Wimens opinion, what would soemone do this?

[Kanuk]

I sent a letter to my ex on the 12th. well, it got the re on the 12th, so i ehar.

 

I also just heard that she did not read it, but a friend read it to her.

 

What possible reasosn would she have to haeva friend read it to her? Maybe cause she couldn't emotionally do it? Maybe cause she just doesn't care and her friends were simply too curious and wanted to see what it said?

 

Any ideas? It's kinda bugging me trying to figure this behavior out.

 

I'm also overcome with the urge to call her again. It's been like, 3 months or so now.

[BlockHead]

I am a guy, but I do have some ideas.

Kanuk

What possible reasosn would she have to haeva friend read it to her?

Maybe she did that to heighten the experience.

Some women like to think collectively.

Kanuk

It's kinda bugging me trying to figure this behavior out.

I recommend that you don’t. You could go crazy trying to attach reason to an emotional experience.

[yes]

i'd never let a friend read a personal email, let alone read it before i see it, and out loud, so i'm not sure WHY she did it, but there're so many possibilities, it's nuts to even wonder about it. it's best to stop getting these weird bits of info about her, - that'll help w/ the urges to call.

 

good luck,

-yes

[dyermaker]

It's also a huge possibility that she read it first.

[Kanuk]

I don't know anymore. All i know is that i was told she didn't read it, but her friend read it to her.

 

And she wasn't impressed by it, whatever that means.

 

For all i know, people could be passing on these messages to my friends cause they're tying to hurt me on purpose.

 

But then again, it's stil probably true. iw ish i could stop thinking about it. I wish i knew how. Seems to be no matter what i do to keep my mind or myself busy, my thoughts always turn to her. I guess it's just going to take more time.

[GoldfingerCymru]

Kanuck,

 

Don't fret mate, I know your a bit pissed off. I can't give you a timescale as we are all different, I am still going through my loss and she went at about the same time as yours.

 

It's 22:15 here on Saturday night and I am on my bloody pc doing the same as you :- Thinking about her, missing her and after a month of no contact; wanting to write a letter which I shouldn't send.

 

I went out with the boys last night, got mega drunk and still couldn't stop thinking about her. I wasn't even interested in any women as it wouldn't be right for me - not just yet, anyway.

 

It's painful dude - and there are a few more of us (male and female) out here all going through the same pain of loss and love.

 

Alan

[mfrmboy]

It takes time but you will soon find yourself thinking of her less and less.

Ive been broke up for a while now and its been over a month with no contact.

Every time I start to think of the ex I quickly realize it and think of other things.

It's hard but it does work.

Be strong and hang in there.

[sarah12]

Kanuk - I do not know why she would do that. I also would like to keep letters personal and not have others read them. However, like someone already mentioned, some girls like to do things together and have their friends analyse everything with them. This could be what your ex was thinking.

 

Do not call her. If you feel the urge, then post here and talk as much as you want about her, but do NOT call her. I will be very disappointed in you if you do! You have to hold strong - you've been doing SO well the last while. Don't succumb to the weakness.

[Kanuk]

She useually works saturdays, or at least used to, till 5 or 6. I had the phone in my hand as i had just talked to my friend about playing hockey tonight.

 

I just about called her up, i figured what possibe ahrm could I do? But, here i am, posting again so i don't call. Thanks for the words of encouragement, i wish she'd just call so i can get her to own up to her feelings and get this over with.

 

I hope she doesn't do this to every guy she wants to dump from now on. Then again, after what I did to her, I deserve this, so maybe it's just me.

[sarah12]

I just about called her up, i figured what possibe ahrm could I do?

 

You need to give it lots more time. At this point, she still has negative thoughts of the many times you called her, sent her letters, etc. I know that you realize what mistakes you made now, but as people say, time heals all wounds. I told you that in my own situation, it has been 9 months now, and I know he is not completely over me yet, but now I can at least see him for who he was before all the craziness started. I don't miss the relationship with him, but now I can think of the good times that we did have. Although he still often ruins these thoughts when he does things to me out of desperation.

 

Anyways, keep posting here. We're all here for you.

[Kanuk]

I gues having he rthink well of me EVENTUALLY is all i can ask for, cause she ain't coming back. Much like you're never going to go back to your ex of 9 months.

 

It's hard... it really is, especially when i want a life with her, to make her my wife. And she's treated me like **** and i shouldn't care about her anymore. I don't even know if this is love I fel for her.

 

I would do anything for her, even leave her alone for ever, anything she asked. Just to make her happy. And i asked for nothing, or at least little, in return, just love from her, time with her, that sort of thing.

 

Is that really love? or do i even know what love is?

[lost_in_chgo]

Hey Sarah,

 

Here's a quetion for you that might help the less stable among us:

 

If your ex had given you all the space in the world earlier on and hadn't pursued you with desperation, how do you think you would view him now?

[Marty_McFly]

Kanuk,

 

I'm going to be pretty frank, and what I'm saying is in complete sympathy with you because I think I'm in the same situation. I believe you really did love, but you fell in love with the woman you thought she was, and are finding out the woman she truly is. I have been following your story and I think I've gotten a lot of insight into my situation as well.

 

I know how your engineering mind thinks, because mine is the same way. When we used to get our graded exams back, we would go through the problems that we solved incorrectly, and try to find out where we miscalculated, and when we couldn't figure out where we went wrong, we would argue with the grader saying that we were correct. Here, you don't believe that you miscalculated her, because you can't figure out where you miscalculated. You want to believe that you were right because what she was to you was so awesome. But maybe if you truly look back, you may find some things that you chose to overlook because you didn't want to be wrong.

 

I should not be surprised at what my ex did to me, because she did the same thing before me. She was dating someone for a few months, and then she completely changed her feelings from him to me almost instantaneously. In addition, there were tiny things about her personality that signaled a potential for her to do this to me. Because she was everything I wanted, I overlooked it and believed that this time it would be different. Particularly after almost 6 years, and because we were so great together, I thought that she could never change her feelings for me. But I was completely wrong, and now her actions seem completely different than the girl I fell in love with. I'm completely devastated, but I shouldn't be surprised because all the variables were in place, but I chose to ignore them.

 

It seems to me like your ex is not truly the person that she was with you. She should be, because you had something special. But it appears that she indeed is not, or she wouldn't be doing this to you, just like my ex wouldn't be doing this to me. If she's not that person, then she's probably also not someone you should be with.

 

I hope I'm wrong on this, for both of us.

[sarah12]

I would do anything for her, even leave her alone for ever, anything she asked. Just to make her happy. And i asked for nothing, or at least little, in return, just love from her, time with her, that sort of thing.Is that really love? or do i even know what love is?

To be honest, I question myself on that a lot too, with the same ex. I have recently experienced a relationship of a different kind and I would have to say that I am now unsure if what I had with the ex was true love. I say this because, I really did not know who he was. We spent a year or so together and I didn't really take a step back and SEE who I was with. I was so infatuated for so long and fell for all the bliss, and all the words and feelings he had for me. I guess that when we have strong feelings for someone, a major part of that stems from the fact that the other person has just as strong or even stronger feelings for us.

 

With the more recent dating experience that I had, there was something there that was missing from all of my previous experiences. I am embarassed to say that I am 22 and have dated a lot in my short lifetime, but I did not realize how important the friendship aspect of a relationship is. It is extremely EXTREMELY important part of love and any relationship and should be established early on. I did not have this with the ex described above and if I had seen this from the beginning.....I am not even sure if I would have even pursued a relationship with him...I have always been the very independent type of girl, but he was the polar opposite - it was almost as if his life depended on me..when we broke up, I was seriously concerned that he was going to harm himself. Anyways, this is just to point out our differences and that I didn't see them until it was too late.

