UK blues, a husbands story

[10206]

thank heavens i copied this text before pressing submit, it took me so long i had auto logged out...phew!!!

 

hi there, i have been browsing this fine site, and have decided to share my story in the hope of getting some comments and advice on my situation.

 

i have been married to my wife for 11 years. I am 41 and she is 39. We have two daughters, one who is 8 and has severe mental disabilities (non-verbal, autism, learning disabilities, challenging behaviour), and the her younger sister who has just turned 7. We live in our own (mortgaged) house. I work full time Mon-Fri, and my wife works 5 hours a day Tue, Wed, Thur, and doesn't work on Mondays or Fridays.

 

a bit of background: when we first got married 11 years ago we lived in london in a 2 bed maisonette. we were so happy there, close to family, my first daughter had not been diagnosed yet. when my wife became pregnant for the second time, we sold that maisonette and moved to just outside london, to be able to afford a house. this area was not close to any relatives, and was in an isolated location. when my wife was 7 months pregnant, she flew to her country to see her father who was extremely ill, and was not expected to live much longer. she saw him and came back. within a week he had died. both of us flew back out there with our elder daughter (who was showing developmental delays at that stage but still easy to handle), and attended the funeral etc. wife was heavily pregnant and quite clearly extremely emotional, as can only be expected. we came back and made arrangements for my wife's recently widowed mother to fly to the UK to stay with us for 6 months to be with her daughter (my wife), and in order to assist with the imminent new baby etc. unfortunately, she collapsed and died unexpectedly of a heart attack 3 weeks into her stay. she had no previous known health problems and it was a big shock. her and my wife had an extremely close relationship, i can't emphasise that enough. my wife who was over 8 months pregnant at this stage obviously took it very, very, very badly. it was such an awful, intense time. i dealt with everything to keep the pressure off my wife. my wifes family wanted their mothers body repatriated, so i arranged for flights etc. i will never forget the day, the plane was due to leave with the coffin in the hold. my wife insisted that we drive to the top of the multi-story car park and watch the plane take off. it was a very heavy time, more intense than anything i had known at that point. i provided full support to my wife, who was suicidal and had to go into hospital. afterwards, my wife and her relatives described me as 'her rock' that got her through that time. our second daughter arrived.

 

our first daughter got diagnosed when she was approximately 3 years old (pretty much on the 1 year anniversary of my wifes mother death, give or take a few days) and our life fell apart. she screams constantly and is very difficult to look after. she is super destructive, and has damaged a lot of property over the years. she has no sense of danger and runs away etc. we got very limited help from the state and relatives at that time. it was horrendous. our life basically stopped and our focus went from being a family to being carers first and foremost, with no respite and very punishing schedules connected with the seemingly endless round of assessments, medical professionals, specialist play schools (i was doing a 100 mile round trip to take her to a 2.5 hr specialist playsession, then taking her home and going straight to work, absolutely punishing and with little result. my wife was working nights at that stage, so we would pass like ships in the night.

 

and so we continued like that, to try and raise our two girls. our poor youngest has suffered from a lack of attention as our eldest is so demanding and takes up so much time. we stayed in that house about 4-5 years, then moved to a house close by that had a much bigger garden which is where we live now. it is a lot less isolated and we have lots of good neighbours. my wife reduced her shifts to 3 5 hr day shifts a week, and i stopped working shifts and weekends in order to help my wife to cope with the kids. this involved a significant drop in my salary, which we discussed before and agreed it was worth it, as her stress was so bad.

 

we have always had a good relationship, intimacy was good, and we just carried on with our life, the main focus through necessity being the carers of our daughter (very draining and time consuming) and our other girl.

 

i have never been unfaithful to my wife, there has never been any physical violence, i don't stay out drinking, i always came home straight from work etc. some may say that makes me boring, and that is what she doesn't like, however the care of our daughter was so difficult, stressful and draining that i wanted to take the pressure of my wife. i had no reason to suspect that anything was wrong.

 

flash forward to last march (2009). all of a sudden, with no warning or reason that i could discern, my wife started giving me the Silent Treatment, and being very aggressive and surly. the first time, she did not talk to me for 3 days, despite me trying to find out from her, 'what is wrong? etc. after 3 days, her response was like 'if you don't know what is wrong, you never will' and comments like that. this carried on until one day she just went nuclear, sobbing and screaming at me, the general gist being that she felt that when we lived in the isolated house, that i did not help her enough (!), and that when she needed help i didn't give it to her. i responded that i did not remember the occasion she was talking about. she then said that she did not verbally ask for help at the time, and that i 'should have known'. now i am a typical man, i do not pick up on hints etc, and my wife appears (as i know now) to communicate in hints or body language. i just don't pick up on that stuff and told her that. she was sobbing that i have taken advantage of her over the years (meaning i have made her do everything - not true), and that i don't love her etc. remember this is last march. even though in my mind i saw no fault that i had committed, after querying why she had waited years to bring this up and let it fester in her mind, i apologised to her if i had made her feel that way back then etc, just to clear the air so we could move on. things calmed down and she gradually came back to 'normal'.

 

time went on, we managed to get our daughters respite package increased significantly (away from home every monday and tuesday, and one long weekend in every 6). happy days i thought, we can actually start enjoying our life now. i was wrong.

 

about 3-4 months later, BANG, my wife goes nuclear over the fact that i had washed the dishes but not put them away. it was like going back to square 1, i.e. she was saying "i had taken advantage of her, that i didn't do anything to help around the house, i'm a bastard, i don't love her, she hates her life, she wished she would go to sleep and not wake up" etc etc ad infinitum. she flew abroad with our youngest to stay with relatives for Xmas, leaving me and our eldest at home, with me wondering just what the hell was going on. it was at this point that affection of any kind from a hug/smile upwards from her to me basically fizzled out. my reaction to this outburst was to start doing more than i was already doing. it got to the stage where i was coming home from work (including days when she was home all day) and to avoid another outburst i would immediately start doing housework when any normal man would want sit down and chill for a bit. i was constantly looking over my shoulder making sure there was nothing undone in the house that could be used against me.

 

i now realise that at this point, anything i was doing was actually earning me 0 points, and i would still get criticised either way. to just keep the peace i did it.

 

in one conversation when i managed to get through to her, i got her to realise that counselling may be a good idea. she refused to even consider couples counselling, but agreed to go to one herself, which i arranged for her through my work.

 

flash forward to 2 weeks ago, (by now she had had 2 counselling sessions, but not said anything to me about it) she was in our room, was not working that day and was saying how we lived in a dump etc. i left to go to work thinking that she would spend some time tidying our room. i get home and it is in the same state, she launches into a full blown attack along the same lines as above, bawling and screaming at me in front of our youngest. rather than tidy up (and that is all it needed, basically putting things in their place) she had sat there all day waiting for me to come home so she could start her 'war' again. our eldest was in respite so the stress she causes surely can't be the trigger. i was like "woaah, just what is happening here??" i tried to reason with her, she just kept shouting me down and saying the same lines as above with the addition, i want you out, i want a divorce/separation etc all in front of our daughter. when i asked her not to do this she refused and continued. she absolutely would not let me speak. when i insist she reverts to silent treatment and shuts down. so i tidied the room (0 points). we have not shared a bed this past 2 weeks.

 

From then until yesterday, i have pretty much done everything in the house bar cooking, namely housework, dishes, washing the girls, putting them to bed etc. my wife would be watching me saying this will only last two weeks, you never help me, you don't love me, i 90% hate you (!) etc etc, you get the picture. when she said i want you out, i shouted this is my house too i am not going anywhere.

 

this monday (08 Feb) i was not working. i had had enough so went into town and just walked and walked. i browsed this forum from an internet cafe and saw advice about 'playing it cool, no begging etc, just go about your business in a calm way'. so i went home and that is what i did. she was downstairs so i said hello, got a grunt in return. i went upstairs, did the ironing (mostly my own shirts), and went to bed. no shouting or bad vibes etc.

 

CRUNCH TIME: Yesterday morning, i was asleep in my bed and was awoken to my door being thrown open violently and my wife screaming at the top of her voice "YOU BETTER HAVE THIS EFFIN HOUSE SPICK AND SPAN BY THE TIME I GET HOME!!!" wow, what a way to start the day, eh?? then starts a verbal tirade with more emphasis on the 'I want you out' theme. i tried to speak and got shouted down, then she started crying and weeping, then shouting again saying how she just wants space from me and i won't give it to her. said that she goes into a rage by just looking at me? remember our disabled daughter was not there, so should be a low stress time. i went into my daughters room, she was putting on her school uniform and crying. i went and hugged her and told her everything would be ok. i explained that mummy wants me to leave, and my daughter said "i know daddy, please can i go with you". when i saw my daughter crying, i realised that enough was truly enough. they left the house. i then packed a suitcase, wrote a note saying i was giving her the space she has demanded, that i am willing to work on saving our marriage but it is up to her, and i then went to my sisters house in london. my phone rang yesterday evening, it was my daughter so my wife had obvioulsy dialled it for her. i had out in my note that i would be calling later and even if she didn't want to speak to me, i wanted to speak to our daughter, so i think she did that to avoid having to speak to me.

