Addicts who push boundaries?

[just_some_guy]

Just wondering on thoughts about addicts who constantly push boundaries, sometimes in subtle ways.

 

Like being 10 minutes late to work every day. They know they're supposed to get there at 8:00, but for some reason, they never seem to leave the house until 7:59 and arrive let, habitually, even they actually wake up in plenty of time. But they persist because they've successfully pushed the edges enough times to know they get away with it.

 

Of course the boundary pushing can spill over into big ways, or into relationships, like messing around with the opposite sex in ways that aren't overtly affairs, but perhaps in non-appropriate ways. Or hanging around with people who are drinking or drugging, but not actually partaking themselves, ie "playing with the fire".

 

Is this hallmark behavior? Does it fade with recovery and working a program, or is it just an intrinsic personality trait?

 

How about relationship boundaries being pushed to the edges?

[blair08]

I don't really know, but my guess is, if they are constantly pushing boundaries that they are aware, they must get something from it. Or perhaps they feel entitled to do what they do. Maybe showing a little narcissistic behavior even.

[sugarmomma]

Anybody can push another person's boundaries (not just addicts). It is up to the person who is getting their boundaries vioated to enforce it. Enforcing boundaries takes courage and consistency and this is the key here. Not how to deal with people who push them.

[Clep]

In my experience addicts are self minded completely and get side tracked easily. I don't think they intend to put others out, but are not concerned either with the fact that they do. My guy is in a strong program of recovery and those traits have diminished in some areas and have completely been removed in others. Time will remove them in the areas he still has shortcomings coupled with a daily awareness and lots of personal work.

 

Relationship boundaries used to be non existent with him. Now we are very in sync with the same boundaries and it works well. His program made all the difference as well as my efforts in understanding addiction and not enabling it.

[You Go Girl]

This topic is really key to understanding addicts!

 

All addicts seem to have some trauma, childhood situation, in which THEIR BOUNDARIES were violated.

Hence, they don't understand properly what boundaries are.

They don't respect boundaries, because they at a very early age learned that boundaries are to be broken, or were taught that there is no such thing as boundaries.

Somebody disrespected them and what should have been their boundaries. I see it in every case I've examined.