Wow... i'm depressed...

[EricaH329]

I'm not even sure what to write.

 

Through the tears, i've realized that i'm depressed. For the first time in my life.

 

Nothing else to say.

[USMCHokie]

........

[EricaH329]

I just told him (my boyfriend) that I was depressed, and I wasn't able to tell him for the past 2 weeks because he was so wrapped up in himself, and he never cared to hear about what I had to say.

 

You know what he said in response?

 

"You shouldn't act the way you do, period."

 

My response, "F*CK YOU!"

 

That was the end. I seriously cannot believe the one person that I thought was my outlet for everything, was the one person who dragged me down the worst.

 

I've never, ever cursed at him. I seriously got to that point. I can't deal with it anymore.

[curiousnycgirl]

Oh Erica I am so sorry - I have not been on FB for a bit because I can't access it from the office, and I've basically been there round the clock lately.

 

I'm not sure what happneed, I thought you guys broke up at the end of February - I guess you got back together. Deep heavy sigh, because I've been thinking about you and the strength you showed in that post when telling myself I can get through my current drama.

 

While I don't pretend to know everything that's going on, it seems to me that you are finding yourself in a situation totaly out of your control and not in a good way. Only the ones we love can affect our emotional state so dramatically.

 

The question is are those people good for us and are they worthy of our love. I'm so very sorry he responded so poorly to your telling him you are depressed, but I'm afraid it is typical of him from what you've posted.

 

So the question is what are you going to do for you?

[skydiveaddict]

I just told him (my boyfriend) that I was depressed, and I wasn't able to tell him for the past 2 weeks because he was so wrapped up in himself, and he never cared to hear about what I had to say.

 

You know what he said in response?

 

"You shouldn't act the way you do, period."

 

My response, "F*CK YOU!"

 

That was the end. I seriously cannot believe the one person that I thought was my outlet for everything, was the one person who dragged me down the worst.

 

I've never, ever cursed at him. I seriously got to that point. I can't deal with it anymore.

 

 

 

There are meds that will help you . I've been there.

[Kamille]

I'm sorry you feel depressed, but it is good that you have come to the realization. If you can, go see your doctor for a better assessment of your psychological state and some recommendations as to what you can do to help yourself out of a rough spot. I have been where you are and the doctor recommended a leave from work. She assessed I was having a professional burn out and, thankfully for me, she was right.

 

I recommend this because it is easy, when we are depressed, to blur the boundaries when it comes to our partners and to hope they will be there for us and help us out of the depression. It is also easy to start blaming them for our unhappiness. Depression is confusing and we are often brought to try and find external causes for our unhappiness. (If only this were different, then I would be happy).

 

But the fact is, partners shouldn't be held responsible for our well-being and partners are only human: your bf doesn't know how to deal with the situation. He isn't a trained professional and no, he isn't likely to understand what is going on. Nor should you expect him to.

 

Turn to professionals Erica and give your bf some leeway. Focus on making yourself feel better and don't rely on your bf to provide you with balance.

[SaintDragon]

This is the guy you made the video for right?.. What do you mean?..you were depressed before or after your BF said that to you?.

 

Being mad or irritated does not equal a depression. Depression is very serious. and should not be taken lightly. Go in for an evaluation if you think your headed to that direction. Do you sleep a lot and get excited about doing something then not do it, because something drags you back down? Meds should be for a last resort and I hate how everyone jumps to "Meds..take meds" *rolls eyes* They wanted me to take anxiety meds..basically I said "F-You..I'm not going to be a pill hag lol...

 

Gee, Erica... ((hug?))

[EricaH329]

curiousnycgirl2699940 -- Thank you for your post! We did kind of break up, but a day later he made sure to tell me that he wanted to be with me and would do anything that was required. Unfortunately, it doesn't look like he is doing anything. At all.

 

Oh, and when I posted 'That was the end.' I meant of the conversation. I thought it would be the end of our relationship, considering how our conversation went, but about 15 minutes later he began acting like nothing had happened. I wasn't around for it, but when I came back to my computer I saw that he had IMed me.

 

As for what i'm going to do with myself, I don't know. I feel like I just don't know anything anymore.

 

Ugh

 

Kamille2699963 -- Oh, I completely agree with you. I don't blame him for my unhappiness. I blame him for not caring about my unhappiness. I blame him for treating me like crap when I feel like I need him the most. I would never put the burden of my depression upon someone else. Of course, this has to do with me. I have, somehow, put myself into the situation where i've allowed this to happen. I can only hope that my loved ones would be understanding (to a point) about what i'm going through, and show support.

