my thread about that damn girl

[GrayClouds]

Ya know...you made a good point (forgive me, I forgot which page it was on lol ) that you can be indifferent about your ex...BUT, when you're feeling a bit down, it's easy to put it all on the loss of your ex, because that was a recent big thing to happen to you. It's like, being upset about school, job, family, whatever, bills, etc., just dump it all on the loss of your ex. Guess that's one of the hardest things is getting rid of even that small part your ex still has in your life.

Does that make sense? haha. It did in my head. lol.

In other words we unconsciously use our EX as the bag hold ofl the $hlt in our lives, even if it unrelated to them.

 

It is convenient but not productive.

[ahashakeheartbreak]

Exactly Gray! Thank you for putting my spiel into one logical sentence haha.

[monkeymaid]

so my question then is: how do you discern where one stress ends and the next begins?

[monkeymaid]

ok, something just clicked. ..i just now realized as in like 11:10pm pst that i was the one that sacked up and axed her. ...i finally took charge of me and dropped her like the extremely badhabit that she was. all of her deceitfulness, all of her insecurities and non commital behavior, and all of her manipulations and i actually was able to leave the BAD situation. .

 

this may very well have been the best hing for both of us. ....belive me it still hurts, but i think a stopped enabling and returned focus on me!!!

 

 

 

oh, and i founf out that she textd me to come out last wed thorugh her friends phone. ....she sent it like a mass message, but noone that her friend said was sent the message actually got it except me. ...yes i asked every one of them and none got the text(it was everyone at work and some other mutual friends). i am perplexed and curious. ...what angle isshe tryin to work and what sort of new manipulation is this? orisit the same old one wrapped in a different way? ...meh, whatever i suppose

 

 

cloud, that long run worked. 8 freaking miles! i fell overat8.1 miles. ...haha like literally succumbed to exhaustion andmy legs collapsed. it was the best feeling ever! well ...2nd best

[GrayClouds]

 

 

cloud, that long run worked. 8 freaking miles! i fell overat8.1 miles. ...haha like literally succumbed to exhaustion and my legs collapsed. it was the best feeling ever! well ...2nd best

 

Next time the mind is going crazy and or feeling down remind yourself how it worked and do it again.

 

And it does not matter why she does anything any more, she is no longer important in your life. And Keep saying that to yourself and then do something for yourself that is important.

 

Go buy a cookbook and start teaching yourself. Make it a routine 3 x a week to pick a recipe, go to the store and get the ingredients, and cook a great meal. It will keep you busy and come in very hand when you meet that next girl and want to share that "#1 best feeling ever". Good food and wine gets them every time:rolleyes:

Edited June 30, 2010 by GrayClouds

[monkeymaid]

so i sat and thought long and hard about this.

 

i think i may have masked the truth from myself for thelast 6 months.

 

i seemed to have a wonderful life, and i thought it wasthe life i wanted to live, but it really wasnt. since iwas 7 and my parents got divorced, i have wanted to have a complete family of my own and get married. when i was 18 i was convinced that iwas going to have a wife and child by the time i was 20. fast forward to 6 months ago and my decision to go back to school, work 3 jobs, take care of my dad and my girlfriend while keeping a social life and all of my thousands of hobbies was so that i could make my dad love me more, my gf want to marry me and maintain the appearance of an extremely productive, well adjusted, happy individual.

 

i didnt like it then and my ex knew it. ...on some level i think she wanted me to be happy but when i didnt hear her and what she was trying to tell me, she went astray. im not saying that that was ok, but i understand her thinking. i still have no respect for her because of the way she acted but i think i get what it was that she lashed out for!

 

the weird thing is ...i agree!

 

dont worry im not going back to a cheat under any circumstances, but this was my lesson! ive learned it.

 

 

now to figure out how to create the life i actuallyh want. ...**** i dont know where to start. ...any ideas?

 

 

i want to thank her (i wont cuz well end up back togther, especially when my game is on,and right now it is ON!!) and tell her that i get it. ...your still a bitch, but i get it!

[GrayClouds]

There is not reason to thank her, your the one that is doing the hard work, and, in fact, this insight you have gain is huge, quite impressive in deed.

 

The think that your now discovering about great insight is once you have it, it pretty much impossible to ignore. So you set out on an new trip, and without a map. The good news you do not have to figure it out overnight. It takes time, and mistake, a lot of listening to your heart.

