stampdaddy Posted March 10, 2010 Share Posted March 10, 2010 FIRST! I said I wouldnt come back here, but I am, JUST FOR THIS. alot of you know my story, and for those who dont, look it up if you want. I was the OM for a long time, but I am not any more and never will be again, with her, or with anyone else... HOWEVER, I am still "connected" to the MW (will be officially Divorced this month). See, here is the deal. It is like WE got "divorced". There was a true, beautiful, LONG love there. It's not there anymore (not the "in love" part at least), meaning, sure, I love her, I loved her more than I have ever loved anyone before, so of course there is that "spot" there, and always will be.. YESTERDAY, I read the obits... BS's (her husband's) Father died over the weekend. He had lost his battle with cancer. Him and I talked about it, what, a year and half ago?? Anyway, with the Divorce and him losing his wife (which I assume he is happy about, but still a LOSS) and now the loss of his father, I FEEL SOOOOO GUILTY...... and I feel so very bad for him. I know there is NOTHING I can do about it, but PRAY, and I have and I will. I will chat on this thread for just a little while, so thank you in advance for not bring up the fact that I am "back", cause it's just for a moment. God Bless!! Link to post Share on other sites
JoyDevine Posted March 10, 2010 Share Posted March 10, 2010 HOWEVER, I am still "connected" to the MW (will be officially Divorced this month). why aren't you with her now that she's divorced? Link to post Share on other sites
Author stampdaddy Posted March 10, 2010 Author Share Posted March 10, 2010 why aren't you with her now that she's divorced? Because you can allow too much water to go under a bridge. She never "came to me", she got divorced. Will be 6 years in July. Enough said Link to post Share on other sites
pureinheart Posted March 10, 2010 Share Posted March 10, 2010 FIRST! I said I wouldnt come back here, but I am, JUST FOR THIS. alot of you know my story, and for those who dont, look it up if you want. I was the OM for a long time, but I am not any more and never will be again, with her, or with anyone else... HOWEVER, I am still "connected" to the MW (will be officially Divorced this month). See, here is the deal. It is like WE got "divorced". There was a true, beautiful, LONG love there. It's not there anymore (not the "in love" part at least), meaning, sure, I love her, I loved her more than I have ever loved anyone before, so of course there is that "spot" there, and always will be.. YESTERDAY, I read the obits... BS's (her husband's) Father died over the weekend. He had lost his battle with cancer. Him and I talked about it, what, a year and half ago?? Anyway, with the Divorce and him losing his wife (which I assume he is happy about, but still a LOSS) and now the loss of his father, I FEEL SOOOOO GUILTY...... and I feel so very bad for him. I know there is NOTHING I can do about it, but PRAY, and I have and I will. I will chat on this thread for just a little while, so thank you in advance for not bring up the fact that I am "back", cause it's just for a moment. God Bless!! ahhhhuh, right...lol....I was wondering if you could stand that.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author stampdaddy Posted March 10, 2010 Author Share Posted March 10, 2010 ahhhhuh, right...lol....I was wondering if you could stand that.... See, this is what I DO NOT WANT!!!!!!!!!!!! let's move on. This is'nt "whoa is me" I am the OM. This is the "residual" stuff that comes with it.. next reference, I go away Link to post Share on other sites
pureinheart Posted March 10, 2010 Share Posted March 10, 2010 why aren't you with her now that she's divorced? Because you can allow too much water to go under a bridge. She never "came to me", she got divorced. Will be 6 years in July. Enough said I understand ...same with me...he's now D'ed...something that should have been the high point of the R, now makes no difference at all because is really jacked up. I am soooo sorry to hear of her exH's father, that's a hard one...exDM's W lost her brother during their D, although I didnot feel "guilty", although felt bad that she lost her brother....here again I donot have any sort of a R with her. This was the turning point concerning their D, she all of a sudden wanted to give up the "fight" and they finally came to an agreement. I am numb where exDM is concerned. Don't love him, don't hate him... Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 10, 2010 Share Posted March 10, 2010 Stamp, I guess your heart is in the right place, but, one OM to another, they're responsible for their stuff. If anyone failed him, it was her. You were just collateral damage. If she didn't/doesn't come to you, there's a reason for that and it doesn't have anything to do with you. FWIW, my MW left her H exactly the same month I started dating my wife (now stbx), which was six years after I last saw her. Our 'relationship' went on for nearly 10 years off and on, and then began again in 2007 while I was married. That's life. It doesn't always work out like we planned. I'll guarantee you she could care less about my divorce or that my mom is dying. Learn from women. They'll teach you a lot Link to post Share on other sites
