Spriggig's log

[spriggig]

This surprises me; when I found out my Ex was cheating, the hope monster existed because I wanted us to be The Way We Were, however it was more painful to think that we WOULD get back together in light of the lies. I wanted him back, yes; but maybe THAT is your pain?

 

Now that I have been single for two years, I still want him back -- but I want back the man that I was in love with at the beginning of the relationship, not the one who lied and cheated and destroyed us. I wouldn't want THAT man back.

 

Good luck today, Sprig. Thinking about you...

 

Thank you.

 

Yes, I want us to be the way we were--it was very good for the first few years. But now, with all I've learned I believe we can be better than we were and a complete family for our son.

 

The hope monster even tells me I could get past the trust issue. But, when I think deeply about that, and imagine the situation in full technicolor, I think the hope monster is lying to me here.

 

(BTW, I know the hope monster is just a metaphor, I don't actually hear voices or anything. It's just fun for me. In case anyone has wondered. LOL.)

[spriggig]

Oh FCK! This is the day I should start NC! Duh! I want to so much--but we have a son.

 

How can I work this out for absolutely minimal contact?

[dreamingoftigers]

I am so sorry about what you are going through.

 

Cheaters suck!

 

I am trying to put things back together with my cheater husband and he is repentant.

 

I cannot imagine what this has done to your self-worth to have an unrepentant affair-fog spouse.

 

I am 27, if the OM is 28 he has something seriously wrong with him.

I don't know anyone personally in my age group that would seriously take on a 40-year old married woman with an 11 year old son. He'll be ostracized for being such a frigging weirdo.

[Rearden Metal]

Oh FCK! This is the day I should start NC! Duh! I want to so much--but we have a son.

 

How can I work this out for absolutely minimal contact?

 

You really can't until she moves out. When does that happen?

[JustJoe]

Sprig, you seem a decent guy. I hope that you have better success in your next relationship, but you will have to be more agressive and demanding.

[dreamingoftigers]

Inspired by Rearden Metal, I'll log my ongoing break up with my wife of 12 years.

Tomorrow is our 12th anniversary. I just finished the last two chapters of the book recommended by Gunny, "How to Light Her Fire". I'm tempted to leave the book on her keyboard with a note: "I'm sorry I didn't do any of this, but I'm ready to do it all now". I won't do it, she won't have it from me and I'll look weak and clingy.

 

My son has a good friend in town visiting, today she is going to take them to the movies. She suggested we all go or that I take them without her. The hope monster grabs onto any tiny suggestion that she might want me in her life again.

 

Tonight, our son will spend the night with his friend at the motel where his family is staying. She and I will be alone tonight on the eve of our anniversary unless she has plans to stay with her brother that I don't know about. To any outside observer this means nothing, tonight and tomorrow will pass without a mention of the significance of the day. The hope monster sees it differently, the monster says she planned this and that she will approach me with ideas of reconciliation tomorrow.

 

I hate the hope monster.

 

I love the hope monster.

 

 

The only place you should "light a fire" is under her ass, so she gets out the door

[spriggig]

Sprig, you seem a decent guy. I hope that you have better success in your next relationship, but you will have to be more agressive and demanding.

 

Yes. This is one thing I've learned here since D-Day. I was way too passive.

[spriggig]

Things got ugly this morning. Sigh.

 

We have three computers in the house. One of them is "hers".

 

I didn't want her to take it because that is what she used to cheat on me. Real mature, right?

 

Anyway, we yelled at each other and struggled over the computer. She called the cops and he told us that she can't take anything out of the house unless we both agree.

 

Ugh!

 

I'm going to let her have the computer and anything else she wants now, without resisting. I don't want to take this to court, it's just not worth it.

[Rearden Metal]

Yeah, let the petty stuff go. But protect your belongings. Don't let her take anything that is yours, or needs to be divided.

 

While you're at it, don't be a whiny, pouty mess. Go hammer some sh*t outside.

 

And if she's loafing around, taking it slow, tell her to speed it up. If she fights with you, go back to hammering. DON'T leave, she's liable to steal things.

[spriggig]

I am so sorry about what you are going through.

 

Cheaters suck!

 

I am trying to put things back together with my cheater husband and he is repentant.

 

I cannot imagine what this has done to your self-worth to have an unrepentant affair-fog spouse.

 

I am 27, if the OM is 28 he has something seriously wrong with him.

I don't know anyone personally in my age group that would seriously take on a 40-year old married woman with an 11 year old son. He'll be ostracized for being such a frigging weirdo.

 

Does it seem like husbands are more repentant than wives?

[Rearden Metal]

Does it seem like husbands are more repentant than wives?

 

Yes. Women don't repent. They either beat themselves up or blame everything that moves. Men do this, too, but sometimes we actually repent.

[spriggig]

Yeah, let the petty stuff go. But protect your belongings. Don't let her take anything that is yours, or needs to be divided.

 

While you're at it, don't be a whiny, pouty mess. Go hammer some sh*t outside.

 

And if she's loafing around, taking it slow, tell her to speed it up. If she fights with you, go back to hammering. DON'T leave, she's liable to steal things.

