Choosing between two guys! PLEASE HELP ME!

[Key-Lime]

Hey everybody, I have this huge problem that is stressing me out so bad. Please help me out with some advice that will at least make me think so hopefully I can figure this out. Ok, this is the story. I dated this one guy, Will*, for a year and then I cheated on him while playing truth or dare. I didn't really think about it because it was just a game to me. We had been in a long distance relationship. He was really upset and broke up with me. Then about a week later he said he wanted to get back with me because he loved me and would forgive me.

 

I decided I liked being single and wanted to see what all was out there before settling down with one person. He went away in the military and I dated a few people. One guy that I dated, Jared*, I really started to like a lot though. Things got a little bit sketchy with us and I started wanting to be with Will again. I am afraid it may just be because I look at Will as safe and secure because I know he will always be there for me and would never ever hurt me. So I started going back out with Will and now every time I see Jared I want to be with him.

 

 

So now unintentionally I am cheating on Will. I have every intention of being good and just being friends with Jared but I can't help it. I just like him so much. I'll explain the two guys..... Will---safe, secure, romantic, sweet, would never hurt me, would do anything to help me, mad or depressed a lot------------------------------------jared----funny, fun, happy, enjoys life.....................SO I CAN"T choose who I want to be with!!! I don't want to be unhappy stuck with an unhappy person like Will the rest of my life but I love him! But I think I might love the other one too!I DONT KNOW!!!!!! PLEASE HELP ME OUT!!!

[Arabess]

Well Key-Lime.......OBVIOUSLY neither one of them fit the 'whole picture' of what you are wanting and needing from a relationship which will be fulfilling for you. You can't make two people one.......SOOOOO...the best thing you can do is to find that one special person....who is ALL the things you are wanting and needing rolled into one.

 

I know it's hard to give up someone....or two people....who kinda match up to what you are visioning in your life. But to 'settle' for one of them....is still robbing you of your entire happiness.....and using the person who can only fulfill a portion of it.

 

It's a tough call......but stringing someone......anyone....along who doesn't make you entirely happy....is cheating youself....and THEM!

[bryanp]

Hello,

 

I have a question for you. How would you feel if Will was doing to you what you are doing to him? My suggestion is to be honest with Will and tell him the truth that you continue to cheat on him with Jared and allow him to decide what he wishes to do. What you are doing to Will is very hurtful. Be honest and admit that this you are unable to be with him and be loyal to him in a long distance relationship. Allow Will the opportunity to find someone else who can truly love and respect him for who he is because clearly you are unable to do so. I wish you luck.

[rc2003]

I understand how you feel. It is hard to find all the qualities you desire in one person. Sometimes when you post a message the replies can be harsh. That's because no one understands how it can be to live with such a struggle. It's hard to figure out what to do and I totally get how it can take over your thoughts all day! No one can tell you what to do but what has helped me is to make a list out of pros and cons for each person. Your heart may tell you one thing but your body another. Is someone more suited for a friend? It depends on what you are looking for in a b/f. Marriage potential or good fun? If someone is boring than you probably don't want to spend the rest of your life with them. However if a person is all fun and nothing more than that can't be good either. Who do you miss more when you are not around? Also, don't let guilt rule your decision. Everyone makes mistakes and everything happens for a reason.

[advicegirl]

That is a hard decision. Well, you started off with wil and honestly maybe you should stay with him. He knows you cheated on him right? So he had to really love you if he came back to you. Most guys move on but he came back.

advicegirl

[Lil]

What Arabess said rings true. Stringing someone along is cheating the person AND you out of happiness. If you find yourself having this many misgivings about a person (mainly Will), then that guy is probably not for you as a boyfriend. Perhaps it would be better for you to remain friends if that is possible.

 

I don't know what you want deep down...but my first instinct tells me that you'll be unhappy with Will. You say that "you don't want to be stuck with an unhappy person" for the rest of your life, and that is a strong statement. I am not favoring Jared, just pointing out what you are already unhappy with.

 

I would suggest reevaluating what's important to you. Maybe that means being single for a while. Maybe not. But from experience I know it is difficult to start dating someone right after having ended another relationship.

 

All I know is that you sound pretty interested in getting to know Jared better. You can get to know him better and remain friends with him if you continue to date Will and don't cheat. But if you want to get to know Jared on a more intimate level, you'll have to break ties with Will.

 

I believe things will work out for the best. You are meant for someone and someone is meant for you. Even if it's not with either guy, you will be happier once you make a decision (to date someone new, to be single, etc.) Good luck.