SadKitty78 Posted April 26, 2010 Share Posted April 26, 2010 thats really easy to say!! not so easy in practice. its my bday in 2 days and i have found myself eager for a phone call from her. its my ****ing day, and all i want is to see her. ...today has been the roughest in about 4 weeks. ....i know i will bounce back, i just, we had so much damn fun. ...we exercised the same, we both hiked, sex drives were even (3-5 times a day 2 years on!!), **** there will be more girls! but i want this one! i have oneitis. im better than this ****. god she was amazing. ...she cheated. ...it was only some texts. ...that were innapropriate for outside our relationship. ...but shes just flirty ...damnit! ...why am i making excuses right now!! ...im just feeling lonely, and it will pass. ..i will feel these things and not dwell nor deny them. i will feel them and they will pass right through me. i am definately ranting. it feels good. maybe cause i went on a keto diet. ...down 4 lbs this week, but insanity is slowly creeping up on me!!! sonofabitch txxxx!!!!!!!! leave me alone!! GET OUT OF MY HEAD NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!F!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!U!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!C!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!K!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!U MAKE NO EXCUSES FOR HER ACTIONS!!! You did the right thing and you know it! And I know you know it!!!!! You did what was in line with your self respect and no one said doing the right thing is easy!!!! As for your bday, that's rough I know. I spent mine with the EX and he spent his with ME. Just us alone! So naturally you'll think about her on your bday, but stay strong!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
SadKitty78 Posted April 27, 2010 Share Posted April 27, 2010 Happy Birthday Monkeymaid!!!!!! Hope you are enjoying your day. Stay strong!!! Link to post Share on other sites
TLH Posted April 27, 2010 Share Posted April 27, 2010 I started a b-day thread for you but I guess that's not allowed :-( Anyways, I wish you the happiest birthday with lots of laughs and new beginnings :-) Hope you are enjoying yourself! Link to post Share on other sites
SadKitty78 Posted April 27, 2010 Share Posted April 27, 2010 I started a b-day thread for you but I guess that's not allowed :-( Anyways, I wish you the happiest birthday with lots of laughs and new beginnings :-) Hope you are enjoying yourself! I know! I thought that was so sweet of you, and then it disappeared! Link to post Share on other sites
Author monkeymaid Posted April 28, 2010 Author Share Posted April 28, 2010 hay thanks guys!! my bday was ok. i got a djembe from a friend. ...were gonna go to a drum circle starting tuesdays. ..im gonna be a master drummer in like 6 months! ...as for my ex, i got a phone call from her work. it was her dad singing happy bday for me. nothing from her. it made me quite sad, as i thought she would have. im not gonna lose sleep over it, but it did make my whole day nervous. and i broke my diet exercise routine so im feeling stuffed and out of sorts as i missed my daily endorphin rush. ill be back on it tomorrow! ...who am i kidding. i hoped and prayed for a call all day. yesterday too. when it hit midnight, i was actually quite sad. my birthday wish was to here her voice...i didnt get that. it makes me think about last year. we had our first convo about reconsiliation on my bday. she told me she doesnt want to be exclusive. that there was no one else, she just didnt want to be so constricted. ...i believed her. i found out in early january that she was dating some guy from late march to early may while she gave me all the bs about not being interested in another guy. damn, and i just put it together about 15 minutes ago. im mad all over again.and sad.and my birthday was great, but i just wanted my fake reality back just for a second. ...im really not going to let myself lose sleep over this though. tomorrow is a new day and i have **** to do! good night shackers. and thanks again for the birthday wishes Link to post Share on other sites
Author monkeymaid Posted April 28, 2010 Author Share Posted April 28, 2010 i ****ing hate you! this whole time our relationshiup, all of those years, our so called connection its a ****ing sham! my feelings were real. ...i felt them through to the depths of my soul. you dont even know how to feel! you felt for about 3 seconds that one time and it hurt you so bad that you cried out loud for about an hour! you fought the feeling of love!! who does that? are you ****ing stupid and insane or just that emotionally ****ed up? now i have to live with the idea that i helped you out so the next guy will reap the rewards. ...i cant even enjoy my own efforts. ...you egomaniacal frigid gold digging bitch. i have made your family millions, i have supported you through everything you have gone through and have been there when your aunt,, uncle, and sabba died. i learned the hebrew language, ive immersed myself in a culture i had no clue about and i did it all with strength and with my head held so tall that ive grown 3 inches. you flaunt your smoking hot ass around just for atention and are oblivious to the people around you. you are selfish and a little ****ing princess that deserves everything in life she will get which is nothing! you will make money and find a nice rich man becasue for now you are hot, but hes going to hate you becasue you are too strong and hard headed, and he will want everything his way. i hate you to the core of my being and i hope to god you fail at life. i want you to crash your car on the way to work, i want you to get fat, and unhealthy, and i hope you get more than the herpes you have already. ...aids comes to mind. im so pissed offand all i want is for you to make it better. ..i know your not, and i thought this was over. ...why do i feel all of this and you feel nothing? **** you Link to post Share on other sites
