The proposal situation is very frustrating...

[Crazy Magnet]

When my friends get engaged I make them let me play in their ring. Something about the sparkle makes it all ok! lol Now they are quite used to me asking to play in their rings.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

 

But even more importantly, I also don't want to make him feel pressured. I would never ever ever put an ultimatum on him. I want him to do it completely, 100% of his own volition. But...does he need prompting?

 

 

I don't even know what I'm asking. Perhaps it's just "chill the eff out" advice, the kind I'd give myself if reading this very thread.

 

 

 

Good, now I don't even have to think up anything witty to hit you over the head with.

[Star Gazer]

When my friends get engaged I make them let me play in their ring. Something about the sparkle makes it all ok! lol Now they are quite used to me asking to play in their rings.

 

 

I get hypnotized by the sparkle... :lmao:

[Lauriebell82]

That's not the impression I got at all from the opening post in this thread.

 

Oh, I didn't get that impression from the opening post either..it was later in the thread.

 

Uh, LB... Really? Truly, with all due respect, you need to get over yourself if you honestly think I would waste my time typing a big 'ole long OP about MY feelings just to poke at you.

 

I don't think the thread started out that way..but when I said something you didn't like you took some jabs at me instead.

 

Again, I'm sorry things didn't go for you the way you wanted them to when you wanted them to. But there's no need to impose your experiences on me.

 

You asked for advise..part of advice is discussing your own experiences. ACTUALLY things worked out wonderfuly...I didn't get the proposal at the exact date I wanted but it was sooo worth the wait.

 

How am I off-topic when I'm discussing MY relationship, MY security within it, MY confidence in a proposal, etc.? In other words, the entire subject of the OP, ME and MY relationship??

 

I don't think you went off topic however you decided to discuss MY relationship, MY security, MY proposal as well..and put the whole thing down and made me feel bad. So I think that's why people are seeming to think that you have alterior motives with this thread.

 

Botton line SG, it's pretty evident you don't like me or want to take my advice so I'll just quit. I wish you didn't look so down on me and think that I'm pathetic but I guess I can't please everyone. I do hope things work out for you, I wouldn't want to wish pain on anyone. But I guess I wish you would have some kind of awakening where you don't look down on anyone who gets overly anxious about not recieving a proposal.

[Star Gazer]

I don't think the thread started out that way..but when I said something you didn't like you took some jabs at me instead.

 

I didn't take jabs at you. I stated the truth. You were not confident back then. Your BF put you through hell (your own words). I have not had those same experiences. Saying that does not amount to taking jabs.

 

So I think that's why people are seeming to think that you have alterior motives with this thread.

 

One person wondered, LB. Not "people."

 

I wish you didn't look so down on me and think that I'm pathetic...

 

You're the one saying that, LB. Not me. Not once have I ever said any such thing. And I don't know why you think I don't like you. I think I've given you great, sincere advice over the years - including advice related to your wedding. Some you've accepted, some you haven't. That's the way it goes, with everyone. You (generic "you," not you specifically) take the advice you think applies, and disregard the advice you think doesn't. And that's what I've done here too. That's it, and that's all. Just because I don't think I will get to where you were, doesn't mean I don't like you. I mean, you're making giant leaps here.

 

But I guess I wish you would have some kind of awakening where you don't look down on anyone who gets overly anxious about not recieving a proposal.

 

There's no awakening necessary! I have NEVER looked down on ANYONE who gets anxious over a proposal. That would require me to look down on many of my own friends!! I'd never do that. I took issue with your situation because of the specific, unique circumstances of your situation, and how both you AND your BF/fiance handled that situation. That's all.

 

And what advice did I give you? "Chill out" - or something to that effect, right? Wouldn't you now say that was good advice??

[JamesM]

Can I say I knew this thread would turn into a catfight from the moment I saw it? :/

 

 

Ditto. Or I had the fear that it might.

 

That's not the impression I got at all from the opening post in this thread.

 

The original title was either meant in jest or as a jab. It all depends on how LB would take it. Since the title was changed, I think that gave the possibility of it being a productive thread.

 

Hopefully it can return to that.

 

Oh dear, another one of those threads

 

 

Anyhow, SG....to your original idea....

 

Every man has his time. I am not going to give you some optimistic pie in the sky advice and say that it will happen for sure, nor will I compare it to my own hesitancy to marriage (which I had) and my wife's urgency similar to yours (which SHE had and which caused our relationship to almost end because she pushed so hard for marriage), because then you will rightly remind me how I did that once before...and look at how that turned out.

 

All I will say is that IMO trying to get him on your schedule to alleviate your own anxieties will cause more trouble than it is worth. As I said to LB and to my own wife...what is more important to you...him or marriage? Is the idea of marriage so important that you would rather have him propose now instead of proposing when he is ready to make you feel better? Or is simply having him the most important thing? Isn't it better that he is completely satisfied with his choice for his (and your) future?

 

Relax. You have (so it seems) found the man that you want to spend your life with. Enjoy. While no one knows the future, it appears that the marriage will happen. But either way, I think most important is to enjoy every day that you have him and let the future be as it may.

 

Just an opinion...and that would be mine.

[Lauriebell82]

All I will say is that IMO trying to get him on your schedule to alleviate your own anxieties will cause more trouble than it is worth. As I said to LB and to my own wife...what is more important to you...him or marriage? Is the idea of marriage so important that you would rather have him propose now instead of proposing when he is ready to make you feel better? Or is simply having him the most important thing? Isn't it better that he is completely satisfied with his choice for his (and your) future?

