Wow... i'm depressed...

[Kamille]

cuppa2700720 -- Thank you for your advice! As far as all of that goes, I do not feel motivated to do any of that. I'm sure that it would help, but I just don't feel the need to better myself. The only way that I feel would be helpful in any way, is to see a therapist. Any sort of physical activity is most certainly out of the question for now. Besides crying, of course. I've done that a lot lately.

 

Cuppa's post is probably one of the most helpful in this thread.

 

When I had my depressive episode (that is what my doctor and the therapist called it), the first thing both of them asked me to do is... Exercise. My therapist said that even if it was only for 15 minutes a day and the only thing I did all day (I felt unmotivated to do anything), I should make exercising my priority.

 

It isn't about "bettering" yourself, it's about the release of endorphins that comes with exercise. Plus, exercise will helps increase appetite and it helps with insomnia. I know you likely feel tired all the time, but even just a little exercise will do the trick of helping you cope with feeling blue.

 

But I agree with your assessment about therapy.

[EricaH329]

curiousnycgirl2701300 -- I am so sorry you are dealing with all of that. I know how you feel, it's really hard to honestly let go of something that you once had so much hope for.

 

I actually feel alright about what I did. It makes me sad, of course. But more than that, I know that I do not deserve to be treated the way that he treats me. I have never, ever made him feel bad about himself. And definitely not to the extent that he has made me feel. Telling someone that you love that you are at rock bottom, and having them push you even further down, says alot about their character. And that's just a character that I do not feel the need to have in my life.

 

I am sure this isn't the end of it. I know he will find a way to contact me. All I have to do is stay strong and true to my actions. I will not allow myself to be treated this way by anyone. Period. Ever again. And even though I feel depressed, I still know what i'm worth.

 

annxxdisaster2701700 -- I do remember that conversation we had. Thank you for bringing that up, because I hadn't really thought about that. That just goes to show how seriously fed up and hurt I am by him. What makes all of this worse, is that this whole thing went down over the computer. I had to tell him I felt depressed over IM because he didn't feel like calling me. We broke up over the internet because he didn't feel as though what I was saying to him was important enough for a phone conversation. How low of a person do you have to be to kick someone while they are down? Hell, it was more of a stomp on the face.

 

You are extremely right in saying that he is a jerk. He is so much worse than that for doing what he did to me. For making me feel the way he has made me feel. I don't have to wake up every day now wondering what he will do next to make me feel like i'm the worst person alive. It's such a sense of relief.

 

Oh, and I love that song that you posted! It's such a beautiful song! I teared up while listening to it. Thank you for sharing it!!

 

Kamille2701770 -- My situation is actually a little bit different. Because I have anxiety, it's become very hard for me to sleep at night. My anxiety is constantly flared up. I wish that I could sleep a lot. I wish that I could just get away from everything for a little while. But my anxiety refuses to give me calmness.

 

I suppose I could try burning off some of that excess energy by excersizing. I just can't find the motivation to do it.

[whichwayisup]

Even 5-10 minutes of doing some easy yoga positions can help relieve your anxiety.

[EricaH329]

I would also like to say thank you to everyone who has taken the time to care. I never realized how much support I would recieve. I really, truly appreciate it. You are all wonderful people, and because of that... I have faith in the fact that I will get better.

 

Thank you guys, again. From the bottom of my heart. I cannot express how grateful I am.

[curiousnycgirl]

Erica -

 

You are most welcome I only wish I could do more than commiserate. Your posts were the ones that always gave me hope. First that a second chance might work, and then if it failed, at least you would have closure. For whatever reason you became one of my rocks.

 

I only wish I could give you some modicum of what I got from your posts.

 

Best,

CNYCG

[cuppa]

cuppa2700720 -- Thank you for your advice! As far as all of that goes, I do not feel motivated to do any of that. I'm sure that it would help, but I just don't feel the need to better myself. The only way that I feel would be helpful in any way, is to see a therapist. Any sort of physical activity is most certainly out of the question for now. Besides crying, of course. I've done that a lot lately.

 

Erica, it's not about bettering ourselves (though it will help too). Last year, I couldn't get out of bed and was crying for one straight week. People said I looked like a zombie and my eye bags went all the way to my cheeks.

 

it's a vicious cycle. I felt melancholy and I felt like I didn't want to do anything but in turn, I couldn't sleep (2 hours a day) and then it got worse. The thing is ...you can get well physically. Even getting better sleep will help. The mental part, it will come slowly. Just take it day by day but you owe to yourself to be well physically and you will really see what 8 hours of sleep do to you instead of 2 hours.