EmperorR Posted April 28, 2010 Share Posted April 28, 2010 That's good the anger stage Link to post Share on other sites
Author monkeymaid Posted May 13, 2010 Author Share Posted May 13, 2010 i havent written here since my bday a few weeks ago. ...ive been the ****ing man as of late, and everything is going amazing! i bought a motorcycle, got my old 1955 ford truck running, got a side job as a bartender, and am down to about 10% body fat. ....the girls are crawling out of the wood work, and it feels nice. ....superficial, but nice. ive had a little set back yesterday where one of my exes friends and the exes mom gave my the skinny on my ex form breakup day till now. ...i didnt have the wherewithall to stop them, so i heard a few things that are not hurting or emotionally dibilitating, but they sting she dated the fireman a few times she cheated with, but realized all he wanted was ass, so she started dating en masse! a few weeks ago, she became exclusive with this guy who is apparently a douche and is trying to change him into the type of guy i am. ...hiking, surfing, mtn biking, exercise, health, yoga, art, camping, backpacking, education, reading, logical, outdoorsy etc... where as this guy is a professional sax player, kind of dumb (not educated), and skinny preppy looking **** with a ****ed up face and pretends to be good with kids but has some money. as i write this, im ok with it all cuz this guy is going to get his heart ripped out of his ass and shattered into a million pieces. this is a rebound right? i mean shes already trying to change him. the only thing that really bugs me is that she has consciously decided to give him her emotions. ..to just be open instead of holding back. ...this pisses me off becasue her and i spoke at length about this and she actively sought therapy for it. then 2 months after our split, shes just ready. ....wtf? is she just regretting not giving it to me and so tranferring everything from our relationship to this one minus the bad ****?? maybe im confusing myself, maybe not, but ive been thinknig about this for 2 days straight now with no relief. ...f that!! go away talia! go the **** away! Link to post Share on other sites
SadKitty78 Posted May 14, 2010 Share Posted May 14, 2010 Stay strong! Don't let this new info impede your progress! You are psychically in better health, meeting new people, esp. the ladies, so don't ruminate or ask yourself, "Why!" Why is she with someone else? Why is she giving him all her emotions, etc.? This does you no good other than to cause more anger and pain. Just let it go! You've come THIS far! DON'T LOOK BACK!!! MOVE FORWARD!!! The fact that she is trying to change him already, change him into YOU essentially spells DOOM for her new relationship already. Just focus on your life and not on hers! By the way, I responded to your message on my thread. Link to post Share on other sites
Author monkeymaid Posted May 14, 2010 Author Share Posted May 14, 2010 i cant find your thread ....was it deleted? Link to post Share on other sites
SadKitty78 Posted May 14, 2010 Share Posted May 14, 2010 i cant find your thread ....was it deleted? I can't find it either!!!! Ooooh I responded to you with a LONG response too! Grrrr...... And a really nice person read my thread and responded too thanking the both of us for helping her out since she was having a bad night! Ok, going to contact admin to see what happened to it!!! Link to post Share on other sites
silic0ntoad Posted May 14, 2010 Share Posted May 14, 2010 Heh... The meanders of breakup emotions... ugh. I was there. @ monkey- Hey man, I know the feeling. My own thread is on here somewhere. Long story short, was with a girl for 4.5 yrs, she ended it suddenly, I accused her of cheating, she denied it, then it comes to be that the guy I thought she cheated with is her new bf of 9 months now (we split 10 months ago, go figure.) Don't let this impede you. Let your emotions out. That's all you can do. Let it all go. I did, now I have a wonderful new gf who is everything I need and alot of what I want to boot. Stay strong brother. You'll make it through. Cliche, but time heals all wounds. Link to post Share on other sites
