Do all women eventually start resenting their husbands?

[giotto]

That's my life. Yuck. Major yuck. So they do what it is they think they are supposed to do and then are serviced and are happy? Why is it I'm supposed to be happy someone comes home and does what they consider yet another duty and then wants to have sex and all is well? I'm a person. Not a fit and sexy service station.

 

They work, they complain, they get sex and they will do what they have to do so we don't nag? Yuck, yuck and yuck. Yuck. LOL I will keep typing yuck endlessly if I don't stop. Yuck.

 

I want someone to hug me and ask me how I'm doing and mean it. I want to care how they are doing and not feel they just want me to shut up and service them after they do their honey do list.

 

 

 

Pretty good.mm:D

 

And that's why I find some advice on LS pretty unfeasible for me. I don't want to sit down with my wife and say: if you do this, I'll do this. If you give me sex, I'll wash the dishes. Actually, I have asked her to give me sex (but not more often, some sex... lol), because I think it's very important in a relationship and a deal-breaker. But I would never use it a bargaining tool. I would just walk away. I don't want to force my wife to do something she doesn't want to. If we get to that stage, the relationship is over... even sex has to come from her heart. If I threaten to live because there is no sex, then she must learn how to have sex with me again, but only if she really wants to or wants it. Otherwise, it's pointless.

[Toodamnpragmatic]

That's my life. Yuck. Major yuck. So they do what it is they think they are supposed to do and then are serviced and are happy? Why is it I'm supposed to be happy someone comes home and does what they consider yet another duty and then wants to have sex and all is well? I'm a person. Not a fit and sexy service station.

 

They work, they complain, they get sex and they will do what they have to do so we don't nag? Yuck, yuck and yuck. Yuck. LOL I will keep typing yuck endlessly if I don't stop. Yuck.

 

I want someone to hug me and ask me how I'm doing and mean it. I want to care how they are doing and not feel they just want me to shut up and service them after they do their honey do list.

 

Yup.... Sounds like your life sucks.... The last paragraph gets me too... My point is what a man hopes for. Of course though they also want to know about their spouse, what she is thinking and what she cares about.... All part of having a relationship.

 

What you say is YOUR SPOUSE, doesn't care about you and doesn't talk to you. If that is the case, you are beyond hope.

 

This is why us men are so thick.... I read your post and this is exactly what woggle pointed at in his OP..... Look at what you wrote. Basically the issue is you don't communicate with your husband, who may indeed be a jerk (I don't know) and are unhappy at all the things he does, because as far as I can tell he does not talk to YOU. He may be for all we know completely obtuse and doesn't know what is hurting you.

 

So you proved the point of the OP, that you RESENT your husband. Now tell us why, outside he does not take an interest in you and talk to you, which rightly is a terrible thing.

Edited March 16, 2010 by Toodamnpragmatic

[xxoo]

How is that yuck? If women were as easy to please as men are I would love it. You do for him and he does for you. Why is this a bad thing?

 

Doing things for me is always appreciated

 

But housework and childcare? When we are both home, those are equally his and my responsibilities. The attitude that these chores are "my work" and that he is "helping me" is a turn off. Honestly pulling his own weight is a turn on.

 

Don't even get me started about fathers who "babysit" their own kids

 

Sex in trade is not hot, unless I'm feeling into some whore role play:p. Inspire me to sex you up. Obligatory sex is a turn off, and the fast road to resentment.

[Toodamnpragmatic]

Doing things for me is always appreciated

 

But housework and childcare? When we are both home, those are equally his and my responsibilities. The attitude that these chores are "my work" and that he is "helping me" is a turn off. Honestly pulling his own weight is a turn on.

 

Don't even get me started about fathers who "babysit" their own kids

 

Sex in trade is not hot, unless I'm feeling into some whore role play:p. Inspire me to sex you up. Obligatory sex is a turn off, and the fast road to resentment.

 

I babysit my kids all the time.... The point about housework I said earlier, was when a woman (and yes always women), points it out to her husband and starts treating it as if it is some chore he is to do and then is critical of it and condescending and treats her husband as another child in the home (and yes this often happens).