 

I am going to try and see a doctor soon. I need to do something. My closest friends are starting to notice a difference, and they keep asking me what's going on. I don't really like talking about it.

 

SaintDragon2699987 -- Yes, that was the guy that I made the video for. And i've been depressed, or what I think of as depression, for the past 2 weeks.

 

I don't sleep a lot, actually... it's the complete opposite. I rarely sleep at all. I've been losing tons of weight. I never want to go out with friends because I can't muster up the motivation to do so. Work used to be another outlet for me, and now it's become my worst enemy. I don't want to get out of bed, even though all I do is lay there.

 

I'm not a doctor, so I can't say for sure that i'm depressed... but i've never felt like this before. I thought it might just be a phase that I was going through, but this has lasted for 2 weeks and I don't feel myself moving in a different direction.

[Art_Critic]

but i've never felt like this before.

 

The guy is slowly but surely sucking the life and happiness out of you...

With all the roller coaster ride I have seen in the last 3-4 months in your relationship it is easy for me to see why you are depressed.

 

You need to breakup with this guy.

 

You can't see it now but you will some day and you will see how he was and how the relationship just drained you..

Relationships aren't supposed to be this much work at staying together...

[EricaH329]

The guy is slowly but surely sucking the life and happiness out of you...

With all the roller coaster ride I have seen in the last 3-4 months in your relationship it is easy for me to see why you are depressed.

 

You need to breakup with this guy.

 

You can't see it now but you will some day and you will see how he was and how the relationship just drained you..

Relationships aren't supposed to be this much work at staying together...

 

I am sure you are right, actually... I am positive you are right.

 

However, I feel like making any sort of serious decision right now would not be a good idea. I can't get my thoughts in order, and I cannot clear my head.

 

I cannot seem to think too far into the future, so i'm just planning on my next course of action within the next few days. Which is to lay in bed, shut off my phone, explain to friends that i'm just very tired, and read a good book. Get myself away from this somehow.

[Kamille]

 

I cannot seem to think too far into the future, so i'm just planning on my next course of action within the next few days. Which is to lay in bed, shut off my phone, explain to friends that i'm just very tired, and read a good book. Get myself away from this somehow.

 

Add to the list: Call your doctor Erica. Monday morning, first thing. Let someone else help you with this.

 

However, I feel like making any sort of serious decision right now would not be a good idea. I can't get my thoughts in order, and I cannot clear my head.

 

I think this is wise. But seek help. Hopefully you either have health insurance or can afford some therapy. It really sounds like it would benefit you greatly to have a professional help you sort through your thoughts. You don't have to face this alone.

[whichwayisup]

CBT. (Cognitive Behaviour Therapy). And meds if need be..

 

I am sorry that your bf is being a huge jerk-off! He has no idea what he's going to lose by treating you this way. You are a lovely, kind hearted, amazing woman. HIS LOSS, not yours! Remember that, no matter how much it hurts.

 

Lots of hugs and please, don't isolate yourself. Reach out to friends and family.

[SaintDragon]

I'm not really an expert of these situations..ok? so take this as some food for thought if anything.

 

I read all this thread and it looks like the BF is the source of your unhappiness? or do you believe you have a clinical problem of feeling unhappy and the BF is just adding to the problem?. Don't mess around if you feel it's a clinical problem with depression. Two weeks of continuous negative, depressive and dull thinking is grounds to seek help.

 

If yo ufeel it's mainly the BF making yo unhappy, then it is time to sit down together and deal with this. Tell him you cannot keep going up and down with him and that it is just not going to work. He'll probably beg to stay, but stick with what you feel you need to do and don't fall for his crying.

 

Sorry you have to feel like this....it really sucks.

[SaintDragon]

You are a lovely, kind hearted, amazing woman. HIS LOSS, not yours! Remember that, no matter how much it hurts.

 

Exactly;)

 

I know you from here only, but it seems you are a really nice girl... wish I was like 10 years younger:mad:

 

Take care, movie crasher;)

[skydiveaddict]

I am sure you are right, actually... I am positive you are right.

 

However, I feel like making any sort of serious decision right now would not be a good idea. I can't get my thoughts in order, and I cannot clear my head.

 

I cannot seem to think too far into the future, so i'm just planning on my next course of action within the next few days. Which is to lay in bed, shut off my phone, explain to friends that i'm just very tired, and read a good book. Get myself away from this somehow.

 

 

 

Erica, you need to deal with this. laying in bed is not the way. Go see your dr. like i said, I've been there done that, there are meds that will help you i promise. but you gotta make yourself do it either that or I will fly out there and personally drag you to the doc. and dont thinik i wont i'm more crazy than you know

Edited March 13, 2010 by skydiveaddict

[SaintDragon]

Meds should be the last resort.

[EricaH329]

Before I comment on what everyone has posted, i'd first like to say that earlier today when I talked to my mom (casually) she actually brought up the fact that her therapist would like to see me. Not because of my problems, but because my mother and I are having an extremely hard time getting along. I don't know what to think about that.

 

She recommended that I see a therapist by myself, and told me where and how to find one. She does not know that i've been feeling depressed, I haven't told her. But like I said in a previous post, people are really starting to notice.

 

Kamille2700058 -- I don't have a therapist, and I don't have health insurance. I have, however, found a therapist who works on a sliding scale. I actually just e-mailed her and am waiting for a response. I've never been one to be nervous about opening up to people, but for some reason this causes a lot of emotions for me. I think it's because I don't want to face it. Hiding from it is lessening the pain, somehow.

 

whichwayisup2700161 -- Thank you very much! I appreciate your kind words. For some reason, I don't want to talk to my friends and family about this. I don't really want to talk about it at all. To be honest, the only reason I posted it here is because I needed to get it out. I needed someone to know. I've noticed a huge strain on my relationship with my boyfriend in the past 2 weeks, and that's why I told him. But that didn't really do too much, except upset me.

 

SaintDragon2700244 -- Normally i'm a happy person, usually very optimistic. But one day, out of no where, I had this huge emotional breakdown. And ever since then, i've been feeling depressed. I don't know what is causing it. I don't even know why it started. But I do know that it's not getting better. And although it's not getting worse, I don't want this feeling to be stagnant. I want it to go away.

 

Exactly;)

 

I know you from here only, but it seems you are a really nice girl... wish I was like 10 years younger:mad:

 

Take care, movie crasher;)

 

Thank you so much!

 

skydiveaddict2700449 -- Thank you for making me laugh. I know I need to see someone, and I feel a sense of relief that i've begun searching for the right therapist. I am hopeful that this will, in time, go away, and I can go back to being my normal self again. If not better.

[XKatieX]

I just had to reply to this, a similar situation happened to me last week.

 

I was feeling depressed like you were, I felt maybe I need to try and take an anti-depressant. One of the reasons I was feeling depressed is because I wasn't happy with him.

 

I needed someone to talk to, so I called my boyfriend and instead of tryng to understand how I feel some of his responses were: "oh yea lets just talk about how bad you have it" ( he was being sarcastic), "have fun taking meds for the rest of your life to be sane" there were more sh itty things that were said.

 

Boyfriends are supposed to make you feel better and not worse about things right? its ridiculous.

[SaintDragon]

SaintDragon2700244[/b] -- Normally i'm a happy person, usually very optimistic. But one day, out of no where, I had this huge emotional breakdown. And ever since then, i've been feeling depressed. I don't know what is causing it. I don't even know why it started. But I do know that it's not getting better. And although it's not getting worse, I don't want this feeling to be stagnant. I want it to go away.

 

Yepp you will find it a great relief to talk with someone other than friends and family about what you are feeling. They know how to give advice and help you get out of this "thing". Indeed, don't let it simmer to much longer, it will get worse if you do nothing. Going to the edge of a depression is not something you need to experience. Chances are it's not depression so don't think that is the cause. It could be a hormone imbalance or a medical condition. Seriously go to the doctor and tell him everything on how you feel.. It could be a symptom of a medical problem.

 

Take your mom's advice and I hope you and your mom can be together again some time.

[SaintDragon]

Boyfriends are supposed to make you feel better and not worse about things right? its ridiculous.

 

The more I read this thread the more I believe that girls do indeed grow up before men. Your BF's are being childish..

 

I'd help my GF no doubt..be a shoulder...then later have some crazy sex, because I was a good BF:love::lmao:

[cuppa]

There are meds that will help you . I've been there.

 

I was there last year too. My doctor told me to take medications too but I resisted and chose different path instead.

 

OP, try the followings first and see if this helps:

 

1. Exercise daily (the endorphines will make you feel better)

2. 1000 Mg of Vitamin D and 1500 MG of Calcium (this helps a lot for me, Vit D is vital esp for women)

3. Socialize with friends, keep yourself busy, pursue a hobby and be good at it to make yourself feel better.

4. Eat Healthy.

 

And yes, crying helps. So if you want to cry your heart out then do but then hit a gym afteward and hit it hard!

