JamieLeigh514 Posted January 11, 2004 Share Posted January 11, 2004 I really have to vent and I hope I get some feedback. Since I have moved in with my boyfriend, I have come to the conclusion that men are disgusting. I hate to make a general statement like that, but it's just what I've been exposed to. My boyfriend's friends are always making dirty, nasty, sexual comments toward every good-looking woman they see. There's a giant stack of magazines in my bathroom and every time I go in there, I have to look at half-naked pictures of female models and celebrities. Not only does this make me question my own body, but I really can't seem to understand why it is so necessary for men to oggle over women all the time. When I first moved into this apartment, my boyfriend was worried about me using his computer. I soon found out that he had a library of about 200 pictures of naked women... including one of his ex. Why??? And, after looking at so many naked women all the time, don't they become uninteresting to them? They all look just about the same to me, especially the pictures in the men's magazines (STUFF, FHM, MAXIM). The nasty things I always hear when I'm in my room come from my boyfriend's friends. But, I can't help but wonder if he'd be saying the same things if I wasn't in the other room. I can't help but wonder... why do they think these things?? How do I deal with it? Do I have to just learn to except the way men are and understand that even though my boyfriend doesn't say those thing, he still thinks them and always will? Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted January 11, 2004 Share Posted January 11, 2004 Well, it's true that some people consider sex to be 'dirty' and 'nasty'. Most men, particularly when they are younger, are very sexual beings. Their bodies are made to procreate and they are primed to do so. It's not 'dirty', it's just biology. It's unfortunate that sex became considered something 'dirty' and that those attitudes persist. I would hope you don't think less of your bf because of this. Even famous preachers confess to having 'lustful thoughts'. It's the human condition. Link to post Share on other sites
Fancy Posted January 11, 2004 Share Posted January 11, 2004 How old are both of you? Have you spoken to him about this and told him how it makes you feel disrespected? And no, not all men are this way. Most, but not all. LOL Link to post Share on other sites
Author JamieLeigh514 Posted January 11, 2004 Author Share Posted January 11, 2004 When I say dirty, let me just tell you the comment I heard from my living room ten minutes ago. His friend was looking at a magazine with Tara Reid and he says, "Man, I would like hear to put her a**h*** on my face!!!!!" Tell me that is not disgusting. These are the kinds of comments I hear all the time from them. Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted January 11, 2004 Share Posted January 11, 2004 Maybe you should stop hanging out with his friends? Link to post Share on other sites
Author JamieLeigh514 Posted January 11, 2004 Author Share Posted January 11, 2004 At this point, I have no choice. Our apartment is like the local hangout. I hate the whole situation. Right now, we're both saving up money to move out on our own. We have a roommate who is a disgusting, slutty, drunkard. Neither of us can stand him anymore, but we just don't have the money to make any changes right now. Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted January 11, 2004 Share Posted January 11, 2004 I've posted on this subject more than once....BUT..... I work in a shipyard with contractors and sailors. We've almost WRECKED heading back to the compound due to the driver (and fellow riders) trying to check out some female's ass. In addition to that, I hear 'the morning after stories'.......do they speak of if like gentlemen?? OH HELL NO! Most women would be appalled to know the way their men speak of sex at work. Keep in mind though.....THIS IS A MAN'S WORLD! A place where they no longer have to be politically correct. They understand each other. They aren't monsters.....they just live in a different sort of connection among themselves. SO...we invade their world in the name of 'woman's lib'......yet...want to prohibit them from being who they have been all along. Is that fair????? NO...it is not. I believe in the old adage....."If you can't run with the BIG dogs.....stay on the friggin porch!". Males have their own camaraderie. It works for them. LEAVE THEM ALONE!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
