Internet causes cheating, or not?

[threebyfate]

I like the taste of food but I'm not going to stuff myself silly, even though I have access to any food I want and if I plan it right, any time I want.

 

By the same token, some men do have ethical boundaries of behaviour, which they uphold, while others, not.

[calizaggy]

So some men are just "ethical" and others are not, regardless of options?

 

I disagree..

 

How many men are turning away sex everyday, because they want to be "ethical"? Or more accurately, do they not have women coming onto them and offering no strings sex, and they really have no way to cheat?

 

I would say very very few men are faithful for "ethical" reasons.. They are faithful because of a lack of opportunities, or fear of getting caught. Or it is just too much trouble.

 

I know women like to think "Oh he just loves me so much he would never want to touch another woman", but that is just fooling yourselves..

 

The easier it is for a man to cheat the more they will, and the internet enables this, along with women's new sexual "freedoms"..

[threebyfate]

I know ethics are difficult to understand, when it's not part of someone's character, but yes, there are ethical men out there.

[calizaggy]

I know ethics are difficult to understand, when it's not part of someone's character, but yes, there are ethical men out there.

 

 

hahaha

 

I am making observations based on any man I have ever knwon, from all walks of life..(I know, this is when you say I have only come across scumbags)

 

They range from Americans to Europeans, to South Americans to millionaires to poor, to middle class.. Do you really think once men sign a piece of paper they now lose interest in every single woman except the one they have been sleeping with every night.. Pretty naive..

[Lizzie60]

So some men are just "ethical" and others are not, regardless of options?

 

I disagree..

 

How many men are turning away sex everyday, because they want to be "ethical"? Or more accurately, do they not have women coming onto them and offering no strings sex, and they really have no way to cheat?

 

I would say very very few men are faithful for "ethical" reasons.. They are faithful because of a lack of opportunities, or fear of getting caught. Or it is just too much trouble.

 

I know women like to think "Oh he just loves me so much he would never want to touch another woman", but that is just fooling yourselves..

 

The easier it is for a man to cheat the more they will, and the internet enables this, along with women's new sexual "freedoms"..

 

Again I totally agree... I think that some men who swear they would never ever cheat... don't because they know they can't get any women... it's not the desire it's the opportunity that is lacking..

 

I have tested this theory : men who say they don't cheat.. because they are happy and love their wife.. well guess what... they failed... they got weak and didn't think with the right head..

 

and for women who swear their H would never ever cheat with a stunning sexy woman who would hit on them.. just because they love them.. well.. they are in total denial... because.. trust me.. they would..

[threebyfate]

hahaha

 

I am making observations based on any man I have ever knwon, from all walks of life..(I know, this is when you say I have only come across scumbags)

 

They range from Americans to Europeans, to South Americans to millionaires to poor, to middle class.. Do you really think once men sign a piece of paper they now lose interest in every single woman except the one they have been sleeping with every night.. Pretty naive..

So you run around asking any man you meet, whether they would cheat if given the opportunity?

[RobM]

I have never cheated but I wouldn't say I never would. Some days I love my wife so completely that I'm sure I could say no to any other woman. Other days I'm so annoyed with her that if some hot woman gave me a simple yes/no decision to make I might say yes.

 

I've never gone out and looked for trouble but if my life was like tiger's and I had hot women (or any women, lol) hit on me all the time at some point I would probably cheat.

 

The internet certainly does make it easier to cheat.

[Holding-On]

OP

 

The trouble with your arguments (hence the syphilis jab) is that they are all over the place.

Your first question was: does the internet CAUSE cheating. No, it doesn't. It can't. The internet is just a bunch of computers linked together. There is no electronic genie that comes seeping out of the internet and makes a man declare monogamy and then cheat.

 

Does the internet FACILITATE cheating. Absolutely.

If this is what you wanted to ask all along then, yes, I agree it does.

 

 

However, your own example didn't help much. You showed that as a (fake) WOMAN on the internet, many men would seek you out. However, as a MAN, you got nada. So how is that making it better for men? How is that women throwing themselves at you for NSA?

[Lizzie60]

Agree.. it is verrrrrrrrrry naive to think that most men are ethical in those situations ...

 

Just look at catholic priests, ministers, judges, lawyers, cops, MPs, etc.. etc.. who are supposed to have strong ethic..

[RobM]

Agree.. it is verrrrrrrrrry naive to think that most men are ethical in those situations ...

 

I don't think ethics are black and white, maybe that's not the way I want to say it, the ethics are black and white, but people's behavior isn't always consistently ethical. People can have the best attentions and strong ethics that they stick to, but the wrong temptation at the wrong time and almost anyone can give in to it.

 

I guess that sort of argues for the original point, as ethical as you might be, if there are more temptations and they are easier and less risky to find, it makes it more likely that the temptation can or will be there at the time you feel your weakest.

[blue.iris]

Just what is your position? Men do not like variety, ever? The internet makes it tougher to cheat?