 

Hugs for you. Also, confide to your friends or talk to a professional.

[EricaH329]

Tonight was one of the best nights that I have experienced in the past 2 weeks. I was actually happy tonight.

 

A girl that I work with (and am friends with outside of work) has noticed more than anyone else the way that I have been feeling. She has been constantly asking me what is wrong, and what she can do to make me feel better.

 

She came into work tonight and brought me 2 bags of my favorite candy. She also brought me a card. On the front it says, 'Sending a big hug..' and on the inside it says, '...just to let you know I care.' She also wrote me a personal message that basically said that she is here for me through whatever I am going through.

 

That meant so much to me, that I cried. I cried for a good hour or so during work, and I had to retreat to the back. That was so incredibly kind, and thoughtful of her. I really couldn't ask for much more. And because of her, I had a great night.

 

XKatieX2700603 -- I totally understand where you are coming from. It's not fair that the people we love the most, aren't taking us seriously. They are the ones that are supposed to be the most supportive and understanding. And when they aren't, when they are the complete opposite, it really makes us feel that much worse.

 

I am sooo sorry you are going through that. I feel your pain and you don't deserve it. Just like I don't deserve it.

 

SaintDragon2700609 -- I'm hoping it's not depression. I'm hoping it's just a phase that I am going through that will, over time, pass. But I am not taking any chances. I am going to see a therapist as soon as I can.

 

The more I read this thread the more I believe that girls do indeed grow up before men. Your BF's are being childish..

 

I'd help my GF no doubt..be a shoulder...then later have some crazy sex, because I was a good BF:love::lmao:

 

If I counted the amount of times that people have told me that I need to be with someone more mature, I think I would have lost count. Actually, I have lost count. You are totally right. I do need to find someone more mature. Someone that is capable of feeling sympathy for those who are going through tough times.

 

cuppa2700720 -- Thank you for your advice! As far as all of that goes, I do not feel motivated to do any of that. I'm sure that it would help, but I just don't feel the need to better myself. The only way that I feel would be helpful in any way, is to see a therapist. Any sort of physical activity is most certainly out of the question for now. Besides crying, of course. I've done that a lot lately.

[EricaH329]

As a quick update, him and I just talked. He, again, tried to dumb down the situation that i'm in. Telling me that i'm not depressed, i'm just crazy. That I need to stop acting the way that I do, and things will be fine.

 

When I decided to break up with him, you know what he said?? "Think about what you are doing right now." As though us breaking up is all my fault. He always makes me feel this way. I am so incredibly numb from everything that I can't tell how I feel about this. I've just blocked him from everything I possibly could. There is a slight sense of relief.

 

Only time will tell how this has impacted my life. Right now, all i'm looking for is some sort of normalcy.

[curiousnycgirl]

Way to go Erica! I am so sorry you are going through this, although it is not that different than what I'm going through - except my ex and I haven't even gotten to e phone call stage, we've been exchanging emails, and I'm afraid that's done too.

 

You be strong - I assure you it's going to stink. at first. It's going to hurt, and you are going to cry - that is OK! Although it's hard to believe it will get better in time.

 

I am stunned at how much better I was a few weeks ago before he got back in touch. At that point, 14 weeks into NC, I had finally begun to get on with my life - at least a little. But now find myself crying my eyes out and mourning the relationship all over again.

 

If I can get better, so can you!

[annxxdisaster]

As a quick update, him and I just talked. He, again, tried to dumb down the situation that i'm in. Telling me that i'm not depressed, i'm just crazy. That I need to stop acting the way that I do, and things will be fine.

 

When I decided to break up with him, you know what he said?? "Think about what you are doing right now." As though us breaking up is all my fault. He always makes me feel this way. I am so incredibly numb from everything that I can't tell how I feel about this. I've just blocked him from everything I possibly could. There is a slight sense of relief.

 

Only time will tell how this has impacted my life. Right now, all i'm looking for is some sort of normalcy.

 

I think I remember we (very briefly) discussed how we're similar in the sense that we don't like to leave or end relationships when there seems like there is still SOMETHING there.

 

But no one should ever make you feel like you're crazy or that there's some big huge problem with you. Especially since you sound like a very, very mature and level headed young lady. This guy is a huge jerk for doing this to you.

 

 

You should give that a listen!