 

Exercises will help, not because we want a better body but you feel good afterward and it will help you to sleep (or even better, take something like kickboxing and punch the bags to vent your sadness or frustation).

 

It hasn't been an easy 4 month for me but I did manage to get well and I am in the best shape of my life. Mentally, I'm getting there too. You can do it, every human has inner strength and you will be surprised on how strong you really are. Best of luck!

Edited March 15, 2010 by cuppa

[EricaH329]

Erica -

 

You are most welcome I only wish I could do more than commiserate. Your posts were the ones that always gave me hope. First that a second chance might work, and then if it failed, at least you would have closure. For whatever reason you became one of my rocks.

 

I only wish I could give you some modicum of what I got from your posts.

 

Best,

CNYCG

 

That means a great deal to me. I really do appreciate you posting and helping me out. Even if it's just to commiserate, at least I don't feel alone. Thank you for that.

 

Erica, it's not about bettering ourselves (though it will help too). Last year, I couldn't get out of bed and was crying for one straight week. People said I looked like a zombie and my eye bags went all the way to my cheeks.

 

it's a vicious cycle. I felt melancholy and I felt like I didn't want to do anything but in turn, I couldn't sleep (2 hours a day) and then it got worse. The thing is ...you can get well physically. Even getting better sleep will help. The mental part, it will come slowly. Just take it day by day but you owe to yourself to be well physically and you will really see what 8 hours of sleep do to you instead of 2 hours.

 

Exercises will help, not because we want a better body but you feel good afterward and it will help you to sleep (or even better, take something like kickboxing and punch the bags to vent your sadness or frustation).

 

It hasn't been an easy 4 month for me but I did manage to get well and I am in the best shape of my life. Mentally, I'm getting there too. You can do it, every human has inner strength and you will be surprised on how strong you really are. Best of luck!

 

Aside from the depression I feel, i've always had really bad issues with sleeping. If I don't fall asleep by around 8 in the morning, I know it won't happen for the rest of the day. So i've been taking sleeping medicine only when it gets to that point. The only problem with that, though, is that I take it so early in the morning that I end up sleeping all day.

 

Anyway, sorry for going off topic. I know you are right about excersize. It's what everyone has been suggesting. I just always feel so drained, ya know? I work 10 hours a night, 4 nights a week, running around as a waitress. And the time I have off, I feel so weak. Most of the time, my body is sore. It's just really hard to find the motivation when you are already drained and tired.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

I'm not even sure what to write.

 

Through the tears, i've realized that i'm depressed. For the first time in my life.

 

Nothing else to say.

 

 

 

Sad, sad, sad...

 

 

Just when I thought to come searching for one of my favorite LoveShack muses, there is this news.

 

 

On the path to finding you, I found a post that seemed to have me not so hopeful about your relationship, a while back, (and based entirely on your guy and his statements/actions).

 

I know it is wonderful to sort of devote yourself to someone, but when they are far removed from your daily life, the actual substance which represents THEM as they really are, can be so distant and secondary to the way they are represented in your mind.

 

It just seems that, in the recent times since I first noticed you here, you've not been doing yourself the favor and the honor of affording yourself a real-life, in-your-daily-world beau. Anyone can see that you're very attractive, and with your job in the social arena it seems likely that other possibilities will turn up regularly and in great numbers.

 

Of course it will take time to heal, but I think you're doing yourself the best favor by simply moving on...

 

Perhaps there is something that makes a potentially thriving, happening-before-your-eyes-everyday relationship intimidating to you, but you can take steps to help that to feel more natural.

 

It is amazing to sense that you have so much time for LoveShack. It is pretty awesome that you take the time to engage these literate, compassionate people after your other life in a world where drink and socializing makes for quite the contrast.

 

I'm glad I looked around for you tonight, and I hope to hear very soon that you are revitalized and totally inspired about putting yourself back out there enroute to securing the love you deserve.

 

Be well friend...

[Kamille]

That means a great deal to me. I really do appreciate you posting and helping me out. Even if it's just to commiserate, at least I don't feel alone. Thank you for that.

 

 

 

Aside from the depression I feel, i've always had really bad issues with sleeping. If I don't fall asleep by around 8 in the morning, I know it won't happen for the rest of the day. So i've been taking sleeping medicine only when it gets to that point. The only problem with that, though, is that I take it so early in the morning that I end up sleeping all day.

 

Anyway, sorry for going off topic. I know you are right about excersize. It's what everyone has been suggesting. I just always feel so drained, ya know? I work 10 hours a night, 4 nights a week, running around as a waitress. And the time I have off, I feel so weak. Most of the time, my body is sore. It's just really hard to find the motivation when you are already drained and tired.