 

People who want to cheat, will cheat regardless of whether or not they have the internet.

Men and women both like variety and some will willingly give it up for a secure relationship. Some won't. The internet has nothing to do with it.

 

--Lizzie60, I don't think I'd identify lawyers, ministers, entertainers and cops as being the bastions of morality

 

As long as we're throwing anecdotal evidence in, none of the men or women in my large extended family have ever cheated, none of the men or women in my bf's family have ever cheated. None of my close friends have ever cheated or been cheated on. Perhaps I'm surrounded by a higher caliber of people than the OP who seems to be surrounded by opportunists.

[threebyfate]

So Calizaggy, do you ask every man you meet, or is it possible that you observe, by stalking them 24/7, including putting keyloggers on their computers, until you see them cheat? Or maybe you observe by reading minds?

[calizaggy]

OP

 

 

However, your own example didn't help much. You showed that as a (fake) WOMAN on the internet, many men would seek you out. However, as a MAN, you got nada. So how is that making it better for men? How is that women throwing themselves at you for NSA?

 

 

The point to my example was that MARRIED men from all walks of life are answering internet ads looking for no strings sex..I doubt their wives had a clue. There are MANY sites that cater to cheating men and women, so CL is probably just something they check on the side, along with dozens of other sites.

 

I knew a few couples that everyone thought had the perfect marriage,including the wives. Nobody had a clue the husbands were logging on looking for sex anytime their wives went to the store..

[grogster]

So some men are just "ethical" and others are not, regardless of options?

 

I disagree..

 

How many men are turning away sex everyday, because they want to be "ethical"? Or more accurately, do they not have women coming onto them and offering no strings sex, and they really have no way to cheat?

 

I would say very very few men are faithful for "ethical" reasons.. They are faithful because of a lack of opportunities, or fear of getting caught. Or it is just too much trouble.

 

I know women like to think "Oh he just loves me so much he would never want to touch another woman", but that is just fooling yourselves..

 

The easier it is for a man to cheat the more they will, and the internet enables this, along with women's new sexual "freedoms"..

 

The OP and I often disagree, but not this time on this issue. While cal is being deliberately provocative, he's not saying anything that very many social scientists, sexologists, counselors, theolgians and other professionals have not already said: bedrock male fidelity over the course of a lifetime is the exception, not the rule, and, more often than not, reflects a lack of opportunity as opposed to a perfect ethics or character.

 

Are there good, decent and ever faithful men out there: Absolutely. Will these ethical alphas always stay true regardless of changing circumstance and evolving situation? That's a more difficult question. It depends on multiple variables: the state of the marriage, the strength of the sexual opportunity, etc.

 

This is not a brief on behalf of cheaters. Rather, I simply recognize that many (not all) men will, over their sexually active lifetime, cheat given a particular constellation of factors. Virtue, most often, is the lack of the opportunity to sin.

[calizaggy]

 

As long as we're throwing anecdotal evidence in, none of the men or women in my large extended family have ever cheated, none of the men or women in my bf's family have ever cheated. None of my close friends have ever cheated or been cheated on. Perhaps I'm surrounded by a higher caliber of people than the OP who seems to be surrounded by opportunists.

 

 

How old are you? You know how silly it sounds to claim you know everyone's deepest secrets and personal life experiences?

[calizaggy]

bedrock male fidelity over the course of a lifetime is the exception, not the rule, and, more often than not, reflects a lack of opportunity as opposed to a perfect ethics or character.

 

 

Exactly..

 

What is stronger? The biological male sexual drive and quest for variety, or the social contract he enters into in some nations at some later stage in his life which says he will not have sex with another woman?

[blue.iris]

How old are you? You know how silly it sounds to claim you know everyone's deepest secrets and personal life experiences?

 

Coming from someone who poses as a woman on craigslist?

[Taramere]

Make him the ultimate priority in your life so that he actually would feel hurt if he cheated..Be a bit possessive, attentive, loving etc.

 

That is not going to stop a man from cheating. If anything, he'll cheat and then say "my wife was smothering me...I needed to escape." Any justification will do, when someone feels like having a bit of strange.

 

It seems to me that if a woman is married to a man who simply can't bear the notion of being restricted to one woman for the rest of his life, then nothing she does is going to stop him from feeling that way. The fairest and most honest course of action would be to discuss an open relationship.

 

That way, both parties have the opportunity to explore other options without guilt...as this is something they've already agreed on. No doubt, such marriages do often end up breaking down...but so do marriages where cheating is involved. At least, in the open marriage, both parties know where they stand and there isn't deception involved.

[grogster]

That is not going to stop a man from cheating. If anything, he'll cheat and then say "my wife was smothering me...I needed to escape." Any justification will do, when someone feels like having a bit of strange.

 

It seems to me that if a woman is married to a man who simply can't bear the notion of being restricted to one woman for the rest of his life, then nothing she does is going to stop him from feeling that way. The fairest and most honest course of action would be to discuss an open relationship.