SadKitty78 Posted May 15, 2010 Share Posted May 15, 2010 My new thread is here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t231376/ But yeah, monkeymaid, stay strong!!!! You are doing so well! I'll try to repost my post about my Asia itinerary if I remember what I wrote, but it was long! Tell us how your double double bookings went, ie, 4 dates in a day!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Cassablanca Posted May 15, 2010 Share Posted May 15, 2010 That is ****ed up. My boyfriend's dad is also living with my boyfriend and his brother. He had to move in with them last year because he has a benign brain tumour and needs to be taken care of. I totally understand why my boyfriend can't see me as much, since he has a full time job also, so I generally see him on weekends, and during week nights its not a problem for me to come over and hang out with my boyfriends family, so at least my boyfriend doesn't have to leave the house to see me. Then he gets to kill 2 birds with 1 stone. If anything, watching my boyfriend prioritize his dad and go through this difficult time has made me fall in love with him even more because he showed me what a good guy he is. That is what you did, you took on more jobs and sacrificed your time to make ends meet and work towards your plans with her. It really angers me that she didn't appear to care about your dad. You dodged a bullet there. P.S I realize this post is probably a bit late but I just came across your thread and I'm just like ARGH!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author monkeymaid Posted May 15, 2010 Author Share Posted May 15, 2010 kitty. ...it was only 2 dates in a day two days in a row. ...they were ok, but they turned out to be blah. ...i took the first one hiking and she got all prissy on me about her hair and nails, the second one i took for a sundown kayak ride to a little spot north of malibu for some wine and dinner (that i brought). ...she was boring! work sucks, la is so superficial, ...really complained alot ..the next day a bike ride around venice and the canals, then the boardwalk, but it reminded me of my ex so i didnt enjoy it, and the third one we went to the farmers market at the grove and she got way spiritual and hollistic on me,so nexted her quick. ...i knew i wasnt going to connect, but i had a little fun for the most part, and now have a story to tell about 4 dates in a weekend. ..ill check that thread out sunday, i gotta sleep and i got a 17 hour work day tomorrow cassablanca, thanks for the support. ...i did enable him a bit though. ...i really should have cut back on the amount of help i gave him. not that i should have cut him off, but i really should have pushed him to do more for himself rather than shouldering the responsibility. its great that you understand your mans position, and respect his decision to put things on hold for his family. that shows that you love him. ...and just for the record, my dad is an ass. he was MEAN to my ex. i dont like hime too much. i love him, but dont so much like him. i heard a saying recently. ...something to the effect of "you know someone loves you when they they dont push you deeper in the trenches, in fact they will lay in them with you. ...or better yet, help you out" ...something like that. Link to post Share on other sites
Hoplesslydevoted Posted May 15, 2010 Share Posted May 15, 2010 I was looking for your thread kitty and i couldn't find it either. It was me who wrote to thank you both you and monkeymaid for the help you were giving me that night. I ended a relationship recently and it has been hard to accept it. Reading how you keep on going even when it hurts, has inspired me. You guy should definitely start the break up boot camp. Link to post Share on other sites
SadKitty78 Posted May 17, 2010 Share Posted May 17, 2010 I was looking for your thread kitty and i couldn't find it either. It was me who wrote to thank you both you and monkeymaid for the help you were giving me that night. I ended a relationship recently and it has been hard to accept it. Reading how you keep on going even when it hurts, has inspired me. You guy should definitely start the break up boot camp. It got deleted somehow, but I just started another one so feel free to post. Maybe I or monkeymaid was being too specific about our exes and they flagged it! lol Seriously, I don't know. I did read your response though and I left you one as well, but of course it's deleted. I mentioned that you should feel free to start your own thread and allow yourself to process your feelings. My advice to you is to cry, vent, and let your feelings all come out, and then let it go and accept that it's over. That's what helped me, and is continuing to help me, with the healing process. But last night, of course I relapsed and started missing him even though I know he's not the right guy for me. What are you doing to cope? Link to post Share on other sites
Author monkeymaid Posted June 11, 2010 Author Share Posted June 11, 2010 (edited) its been a while. ...update!! my ex texted me today wanting to be friends. i wanted to tell her id be right over, but i acted from a position of strength (cause im never giving that up again) and told her "i dumped you cause i dont respect you and cant trust you, why would i choose to be your friend?? side note ... you are already disrespecting your new bf by just reaching out to me for any reason. good luck with that" her- "im sorry you feel that way and for contacting you. forget i ever said anything." me- "no worries" some people just dont get it. ....i think they lie drama, and i think she just wanted me to let her know that she didnt do anything wrong and not to worry. ...**** her, i have mucho hate for her right now! she is banging some other guy, and wants me back in her life after we were going to get married. ....um, are you ****ing high? i dont take a back seat to anyone for any reason. smoke my pole cuz you were good at it, then get the **** out. ...no im not paying for a taxi whore! get out! Edited June 11, 2010 by monkeymaid im angry Link to post Share on other sites