 

One of the best advice I received of late is: Most people live a life running from what then fear, rather then toward what they love. So keep asking yourself which one your doing and if it is not towards love then do something else.

[ComputerJock]

You have done a great job getting to where you are in life, but from reading these posts on LS I have run across the comments that when a woman realizes she can't get a man back because he has found another way of life many times she will move heaven and earth to try and get him back. Walk with a glance behind you for the patter of female footfalls.

 

Also, get a chinese cook book, the food is more healthy (I'm sixty three and pump iron three times a week on chinese food.)

 

ComputerJock

 

Your journey has only started and may it be a happy and long one.

[GrayClouds]

Walk with a glance behind you for the patter of female footfalls.

 

Also, get a chinese cook book, the food is more healthy (I'm sixty three and pump iron three times a week on chinese food.)

 

ComputerJock

 

Your journey has only started and may it be a happy and long one.

 

WTF, I think Confucius has been drinking... Keep your eye forward, the right one is in the future not the past.

[ComputerJock]

Love it. Keep both eyes open.

[GrayClouds]

 

(I'm sixty three and pump iron three times a week on chinese food.)

I bet that gets messy, most people have better luck using a bench...

[drdamian]

maybe its not the end yet..give it another try..

[monkeymaid]

WTF, I think Confucius has been drinking... Keep your eye forward, the right one is in the future not the past.

 

i spit out pudding! this is freaking hilarious

 

 

 

i definately have my eyes forward and up and down, and left and right and every other way you can think of except behind me.

 

before her i lived my life with the philosophy of "i get what i want and nothing and no one will stand in my way" ...well boys and girls, its back!

 

ive got 5 dates booked this week starting tomorrow night and going till saturday night (afternoon actually). im only interested in 1 but i figure ill play the field and see if i get any hits.

 

theres more going on in my life, but the upsurge of female attention was what i was after this last week, and i definately got it!!

 

i also start back at my capoeira studio in 2 weeks and im adding salsa2 nights a week.

 

god i love bouncing back and getting to the end of hard times. ....like the destination is way more rewarding than the journey. the journey is definately humbling, but when you have such a rush of confidence and you get the first glimpse of normalcy after such a disheartening event it is better then sex. knowing, feeling, and believing to your very core thaet you will be ok. that is a soul easing series of emotions!

 

i hope everyone had a great 4th!

 

..and pcjock, i concur, limp noodles and weight dont mix as well as youd think!

 

 

63 and still lifting. impressive! do you run and bike etccc also?

Edited July 5, 2010 by monkeymaid

[harkkam]

Wow, I read the entire thread from start to finish and I am going through something similar even though we broke up for different reasons.

 

I can say that I am not as strong and driven as a person as you are and reading these posts gives me the strength to reach for something better. To be a better person.

 

Currently I am working out and using that as my motivation to improve. I still miss my ex very much and have tose terrible cravings for her.

 

The only problem is that I am very isolated person, I dont have that many friends, they are all over the country. I also suck with the ladies.

 

How do you manage to get so many dates?. I have barely even begun to talk to girls in class, partly because my heart is not in it and partly because I am shy.

[ahashakeheartbreak]

monkeymaid, I just want to say (as I've read most of this whole thread), that your progress is considerable considering how you felt couple of months ago, and that, that in itself is something to feel accomplished about! I am really happy for you (: And I hope things only continue to get better. Best of luck!

[monkeymaid]

harkkam ...its really just time and going through all of it. ...you have to let yourself feel all of the emotions! cry when you need, laugh when you need, punch a bag when you need, just go through it. all of it!! its great that youre hitting the gym. do it! hit it hard 6 days a week. run, lift, bike, add in some body weight conditioning exercises ( i have some good ones if you want), and freaking go for it!! im quite the loner also, but thats by choice. my friends know, and i do hang out with them, i just prefer me time more often.( i run alone, hike alone, surf alone, lift alone,read alot!, ride my motorcycle etc...)

 

as far as the girls, when i decided that i really and truly liked me and eff everyone who didnt, i became nice and decent, stopped trying to impress anyone including myself, and just tried to be genuine. some girls i find attractive and just went with what my body told me to do at the time.