 

This is good advice. Fiance said something similar to me after he proposed, that part of his hesistation was that I wanted him to propose so much..he said he wasn't sure I trusted his love for me enough. Luckily the boy loves me so damn much that he put up with my craziness and still wants to spend the rest of his life with me.

 

Maybe you won't have to wait that long SG but from my experience I would say that it's helps to wait. I learned a lot more about my fiance in the 2 years and 9 months that we were dating..if he would have proposed after a year like I wanted him to I think our relationship would be much different and definately not as great as it is now. I think it was Allina who said that she couldn't figure out why it was such a race to get engaged. That women seem to think that a man loves his fiance more because he proposes after a year 1/2 rather then 3 years. Very untrue.

 

You said before that he spend every night with him, nothing will be different with a ring on your finger or a marriage certificate. You will still have each other, that's all that really matters.

Edited March 20, 2010 by Lauriebell82

[Star Gazer]

All I will say is that IMO trying to get him on your schedule to alleviate your own anxieties will cause more trouble than it is worth.

 

Huh? I'm not trying to get him on my own schedule...? I'm assuming you're just speaking in the general "your" and not the specific "your"? Because you're assuming circumstances here that simply don't exist...

 

Let me be clear: There's been absolutely no pressure, or nagging, or questioning, or any of that from me whatsoever. I can't get him on a schedule, because I don't even have one myself.

 

Fiance said something similar to me after he proposed, that part of his hesistation was that I wanted him to propose so much..he said he wasn't sure I trusted his love for me enough.

 

Same thing. Again, your situation is completely different from mine. I am not nagging or pestering or even bringing up marriage or a proposal. The only thing I did was ask him how he'd know what ring I'd like, and that was done in a teasing manner. It hasn't been a repeat subject of discussion.

 

That said, I know a proposal will happen. Unlike your circumstances, it's not a matter of IF, it's a matter of WHEN. Knowing that has relieved any and all jealousy or anxiousness I've felt.

 

Maybe you won't have to wait that long SG but from my experience I would say that it's helps to wait. I learned a lot more about my fiance in the 2 years and 9 months that we were dating..if he would have proposed after a year like I wanted him to I think our relationship would be much different and definately not as great as it is now. I think it was Allina who said that she couldn't figure out why it was such a race to get engaged. That women seem to think that a man loves his fiance more because he proposes after a year 1/2 rather then 3 years. Very untrue.

 

I hope you're not suggesting that your relationship is stronger than those where there's been a proposal before 2.9 years, simply because you had to wait?

 

Anyway. I appreciate your advice, LB. I really do. But I really wish you'd stop comparing your situation to mine, because the comparison just doesn't fit - at all.

[JamesM]

SG, when I mentioned not putting him on a schedule, I guess I was referring to this comment of yours. While you did say that you did not want him to feel pressured, you also mentioned (and I highlighted it)....

 

 

But even more importantly, I also don't want to make him feel pressured. I would never ever ever put an ultimatum on him. I want him to do it completely, 100% of his own volition. But...does he need prompting?

 

And so I guess the simple answer is no. Not if you want a freely given proposal.

 

Yet men are not stupid. We can hear what our partners do not say.

 

I don't even know what I'm asking. Perhaps it's just "chill the eff out" advice, the kind I'd give myself if reading this very thread.

 

 

I guess none of is know what you are asking. Like LB I guess figured that since you originally directed this at LB, then you might want some advice that was given to LB...and perhaps from LB herself. Of course, nobody's situation will be like yours, but perhaps even still someone may be able to give you advice. LB is different but she went through what you are going through...which is why your original title used her as an example. So perhaps her advice may be more applicable than you realize.

 

If you want us to tell you to chill out, then consider it done. If you simply wanted to vent, then you did. But it might actually be good for you (and anyone in a similar situation who reads your thread looking for answers) to listen to anyone who has been where you are at even if their situation is not identical.

 

I too think he might propose, but I do think it is necessary for him to do that on his own. As long as the time seems, in the broader scope of a long term marriage, months or years are to be certain of a decision is short. And if he does not propose, then so be it. It was probably for the best.

 

Just an opinion from a different angle and from a different experience, I am sure.

[Star Gazer]

SG, when I mentioned not putting him on a schedule, I guess I was referring to this comment of yours. While you did say that you did not want him to feel pressured, you also mentioned (and I highlighted it)....

 

Fair enough, but I asked if he needed prompting... I didn't say I was actually prompting him.

 

LB is different but she went through what you are going through...which is why your original title used her as an example. So perhaps her advice may be more applicable than you realize.

 

If you want us to tell you to chill out, then consider it done. If you simply wanted to vent, then you did. But it might actually be good for you (and anyone in a similar situation who reads your thread looking for answers) to listen to anyone who has been where you are at even if their situation is not identical.

 

Wrong. I guess you and LB just aren't getting this. LB did not "go through" what I am now going through. PERIOD. Her anxiety was on a whole 'nother level. I am (was?) merely wondering, whereas she was having a relative temper tantrum over the entire thing. Go back and read it all if you don't believe me.

 

The reason I titled this thread after her was simply because I was embarassed about even wondering when it would happen... I was fearful of the slippery slope, if that's what it is. I was fearful that I would turn into what she did. And I'm not going to describe how I perceived what she turned into, because LB should not be the subject of my thread.

 

Let's just say that I am 100000000% confident that I am lightyears away from what she experienced. That said, I wanted to be stopped from even wondering when and how and with what ring, before those wondering moments would snowball into what LB put herself through.

 

LB's advice to me also carries an obvious personal agenda. She is enjoying this. I am hesitant to accept advice when the motive behind it is questionable.

 

For everyone else (including yourself), fire away.