pureinheart Posted March 10, 2010 Share Posted March 10, 2010 Stamp, I guess your heart is in the right place, but, one OM to another, they're responsible for their stuff. If anyone failed him, it was her. You were just collateral damage. If she didn't/doesn't come to you, there's a reason for that and it doesn't have anything to do with you. FWIW, my MW left her H exactly the same month I started dating my wife (now stbx), which was six years after I last saw her. Our 'relationship' went on for nearly 10 years off and on, and then began again in 2007 while I was married. That's life. It doesn't always work out like we planned. I'll guarantee you she could care less about my divorce or that my mom is dying. Learn from women. They'll teach you a lot Wow CH, I never knew your story...there are a lot more OM out there than I once thought. Link to post Share on other sites
Samantha0905 Posted March 10, 2010 Share Posted March 10, 2010 Maybe I'm off base here -- I don't know -- but it seems people speak of going through Hell and high water for each other and once the Hell and high water has come and gone, there's too much water under the bridge. I'm not saying I don't understand it, but was it really a truly "in love" thing if the in love just goes away? If it was such a beautiful and long love -- where's the love now? What do you mean "she never came to me" -- she got divorced? I'm not knocking you, by the way, stampdaddy. I like your posts. Do you mean she never left HIM for you? Was that the unpardonable sin? Or did she literally never come to you in particular as she went through the divorce process? Will be six years since what? Since you two saw each other? And out of curiosity, since it's been so long -- do you have someone else now? Just trying to understand.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author stampdaddy Posted March 10, 2010 Author Share Posted March 10, 2010 Stamp, I guess your heart is in the right place, but, one OM to another, they're responsible for their stuff. If anyone failed him, it was her. You were just collateral damage. If she didn't/doesn't come to you, there's a reason for that and it doesn't have anything to do with you. FWIW, my MW left her H exactly the same month I started dating my wife (now stbx), which was six years after I last saw her. Our 'relationship' went on for nearly 10 years off and on, and then began again in 2007 while I was married. That's life. It doesn't always work out like we planned. I'll guarantee you she could care less about my divorce or that my mom is dying. Learn from women. They'll teach you a lot YES she is responsible, and YES I have made peace with my "sins" and I am moving on. She will be a part of me, always, and I just dont "throw people away", BUT, BUT, BUT there will never be a me and her. EVER!! I have learned from this site ALOT! But what is disheartening, is that we "throw it all away" here.. NO, there is REAL love and life there. I will stop, but I WILL GO ON Link to post Share on other sites
pureinheart Posted March 10, 2010 Share Posted March 10, 2010 See, this is what I DO NOT WANT!!!!!!!!!!!! let's move on. This is'nt "whoa is me" I am the OM. This is the "residual" stuff that comes with it.. next reference, I go away I was just joking, and made that clear, I didnot mean to upset you...take care. Link to post Share on other sites
Samantha0905 Posted March 10, 2010 Share Posted March 10, 2010 Stamp, I guess your heart is in the right place, but, one OM to another, they're responsible for their stuff. If anyone failed him, it was her. You were just collateral damage. If she didn't/doesn't come to you, there's a reason for that and it doesn't have anything to do with you. FWIW, my MW left her H exactly the same month I started dating my wife (now stbx), which was six years after I last saw her. Our 'relationship' went on for nearly 10 years off and on, and then began again in 2007 while I was married. That's life. It doesn't always work out like we planned. I'll guarantee you she could care less about my divorce or that my mom is dying. Learn from women. They'll teach you a lot I'm sorry about your mother. Mine went to heaven 17 years ago. When I type that it feels funny. I was so close to her and it doesn't seem that long ago at all. I suppose it's because she's here in my heart and I'll always feel close to her. I can't imagine not caring about someone's mother dying -- especially someone I loved at one point. Are you sure she's that harsh? Link to post Share on other sites
Author stampdaddy Posted March 10, 2010 Author Share Posted March 10, 2010 Maybe I'm off base here -- I don't know -- but it seems people speak of going through Hell and high water for each other and once the Hell and high water has come and gone, there's too much water under the bridge. I'm not saying I don't understand it, but was it really a truly "in love" thing if the in love just goes away? If it was such a beautiful and long love -- where's the love now? What do you mean "she never came to me" -- she got divorced? I'm not knocking you, by the way, stampdaddy. I like your posts. Do you mean she never left HIM for you? Was that the unpardonable sin? Or did she literally never come to you in particular as she went through the divorce process? Will be six years since what? Since you two saw each other? And out of curiosity, since it's been so long -- do you have someone else now? Just trying to understand.... I flat out asked her, "if your Husband wasnt divorcing you, would you still be there? The answer was YES" need I say more??????? This has NOTHING to do with me, it says EVERYTHING about her How could I possibly let the "love of my life" lay her sweet head down on my chest at noght, knowing she wouldnt be here IF here H hadnt divorced her? No thank you Link to post Share on other sites