SadKitty78 Posted June 11, 2010 Share Posted June 11, 2010 This shows you she has no respect for anyone! She is disrespecting you, disrespecting her new guy at the same time by reaching out to you! She wants her cake and to eat it too! She wants what she wants without thinking of the negative consequences her actions have on others! Not the type of person you want to be in a relationship with! Link to post Share on other sites
Author monkeymaid Posted June 29, 2010 Author Share Posted June 29, 2010 im feeling at a loss again.. ..more so than ever. i really want you to realize that such a strong hate for you, but its only becasue at the same time i feel such a strong love for you. ...i cannot qrap my head around this because you ****ed up. ..you lacked for attention. ...you lacked the self esteem, but at the same time, i picked you . i chose you to love knwing full well, especially after kowing you and being friends for so long, that you chew men up and spit them out. ....im fighting for all im worth to keep myself intact. i didnt do anything but try to make our life together better. ...im still so ****ing lost becasue i thouhgt this was done. i thought i was getting over you. they say the heart wants what the heart wants, but ive broken it down to my genetic predisopsition to get addicted to things is the casue for htis, and my body is missing the chemicals your presence, touch, and seeming love provided, but is now lacking. ...oxytocin actually. ... how can we provide this chemical to ourselves without another person there to trigger the release?? how am i going to love myself today? ..todya i am going to the gym, i will draw, and i will read some more of "walden", and refine moreof my business plan and begin the proposition writeup. ...also, i need to send in my renewal for my training certification. ...dude keep your head up, and just keep doing you. anyone reading this, i am just conversing with myself. ..yes im going nuts Link to post Share on other sites
GrayClouds Posted June 29, 2010 Share Posted June 29, 2010 monkey your over thinking it. Stop confusing her weakness as your worth. sounds like you need a good long run. Hang in there, remember how insane a few months ago was, your so much father alone then your giving yourself credit for. Link to post Share on other sites
Author monkeymaid Posted June 29, 2010 Author Share Posted June 29, 2010 haha, cloud your always here! thank you. i tend to overthing things. ..i told you my diesel motor rebuild story. hehe speaking ofwhich, have you made the swap yet? and i am overhthinking it, im just having a rough time with life in general atm, so i defer to the only thing thats ever really been a hard part in my life and thats the ex. isomehow think that all of this has made a serious messof my life. ..i know i know i control my life, i allow myself to be influenced, or perturbed in any way by other people blah blah blah. ....i just want a cop out of my responsibility. Link to post Share on other sites
GrayClouds Posted June 29, 2010 Share Posted June 29, 2010 haha, cloud your always here! thank you. i tend to overthing things. ..i told you my diesel motor rebuild story. hehe speaking ofwhich, have you made the swap yet? and i am overhthinking it, im just having a rough time with life in general atm, so i defer to the only thing thats ever really been a hard part in my life and thats the ex. isomehow think that all of this has made a serious messof my life. ..i know i know i control my life, i allow myself to be influenced, or perturbed in any way by other people blah blah blah. ....i just want a cop out of my responsibility. Or it has giving you a incredible opportunity, instaid of slipping into a easy comfortable place and confusing it as something you wanted, you got woke up. So ya now it suck a bit that you have to figure out what you want our of your life but try doing it like the not so lucky ones when they are 10-20 years older then you with a wife they do not like and a couple of kids. We all allow ourselves to be influenced by others, that called being human, the alternative is not much fun. Link to post Share on other sites
jen_r Posted June 29, 2010 Share Posted June 29, 2010 I have just read this entire thread and for some reason or another - I enjoyed it. Well, I enjoyed it and part of me is scared from reading it. I like hearing what you're going through and how you're handling it (or not handling it), makes me feel less alone. But it scares me because it just goes to show that I have months of pain and agony ahead of me... Keep updating! haha Link to post Share on other sites
ahashakeheartbreak Posted June 30, 2010 Share Posted June 30, 2010 Ya know...you made a good point (forgive me, I forgot which page it was on lol ) that you can be indifferent about your ex...BUT, when you're feeling a bit down, it's easy to put it all on the loss of your ex, because that was a recent big thing to happen to you. It's like, being upset about school, job, family, whatever, bills, etc., just dump it all on the loss of your ex. Guess that's one of the hardest things is getting rid of even that small part your ex still has in your life. Does that make sense? haha. It did in my head. lol. Link to post Share on other sites
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