jenny Posted January 10, 2004 Share Posted January 10, 2004 i need someone to explain to me why the ring, etc, is so important to so many people. it really irks me when i see posts that are way more focused on aesthetic details of the wedding and don't seem to note or care the expense or the feelings of the groom. i know growing up poor has made me kind of cheap. but i would never ask a man i loved enough to marry to shell out his hard earned money for this kind of expensive superficial stuff, especially if i was not helping pay for it. because i am this disturbed, there must be something i'm missing, or some perspective i don't understand. seriously, why does all that ****e matter that much? this is very much on my mind, as we are planning ours, and i can't tell you the amount of censure i've run into in this town about my 18$ mexican silver engagement ring, which i love. it actually hurts me to see people insult my bf's choice; i don't even know what to say to them. we make pretty good money now, together, but we would rather spend it on our loans and investments, i guess. i don't know. i just need new points of view on this. Link to post Share on other sites
meanon Posted January 10, 2004 Share Posted January 10, 2004 You have only one problem as I commented some time ago. You live in Stepford No really I have a friend who spent a fortune on her wedding - all the trimmings. She really enjoyed it but her parents (who planned it) didn't dad had a recurrence of angina and was too stressed to do the speech and mum was on Valium and looked like a zombie. Bride and groom loved it (wedding not parents illness). For many the ritual of marriage is just that - very set, prescribed by commercial and cultural forces (advertising, magazines, books etc). Hell even the fairy tales we get read as children feature a bride dressed in a meringue at the happily ever after. The dress, the ring - they are all part of the ritual. Also it's competition for some folk (keeping up with the Jones's). Enjoy doing it your way and don't let the small town censure spoil your day. The best way of getting a ring you like is to go with him when it's bought - I would never have trusted my bf with this role P.S. Congratulations!!! Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted January 10, 2004 Share Posted January 10, 2004 Because, clearly, they are all inferior humans. As so many of us are. But you knew that. Link to post Share on other sites
lotsoffun Posted January 10, 2004 Share Posted January 10, 2004 I say do whatever makes you and your fiance happy and don't worry about anyone else. To each their own. Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted January 10, 2004 Share Posted January 10, 2004 I'm with YOU Jenny.....I don't have a clue why the financial value of the ring would make any difference at all. I'd be just as happy if some guy picked me up a fake one at WalMart. I really wouldn't care either way. Then again, I'm not a lover of jewelry. I've been disappointed over 'jewelry gifts' in the past....because I would much rather have a cool household item. Link to post Share on other sites
meanon Posted January 10, 2004 Share Posted January 10, 2004 Arabess, Yes and then you could go and get a tattoo at the place next door before showing it off at the strip club across the road (Jenny apologies for this cross thread diversion but i couldn't resist!) Link to post Share on other sites
niko1999 Posted January 10, 2004 Share Posted January 10, 2004 I think for me the ring would be a status thing, something a little more concerete that he loves me so much that he watns to be with me for the rest of his life. but i wouldnt care if it was a ten dollar ring off the rack at wal mart or something Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted January 10, 2004 Share Posted January 10, 2004 Originally posted by niko1999 something a little more concerete that he loves me so much that he watns to be with me for the rest of his life Originally posted by niko1999 i wouldnt care if it was a ten dollar ring off the rack at wal mart or something Ten dollars is concrete? Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted January 10, 2004 Share Posted January 10, 2004 Originally posted by meanon Arabess, Yes and then you could go and get a tattoo at the place next door before showing it off at the strip club across the road (Jenny apologies for this cross thread diversion but i couldn't resist!) HAHA Meanon! YOU BET....wearing one of my 'free beer skirts' and slutty high heels.....mopping my Sailor Sweetie up from under the table! Link to post Share on other sites
SportyChick7 Posted January 10, 2004 Share Posted January 10, 2004 Money doesnt equal love! But...if he wants to spoil you, then let him. I knew a girl that wanted a 33,000$$ engagement ring! I never understood that! Im happy for you Jenny knowing that your love is stronger than basing it all on silver and gold! Good luck in the future!! Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted January 10, 2004 Share Posted January 10, 2004 $ 33,000 engagement ring ? !!!!!!!! That's ten times what my whole wedding cost LOL!!!! I suppose it's fine if you have money to burn but jewellery isn't that great an investment. If my guy had that sort of money, I'd try to persuade him to invest it in the home or something more sensible than a hunk of rock for me. Heck, I'd be afraid somebody would chop my hand off! Link to post Share on other sites
Moony Posted January 10, 2004 Share Posted January 10, 2004 I can't speak for everyone else, but the ring, to me, should make you feel excited and happy, when you look down at your hand, you should immediately smile, maybe even glow abit. It's a symbol of his love and a promise of youre future together. And in a sense it's a reflection of you, and how he thinks of you. So some people can get carried away thinking price=the perfect ring. I also wouldn't care if it's a real diamond or not as long as it was unique or a one of a kind. Just as you should be to him. Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted January 10, 2004 Share Posted January 10, 2004 A ring is a gift, not a right. The man gets you the ring, your reaction to it is your own perogative. If you can't find anything special in *any* ring the man you love gives to you, then perhaps you don't know what to look for. To a man, the ring is *not* what we think of you. It's what we think you want, and if misjudging your tastes is an unforgivable offense, perhaps you DO know what you're looking for, and it goes long beyond a tiny little rock. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jenny Posted January 10, 2004 Author Share Posted January 10, 2004 Originally posted by Moony I can't speak for everyone else, but the ring, to me, should make you feel excited and happy, when you look down at your hand, you should immediately smile, maybe even glow abit. It's a symbol of his love and a promise of youre future together. And in a sense it's a reflection of you, and how he thinks of you. So some people can get carried away thinking price=the perfect ring. I also wouldn't care if it's a real diamond or not as long as it was unique or a one of a kind. Just as you should be to him. actually, this is helpful. i really did want new perspectives, usually when i feel that judgemental about something it's because i'm ignorant about or i've never listened to anyone with a different cultural perspective. i think i know what you mean, i do feel that way looking at my ring. i would not feel that way if i knew it cost too much, but those are my poverty-driven guilt issues. meanon - lol!! on stepford~ i really am! but it's making me mometarily very kitschy-subversive; maybe i'll give them all vibrators as shower gifts. Link to post Share on other sites
meanon Posted January 10, 2004 Share Posted January 10, 2004 meanon - lol!! on stepford~ i really am! but it's making me momentarily very kitschy-subversive; maybe i'll give them all vibrators as shower gifts Hold that thought - far better than being cowed by the ignorant! You know the second word is wives so it could get worse when you are wed - may as well establish once and for all that people will like you for you rather than the roles they expect or they can be outraged elsewhere. What better way than vibrators? Lol a sheer stroke of brilliance What is this shower business - what is it for? Is it a hen night? My dictionary says it involves presents - are they as well as wedding presents or instead of? Sorry but I find trappings of ceremonies interesting probably because I grew up without any. My first and only church wedding was as a bridesmaid - bizarre but fascinating. Have fun. Link to post Share on other sites
niko1999 Posted January 10, 2004 Share Posted January 10, 2004 I was saying that it is the meaning behind the ring, not how much he spends on it that is concrete. he wouldnt buy me a ten dollar walmart ring, he has already told me that, i was merely making a statement Link to post Share on other sites
BlockHead Posted January 10, 2004 Share Posted January 10, 2004 Maybe vanity is something that takes precedence with some women. They have to have the right look, car, accessories, husband, etc. Maybe she is a ‘princess’ and her prince must lavish her with pricey gifts. Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted January 11, 2004 Share Posted January 11, 2004 Oh well, I would never marry a princess, they have bad genes. Years and years of inbreeding, yuck. Link to post Share on other sites
ziggue Posted January 11, 2004 Share Posted January 11, 2004 The meaning behind a ring means a begining with no end. Or something similar. To symbolize a marraige that will supposedly never end. . I don't care for rings at all. Or even jewelery for that matter. I do like wearing necklaces but. Why get a guy to go over the top and buy you a really expensive ring? You could put the money together for something more worth while like a deposit on a house, a car, the wedding, a honey moon. It wouldn't matter much to me what kind of ring I got even if the guy I ended up marrying was wealthy and rich. . It would be cool to design the ring yourself. I have heard of people doing that lately. Still I would rather an engagement necklace or something a little bit different! . Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted January 11, 2004 Share Posted January 11, 2004 it actually hurts me to see people insult my bf's choice; i don't even know what to say to them. "Thank you. I knew you'd be happy for us." An engagement ring is a symbol. Its meaning and necessity are best defined by the two people concerned. And yes, a woman who is head over heels in love will be thrilled with almost anything, as long as it is presented by her lover with his eyes shining with hope and the desire to please. He'll be so eager to please that he'll save the receipt and take her back to the jewelry store if she needs something different that won't trigger her nickel allergy. The thoughtful lover has spoken with his beloved enough to know whether she'd prefer any extra money be used on a ring, necklace, snow blower, full body tattoo, or contribution to their apartment security deposit fund. Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted January 11, 2004 Share Posted January 11, 2004 Originally posted by SoleMate The thoughtful lover has spoken with his beloved enough to know whether she'd prefer any extra money be used on a ring, necklace, snow blower, full body tattoo, or contribution to their apartment security deposit fund. WONDERFUL POST Sole!!!! You said it all! If a man spent $5000 on an engagement ring on me....I'd think he doesn't KNOW ME at all!!!!! I'd rather spend it on a pool...(with those sexy 'I don't need a man' water spurts!!!....LOL!!!!) Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts