GuyWithAproblem Posted January 10, 2004 Share Posted January 10, 2004 um... well im a 16 year old male n my parent are at the brink of divorce... here's teh story, My dad and mom have been fighting over teh same issue for years.. My dad is way too controlling to my mom. Its like he polices everythign she does. My mom even has to create her own bank account. I mean she's an adult, yet she is treated like a teen. My mom is a kind, mature, responsible (sorta sloppy), loving nurse to every1 she meets and especially to me. My dad is alos a kind mature and responsible guy and loves me with all his heart. There like the heroes u see in books like scarlest letter or any other classic literature books. My mom doesnt deserve this, and my dad doesnt either. My dad's behavior has caused this situation to explose plenty of times. I remember 8 years ago, my mom called teh cops to our place to settle things. Another time it happened in public where the police had to get involved. O yea, my dad is not abusive, he has never laid a finger on my mom or me, (cept when i was lil kid, asian families..u know) Just a year ago my mom left for about a week, my dad lost his job that time and i thought i nuthin wud be the same ever again. But time healed everything. My dad promised he wudnt be too controlling. But now it has happened again. Just yesterday my dad and mom fought again for the same but this time i intervened. I sided with my mom. Me and my dad started arguing. My mom broke us up. IT got better and we were all happy again. Till 3 ours ago. This time i decided im too tired. My mom was gonna take a break from his yelling and fighting and leave for a while, but my dad didnt let her. My mom couldnt leave and i panicked... Becuz im stronger then my dad, it was ez to grab hold of him.. i sorta ttacked my dad. Im not proud of it, but i didnt know wut else to do. My mom was asking for help and she was crying more then ever. My dad was apologizing then yelling. My dad then turned to me and said he wud not want me as a son if i continued and he said my mom wouldnt take me in cuz she's crazy and a !@#$%.... he barely cusses btw. Now things have calmed but i know ive hurt my dad and his job is already starting disappear again. My dad may be right about my mom, and he might disinherit me or kick me out.. so just the average teens story.. sorry u had to read all that... thx for listenin.. Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted January 10, 2004 Share Posted January 10, 2004 As a teen whose parents fight sometimes, I strongly urge you to not get involved. If you feel the need to step in and side with someone, try your hardest to supress that feeling. Families are not a democracy, your father is not going to calm down if you tell him that he's wrong. Sometimes it's better that the situation diffuses, rather that one side is declared the victor. Additionally, don't ever physically subdue your father. It's dangerous, especially if he has such a temper. You may feel like a martyr, but you involved yourself. I'd suggest apologizing (profusely) for getting involved. Don't get involved. If they try to involve you, de-involve yourself. I know how hard it is to watch this sort of thing go on, but what you think helps does not. If your father is physically abusive to your mother, you might have to deal with the fact that it's better that they are apart, as that is not okay--however, it doesn't give you the right to enforce that, no matter how much bigger you are. Link to post Share on other sites
advicegirl Posted January 14, 2004 Share Posted January 14, 2004 It is not your fault. You tried to protect your mom. Fathers seem to like to be controlling. They feel like if they can't control things then they aren't man enough. My parents are divorced. If they want a divorce then that is what they will do. You just have to remember it is not your fault if they do. Sometimes after they divorce they just be friends and it might turn out to be better. Maybe your mom needs alone time by herself. Though your father might come to his sences and try to stop being so controlling. They might just need to talk and work things out. Also your father might be just saying he will kick you out because he is trying to threaten you. Parents say those kind of things sometimes if they are mad. I hope you can use this advice. advicegirl Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted January 15, 2004 Share Posted January 15, 2004 Unless there is physical violence and your mothers life is in danger, or your life is in danger, do not get in between a couple. I know they are your parents - but what you observe is only a small part of whatever is between them. They have to work it out themselves. Do not take sides, unless there is a danger--then call the police yourself. If they are truly on the verge of a divorce that may not be a bad thing. When you talk to them tell them that you love them and that you know they love you and that you will be behind whatever decisions they make for their own happiness. Get in to see a school counselor who can help you deal with this situation. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
jennifer05 Posted January 15, 2004 Share Posted January 15, 2004 My parents are divorced too! I know how hard it is to sit back and watch, knowing what will probably happen next. You've done the best you could do by protecting your mom. My dad was a drunk and he hit my mom. Don't blame yourself. Your dad probably wont change what he's doing, usually once they start, they can't stop. Just hang in there and make sure you are there for your mother, be supportive, she needs you just as much as you need her. If you need to talk, I'm here...24-7!! E-mail me! God Bless and Good Luck *Jenn* Link to post Share on other sites
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