 

If your ex had given you all the space in the world earlier on and hadn't pursued you with desperation, how do you think you would view him now?

 

I would see him as a friend, but I wouldn't want to get close to him again for fear that he'd want me back, because I don't want him back.

 

Marty - it's interesting that you bring up the point about falling in love with a person who had changed. People change all the time, and this is why love and committment are scary things. Even after you get married, people will change. I don't doubt this at all. The thing is, change is good, as long as you are changing in the same way and at the same time, and for the good. Maybe your ex did change and is not the person you fell in love with, but you failed to see that at the time. Did you consider that maybe you had changed too? lost had brought this up with me before..he said that my ex was probably never who I thought he was. He just acted that way because he thought that was what I wanted. Now, after 6 years, I would think that you know who your ex is and if she had/has changed. And this is why I am questioning that maybe you had changed and didn't notice it.

[Kanuk]

I think i may have been guilty of appearing too needy with my ex. She was like you sara, very independant, but still wanted me around. I told her once that i wanted her in my life all the time, that i didn't like being away from her.

 

She took that as i needed her all the time, or else i coulnd't function or something. She told me it wasn't 'healthy'. That's not what i ment at all, i ment that i wanted her there all the time, not that i couldn't get along without her. I tried to explain that to her, but i don't think she believed me.

 

And for that reason, amongst others is why i don;t think she'll ever feel for me again what she did. Much like you wouldn't want back your ex. To hear your opinion in that way kinda crushges my spirits a little. It's not like i ever expect her to even talk to me again, let alone want to be with me. But i still hope for it, and every time it becomes more and more obvious that it wont happen, it stings a little more and more each time.

 

I wish i could find someone to replace her, someone better, but she was very 'unique'. I know everyone says that about their ex's, cause it's true. To each person, everyone had special qualities, but this girl is particularily unique in everything she does and is. Usueally, you can find a lot of people like your ex. I know i have with previous ex's, but what drew me to this girl was her being comletly different from any women i had ever met. She was the perfect match for me. I don't think i'll ever find that again.

 

I was at a party last night, there were cute girls there. I felt kind of old cause most of them were frosh and i'm in my final year of university, but still some cute ones. I'm naturally shy, so it's hard for me to talk to women, but i still couldn't even bring myself to talk to any one of them, not even casually. And then i started to feel bad, cause i met my ex at a party much the same as the one i was at last night. I wanted to call her so badly, and I still do right now.

 

It's been close to 3 months, i think next sunday will mark the actualy 3 monthaversary of her ditching me. And i haven't heard from her since the 1st of December. I should be over this by now, but i still feel like the first day. Should I seek some sort of perfessional help, or get a rebound. or something? And how do you get a rebund when you're incredibly shy? I think the shyness stems from a horrible fear of rejection. How does one overcome such fears and stuff, any advice?

 

If i still feel this way about my ex come next month, should i call or just never bother her again? i mean, its been 3 months and i still want her badly, so i don't see it going away next month or the month after that etc etc.

[monkey]

Sarah i s correct that a friendship within a relationship is so important, to share the personal things that you would be embarassed to share with others, because when your intimate, they see your floors, things you are embarrased of like your 'man boobs' or your insecurity of the size of your manhood for example & these things make you close.When it was my gf's period she used to ask me if anything was visible when she wore beige trousers, this is close **** that you don't share with everyone & bonds you!

 

Being looked upon by your seperated one to be too needy is definately a turn off, i am guilty of this because when spending lots of time together & then not, you miss it, it's a drug so in a way it is understandable to overcontact but by the other party, it's not what they want. Try to vent it all on here as you do.

I see it as a test, my situation that is, that i'm being judged on my reactions to see if i can be independent for a while & if i am the person that she wants to be with. I need a straight jacket when near my pc. I sometimes send a message & after 3 days or so i get no reply, even though the ball is in her court i go crazy thinking why i not recieved a reply, my mind plays tricks on me.

You know it's wrong but what you do!