 

i have decided that if im gonna let myself cry, i damn well better be able to let my self feel attracted to and in my self feel attractive! and it was when i cried in a crowd of people and just let the tears come and people either ignored me or showed legit concern, i realized that idont have to limit my emotions to the comfort of my little room, but i could let them all out inthe world at large! i saw that people dont really care. they are too worried about themselves to be really concerened with you being a bitch. (this is a knife edge though. you have rellay got to not care what other people are thinking and at the same time, you have to know that whatever you are going thorugh will be done and over as soon as you get it out fo your system) ...to be effective with girls, i found comfort within my own skin and then i just went out.

 

3 of the dates i was actually set up on (one is a choreographer, one is an international account manager for a toy design company and one travels on daddys money). the other 2 were just girls i met form talking to people (a waitress/bartender/grad-student, and an aesthetician).

 

 

AHA, thanks for the words! im not going to tell you im over her. ...quite the opposite, i miss her very much, but i finally found somewhere in myself that put an end to her memories stopping me from doing anything. im not letting her bring me down any more. i think about her daily still, just not in a self loathing hateful way, or sorrowful way anymore! ive learned so much from all of this and now that i am in a better head space, i can see past most of this. ..hehe there is life after the death of a relationship!

 

 

now to fight complacenctandget my ass to the gym!!

 

man this forum is ****ing epic! every poster here has helped me more than they could possibly know.

 

 

you guys thaet are hurting, take the advice in this board. ...it works and is extremely applicable to all of your problems!

Edited July 6, 2010 by monkeymaid

[AlwaysConflicted]

Dude, good for you. You sound like you're in a great state of mind. I like reading your thread because it seems like you gain more and more ground every day.

 

I'm slowly getting back on my feet so your stuff is a real inspiration.

 

Nice job with the dates. I found that a couple of great places to meet girls are in cooking and dance classes. Sign up for those classes as a single guy and the women in the room will definitley take notice of you. Worst case scenario is that you develop skills that women love in a man.

 

Anyways, keep crushing it out there. We will follow your lead.

[monkeymaid]

damn man. ..3 dates down 3 to go. ....i added one on sunday morning.

 

so all of the girls so far are dreary at best and one of them striahgt out told me that she just thought i was hot and wanted to get banged on the side becasue she has a sexually inept boyfriend.

 

 

i woke up this morning and missed the ex. i am distraught at this whole dating crap and i really dont want to spend a cent on a girl i dont know...not becasue i dont have it, but becasue i really dont want to give anything to these girls till i know if they are even worth knowing.

 

i feel like the more i move forward, the more i want to call the ex, or reconnect. then i think of her riding some guys dick and i get pissed, then hit the gym feel better for a bit, read some **** eat, work a little, run, shower, read more then go to bed.

 

...today i miss my ex. and its making me sad that i dont get to wake up next to her ever again

[GrayClouds]

one of them striahgt out told me that she just thought i was hot and wanted to get banged on the side becasue she has a sexually inept boyfriend.

No wonder you woke up feeling bad, if the is the crappy chicks that are out there it makes a great argument for being single.

 

Remember MM, it about prove the value of your life to yourself not proving your worth through a girl. Have fun but keep the focus on what matters.

[monkeymaid]

i had an impromptu sleepover last night at a friends house after her bday night out.

 

i ended up falling asleep with 1 of her friends on the couch and we woke up on the floor spooning. ...i could have hit it, but didntas iwas way happy just sleeping in that position with w chick. this was my first time doing that since my split and ihad a better day today than the days i just had sex. this feels weird!! im not sure the emotional processes here

 

 

any way, the girl is way freaking cool, but too heavy for my taste. ..i dont recall who posted the question, but does that make me shallow? i mean, she has mostly a good body, but her belly just bugs me. i feel kind of like an *******! ..and ive known this girl (the one i slept with) for like 5 years.

 

 

its weird to friendzone someone.

[whatarmy]

I think you made it.

Congratulations.

 

 

 

And yeah, you're a little shallow.

[AlwaysConflicted]

Dating is incredibly frustrating so I can sympathize with you there.

[YellowShark]

....so all of the girls so far are dreary at best...

 

I'm 5 for 5 and I agree. All of them were nice to talk to for a couple hours but no spark or chemistry at all. Although one was a perfect 10, literally a barbie doll, but no spark in those eyes of hers.

 

...and one of them striahgt out told me that she just thought i was hot and wanted to get banged on the side becasue she has a sexually inept boyfriend.

 

And people wonder why forums like this exist! Perhaps she should end her relationship in a mature way instead of cheating on her boyfriend, risking an STD, and breaking his heart.