[xxoo]

a woman (and yes always women), points it out to her husband and starts treating it as if it is some chore he is to do and then is critical of it and condescending and treats her husband as another child in the home (and yes this often happens).

 

Yes, I realize this happens. Bad dynamic. I get really irritated with the women who criticize everything their husbands do with the kids and house, and then whine that they never help They give us all a bad rap!

 

But, for the record, it isn't always the woman who is pointing out the chores. Some women are married to neat freaks who criticize the housekeeping (which they believe it the woman's responsibility) nearly constantly, as if she is the paid help--which she, of course, is not. Another bad dynamic. Men and women are innovative enough to come up with an infinite number of ways to screw up their relationships!

[2sure]

Of course I now expect 2sure to make an appearance and remind us about her crappy marriage (that I feel terrible about)....

 

I havent read or responded to this thread before...I am surprised and puzzled as to why I would be used as an example in this context. Although my marriage has suffered a crisis not uncommon in this forum...

I hardly stand for the stereotype of a resentful & disgruntled wife. And I'm not a man basher by any means - thats laughable.

[sally4sara]

 

I havent read or responded to this thread before...I am surprised and puzzled as to why I would be used as an example in this context. Although my marriage has suffered a crisis not uncommon in this forum...

I hardly stand for the stereotype of a resentful & disgruntled wife. And I'm not a man basher by any means - thats laughable.

 

Isn't it odd how people take little slices of your life from your posts and decide they know all about you?

And further odd how people let the actions of one partner paint the identity of that person's spouse.

[EnigmasMuse]

Isn't it odd how people take little slices of your life from your posts and decide they know all about you?

And further odd how people let the actions of one partner paint the identity of that person's spouse.

 

 

I love this! So true!

[GorillaTheater]

 

I havent read or responded to this thread before...I am surprised and puzzled as to why I would be used as an example in this context. Although my marriage has suffered a crisis not uncommon in this forum...

I hardly stand for the stereotype of a resentful & disgruntled wife. And I'm not a man basher by any means - thats laughable.

 

It's either:

 

1) Mem finally telling TooDamn to get off his leg, and TooDamn needing to find another outlet, or

 

2) A passive-aggressive way of dealing with his lust for your avatar.

 

I have to admit, though, I kind of get the latter. But I'm easy.

[2sure]

In almost any long term relationship lived in close quarters , the usual irritations and resentments stereotypically gender assigned often settle in. Thats why there are so many marriage jokes. But for each of us, if we are somewhat self aware we know going in what kinds of irritations we can over look and what we absolutely cannot live with - And should also be able to tell whether our partner may have a proclivity to one type of behavior or another.

 

For example, I can easily identify a man that will eventually buy a red corvette that he cannot afford.

[Toodamnpragmatic]

I am terrible with names (much less screen names).... I think I mixed you up with someone else.... My bad.....

[sally4sara]

You and Woggle need to move out of Jersey. It seems you must live near him to find all these horrible women all the time like he does.

 

Agreed. While I know its not possible for all the women in Jersey to be like the women on "the real housewives of NJ", it would explain a lot if these were the women our fellow NJ male poster are dealing with on the regular.

 

The phrase "You prostitution whore!" is now a permanent joke around my house during card games.

[OldEurope]

You've made an excellent point, OE. Sometimes it's just a case of misery enjoying like-minded company, I think. At times, though, it seems associated with a bit of power hunger. Lower other people's morale and dampen their spirits in an effort to make them more malleable.

 

 

Exactly--and to my mind this is not just a power play in certain couples, but something that I just see en masse, culturally. Alora, I am not always at Church on Sunday, but this is what I would define as "evil": a concerted effort to dampen that morale, for power's sake...

 

But to pin it all down at once... It's like an invisible curtain of some sort of noxious gas or fog hung over the heads of society at large, one that you sense around you but don't immediately see....

 

OE

[Jeff1962]

I knew from early dating that I did not like gentle giving kind men. Jeff from the sound of it would drive me bonkers. I am a take charge type of person. I will push you around and boss you around and resent you for letting me do it. I want someone who will argue with me. I love arguing. I will admit when I'm wrong, but I'll crow when I'm right and I want someone who is like that. I need it. I dated a few guys that I treated like dirt because they let me get away with it. And yeah no respect for them.