 

she has not phoned me today, nor i her. our eldest daughter comes back from respite this afternoon.

 

my analysis: i think my wife is showing signs of clinical depression that has been present since the death of her mother. i don't think she accepts this about herself. the stress of losing her parents, then having to cope with a severely disabled child has been very significant. she will not accept marriage counselling, and absolutely refuses to consider medication. over time we stopped being wife and husband and became co-habiting carers to our children. i do not think i have helped myself since last year by basically becoming a doormat to her. i only recognised this yesterday when thinking about things (i dont often get a chance to think and reflect), and i feel quite demeaned. however i have only ever done what i thought was supportive and right, knowing that she was having a hard time. i don't think she sees me like a man anymore, and is clearly not physically attracted to me anymore. not once has she taken MY emotions into account on this awful ride that is our life. i seem to have become the cause in her mind of everything that is wrong in her life.

 

so here we are today. i have not spoken to my wife since yesterday morning , i only have limited clothes, i don't want to outstay my welcome at my sis's house though i think i am ok till the weekend. work are being good to me and i don't have to work this week.

 

i need advice on how to move this forward, which is difficult if she wont accept MC. i have decided i am going to stand up for myself and get some self respect back. the only way i can see us saving things is the following:

 

she has to agree to some kind of mediation

ground rules have to be laid

i am going to start looking after 'me' more (i have no life)

 

if she can't move on from the past (she has said she can never forget the past previously) there is no guarantee that this whole cycle won't start again, and i will not subject myself to this hell again and will not stand in the way of a divorce. my heart just bleeds for the kids, this is all so uneccessary.

 

so, that is my situation. i know i have kind of answered my own questions, but please leave any comment or advice, i would appreciate it.

 

thank you

Edited March 10, 2010 by 10206

[Nomad1]

Hi 10206, sorry you have ended up here. What I am going to say to you may sound inappropriate, but here it is anyhow. I think that your description of events suggests that there is someone else involved. Your w is being extremely unfair. She is hoping for a negative reaction from you to justify what she is trying to do. Don't give her that chance. Don't move out of your home. She could change the locks and it would be difficult for you to get back in. It seems hopeless. Start looking after yourself. It will be hard, but you will get there.

 

All the best

 

Nomad1

[10206]

thanks for the response nomad1 and your comments. whilst i have never seen or noticed any evidence to support infidelity, over the last few days, i have thought of it as a possible cause. i have no proof either way, but i can't rule it out. if i mentioned it to her it would be game over immediately. you will have seen from my first post that i have already left the house, i could not take it anymore especially what this behaviour is doing to my daughter.

 

update: my sister had a couple of missed calls from my wife (who was meant to work today but has stayed at home). she phoned her back and said my wife was raging and ranting to her about me (shouting/swearing) rather than have a rational conversation with her. they have previously got on very well. at one point my sis gently said to her 'maybe you should get some help' apparently my wife said what do you mean and took deep offence at that. she is still banging on about how i don't help etc. in the end my sis said she had to go and ended the call cos my wife was endleslly ranting.

 

i am so fed up with this. whatever happens i will be painted to be the villain, i am sure she is currently poisoning her family, our friends (my daughter?) against me and i have no way to defend myself. it is so upsetting, thank god my sis has a spare room.

Edited March 10, 2010 by 10206

[Nomad1]

Hi 10206. Good thing that you have your sister nearby. I am in London too. I know how expensive property is in the capital despite the economic downturn. Something does not appear to be right with your W. If it is your help that she needed, she is less likely to have it now that you are at your sis. It just doesn't add up, given that by the sound of it you have been extremely helpful. If there is no third party involved, things could be resolved. If there is someone else (my reading of the situation), then expect things to get worse. Either way, the best thing you could do is remain calm, cool and collected.

 

Good luck man

 

Nomad1

[10206]

cheers man, i appreciate your posts, its nice to talk to someone. yesterday before i left the house i had emailed her brother who lives abroad but is like the 'head' of their family. she is very close to him. in the email i alerted him to what has happened. he phoned me today and had obvioulsy spoken to her cos he started off with her line (but in a rational way) that she is deeply depressed, needs more domestic help and that we should work out a schedule, that the children need both parents etc etc. i then explained to him my side which is that i do help but it doesn't get recognised or credited, the shouting, swearing, crying children, bad unfair stuff which i have described above but i gave him a condensed version. he took that on board and said that he will speak to her later and will call me back. he said i did the right thing to give her space etc and to stay away for a few days.

 

i am just wary of going back and allowing old patterns to resume without some guarantees. i really see this as crunch time. ofc if i don't go back when/if she wants, i instantly solidfy my position as 'the bad guy'. bah

 

e2a: yep, my plan is to remain cool, calm and collected, though in some ways it makes her angrier as she is not getting a fight and therefore is not getting her own take on the situation validated.

Edited March 10, 2010 by 10206

[tnttim]

The best way to counteract an attacker is to use their insults and anger against them. Just agree with whatever outlandish sh*t she says. She says the sky is green with polka dots, you agree with her. That leaves her with very little ammo, and who's scared of an unloaded gun.

[10206]

The best way to counteract an attacker is to use their insults and anger against them. Just agree with whatever outlandish sh*t she says. She says the sky is green with polka dots, you agree with her. That leaves her with very little ammo, and who's scared of an unloaded gun.

 

thanks for this, i need little tips and techniques like this as it does not come naturally to me at all.

[tnttim]

I have a good book that can help change that,

 

Stop Your Divorce: Homer Macdonald

 

Don't let the name fool you, it helps with everything, changes the way you see the world.

[10206]

thanks tnttim, i will try and source a copy

[10206]

The best way to counteract an attacker is to use their insults and anger against them. Just agree with whatever outlandish sh*t she says. She says the sky is green with polka dots, you agree with her. That leaves her with very little ammo, and who's scared of an unloaded gun.

 

is this similar to the 180 that i have seen mentioned elsewhere (but not 100% sure what it is)

[carhill]

Her affair isn't working out. H is the anger whipping boy. See a solicitor today

[tnttim]

is this similar to the 180 that i have seen mentioned elsewhere (but not 100% sure what it is)

 

Yes, but it's more in depth

[JLoves]

10206: I can see a mirror. Our lives are nearly identical with the exception of the your eldest daughter. We could have been neighbors in the same suburbs of London. (I lived there for 10 years)

 

Read Homer MacDonalds book, get the Divorce Buster/Remedy book, do the 180.. They are all based on the same ideas.

 

They might not save your marriage but it will save your sanity. (Sorry to be negative, my marriage had the last nail put in the coffin on the weekend).

 

"flash forward to last march (2009)"

 

I got the ILYB that month..

 

"i am going to start looking after 'me' more (i have no life)"

 

Thats the key point of the 180,etc.. You need to focus on that.

 

If you want to keep your family, you need back in the house for as long as you can stand it. It's hard to do the 180 if you are not there. Your wife will crash at some point, and you need to be there to support them.

 

Good luck

[10206]

thanks for your post jloves, i appreciate it. i found the therad with the 180 guide in it

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=2294536#post2294536

 

i'm sure i will need to refer to it later.

 

p.s. what does ILYB stand for, i did do a search but couldnt find an answer on here, google says I Love You Baby, but i think it is site specific? sorry if its a dumbp question, just curious

[carhill]

Probably shorthand for ILYBINILWY = I love you but I'm not in love with you...

[10206]

thanks carhill, that makes more sense.

[nobmagnet]

Probably shorthand for ILYBINILWY = I love you but I'm not in love with you...

 

it the hell tune........ugh ILYBNILWY

 

Hi fellow brit.

 

 

She sounds unwell to me.The hell you two have had and will have is soooooo much to cope. I feel deeply for you both.

 

Firstly you couldnt do right for doing wrong. ITS NOT YOU.

 

ITS NOT HER EITHER, She seems to have depression, acceptance of that is her,..... for her as its admiting she might not be as stong as she wants to be " I am alright!"

 

as a mummy its just not easy.

 

Back door. keep being a top pop. get her family involved. poor girlis suffering ( I take nothing from your pain as you are living with this more so)

 

 

She is the love of youe life. spend some money. get advise. take help and involve her family and yours. you need as much support as she does.

 

allmy heart felt affection

 

 

Nobby xx

[10206]

thanks for your post nobby, i appreciate it. thank you for reminding me that 'it is not me'.

 

i have alerted her family, i had emailed her elder brother to alert him that i was leaving at her request, and that i was very worried about her. he phoned me and i explained what had happened. he said he would speak to her and call me back that evening. that was tuesday, there has been no contact since then! whether that contact with her family has worked against me or not (i.e they are just believing her skewed version of reality), i don't care. at least they are now aware that there is a problem and will hopefully provide her with some kind of emotional support.

 

i do want to make things work, however this TS is of her own making, she demanded it in the most aggressive way possible short of being physically violent, and i gave it to her. what i will not do is go back just to suffer in the same way.

 

there HAS to be MC that she agrees to actually commit to and not just go through the motions.

i want to know if she still loves me or not.

i want to know if she can move on in her head and forget the perceived problems that are rooted in the past.

i want to know if she can have a rational conversation and not just launch into a full blown surprise attack every time.

i want her to listen to me and not just shout over me and then block me out.

 

if she does not want to work with me EQUALLY, no longer loves me, cannot commit to being rational and calm rather than emotionally violent, then for me it is Game Over. she wanted this TS, she has got it, the ball is firmly in her court.

 

i have made No Contact with W since i left. my daughter (7) has told my W each evening that she wants to talk to me, so W has been dialling my mobile number then handing the phone to DD2 so we can talk. each time we hang up,i just want to cry. i just want to cuddle my daughters, i miss that more than anything.

[10206]

woohoo, i get to see DD2 on saturday! :D:D

 

DD2 just called and said mummy said can she drop her over to where i am to stay the night and she will pick her up on sunday. this has cheered me up a lot.

 

i need your advice on ways to handle this. my intention is to NOT see or speak to W, but let my sister receive DD2 while i stay out of the way until she is gone. does this seem sensible?

 

also DD2 asked me on the phone why i left. said W had let her read the note i left, though i don't know how much of it she understood. i told her i would explain on saturday when i see her. please can i have some suggestions on what to say to DD2. i plan on not undermining her mum, but also being honest in my explanation, just not sure how to put it. she is 7.

 

thanks folks for any comments on this.

[Gunny376]

My take is the DW is overwhelmed by the serendipitous events of her life over the course of the years and suffering from depression and anxiety ~ and needs IC and medication. In her mind? The "Storms of Life" just keep coming and coming one after another. And there's not one damn thing you can do until she gets the help that she needs.

 

The entire network of friends and family need to come together in a unified and have an intervention of sorts to get her into a program to teach her to cope with her life.

 

I could be wrong? But I don't belive there's a OM, if there is? Pity the poor bastard! Now that your no longer handy for the job? He'll become the 'whipping boy!"

 

I'm deeply concerned about the short and long term effects of all of this on the DD's

[tinapo85]

thank heavens i copied this text before pressing submit, it took me so long i had auto logged out...phew!!!

 

 

 

my analysis: i think my wife is showing signs of clinical depression that has been present since the death of her mother. i don't think she accepts this about herself. the stress of losing her parents, then having to cope with a severely disabled child has been very significant. she will not accept marriage counselling, and absolutely refuses to consider medication. over time we stopped being wife and husband and became co-habiting carers to our children. i do not think i have helped myself since last year by basically becoming a doormat to her. i only recognised this yesterday when thinking about things (i dont often get a chance to think and reflect), and i feel quite demeaned. however i have only ever done what i thought was supportive and right, knowing that she was having a hard time. i don't think she sees me like a man anymore, and is clearly not physically attracted to me anymore. not once has she taken MY emotions into account on this awful ride that is our life. i seem to have become the cause in her mind of everything that is wrong in her life.

 

 

 

I agree that your wife probably needs counseling. 2 sessions wouldn't do much though, especially of she has been trying to deal with this by herself for a few years. You guys are living in a high stress environment, have you ever looked into a support group for parents of children with disabilities? It could help.

 

If she is depressed and not thinking rationally what is she going to do with both kids by herself? How will she deal with that? You may want to try to get the kids if you can not be at home with her.