 

..i woke up this morning and missed the ex.

 

Even though she cheated on me I still miss the EX too.

 

i am distraught at this whole dating crap and i really dont want to spend a cent on a girl i dont know...not becasue i dont have it, but becasue i really dont want to give anything to these girls till i know if they are even worth knowing.

 

That's why I do the cheap and cheerful. I ask them out for a coffee, we find a nice place to sit and simply chat. Within 40 mins I know if I want to continue or say goodbye. And the whole date costs less than $10.00! I let them pick the venue so that they feel totally comfortable. (I also don't want a gold digger, so it's a way to weed out those ones real quick)

 

i feel like the more i move forward, the more i want to call the ex, or reconnect.

 

Me too. Odd how that is. I am at 5 weeks NC and it's getting harder, not easier! But I shall not break NC because I know this is my time to heal and not my time to look like a weak spineless pussy to a cheating EX.

 

..then i think of her riding some guys dick and i get pissed..

 

Me too as well. But then I think he's second, and I was there first for 7 years.

 

...today i miss my ex. and its making me sad that i dont get to wake up next to her ever again..

 

Once again me too. Though she betrayed me I shall always miss the smell and feeling of waking up beside her. She was so great, and yet so bad. That's the hard part to process. I guess time will heal, so they say.

Edited July 11, 2010 by YellowShark

[monkeymaid]

I'm 5 for 5 and I agree. All of them were nice to talk to for a couple hours but no spark or chemistry at all. Although one was a perfect 10, literally a barbie doll, but no spark in those eyes of hers.

 

 

 

And people wonder why forums like this exist! Perhaps she should end her relationship in a mature way instead of cheating on her boyfriend, risking an STD, and breaking his heart.

 

 

 

Even though she cheated on me I still miss the EX too.

 

 

 

That's why I do the cheap and cheerful. I ask them out for a coffee, we find a nice place to sit and simply chat. Within 40 mins I know if I want to continue or say goodbye. And the whole date costs less than $10.00! I let them pick the venue so that they feel totally comfortable. (I also don't want a gold digger, so it's a way to weed out those ones real quick)

 

 

 

Me too. Odd how that is. I am at 5 weeks NC and it's getting harder, not easier! But I shall not break NC because I know this is my time to heal and not my time to look like a weak spineless pussy to a cheating EX.

 

 

 

Me too as well. But then I think he's second, and I was there first for 7 years.

 

 

 

Once again me too. Though she betrayed me I shall always miss the smell and feeling of waking up beside her. She was so great, and yet so bad. That's the hard part to process. I guess time will heal, so they say.

 

 

i feel you shark! on all points!!!!!

 

im 4 and a half months nc. i knew my ex for 7 years before we were together which was 2 years so all in all 9 years and we started out sexual, then friends due to location and timing, then just shy of engaged for 2 years, now subsiding hate (at least on my part). ...in those 7 years, we always shared stories of ourlovelives and its between 5-6 months when she started seriously missing her exes so we will see how she takes this one. ive already allowed myself ot feel all of this **** and let it out.

 

i am still a little closed off around women (not socially, but i keep my walls up) and i dont let them in nearly as quickly. ....actually i havent let anybody in as of yet since the ex. this somehow adds to the mystery that is me and works in my favor. i do not understand this phenomena. sometimes i think that womens brains in general are just wired in a twisted pattern that shifts and moves with the tides. as if their whole neraul pathway shifts 2 synaptic clefts to the right during every period and that pms is just way their bodies learn to adapt.

 

 

 

 

and the whole shallow thing. ...that girl is like a solid 6.5 in the looks, but an 11 in the personality and coolness factor. i really cant lie! i want a dark skinned shakira looking type of girl with this^^ personality. and tbh, i wont settlefor less. im a guy, i need to LOVE waking up every morning and seeing whos next to me on top of the friendship, love, respect, activity partner, sexual deviant, intellectual . if that makes me shallow, then so be it. (im really stretching here to justify my thoughts on this as it is really bugging me that her tummy bugs me)

 

 

 

 

...and im not sure i made it but i did LOVE sleeping with a woman in my arms again! it made me see that there are more out there of worth

[Rearden Metal]

Hey monkey,

 

Just catching up, haven't been on here in over a month. Seems like you're doing well and working through things in a healthy manner. Hit me up on email to catch up when you have time.