Author ohwhyme Posted March 15, 2010 Author Share Posted March 15, 2010 LovelyDaze: you took it pretty well. A lot better than I did anyway. I went with option 2 heh. Deleted all contact and started to change things completely. Decided to stop moping around and just keep myself busy so I don't think about things. I didn't check up on them on fb or anything, I just told myself that its probably just going to mess you up even worse. Anyways, you shouldn't dwell on the past because you could wait for a really long time for something that might may not even work out in the end. Hehe just reading through the threads I'd think that if people from loveshack were to date, things might actually work out lol. Link to post Share on other sites
LovelyDaze Posted March 15, 2010 Share Posted March 15, 2010 LovelyDaze: you took it pretty well. A lot better than I did anyway. I went with option 2 heh. Deleted all contact and started to change things completely. Decided to stop moping around and just keep myself busy so I don't think about things. I didn't check up on them on fb or anything, I just told myself that its probably just going to mess you up even worse. Anyways, you shouldn't dwell on the past because you could wait for a really long time for something that might may not even work out in the end. Hehe just reading through the threads I'd think that if people from loveshack were to date, things might actually work out lol. LOL! Yeah, we seem to be more understanding and respectful of people's feelings..but then again when you're a dumpee...you learn to be. Link to post Share on other sites
orangelondon Posted March 16, 2010 Share Posted March 16, 2010 Maturity means you know yourself. What you want too comes with knowing yourself. I think this is fundamental. My ex has walked away, its confusing sometimes for me because i ticked pretty much all of the boxes, she has fixated on one that i didn't but yes i agree with Lovelydaze that if they don't get to the point where they realise they have made a mistake and what you were worth then they are a lost cause. This however could take some time, especially if they are immature and have some emotional evolving to do. But I do know of a couple who are perfect for each other, they are now together finally and this is the third time. I think they will not break up again. The first time, one was too immature for the relationship ( GIG syndrome ) the second time they were both damaged too much from the first time and it was only after another year apart, where they both had relationships with other people, healed and had time to reflect and realise that their connection couldn't be found with anyone else that they finally came back together. I think they are an amazing couple and totally right for each other, but prior to them reconciling, it was just not the right time for 'them'. They both wanted it so badly but at different times and they were both really went through hell but again at different times. Love can be about timing and its not just that people are either heartbreakers, dumpers, dumpee's. I'm currently in NC with my ex but to just move on entirely and to write that person off entirely i think can be a mistake, of course, move on with your life, find happiness but i do know that sometimes the connection we have is real and that it cannot be replaced. I think to give up on people or to categorise them in this way could be a mistake, if i hadn't seen true love win the day with my own eyes and that was after a few break ups, well the quote is 'The course of true love did never run smooth' Link to post Share on other sites
Author ohwhyme Posted March 16, 2010 Author Share Posted March 16, 2010 orangelondon: After reading your post, I'm having second thoughts about telling her never to talk to me again hehe. It's hard still cause I'm not sure about what to talk to her about or know what shes up to cause it could hurt me even more. I see what you are saying though thanks. I think there will be a point where you do NC for too long and the dumper will have given up on trying to become friends with you and move on with their lives. And for the perfect couple that you know, I am happy that there are people that make it towards the end. I just want to find that girl that I can be bored with later in life after we've done everything. Link to post Share on other sites
nowomanocry Posted March 16, 2010 Share Posted March 16, 2010 This is a good tread. Two very different views on reconciliation and both valid. Actually, three views. 1) just love and accept that things may not work out but don't let that stop you from loving. 2) When someone breaks your heart, don't look back, protect yourself first and foremost. 3) 1 and 2 aren't really love, true love is selfless and therefore you should be able to let someone go who is not happy and it should not be about ego or self-preservation. I vacillate between these views daily. I'm with someone who from day to day either loves me to death or expresses a desire for a break before then pulling it off the table in some half-handed way. I'm on the second go around too and at the brink of getting dumped for the second time. I did not fall for breadcrumbs and I thought the second time around would work. I know we have differences that are difficult, if not impossible, to overcome but a part of me wants to fight. Am I being selfish? I don't know. I'm probably just fighting against being alone. I know she doesn't want to be alone either. I think one point in this tread is right on. When they keep leaving you it's because you are not their ideal and they are not through searching. Maybe they mature and realize that no one is perfect and that an ideal is not reality, but at 23 (the same age as my SO) they probably are still waiting for the kind of man you read about in fairy tales. I'm not strong enough to take option 1. I've done option 2 and it works but it's hard. Option 3 is probably the mark of maturity and I've said it and sometimes feel it, but I've yet to really test whether I can follow through. What makes 3 the hardest is when you believe that despite your differences you and your mate could be great together. When you believe they are making a mistake and when you are the type of person who likes to fix and fight for love. As my SO keeps vacillating I want to just pull the deal off the table and go with option 3, but I've been known to ride a relationship until the wheels fall off and in a way I don't want to be the bad guy. Everytime I try to do it, though, say hey I understand, go and be 23, this can be mutual because you aren't happy and I want you to be happy that's all I ever wanted...she always says no I love you. But then a few days later she'll get all bent out of shape about something trivial an act like she doesn't care, pull away, say she's not happy and mention how she tried to break up before. I'm sorry if I hijacked this thread it's just that I see a lot of similarities. In closing let me say something I've seen cited often here. The person who cares the least has the most power. I doubt our SO's care enough to be scouring the internet for advice concerning how to make sense of their conflicting feelings or reconcile and renew their love. They have their foot on first while trying to steal second. The most helpful thing in my recovery the first time around was to truly get to the place where I was like F-it. I needed to not care and I faked it until I made it. I think in no#1 you have basically tried to sum up my point of view (which in fact is not correct I am afraid) All I say is.... It is not forced love, but to leave yourself alone and be in peace with yourself. If you are still in love with him / her, than why resist? If that is the truth why denying? Why trying to protect (!) urself? If you are still in love with him / her then do it. That makes you lucky to have felt this, because not many on this earth does. Despite all that happened if you are still in love with him / her , than it is called real love - truly being in love..... So I can correct # 1 as , despite all that happened and all the heartbreak if you are still in love with him / her after a month, 2 months, a year, 20 years whatever, that is called real love . Truly being in love. There's nothing to be afraid of this. It is something that you will have to live with till the end of time... Link to post Share on other sites
4LOVE Posted March 16, 2010 Share Posted March 16, 2010 I guess its comforting to know that guys analyze relationships just as much as girls do. Link to post Share on other sites
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