 

No whining or pouting about this from me so far, tho I'm certainly not above it as I've discovered.

 

She's gone now. She took only minimal stuff, one bag. All she really wanted was the computer because that is her best connection to him--through the game. Apparently, phone calls aren't enough, she NEEDS to "see" him in game, weird. She IS going to her brothers and his computer is crap, won't run the game.

 

She's actually out trying to get a car loan. She'll get one but it won't be cheap. She ruined the only credit she had by not paying the joint credit card account on time. That account has since been paid off and closed.

[spriggig]

They either beat themselves up or blame everything that moves.

 

Both. At the same time. But never, ever actually TALK to the one person that they have the problem with.

 

Why the F is that? Gunny certainly never figured it out--what chance do I have?

[spriggig]

She's out looking for a new car. I texted her and said "I was wrong" (about this mornings fight over the computer).

 

I get back:

 

She's going to have to do better than that.

 

When the cop showed up, she said: "He shoved me". What really happened is we struggled over the computer, I tried to pull the hard drive cable and she tried to stop me.

 

I told the cop, "She's exaggerating". She said, "I'm not exaggerating, I just want the computer", not getting it at all.

 

The cop, to his credit, blew it off.

 

She needs to recognize what she did and apologize for it. Exaggerating physical violence to a cop is no joking matter.

Edited March 27, 2010 by spriggig

[EnigmaXOXO]

I didn't want her to take it because that is what she used to cheat on me. Real mature, right?

 

I see you’ve met your inner child. They’re notorious for misbehaving and embarrassing you in front of the neighbors. Just don’t let him write checks he can’t afford to cash or go buying a brand new sports car. And for Gawd’s sake… put a parental block on your own computer so the rascal doesn’t go surfing the internet for more crazy chicks to drag home. It’s the last thing you need right now.

 

It’s okay, Spriggig. This, too, shall pass.

[Rearden Metal]

 

She needs to recognize what she did and apologize for it. Exaggerating physical violence to a cop is no joking matter.

 

No it's not. Not at all. I know this firsthand.

[spriggig]

put a parental block on your own computer so the rascal doesn’t go surfing the internet for more crazy chicks to drag home. It’s the last thing you need right now.

 

Oh. Ummm... yeah.

[spriggig]

Ok here's the latest text conversation about her getting a new car so she'll have a way to get to work on Monday morning:

 

Her: "I can't get into anything without 1000 down. Gonna have to save more money. I don't have that at the moment."

 

Me: "So, what's your plan"

 

Her: "I wanted to get u the car this weekend. Don't know if that will happen. I don't have anyone to lend me $."

 

Me: "Can you tell my why I should ALLOW you the use of the car after this

weekend? As you might have noticed, I'm fed up with the way you've

CONTINUED to treat me."

 

Her: No Response

 

Me: "Is this why you won't forgive me? So you can justify using me to make

your life more comfortable while continuing to cheat on me?"

 

Her: "I'm just letting u know what is happening here. And my life is far from comfortable. It will never be. So don't worry about me having a great life now."

 

Me: "Why should I continue to take care of you in any way? Why should I

care what happens to you? You made this bed."

 

Her: No response

 

Me: "I was wrong this morning and I'm sorry for my actions. Take anything

at all from the house, including the computer. But I can't let you

take the only reliable car and I don't even know why I should."

[Rearden Metal]

Manliness ITT. Bravo.

[spriggig]

Continued...

Her: "I don't even know what to say. I'm sorry too."

 

Me: "For the same reason we have to agree for you to take anything from the

house. We have to agree for you to take that car. You need to return

the car by tomorrow."

 

Me: "You can take the bus to work."

[Rearden Metal]

Where is she staying, her brothers? Let him worry about how to take care of her needs.

 

Or, dress up like a character in her game and demand oral sex. Tell her you'll pay her in "Zulags", the currency of the world you're now in. Tell her it's 15 Zulags for use of the car, per hour.

[spriggig]

Me: "I was wrong this morning and I'm sorry for my actions. Take anything

at all from the house, including the computer. But I can't let you

take the only reliable car and I don't even know why I should."

 

This may seem a little weak, but this is, at it's heart, a negotiation. I have to give a little to get a little.

 

And, damn it, there is always the hope for reconciliation in the future.

 

I know, Rearden is going to come bitch slap me again. I deserve it but can't seem to avoid it. LOL.

[Woggle]

Man this woman has some nerve. I am not saying this about all women but the walkaway wife types and the cheaters live in some deluded dreamworld where everybody is just supposed to cater to them and if that doesn't happen they play the poor little victim role. You mentioned that she was divorced once before. Did she pull this same crap on her first husband?

[spriggig]

Where is she staying, her brothers? Let him worry about how to take care of her needs.

 

Or, dress up like a character in her game and demand oral sex. Tell her you'll pay her in "Zulags", the currency of the world you're now in. Tell her it's 15 Zulags for use of the car, per hour.

 

 

This is effin hilarious and she DOES give great head.

[Rearden Metal]

She'll have to give a LOT of great head to use the car. Make sure you eat a leg of boar while she's going to town.