ever had this many issues to work through or overcome. I don't think I've given any one in my life the benefit of the doubt on as many things as I have my boyfriend. But aren't things that were meant to be suppose to be a little easier than this? I mean, how many times can your relationship be tested before you just give up? He's right that I don't have any physical proof that he's ever done anything wrong or lied to me. But does that mean he's telling the truth or that I just haven't caught him yet? What do I do? How much have you learned you will deal with in a relationship and when do you know when to call it quits? He says that I let my imagination run wild and always just ASSUME the worst and that's a poor reason to break up. Help! Link to post Share on other sites
Girlie Posted January 9, 2004 Share Posted January 9, 2004 Hon, one of the things I'm trying to learn through my past mistakes is not to settle for what you don't want. Often times you have very strong feelings for someone and things are initially good, but then they start to detiorate and we still hold on. Like we're waiting for something. Obviously no one can tell you what to do, but it honestly sounds like you are just not happy with the way things are going in your relationship. He's out all of the time, he's contacting his ex, etc. I think you really need to sit and evaluate this situation. I know it's hard, but look at the things that he's doing and ask yourself if this is really the relationship you want. Are things the way they are right now the way you want them? If not, is he willing to change them? If not, are the things that you're worried about significant enough TO YOU to exit the situation? Just some things to think about. Good luck!! Link to post Share on other sites
locogurl Posted January 10, 2004 Share Posted January 10, 2004 Perhaps his ex will give you the straight truth. I'd give her a friendly short call and invite her out to lunch... If he's been lieing you need to decide if you can live with it or not. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Al Posted January 10, 2004 Author Share Posted January 10, 2004 I can't call the ex. Why, b/c I don't think she would tell me the truth if there wasn't anything going on. I think she would tell me there was no matter what. You see, this is the first guy that I've dated where we didn't have mutual friends. Well we do to a point but he hung out with a totally different group of people than I did. My friends love the guy to death and accept him. And some of my girlfriends and I have tried partying with his friends only to be excluded and talked about especially by his ex and the other girls there. I guess the whole thing with the ex, I don't know if its that I don't trust him so much as I don't trust the group of girls that hang out with his guy friends. If that makes any sense at all. I try to talk to him but he thinks that all he has to say is that I have no reason not to trust him and that's it. Also, I have a good friend that just found out that her so called perfect boyfriend cheated on her. Now she had no reason not to trust this guy either so maybe that's why I second guess everything. And of course my boyfriend thinks that everytime this other guy does something wrong in a way he takes the blame for it b/c I start questioning him on things. I want this to work but sometimes it just feels like something that was meant to be shouldn't be this difficult. There just doesn't seem like in a relationship with someone that should be "the one" that there are so many issues where you have to sit down and discuss your relationship ALL THE TIME. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts