Author 10206 Posted March 23, 2010 Author Share Posted March 23, 2010 we spoke when she picked the girls up on sunday. she has not actually made any progress during this time apart. in her mind she has no responsibility for any of this, she refuses to acknowledge that she has an anger problem, she complains about lack of money but refuses to increase her insignificant part time hours, stating that earning more money is "my job" as the (already working full time ) man!? she refused to consider MC, but when she realised i wasn't coming back toot sweet, she is now open to it. bit of a rapid change, and i doubt her actual commitment to the process. saw social worker inderpendantly and explained my views, pretty much as per this thread. wife continues to insist that the problem is solely housework and money. will not acknowledge other causes brought on by our wider situation. i say BS, we genuinely need to get to the root of it. i'll let you know what happens. i feel poorly and unfairly treated, but also quite empowered for a change. Link to post Share on other sites
mimidarlin Posted March 24, 2010 Share Posted March 24, 2010 Insist on marriage counseling!!! Insist that she be evaluated for depression and treated if necessary. Meds may not be the answer but they may help her head get clear so that IC and MC can help. I don't encourage you to get a divorce but this marriage won't be saved without the counseling. The divorce will just be delayed. Best wishes ...you really care about your wife and children. You care that she is okay but now realize that your needs are important as well. If you go back into a marriage where you are manipulated and criticized continually you are going to resent the hell out of her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 10206 Posted March 25, 2010 Author Share Posted March 25, 2010 (edited) Insist on marriage counseling!!! Insist that she be evaluated for depression and treated if necessary. Meds may not be the answer but they may help her head get clear so that IC and MC can help. I don't encourage you to get a divorce but this marriage won't be saved without the counseling. The divorce will just be delayed. Best wishes ...you really care about your wife and children. You care that she is okay but now realize that your needs are important as well. If you go back into a marriage where you are manipulated and criticized continually you are going to resent the hell out of her. hi mimidarlin, thanks for your post which has helped me by putting into words what i am feeling but find difficult to verbalise. she phoned me last night to talk, but it quickly turned into a familiar cycle of her telling me how awful i am, which got me rather annoyed with her. i did insist on marriage counselling, but she is now saying "what is the point"..! she is extremely antimeds, which is a shame, because i think they would like you say clear her head and give MC a chance. she has given up on the IC. she is now refusing to bring DD2 on saturday, citing high petrol costs (its a 20 mile round trip), so i will have to meet her halfway on public transport. she has also announced she is flying off for two weeks to visit her family without the kids, meaning i will have to request two weeks leave at short notice to look after the DD's. this is a stunt she pulled last year also. it's not looking good folks... Edited March 25, 2010 by 10206 spelling Link to post Share on other sites
floridapad Posted March 25, 2010 Share Posted March 25, 2010 And the attorney says???? This is a process 10206. She will suck you in then spit you out then suck you in then spit you out. Try to maintain your detaching process and get ready for the long haul. Be patient. This stuff doesn't happen over night and whatever you do stick to YOUR plan. There will be more of these cycles in the future. If she is not going to IC anymore that is not a good sign. Stay strong and stick to the plan. Link to post Share on other sites
BearMox Posted March 26, 2010 Share Posted March 26, 2010 I just took a look at divorce in the UK, man things are different there compared to the US. Friends or a divorce solicitor would be of much more help than any of us yanks. However.... 1) a judge will need a reason for the breakdown of the marriage, sans the burden of proof to prove your W's weird behavior is on you, so hold onto the emails, wacky texts, notes on phone calls, things W relays through your DDs etc. Assume she'll be trying to prove desertion. 2) Custody is schedule based like it is in the US, so having a schedule in tact now that supports the best interests of your daughters is probably advisable. Stay the course. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts