allina Posted March 13, 2010 Share Posted March 13, 2010 Apparently I am absolutely clueless when it comes to wedding "traditions." I'm planning my wedding and enjoying most of the process. However I'm constantly asked about things I just don't understand The first issue is that we are not having an official, outfit matching bridal party. I don't know who decided that this is such a must. Our friends are coming to the wedding, some of his friends, some of my friends and some mutual friends. We just didn't feel the need to pick certain friends to be IN the wedding, to do the matching dresses and assign our friends these "bridal party tasks." Then, I was talking to a dj and he's like "we make sure everything happens right and on time, the bouquet toss, the garter toss, the money dance, the anniversary dance, the father daughter dance, the groom mother dance, everything!" I think I may have actually started to slowly back away. I plan on tossing my bouquet but none of the other stuff. I don't even know what some of that stuff is. It seems like there is a huge list of things you're expected to do. No matter how much magazines and vendors tell you that this day is about you and your "unique" wedding they still react with shock when you don't do all this crap. It's possible that I'm clueless, I haven't been to many weddings. Of the weddings I have been to 2 were traditional Indian ones, 2 were in Europe in my home country and one was a friend's small backyard BBQ wedding. Can I just have a quick ceremony followed by a fun party. I don't want all this stuff that is all set up and meaningless to us. Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted March 13, 2010 Share Posted March 13, 2010 I personally would never marry a woman who didn't want to do the money dance. And if you don't have the matching outfits you might as well just invite a couple of divorce lawyers while you're at it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author allina Posted March 13, 2010 Author Share Posted March 13, 2010 I personally would never marry a woman who didn't want to do the money dance. And if you don't have the matching outfits you might as well just invite a couple of divorce lawyers while you're at it. Hi Johan Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted March 13, 2010 Share Posted March 13, 2010 I guess it's too late for me to ask you to marry me. As far as the money dance thing goes, I'm sure if we discussed it we could find a compromise. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted March 13, 2010 Share Posted March 13, 2010 Well, I don't think it's necessary to do ALL of the things that the DJ mentioned, but keep in mind that a lot of the things you think are a little silly are for the benefit of entertaining your guests. As for your wedding party, are you having a wedding party? A maid of honor? Best man? I think it's really important to include family and friends in the wedding itself... Link to post Share on other sites
Citizen Erased Posted March 13, 2010 Share Posted March 13, 2010 I guess it's too late for me to ask you to marry me. As far as the money dance thing goes, I'm sure if we discussed it we could find a compromise. Long time no see. Allina, choose the things YOU want, not what is expected of you. Screw what is expected. And what, may I ask, is a money dance? Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted March 13, 2010 Share Posted March 13, 2010 And what, may I ask, is a money dance? It's like the chicken dance. Actually I think it's where Allina slides around on a stage with a pole and the male guests give her cash. It's a traditional wedding thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Citizen Erased Posted March 13, 2010 Share Posted March 13, 2010 It's like the chicken dance. People pay the bride and groom to not make them do that ridiculous dance? Stripper brides, you Americans are strange. Link to post Share on other sites
Author allina Posted March 13, 2010 Author Share Posted March 13, 2010 As for your wedding party, are you having a wedding party? A maid of honor? Best man? I think it's really important to include family and friends in the wedding itself... I am NOT having a wedding party. I have never been to a wedding with brides maids and I don't want it. It feels artificial to me, and from what I hear it's a lot of drama. My fiance's brother is the one actually marrying us. Just because our friends won't be standing next to us in matching dresses while we exchange vows doesn't mean family and friends aren't included. Link to post Share on other sites
Author allina Posted March 13, 2010 Author Share Posted March 13, 2010 I guess it's too late for me to ask you to marry me. As far as the money dance thing goes, I'm sure if we discussed it we could find a compromise. I don't know what a money dance is, but I'm sure there is a compromise for it? Link to post Share on other sites
Author allina Posted March 13, 2010 Author Share Posted March 13, 2010 Allina, choose the things YOU want, not what is expected of you. Screw what is expected. See, people say that then a second later it's "OMG?!?!? No Maid of Honor?!?!? :eek::eek:" Link to post Share on other sites
IfWishesWereHorses Posted March 13, 2010 Share Posted March 13, 2010 IMO, the money dance is the tackiest trashiest thing I've ever witnessed.:eek: Allina, grab a wedding book, decide on what you will incorporate into your ceremony and reception and MAKE DARN SURE that the photographer, caterer and the DJ know ahead of time what you want to do and when. Having someone to take care of moving things along at the proper times will take a load off your mind, allow you to enjoy your guests without other worries, and insure that everything happens and is photographed if thats what you want. BE SURE to tell them that you do NOT want to be rushed about, pushed around... whatever... let them know which things are a must and which things are a no go. I was so sick of my photographer by the end of my reception, I wanted to scream. All I remember was barely greeting people then being rushed about from activity to activity. A few years later when my BFF got married in a not so traditional ceremony her photographer quit in the middle of the reception because the bride and groom refused to be pushed around... they kept saying, just get candid shots, and the photographer was steaming and saying this is unprofessional.... they really should have come to an agreement before hand as it got pretty ugly. Its your day... it should be whatever YOU want it to be... just be sure everyone is on the same page. Link to post Share on other sites
linwood Posted March 13, 2010 Share Posted March 13, 2010 Elope. Trust me it`s better this way. Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted March 13, 2010 Share Posted March 13, 2010 Can I just have a quick ceremony followed by a fun party. I don't want all this stuff that is all set up and meaningless to us. Sure! Here is some music for the dance of your party: (listen) The money dance is something they do in America, at least I wasn't familiar with that back home but yes with the groom and bride dance with the parents. Enjoy! How exciting! Link to post Share on other sites
Citizen Erased Posted March 13, 2010 Share Posted March 13, 2010 See, people say that then a second later it's "OMG?!?!? No Maid of Honor?!?!? :eek::eek:" Yeah, people are bitches. My sis was getting gasps about her only having me as her maid of honor, no bridesmaids. How scandalous! You're not going to please everyone so you may as well please yourself (and your fiance of course). Link to post Share on other sites
sweetjasmine Posted March 13, 2010 Share Posted March 13, 2010 The first issue is that we are not having an official, outfit matching bridal party. I don't know who decided that this is such a must. Our friends are coming to the wedding, some of his friends, some of my friends and some mutual friends. We just didn't feel the need to pick certain friends to be IN the wedding, to do the matching dresses and assign our friends these "bridal party tasks." A friend of mine just had her sisters and a friend or two be the bridesmaids, and they each wore a black dress - whichever black dress they had hanging in their closet - and had a pink shawl around their shoulders. They looked nice and didn't have to spend a lot of money on a stupid dress they'd never wear again. Link to post Share on other sites
CandyGirlXO Posted March 14, 2010 Share Posted March 14, 2010 Everyone is wrong The money dance is when friends and family line up and take turns dancing with either the bride or the groom. (slow dancing) and they "donate" money. They have someone collecting. Could be $1, $5, $10, $20, $50, $100. Whatever you feel like My brother did this at his wedding and made over 2K cash! I think it's cute, not tacky, entertaining, and you get extra cash for your honeymoon. =) For me personally I would one day hope to elope. But that's mostly because MOST of my family are completely embarrassing. Good luck and congrats! Link to post Share on other sites
Stung Posted March 14, 2010 Share Posted March 14, 2010 I have seen different versions of the Money Dance, from different cultures. One version the donation involved actually pinning money to the bride's dress for a dance with her. I know it was well-intentioned and everyone was very good-natured about it but yes, I thought it was tacky...but then, that's not part of the culture I grew up with, and in the end it's not like it was any of my business. Personally, Allina, I didn't do ANY of the things you are talking about. No bridesmaids, just my stepdaughter as both maid-of-honor AND best man, holding both our hands as we walked down a path to the platform over the water where we had our ceremony. My cousin was the minister. My father and mother-in-law took most of the pictures (both happen to be talented