CCL

 

Let's you and I get something very straight here. You know nothing about me other than what I have posted here. Got it?

 

I would not drive you bonkers because;

 

#1. I am not into overweight women.

 

#2. I do not respect women who are into open relationships, I find them to be quite distasteful and shallow.

 

#3. I would never be with a woman who push men around, I find them to be quite a bore and they usually suck in bed, even though they think they are great.

 

#4. And finally, why you had to drag me into this is beyond me. But obviously you are thinking of me. You would not even stand a chance with me. You are laughable at most.

 

So where does this leave us? I would say Paris, Rome but you'd probably be thinking more along the lines of BurgerKing or McDonalds.

 

Blow it out your second pie hole.

[TinyLee222]

Let's you and I get something very straight here. You know nothing about me other than what I have posted here. Got it?

 

I would not drive you bonkers because;

 

#1. I am not into overweight women.

 

#2. I do not respect women who are into open relationships, I find them to be quite distasteful and shallow.

 

#3. I would never be with a woman who push men around, I find them to be quite a bore and they usually suck in bed, even though they think they are great.

 

#4. And finally, why you had to drag me into this is beyond me. But obviously you are thinking of me. You would not even stand a chance with me. You are laughable at most.

 

So where does this leave us? I would say Paris, Rome but you'd probably be thinking more along the lines of BurgerKing or McDonalds.

 

Blow it out your second pie hole.

 

 

Love it Jeff!

 

 

Lee

[crazycatlady]

Let's you and I get something very straight here. You know nothing about me other than what I have posted here. Got it?

 

I would not drive you bonkers because;

 

#1. I am not into overweight women.

 

#2. I do not respect women who are into open relationships, I find them to be quite distasteful and shallow.

 

#3. I would never be with a woman who push men around, I find them to be quite a bore and they usually suck in bed, even though they think they are great.

 

#4. And finally, why you had to drag me into this is beyond me. But obviously you are thinking of me. You would not even stand a chance with me. You are laughable at most.

 

So where does this leave us? I would say Paris, Rome but you'd probably be thinking more along the lines of BurgerKing or McDonalds.

 

Blow it out your second pie hole.

 

Easy there Jeff. I didn't mean you personally, I meant you as the type of man you are on here. You are kind, and sweet. You try very hard, and you are working so hard at making things right in your marriage.

 

I should have said Men like Jeff. I'm sorry its insulting to you to be labeled a nice guy. But you are one. And there is nothing wrong with that. And the you there was a generic you. I was just trying to think of the nice guy on the board.

 

So my apologies for wording my post poorly.

 

And having been to both Paris and Rome, I would rather be left in Florence. I prefer that area.

 

CCL

[sally4sara]

Easy there Jeff. I didn't mean you personally, I meant you as the type of man you are on here. You are kind, and sweet. You try very hard, and you are working so hard at making things right in your marriage.

 

I should have said Men like Jeff. I'm sorry its insulting to you to be labeled a nice guy. But you are one. And there is nothing wrong with that. And the you there was a generic you. I was just trying to think of the nice guy on the board.

 

So my apologies for wording my post poorly.

 

And having been to both Paris and Rome, I would rather be left in Florence. I prefer that area.

 

CCL

 

What a classy way of handling that! Props to you CCL!

[EnigmasMuse]

What a classy way of handling that! Props to you CCL!

 

 

You beat me to it!

 

But I agree, its was a great way to handle this.

[She's_NotInLove_w/Me]

yes CCL, you redeemed yourself...

 

I consider myself a 'nice guy.' I hold the qualities of patience, humility, courtesy high on my list of important traits. I would go out of my way to make sure that my wife is happy. We have a close relationship, but I am definitely not too clingy in my opinion.

 

In my humble opinion this is the type of man I would want for my own daughter to marry - as a father of 4 daughters that is no light statement to make.

 

I think I understand the difference between a wimp who allows his wife to step all over him and a gentleman who goes out of his way to please her... but it may be hard for me to quantify.