 

Also As someone who has allowed depression and PTSD to ruin her own marriage (ok I didn't ruin it myself, but not getting help played a role) I can tell you that if she does start feeling better she may feel like she was a fool and want your forgiveness. It can take time though for her to get better.

 

If there are other factors in her behavior I don't know what to tell you. But I would stay stick by her for a bit (that doesn't mean you have to live with her, she may need the space) and see what happens.

[Gunny376]

I agree that your wife probably needs counseling. 2 sessions wouldn't do much though, especially of she has been trying to deal with this by herself for a few years. You guys are living in a high stress environment, have you ever looked into a support group for parents of children with disabilities? It could help.

 

If she is depressed and not thinking rationally what is she going to do with both kids by herself? How will she deal with that? You may want to try to get the kids if you can not be at home with her.

 

Also As someone who has allowed depression and PTSD to ruin her own marriage (ok I didn't ruin it myself, but not getting help played a role) I can tell you that if she does start feeling better she may feel like she was a fool and want your forgiveness. It can take time though for her to get better.

 

If there are other factors in her behavior I don't know what to tell you. But I would stay stick by her for a bit (that doesn't mean you have to live with her, she may need the space) and see what happens.

 

Coming from who's 'been there and done that' means a lot to the OP, and your words carry more than one who hasn't.

[10206]

hi gunny and tina, thank you for your posts, i do appreciate it.

 

we did try many support groups, but they seemed to be more geared towards 'higher functioning' kids, i.e. with speech etc. our dd is a different kettle of fish.

 

re W coping whilst i am not there, it is not too bad, DD1 goes to school on mondays and does not come home till wednesday, so that is two days of the week covered. she has 6 hours care on saturdays also, and she is away for one long weekend in every 6. when she is home, she is collected in the morning by a taxi and escort and they bring her back. so the practicalities are covered.

 

my w takes DD2 to school in the morning then goes to work, and picks her up on the way home.

 

in a way my W makes it harder for herself because she encourouges DD1 to jump on her and plays with her roughly, i.e. tickling etc. W will then use that as an excuse, i.e. "look how she is always jumping on me, you dobn't have to deal with that". well i dont let her jump on me, that is why. my wife encourages it yet cant see that.

 

i think she will cope just fine. it may bring home to her that most of her complaints are imaginary or self inflicted?

 

it is mothers day in the UK on sunday. i will buy a card from DD2 to W and give it to her to pass to her mummy.

[It_Is_What_It_Is]

Hi 10206 .. i am from the UK as well. Welcome to LS. I have read your well written post, which has no discrepancies. My take to your issues is that the likelihood of OM around the corner is slim, I may be wrong. There are too much negatives your lives going on at the same time. You disabled daughter, the death of both parents, the isolation. Only the strong survive such.

 

You have done your best as a H, a provider, and a H. You made a wise decision to move out, to give her space. And u seems to have your head screwed on. Your presence at this time is the straw for your wife to explode.

 

Such situation does happen a lot to 'good' guys. There is nothing much you can do. Trying to rationalise with W would be useless, and if you are 'horrible' to her that is a game changer. Only time will address this situation, hopefully with objective inputs from friends and family. As per her brother not calling you I think he now been put in the middle. I am sure he wants your marriage to work, but not being seen by your W as taking your side after all she has told him. I am sure that at this time he wants everything to resolve itself as soon as possible. Don't hold anything against him. Family matter is politics.

 

With time your wife will begin to miss you. The good things you have done for her. Hopefully she has objective friends who can stand up and tell her what she needs to hear not what she wants to hear. Stay away from her and keep doing what you are doing.

 

Peace brother. Will continue to pray for you. Valuable advice here.

[10206]

hi IIWII

 

thank you for your analysis of the situation which makes a lot of sense to me, strangely comforting in a way, thank you.

 

W is currently on her way over here now to drop off DD2 and now also DD1 to stay the night. i am upstairs, and my sister is downstairs. i have asked my sis to receive the kids, i intend to stay up here and wait till she leaves. i am taking NC very seriously. i just hope that she doesn't try to force the issue in some way whilst she is here in front of the kids. i feel a little bit nervous. i have no intention or wish to be horrible to her. from now on i am only participating in civil conversations. if she screams, i will simply walk away.

 

i'll report back later.

Edited March 13, 2010 by 10206