WWDDFD Posted January 11, 2004 Share Posted January 11, 2004 Originally posted by JamieLeigh514 I really have to vent and I hope I get some feedback. Since I have moved in with my boyfriend, I have come to the conclusion that men are disgusting. I hate to make a general statement like that, but it's just what I've been exposed to. My boyfriend's friends are always making dirty, nasty, sexual comments toward every good-looking woman they see. There's a giant stack of magazines in my bathroom and every time I go in there, I have to look at half-naked pictures of female models and celebrities. Not only does this make me question my own body, but I really can't seem to understand why it is so necessary for men to oggle over women all the time. When I first moved into this apartment, my boyfriend was worried about me using his computer. I soon found out that he had a library of about 200 pictures of naked women... including one of his ex. Why??? And, after looking at so many naked women all the time, don't they become uninteresting to them? They all look just about the same to me, especially the pictures in the men's magazines (STUFF, FHM, MAXIM). The nasty things I always hear when I'm in my room come from my boyfriend's friends. But, I can't help but wonder if he'd be saying the same things if I wasn't in the other room. I can't help but wonder... why do they think these things?? How do I deal with it? Do I have to just learn to except the way men are and understand that even though my boyfriend doesn't say those thing, he still thinks them and always will? Madame, I can assure you, not all of us are like that. I have never, and I never shall, make a lewd comment towards a woman, even behind her back. I consider it most disrespectful. Link to post Share on other sites
brashgal Posted January 11, 2004 Share Posted January 11, 2004 <<And, after looking at so many naked women all the time, don't they become uninteresting to them? They all look just about the same to me, especially the pictures in the men's magazines (STUFF, FHM, MAXIM).>> Men are more visual than women - they like to look... Link to post Share on other sites
Medgirl Posted January 11, 2004 Share Posted January 11, 2004 Start looking at porn magazines and start talking dirty about men. If you can't beat em, join em! Enjoy yourself! Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted January 11, 2004 Share Posted January 11, 2004 Originally posted by Medgirl Start looking at porn magazines and start talking dirty about men. If you can't beat em, join em! Enjoy yourself! Yeah, then he'll say, "Honey, you're right", and then you'll be the WINNER! Congrats! Link to post Share on other sites
Medgirl Posted January 11, 2004 Share Posted January 11, 2004 lol no no it's not about revenge. It's about opportunity. I'm guessing he either won't care or he'll like it, but at least you can enjoy naked men without conflict now lol. Link to post Share on other sites
OrlandoGirl Posted January 11, 2004 Share Posted January 11, 2004 Umm..not all men are like that. Just certain, shall I say "class" of men, or boys. Set your sights higher for a more well vocally and mentally groomed man, and you shouldn't have a big problem with this. (A lesson it took me a while to learn as well) Link to post Share on other sites
BlockHead Posted January 11, 2004 Share Posted January 11, 2004 I have had many conversations and arguments about this. Why do some women love jerks, and why do they keep going back no matter how many times they get burned? Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted January 12, 2004 Share Posted January 12, 2004 Originally posted by BlockHead Why do some women love jerks, and why do they keep going back no matter how many times they get burned? Emotional development issues. Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted January 12, 2004 Share Posted January 12, 2004 Maybe they think that you're just "one of the guys" now that you've moved in. Boys will be boys. Link to post Share on other sites
sweetmind20 Posted January 22, 2004 Share Posted January 22, 2004 you know, i understand that men are "conditioned" to check out other women. fine. but if a guy is with someone in a relationship, he should show some tact, instead of acting like every attractive female is just a hole. have you told your bf that you don't like the way his friends talk when you are around? if so,what does he say? you say that your place is the local hangout. well, don't any of your guy's friends have homes? why don't they keep their male activities and language at their place, instead of marching in and taking over your place? anyway, it seems to me that these guys are just extremely immature. while it is normal for guys to notice an attractive woman, doesnt mean they have to do it in your presence. your guy has to know that you're hearing his friends comments.. he should stick up for you, and ask them to tone it down or get out. i know most guys have looked at, and do look at porn, but some of them... they just have no social skills whatsoever, and use this to pass the time with buddies. guys rarely get emotionally attached to other males..the guys they hang out with are mostly activity pals. unfortunately, this crap their pulling around you now is their sad way of trying to relate to each other. i bet they can't really hold an intelligent convo.. so they stick to fool proof topics:sports, chics, alcohol, etc. if your guy can't stand up for you,maybe you should question his maturity and committment. like that love song.. "when a man loves a woman".. if he loves you, he will turn his back on those who disrespect you..(even if it is his best friend) either that, or give them a swift kick in the ass. Link to post Share on other sites
