When is close, TOO CLOSE?

[can'tbelievethis]

I'm coming here, because I have no where else to turn and I'm in serious need of advice. I found this site and have read other posts similiar to mine and am hoping I can get some insight here. I am married, have been for over 10 years. My husband and I got married under less than perfect circumstances and have both always been unhappy with our marriage. We have gone through counseling and are now at a point of being good friends that have agreed to stick things out until our children get old enough we can separate without financial disaster. I am great friends with my husband, but do not nor have I have been in love with him. I love him as the father of my children and we have built a bond because of everything we have gone through over the past 10 years. I want to one day be on my own and have a chance to find real, true love, something I have NEVER experienced. My husband and I are very close friends with another couple, Jill and Alex. My husband, Ray, and Jill grew up together and have been like brother and sister since they were 12. Over the years Jill and I have gotten to be really close and I would consider her my closest friend. In the beginning Alex and I were not close friends, but over the years, holidays, vacations, etc. we have gotten to be really good friends. He has on multiple occassions called me his best friend. He and I share so many common interests, beliefs, etc. He and my husband are friends, but nowhere near what he and I are. Jill and I had tickets to a Christmas play, the day of Jill got sick and my husband was out of town so they both thought Alex should go with me. He did and we had a great time. A month ago I was going out of town, but needed a new piece of luggage. Alex told me not to buy any, instead he drove an hour to bring me his to use. He's also gotten to where he regularly sends me texts on his way to work. NOTHING FLIRTY OR SEXUAL, but regular early morning texts! We talk on the phone about once a week and text at least 3 times a week. He has never made a pass or anything, but I am beginning to feel he may have feelings that run deeper than friendship. Since my marriage is not ideal, I don't know if he's really feeling something or if since I'm miserable I'm subconsciencely wanting him to! We all have a beach house rented in May. His wife keeps joking with me that she's never seen him this excited about a trip..EVER! She tells me how happy she is we are so close, that he thinks I'm so funny, etc. If he is really just a VERY CLOSE FRIEND and that's all his is looking for I don't want him to think I am overreacting by backing away, but I need some insight as to what he may be thinking. If a married man and a married woman are just great friends how does their relationship differ from two people that are heading somewhere that's wrong to go?

[Ronni_W]

IMO, you're both playing with fire. And I'd hazard a guess that you know it.

You only have control over what YOU are thinking, so why not try to get a handle on that?

 

I'm sorry for you and your husband that your marriage is not all that a marriage can be.

But what YOU are thinking is to invade and possibly destroy another marriage. I understand the deep-down need to feel loved and special in a romantic way but, if/when you do decide to have an affair...please do consider having it with a single person. And for sure not with your "best friend's" husband!

 

Not that I think you have any sort of 'license' to have an affair -- that will be your own decision, based on your own morals/values/principles. But it would be okay, at that time and BEFORE you choose your affair partner, to also think about the other lives your decision will affect.