 

Anyone care to elborate any more so I can see better what you are speaking of?

 

 

As to the original topic I think that the 'prick (read azzhat) husband', and/or the 'lazy, sit on the couch could care less', and/or the 'what's emotion got to do with it?' husband would be a bigger risk for a resentful wife than a typical 'nice guy.'

[Mme. Chaucer]

Resentment is poison, so if one finds themselves harboring it, they will cause damage to themselves and their relationships if they do not nip it in the bud.

 

On another note;

 

A husband (or any man) who is confident in his own person can be as nice and helpful to his mate as it is possible to be without becoming a "doormat" or otherwise "unmanning" himself. Men who keep expressing their fear that women are out to get them somehow seem pathetically weak to me.

 

Evolve!

[xxoo]

I think I understand the difference between a wimp who allows his wife to step all over him and a gentleman who goes out of his way to please her... but it may be hard for me to quantify.

 

I think the difference may be in the treatment he receives from his wife.

 

If his wife treats him equally well, he is a lucky man.

If his wife treats him poorly, he is a door mat.

[crazycatlady]

yes CCL, you redeemed yourself...

 

I consider myself a 'nice guy.' I hold the qualities of patience, humility, courtesy high on my list of important traits. I would go out of my way to make sure that my wife is happy. We have a close relationship, but I am definitely not too clingy in my opinion.

 

In my humble opinion this is the type of man I would want for my own daughter to marry - as a father of 4 daughters that is no light statement to make.

 

I think I understand the difference between a wimp who allows his wife to step all over him and a gentleman who goes out of his way to please her... but it may be hard for me to quantify.

 

Anyone care to elborate any more so I can see better what you are speaking of?

 

 

As to the original topic I think that the 'prick (read azzhat) husband', and/or the 'lazy, sit on the couch could care less', and/or the 'what's emotion got to do with it?' husband would be a bigger risk for a resentful wife than a typical 'nice guy.'

 

I think the biggest risk of resentfulness is taking the other person for granted. Which can happen even if the other person is a giver. Because the giving is automatic, its not thought out, or can sometimes feel that way.

 

Maybe its because I've never met a truly nice guy who was also strong in person. I think its the whole phrase "goes out of his way to please her" that I have trouble with. That sounds...it sound desprite to me. Which is not attractive, TO ME. I know women who would love it.

 

I tend to be a giver myself, and I have to make sure that I also make demands for myself. I can always tell when I've been too nice and need to bring back the assertive part of myself and be a little selfish.

 

Selfishness isn't necessarily a bad trait. If its too much, then yes its bad, but a certian amount is healthy and needed.

 

CCL

[Mme. Chaucer]

My man IS a truly nice one who is very strong as well. At least, he is truly nice to ME, and to his grown children. I believe he was an ass in his marriage (which was over 8 years before we met) and he certainly knows very well ALL the contributions he made to its demise.

 

I guess I'm just lucky! Also, old. It has its up side.

[Skump]

Nearly every marriage I have seen eventually has resulted in a situation where the woman resents the hell out of a man for whatever reason and he has no clue why.

 

In these situations, IME, it's almost invariably the case that either:

 

A) the union was completely ill advised from the beginning (poor basic compatibility)

 

B) the guy in question is a worthless sack who injects zero romance into the relationship and watches tons of TV

 

C) the guy's a spineless p-whipped douche.

 

As to the latter point, guys need to understand that women ultimately despise weakness. No man should ever allow anyone to convince him otherwise; the counter-evidence is colossal. Millions of men sabotage themselves, for instance, by allowing their wives or GFs to use sex as a negotiating item. This would be an instantaneous relationship terminator for me, which is probably why I've never had this problem with any woman.

[spriggig]

...Because the giving is automatic, its not thought out, or can sometimes feel that way.

 

Right, it's the thought that counts. As I understand it now, women want to know that a man is thinking of her because love is having ones thoughts consumed by the other. Following a routine of chores isn't a loving gesture.

 

...I can always tell when I've been too nice and need to bring back the assertive part of myself and be a little selfish.

 

CrazyCatLady, how can you tell when you've been too nice?

 

_________________

Edited March 21, 2010 by spriggig