Errol Posted January 22, 2004 Share Posted January 22, 2004 Personal opinions about porn and lewd comments aside; Quite a few responses are saying "your boyfriend should do this or that" and how does that help the poster? There is no rigid template for behavior for any person in a given situation. My question is -- why are you in another room? Why not come out and join the party? Then you can address the people who are offending you and ask them why they say such things? What does it make them feel like to say those things and look at those pictures? What do they get out of it? Do they compare their real life girlfriends with the pictures they see? Conversations that include comments about sex and female anatomy is a common bonding ritual between men. They can joke about things, make nasty remarks and laugh together, etc. and it has nothing to do with how they feel about their wives or girl friends. It is a whole separate issue. I've seen women do the exact same thing - including some pretty disparaging remarks about their own husbands/bfs appearance and/or attitude, and comments about some sexy man they saw in person or on TV, etc. If you explain that you are uncomfortable with this banter and ask him to refrain from it in your presence and he tells you to get over it, then you have some respect issues to deal with. On the other hand - if the apartment is a frequent hang-out then maybe you can find some friends of your own to hang out with someplace else and let the guys have their 'guys night in' at your place. Maybe you can alternate this so that you both have equal, quality time in the apartment. Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted January 23, 2004 Share Posted January 23, 2004 You're absolutely right, Errol. I think I agree with just about everything you said. I think the poster was trying to get an idea from others as to whether or not her feelings were justified, or whether she was perhaps getting upset over "natural behavior". I think it's natural for guys to express sexual desire whenever they see a young attractive female - especially when they're young and especially when they're around other guys. It's the pack mentality at work. That doesn't mean that the poster's feelings aren't valid; if it bothers her, she should be direct and say so. I wouldn't just tell her boyfriend either - tell everyone who's in the room listening, and tell them why. And then once all the guys leave she should just explain to her boyfriend why she reacted the way she did. I think that approach is good, because it's direct, but it doesn't put all the pressure on the guy to police his friend's activities and to choose between her and his friends. A guy will resent being put in such an awkward position, but doing it this way ensures that everyone hears it from the horse's mouth, and that the boyfriend can thus reinforce what's already been said if need be. I think half of romance is figuring out tactics, about understanding how to help the other person help yourself. Most of us (including me) just don't get it until it's too late. Link to post Share on other sites
Curt Posted January 23, 2004 Moderators Share Posted January 23, 2004 [color=darkred]The nasty things I always hear when I'm in my room come from my boyfriend's friends.[/color] Clearly, one cannot control the behavior or social context of everyone's world. You can wonder about how he behaves/thinks about you/talks about you when you're not in the immediate vacinity, but clearly, the one man that means most to you in that room, DID NOT disrespect you, as a girl amongst his friends. That he has magazines and looks at naked women makes him male; one of the things that attracted you to him in the beginning. Maybe he needs a lesson in 'where to store his girly magazines', yes. Just the same, I am wondering how you "soon discovered" the picture stash on the computer? (Did those images just innocently 'popped up on the screen') Did he tell you where they were on there, or...? Just curious... In any event...does HE disrespect YOU as the woman he loves in front of his friends? That is the most impt. question. As a caring girlfriend, you can certainly make your feelings known to your boyfriend (i.e, about how his friends comments make you feel), but it's difficult to control the social mores of an entire population of men (and the same holds true for men when attempting to overcome "female social mores.") Just my perspective. Curt Link to post Share on other sites
BrainRightHeartWrong Posted January 23, 2004 Share Posted January 23, 2004 all depends whether you have a classy boyfriend or not! obviously you seem to unfortunately have not! a man with class will not act like your boyfriend and now its up to you whether to decide if you are at his level or if you deserve better!!!! LIKE ATTACTS LIKE! well usually! no offense! Link to post Share on other sites
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