If you're friends and suspect she's into you... how can you be 'sure' she is?

[bananaboat11]

Without ruining the potential friendship... because it usually gets awkwards after you 'break that boundary'...

 

 

thanks

[spiderowl]

This is really difficult to know unless she is obvious about it. If she isn't, then I guess the main thing to look for would be responses in all forms. If you text her, does she respond in a way that might encourage further communication? If you phone her, is she happy to hear from you and happy to phone you back? If you are out in a group situation, say, does she seem to be aware of you and ready to respond if you speak to her? If you suggest going somewhere or doing something, does she respond in a pleased way even if it's a group thing? Do you find it hard to get her attention? If so, she's probably not that interested or she'd be conscious of you a lot of the time and alert to you. If getting responses to anything takes ages and she seems to be avoiding having to, then she's probably trying to keep it to just friends.

[WTRanger]

If one person in a friendship develops feelings, at that very moment in time the friendship ceases to exist and becomes awkward. There is zero risk here. If you or her have feelings, it is already messed up so the only logical solution is to find out for 100% certainty.

 

It is by far better to know than to live the rest of your life with an unknown.

[bananaboat11]

hmmm

 

i think she does

[johan]

You could just face up to the fact that the only purpose of the friendship is to provide a holding pattern until you either move on to something more or realize nothing more will ever happen. Either way, the friendship will end.

[bananaboat11]

she's home for spring break this week... i told her I'd call her about hanging out. I may try to either make something happen OR ruin our friendship this week.

 

one or the other will happen...

 

unless she's an FWB type... but i don't know if I want that.

[ADF]

It needn't ruin your friendship. There will always be people who we find attractive but who will never be part of our dating pool. This can happen for many different reasons. They may not be interested. They may be married, or engaged. They may live too far away. They may be gay (or straight. It is always okay to ask. Just keep in mind that sometimes the answer is going to be "no." If that happens, you need to leave it there. The awkwardness you describe only becomes a problem when one of the parties is unable (or unwilling) to let the thing go.

[saltnpepper]

I use testing signals. These include:

 

1) Standing a little closer. Just a bit. If she moves away, there's your answer. If she smiles, that's a yes indicator.

2) Look into her eyes with warmth. If she returns the gaze with warmth and just that hint of a smile, she's into it probably. Sometimes it's just the little sparkle and the little crinkle of a secret smile

3) Mostly, I look for an alignment of energy that's open and free feeling. I will distinguish this from a forced kind of tense alignment. I have finally figured out that comes from desperately lonely people attempting to force fit themselves into a friendly available spot. I don't believe that's intentional.

4) Wait for a touch. Some people aren't good at that.

5) Invite a touch. Sit a little closer, or sit down where there's room close to you. Or invite over with shy people.

6) If a hug gets arranged somehow, become open to hints. If her face is to the side, friend hug. If her face is towards your centerline, relax into it, let it get just a little warmer. If she snuggles in, just be open and accept it, don't grab or squeeze. Let it be. If she nuzzles into your neck, drop your head into her a bit. You'd be surprised, this may trigger her face lifting to you, which I always take to mean a kiss is possibly desired. Test with a nuzzle, face to face, then if no change, kiss lightly. Take your time.

 

The eyes are the big thing for me. And the overall energy field. With current gf, we had some testing between us and within each of us, because we had an explicit "only platonic" deal in writing (well, emails). Something to do with other things in our respective lives. I noted extended eye contact, her leaning towards me, me leaning towards her. No hesitation to sit next to each other pretty closely without really planning for that. Her pupils would dilate a bunch (objective observation) and on my end, the world would slow down and become nothing but her liquid smiling eyes. Those all seemed like hints to me. I was lonely and asked if she'd like to sit by me. She did, very close, immediately. Then in the car, she leaned towards me and I leaned towards her, and she snuggled up. I did the head down on hers and after a little bit her face lifted, the kiss signal. I tested with a light kiss on the forehead and that was that. Sequential testing. We tested the kissing thing a good deal immediately, to make sure it worked.

 

Perhaps that information helps.

[JohnM]

Good advice for readings SNP!

 

BBoat I would say go for it. Just push your boundaries that little bit more the next time you see her and read the signs. If you can get physically close and you don't sense she feels awkward about it then initiate something. Sit on a couch, or a bench. Move in, look her in the eyes and you'll probably know if she wants more.

 

You don't want to be stuck in the friendship boat forever whilst its sailing and you're both awkward. Clear the lines before its in motion. Not all friendships are ruined by the tentative feeling out process of one of the two checking if something more than a platonic relationship is available is wanted. I have quite a few close female friends who started off as being romantically interested in me but I managed the situation well enough to have them as close platonic relationships. I also have a close female friend who I was interested in but she wasn't into me who I am close friends with now.

 

Some people can do it, some people can't but its definately worth the chance and it really clears the air afterwards and you'll feel a weight lifted and you wont always be having to analyse and think about what you're doing around her if you get me?

[USMCHokie]

Oh geez Rob...who is it now...?