Author stampdaddy Posted March 10, 2010 Author Share Posted March 10, 2010 I was just joking, and made that clear, I didnot mean to upset you...take care. youre good honey, please stay Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted March 10, 2010 Share Posted March 10, 2010 I flat out asked her, "if your Husband wasnt divorcing you, would you still be there? The answer was YES" need I say more??????? This has NOTHING to do with me, it says EVERYTHING about her How could I possibly let the "love of my life" lay her sweet head down on my chest at noght, knowing she wouldnt be here IF here H hadnt divorced her? No thank you Stampy, you are doing right by praying for him. It is okay to feel bad for his loses, but he lost his wife because she made the choices she did. You have owned you choices. I know it sounds kind of strange, but when you have a love one dying of cancer, though you don't want them to go, you don't want them to be in pain either. Your prayer of intercession shows you growth in faith. You are forgiven, let go. Link to post Share on other sites
Author stampdaddy Posted March 10, 2010 Author Share Posted March 10, 2010 Stampy, you are doing right by praying for him. It is okay to feel bad for his loses, but he lost his wife because she made the choices she did. You have owned you choices. I know it sounds kind of strange, but when you have a love one dying of cancer, though you don't want them to go, you don't want them to be in pain either. Your prayer of intercession shows you growth in faith. You are forgiven, let go. On this day, God wants you to know... ... that it is time to finally forgive yourself. You've carried the guilt, the shame for long enough. You've kept your wounds open for long enough. The time has come to let go, to heal. Keep the lessons and let the pain heal. Yes, you know what we are talking about it. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 10, 2010 Share Posted March 10, 2010 Wow CH, I never knew your story...there are a lot more OM out there than I once thought. It's all in my journals here. Happy reading Link to post Share on other sites
pureinheart Posted March 10, 2010 Share Posted March 10, 2010 youre good honey, please stay Thank you SD...this is a good thread and for one am happy to see you...I came back on as you were leaving, so I missed out....a lot of people think a lot of you, I wish you would change your mind as you donot appear like the oh poor me FOM... Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 10, 2010 Share Posted March 10, 2010 I can't imagine not caring about someone's mother dying -- especially someone I loved at one point. Are you sure she's that harsh?I would opine indifferent or disconnected, much like my stbx was/is. Stbx really didn't care about what I was dealing with caring for my mother while we were married. MC and further contact helped me to see clearly that they (fMW and stbx) were very similar in some elemental ways. They seemed to get along fine too. Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted March 10, 2010 Share Posted March 10, 2010 On this day, God wants you to know... ... that it is time to finally forgive yourself. You've carried the guilt, the shame for long enough. You've kept your wounds open for long enough. The time has come to let go, to heal. Keep the lessons and let the pain heal. Yes, you know what we are talking about it. Cast in the sea to never reappear:love::love:Be blessed my friend. Link to post Share on other sites
pureinheart Posted March 10, 2010 Share Posted March 10, 2010 It's all in my journals here. Happy reading I will defintely do that...thank you CH! Link to post Share on other sites
Samantha0905 Posted March 10, 2010 Share Posted March 10, 2010 I flat out asked her, "if your Husband wasnt divorcing you, would you still be there? The answer was YES" need I say more??????? This has NOTHING to do with me, it says EVERYTHING about her How could I possibly let the "love of my life" lay her sweet head down on my chest at noght, knowing she wouldnt be here IF here H hadnt divorced her? No thank you Oh. Thanks for answering. No you need not say more. Link to post Share on other sites
Samantha0905 Posted March 10, 2010 Share Posted March 10, 2010 I would opine indifferent or disconnected, much like my stbx was/is. Stbx really didn't care about what I was dealing with caring for my mother while we were married. MC and further contact helped me to see clearly that they (fMW and stbx) were very similar in some elemental ways. They seemed to get along fine too. You know they say sometimes we either pick the exact same person over and over or the polar opposite of that person. I guess it struck me as appalling because I've lost my mother. For what it's worth, I'm sorry about your mother. It's a difficult loss. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 10, 2010 Share Posted March 10, 2010 MC helped fix my people picker. If I hadn't gone, I'd probably still be pursuing an unhealthy relationship and be back to being an OM/tampon/receptacle. MC was money well-spent. Glad SD worked through his stuff and he didn't need counseling to do it Link to post Share on other sites
Author stampdaddy Posted March 10, 2010 Author Share Posted March 10, 2010 hi Stampy, Even after they are long over, some R's come back somehow. I'm sorry you are going through this I agree with carhill and BNB. I wish I had more to say to comfort you. But you have paid your alms. You are good to pray for him. You have prayed for forgiveness, I know. You might also want to slip in a little prayer that God may grant you peace of mind. I think I received that "OK" just yesterday, so I will.... I WILL. God, thank you! Please all, pray for the BH, and his family, and for ME.... and her We will ALL be "ok" in the end, I know, but prayer is good, and needed....... Link to post Share on other sites
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