 

That way, both parties have the opportunity to explore other options without guilt...as this is something they've already agreed on. No doubt, such marriages do often end up breaking down...but so do marriages where cheating is involved. At least, in the open marriage, both parties know where they stand and there isn't deception involved.

 

That raises the interesting question whether a truly consensual open marriage is better than no marriage at all or a marriage nuked by infidelity.

 

And if it's "better", for whom and how? Perhaps when young children are involved an OM can keep both mom and dad at home for the kids. Perhaps family continuity and longevity is of greater value than strict adherence to marital vows.

 

Is fidelity always the greatest good?

 

Or is this norm overrated?

[Silver_star]

There seem to be 2 camps..(I am gearing this towards men who cheat)

 

1. A "cheater" is simply a "cheater" and will find a way, internet or not..

 

2. The internet provides a medium that turns people whom would not cheat into cheaters..

 

I would be in camp 2.

 

ALL men are biologically made to find different women attractive. This is why you see rock stars, pro atheletes, pilots, doctors, etc bedding lots of women..Because they can.

 

Without the internet, Regular Joes would have to spend considerable amounts of time away from their wives and families at bars or another similar place to form a relationship with a woman that will lead to sex. For most men this is not worth the time or trouble, and is still no guarantee of getting sex. It would also be easier to get caught.

 

The anonymity of the internet, along with the ease to find willing sexual partners makes cheating 100 times easier. Not all men will cheat via the net, but many more will. The internet is perfect for men's quest for variety. In 2 minutes a man can place an ad and see who answers. Or he can spend 10 minutes aplying to ads, for free, and see who answers..It is very tempting.

 

It is similar to prostitution. With prostitutes hidden, or must be searched for, men are far less likely (unless in extreme cases) to go hire a hooker.

 

If men were driving home and everday saw dozens and dozens of beautiful women lined up, he would be far more likely to give into temptation, sooner or later.

Doesnt make it right. At this point of temptation. Break up and move on to the next one if you so desire.

 

My disgust with this situation occurred to me yesterday when a guy I had been talking t o for a while on msn and facebook was flirting with me. He even asked me to get together with him so he could do sexually explicit things to me. Anyways...altho he had not stated he had a gf and facebook doesnt say he does i had a feeling this may be the case. So i asked if he did...and he said he doesnt like titles but yes. I told him i didnt like titles either, but homewrecker is not one im looking for. I feel bad for his girlfriend because somewhere along the line...the girl on the other end wont have the same moral principles i do. I felt angry he lead me on and talked ot me that way despite the fact he has a girlfriend already, why isnt he doing that with her? betrayl of those sorts piss me off...and its not my place to tell his girlfriend who he is, but if i knew her I would. Just because temptation exists does not mean you need to selfishly satisfy your curiousity at every turn. If you make a committment to someone, keep it...or drop the committment. Its as simple as that.

[carhill]

For myself, the internet was merely a means to identify and obtain contact information of someone I wished to contact. That could have easily been a phone book or public record.

 

The internet isn't responsible for people cheating; people are. We make the choice.

[Silver_star]

For myself, the internet was merely a means to identify and obtain contact information of someone I wished to contact. That could have easily been a phone book or public record.

 

The internet isn't responsible for people cheating; people are. We make the choice.

 

This is true. Its a choice. I think that those people who do cheat on people and then lie about it well they dont deserve anyone. They dont. They deserve to understand what it means to be without and then maybe appreciate those people that give their loyalty and friendship to you. Unfortunately this is rarely what happens.

 

If your going feel your going to cheat..do the world a favor and allow someone who cares about you to know how small your level of loyalty is to them. Im sure that someone could do much better.

[Lizzie60]

For myself, the internet was merely a means to identify and obtain contact information of someone I wished to contact. That could have easily been a phone book or public record.

 

The internet isn't responsible for people cheating; people are. We make the choice.

 

I agree.. but let's say you're trying to quit smoking.. and someone is constantly puffing into your face.... the temptation could be too much to resist.

 

I see it like that with the Internet.. I am 10000% sure that the Internet has caused people, who wasn't really looking to cheat, cheat. It's there.. and it's soooo available.. and sooo easy. The temptation is too great. IMO...

 

Now days, people can surf from work...

 

Put a chocolate bar or candies in front of a child.. same thing..

[carhill]

I knew there was a correlation between adult and child behaviorally

[Hop_prophet]

Cali what you are saying is ridiculous and you know it. You are insulting your gender and translating your weakness into a blanket statement about everybody.

 

There are monks who are celibate every day of their entire lives, people who willingly sacrifice their life for an ideal or principle, and morally grounded people who refuse to submit to temptation when faced with horrible torture, and you submit to us that a man cannot resist throwing himself at a naked woman? What is so difficult about breaking things off first before partaking in sex. It's not a hard concept to grasp. Not everyone is as selfish as you.

 

You are so full of crap. I'm so tired of sniveling weaklings posting on here about their lack of character. It's all affairs and dishonesty and hurting people. I'm done with this site.