linwood Posted March 16, 2010 Share Posted March 16, 2010 Linwood- could you please expand on what you mean by "safer"? You mean committed but able to walk away at a moments notice? Or no committment at all? Just curious. You don`t need marriage to make a commitment. I mean "safer" in the aspect of being able to walk away from a woman without the cultural screwing men almost always get at the hands of the divorce court. All this discussion of how women have more risk in marriage is simply untrue. I can`t recall the last time a man got "half" of a woman`s finances when they divorced or alimony for a man regardless of the fact that he makes less than his wife. To be a man seeking custody of your child is always an uphill battle even when the wife is obviously less fit to be a parent. Men almost always lose in a divorce far more than women do. Granted the times are a changin` but we ain`t there yet. Link to post Share on other sites
sweetjasmine Posted March 16, 2010 Share Posted March 16, 2010 Why do women wait for their man to propose? My wife asked me and I said yes because it`s what she needed to be able to give me what I wanted (Child). I would never have gotten married otherwise as there was simply no other benefit to it for me. I could have happily carried on shacking up for eternity as it`s much safer for a man that way. Why don`t you ask him? This is the 21st century after all or is all that "equality" talk just smoke & mirrors? I don't understand this. You wanted a child but you would've been safe just shacking up but not being married? Having a child would've tied you to your partner for 18 years regardless of your marital status. Link to post Share on other sites
linwood Posted March 16, 2010 Share Posted March 16, 2010 I don't understand this. You wanted a child but you would've been safe just shacking up but not being married? Having a child would've tied you to your partner for 18 years regardless of your marital status. I never said I had a problem with committing to a partner. I had a problem committing to a partner in a legally binding arrangement that could destroy me financially. However, I found the woman I was looking for and we both took a leap of faith. I still remember the initial conversation. Her: "How do you feel about having a wife?" Me: "I`m not particularly crazy about the idea. How do you feel about having another kid? Her: "I`m not particularly crazy about the idea"(She already had two boys) Me: "This doesn`t bode well does it?" Her: "Not at all" A month later she told me she was pregnant and proposed to me in the same breath. I accepted without a hesitation. It`s been the best ten years of my life. If the OP wants to marry this man she should propose. Link to post Share on other sites
MichelleZB Posted March 16, 2010 Share Posted March 16, 2010 You're in your late thirties and need to start trying for a baby now if you want one. What's wrong with telling him that? You can be sort of casual: "Hey, did you want to have kids? Because, if so, we have to start trying soon because our chances decrease as I get older. What are your thoughts?" Link to post Share on other sites
Tnerforireyeh Posted March 17, 2010 Share Posted March 17, 2010 One of my old friends is a guy who's dating a chick. After a few years she gave him a marriage ultimatum and moved out. He started dating other women. She lost her nerve and went back to him, and to this day they're dating but not married. If you get him drunk he brags about it... "she couldn't stay away from me" etc. Pretty funny. Link to post Share on other sites
luiza Posted April 8, 2010 Share Posted April 8, 2010 Keep something in mind. There was a time when a man needed to get married in order to achieve full personhood. If a man wanted to live with a woman, to have a sex life, and to be respected by his family and community, he needed to be married. Even his employer might look at him as flakey and unreliable if he didn't have a wife. None of this is true anymore. There is nothin a man might want--love, sex, companionship--that he needs marriage in order to get. Nothing. For many men, marriage is something to dread, not look forward to. Men associate marriage with the end of their youth and the loss of their freedom, and fear financial ruin in the case of divorce. More and more men are weighing the benefits against the costs and saying, "no thanks." It is true for many men. But not for all. My example: Me and my fiance (finally) have been living together for 3 years and have known each other for ages. He is from a traditional family and so am I. We both knew that we wanted to get married and have family once we meet the right person. We knew it about each other when we were friends, we knew it when we started dating. Later we did not speak about it, but we committed to each other, moved in together, wanted to spend our lives together and... 1 year passed, the 2nd, 3rd and nothing happened. I have been waiting, since I was sure he wanted to marry me. Anniversary - no. Vacation - no. But I kept waiting (stupid me). One would think that the guy does not want to marry me, actually. So finally I asked him what were his intentions. If he thinks that the life we have now is how it should be. And, it turned out, that he would love to marry me, he just... DID NOT THINK ABOUT IT. It did not occur in his mind! Or, it did, that maybe someday... Someday, when I am already 32! After we had this conversation, he actually felt very bad about himself, that he was sooo blind. Funny, that the thought of getting married did not occur in his mind even when during our summer vacation people were asking us whether it was our honey moon trip. Etc etc. Arghhhh. I just wasted 2 years of my life because I decided to be quiet and leave the matters in his hands. How stupid! We were both just stupid. Sometimes they just need a firm push. Many guys are just COMPLETELY unthoughtful. They would gladly marry and have families, but they just don't get this idea by themselves! So talk to him... Link to post Share on other sites
MichelleZB Posted April 19, 2010 Share Posted April 19, 2010 So, how did it go, OP? Does he want to have kids? Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted April 19, 2010 Share Posted April 19, 2010 Ack!! No, no, no! NEVER put an ultimatum on a man! THINK this way, but don't TELL him about your time line. My friend told her guy that either he marry her or she was leaving...So he ended up marrying her after telling her FOR 3 YEARS that he did NOT want to get married....I don't give their marriage that long.... Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted April 19, 2010 Share Posted April 19, 2010 I am in my late 30s, Because i am too old to start again, meet someone and then have babies, i do not have that many years! So i think i might start look at adoption procedures, cause i am running out of time... Thoughts??? Oh, puleeeeeze. If you believe you are too old to meet someone, get married, and start a family at 30, than you are seriously short-sighted. Ultimatums never work and there is no reason for him to ask you if he is getting everything he wants. Link to post Share on other sites
threebyfate Posted April 19, 2010 Share Posted April 19, 2010 Oh, puleeeeeze. If you believe you are too old to meet someone, get married, and start a family at 30, than you are seriously short-sighted. Ultimatums never work and there is no reason for him to ask you if he is getting everything he wants.She's in her late 30's but the premise still holds true, that she can start anew and it's not too late. Link to post Share on other sites
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