 

you work nights? I remember reading research that said people who work nights struggle the most with depression. If I remember correctly, the researchers pointed to exactly what you describe here: people who work nights struggle the most with depression - caused by insomnia. the insomnia, in turn, is caused by irregular sleep patterns. Vicious cycle wouldn't you say?

 

Is there anyway you could switch to day shifts, even if it means a cut in salary? Your health and well-being come first: once you climb your way out of depression you will be able to create better job opportunities for yourself.

 

If you cannot do exercise just yet, how about a few relaxation exercises? Again, talk to a doctor and therapist. They will have recommendations. (My therapist gave me a guided relaxation DVD. It was new wave music and a voice guiding me through relaxation).

[EricaH329]

I know it is wonderful to sort of devote yourself to someone, but when they are far removed from your daily life, the actual substance which represents THEM as they really are, can be so distant and secondary to the way they are represented in your mind.

 

This makes a ton of sense, and I can relate to that statement when it comes to a couple of things... but nothing that's really a deal breaker. After he left for the military, he became a different person. When him and I were living together, he was very considerate and respectful of my feelings. I remember that he would always try to make me feel better, and he would never call me names and try to bring me down.

 

With that said, love can make people stay in a relationship far after it's doomed. I did realize that he wasn't the same person awhile ago, but I stayed with him because I loved him. But this incident really brought things into light.

 

It just seems that, in the recent times since I first noticed you here, you've not been doing yourself the favor and the honor of affording yourself a real-life, in-your-daily-world beau. Anyone can see that you're very attractive, and with your job in the social arena it seems likely that other possibilities will turn up regularly and in great numbers.

 

Of course it will take time to heal, but I think you're doing yourself the best favor by simply moving on...

 

Perhaps there is something that makes a potentially thriving, happening-before-your-eyes-everyday relationship intimidating to you, but you can take steps to help that to feel more natural.

 

I've actually never been in an LDR before. This is the first one i've commited myself to. And the reason for that being, I loved him. We lived together before we became LD, and I knew it was something I wanted to continue pursuing.

 

I absolutely love the benefits that come from being in a relationship with someone that lives close by. That I can see regularly. I love being able to take care of my partner and show physical attention. That is very important to me. And one day, when I am ready, I will find someone worthy of giving my devotion to. Unfortunatly, this is not that man.

 

It is amazing to sense that you have so much time for LoveShack. It is pretty awesome that you take the time to engage these literate, compassionate people after your other life in a world where drink and socializing makes for quite the contrast.

 

I'm glad I looked around for you tonight, and I hope to hear very soon that you are revitalized and totally inspired about putting yourself back out there enroute to securing the love you deserve.

 

Be well friend...

 

Thank you very much for you advice, it is always appreciated! I do feel the need to frequent LS, it gives me something that I don't have IRL. People to talk to that understand where i'm coming from. Different perspectives. And most of all, the support and encouragement I need to help improve myself, and move forward with my life.

[EricaH329]

you work nights? I remember reading research that said people who work nights struggle the most with depression. If I remember correctly, the researchers pointed to exactly what you describe here: people who work nights struggle the most with depression - caused by insomnia. the insomnia, in turn, is caused by irregular sleep patterns. Vicious cycle wouldn't you say?

 

Is there anyway you could switch to day shifts, even if it means a cut in salary? Your health and well-being come first: once you climb your way out of depression you will be able to create better job opportunities for yourself.

 

If you cannot do exercise just yet, how about a few relaxation exercises? Again, talk to a doctor and therapist. They will have recommendations. (My therapist gave me a guided relaxation DVD. It was new wave music and a voice guiding me through relaxation).

 

Wow, I never thought of it like that! That does make a lot of sense though. Unfortunatly, the place that I work at opens at 5 in the evening, so I don't have the option of picking up earlier shifts. It's really more of a bar than anything else. I'm currently looking for a day job, but it's been getting pretty tough. I was looking into becoming a summer camp counselor this summer, and hopefully i'll be able to find something like that. It'll give me normal working hours, and it'll help me feel good about myself.

 

I am currently figuring out a schedule that I can see a new therapist I have recently spoken with. I will definitely bring up the subject about relaxation techniques. Thank you for your advice!!!

[Weird]

Given that I am simply some stranger it may not mean much but I will just say I feel for you and hope that everything can become great for you as soon as possible.

 

As for that guy, he is an idiot to say that crap to you but sadly it is typical of what humans say of things they have no clue about. I may not know you but I know you deserve better because nobody deserves to hear that type of ****, especially from someone they have faith and have put their trust in.

 

Here is an *e-hug* for you along with this guy since he is cute---->.

[CLC2008]

Hang in there Erica, I'm rooting for you.