amateur photographers which was nice) and we passed some disposable cameras out to everyone else. We didn't even have any dancing at all, no DJ, just a barbecue and then a picnic on the beach with a lot of really good champagne and cheesecake. My new husband and I still have romantic wedding song memories as I made a playlist for us that we danced to privately over the next several days in our cabin in front of the fireplace while working on finishing the case of champagne . My wedding goal was intimacy, not pomp and circumstance; however both my husband and I are fairly non-traditional and our families were not wedding-obsessive types. The only reason I see to bother with any of that sh*t if it's not anything you care about personally is to keep peace with the in-laws. Since your future MIL is wedding-obsessed it might be a good idea to compromise on a few of the details that matter to her the most, but don't let her bully you into all of it! Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted March 14, 2010 Share Posted March 14, 2010 johan, you forgot to tell her the tradition of kidnapping the bride to "raise ransom money" and the pinning of money to the bride's dress ... some of the weddings I've heard about back home also sold $1 shots to people who wanted to toast the newlyweds. allina, it's whatever YOU want it to be. All the stuff others do is merely a guideline of what you do/don't want in your wedding. Take IWWH's advice and meet with the photographer, the minister/officiant, the cater, the DJ and let them know what exactly services you expect of them, period. and don't hesitate to ask folks about the photographer – if you want candid shots, someone who isn't just doing it strictly professionally and by the book might be your best bet. I know when my BFF got married, she looked at some of the work done by different folks, then chose a woman who adopted a professional manner but wasn't afraid to encourage candid shots as the opportunity arose. Because while the "money" shots that every one seems to like (nice, formal poses, etc) aren't necessarily the ones that capture YOUR attention and remind you what a special day that was ... Link to post Share on other sites
BlackLovely Posted March 14, 2010 Share Posted March 14, 2010 Hi sweetie. I completely understand your concerns; I am getting married in October. We are eloping because we don't think it makes sense to spend $20,000 on a wedding when we do not even own a home. Both sets of parents are not pleased with us, especially mine because I am the only daughter. My mother is a very controlling and status conscious woman. She tried to force us to let her plan the wedding by constantly needling my fiance and I. We have stuck to our guns and we have refused to take money from my parents, since we know that this is only a ploy to control the wedding. The point I'm trying to make is that it is YOUR DAY. You and your partner decide what you're going to do, not everyone else. If you don't want to follow traditions, then don't! It's about being strong enough to stand up to everyone who tries to control YOUR WEDDING. Hope this helps mama...Congrats! Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted March 14, 2010 Share Posted March 14, 2010 johan, you forgot to tell her the tradition of kidnapping the bride to "raise ransom money"... I'd kidnap her for my own purposes. I don't need money. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted March 14, 2010 Share Posted March 14, 2010 it might be considered an added perk for *her* Link to post Share on other sites
JustLooking123 Posted March 14, 2010 Share Posted March 14, 2010 IMO, the money dance is the tackiest trashiest thing I've ever witnessed.:eek: Amen! I was just about to post that, almost in those exact words. So tacky and classless! I don't know who ever thought it was a good idea. Link to post Share on other sites
Lauriebell82 Posted March 15, 2010 Share Posted March 15, 2010 I don't know what a money dance is, but I'm sure there is a compromise for it? As Candygirl said, it's also called the "dollar dance." Wedding guests pay a dollar and get a jello shot. Then they dance with the bride. We are doing it to get spending money for our honeymoon! My best friend said she made $200 off her dollar dance! Anyway, as far as traditions go, you don't have to do ANY of them if you don't want to. However, I would be prepared to have people think it's a bit odd to not follow those traditions. You can say something like: "We don't want a traditional wedding, just a nice event where people can help us celebrate our love." Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted March 15, 2010 Share Posted March 15, 2010 IMO, the money dance is the tackiest trashiest thing I've ever witnessed.:eek: I couldn't agree more. I'd be SHOCKED if anyone I know ever did that - straight TACKY. Link to post Share on other sites
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