KismetGirl Posted March 14, 2010 Share Posted March 14, 2010 Unlike most of my posts on this site, I'll try to leave this short and to the point, but I'm not great at being succinct. Sorry. I met this new guy like, a month ago or so. We've had two dates. The first we ended up talking from 8 pm until 2 in the morning, with a very nice 10-15 minutes of good-bye kissing to finish the first date off. The second date was today and we spent a night in watching movies, ordering take out, and more fun making out like teenagers. We would have had more dates by now, as he's asked me to hang out no less than three times a week since I've met him, but I ended a bad relationship last April that has made me hesitant and cynical about dating for a long time and I am only recently becoming more comfortable with it again. But to be honest...the thought of opening up to someone like i used to scares me a little now. I actually like this guy so far....I LIKE kissing him, and holding his hand. Weird. Anyway, I have plenty concerns about how to approach this dating scnario now. I don't want to scare him off or anything. I have a wedding to go to in about a month and a half from now. I'd really like to not be the one single person of my group of friends, yet again, and it would be nice to take him but I sort of think its too soon to ask him if he wants to be my date...right? My thoughts would be that asking someone after two months of dating to be your date to a wedding is too soon too fast, but hey, figured I'd ask just to get a consensus and some general views from people on here anyway. Anyone think it's not too soon? If so, why or why not? If you think it's ok, how would you say it so as not to make the guy think I'm already planning on showing him off as my boyfriend (which Im not...at all, trust me.). Sorry if this is semi-rambling...its late. Ciao Link to post Share on other sites
confused and broken Posted March 14, 2010 Share Posted March 14, 2010 It depends on your relationship with him... If you are getting to be good friends you could just talk to him about it but all the hesitation sounds to me like your not ready why push it when things are going good why make it uncomfortable I say let the relationship evolve at its own pace and when your ready for whatever you will know you will not be so confused Link to post Share on other sites
Barky Posted March 14, 2010 Share Posted March 14, 2010 yeah it's too soon Link to post Share on other sites
phineas Posted March 14, 2010 Share Posted March 14, 2010 As a rule, I don't bring dates to family weddings or parties unless i've been with her for a while & expect to be with her for a while. to many nosy family members & too many questions. becomes a hassle if i'm not with her next family function. for a friends wedding, I get the low-down on single ladies first before i decide if i'll bring my own date or not. also depends if i'm at the head table or not. then I won't bring a date unless she's my GF & she can be put at a table of people she'll know. Link to post Share on other sites
Madewell Posted March 14, 2010 Share Posted March 14, 2010 I would say it's absolutely too soon if it's a family wedding. If it's a friend's wedding, depends on a lot of things. Are you in the wedding? How well do you know the people there? Is everyone bringing a date? Stuff like that... Link to post Share on other sites
Barky Posted March 14, 2010 Share Posted March 14, 2010 It's hard to hook up with a new girl/guy at a wedding if you already brought a date. Link to post Share on other sites
tami-chan Posted March 14, 2010 Share Posted March 14, 2010 It's hard to hook up with a new girl/guy at a wedding if you already brought a date. Maybe you should consider that might not be the reason why she wants to attend the wedding? Anyway, OP, glad you are dating again...it has been quite a journey for you! I would bring him(as long as it is clear between that two of you where you are at in your relationship)..and who cares about what other people think or assume-that is their problem. I do understand the trepidation since some people seem to take being in a wedding allow them to ask intrusive relationship questions-i.e. "so, are you guys close to something like this (this=wedding)?". Just be ready for that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author KismetGirl Posted March 14, 2010 Author Share Posted March 14, 2010 Ah, ok, seems like more info is needed... It is a friend's wedding. I will have lots of friends there, most of whom I have known at least 10 years or so. For some reason, in this particular group of friends, I am one of only two or three single people in our entire group of friends. Everyone else is coupled up and, thus, bringing a date. Actually, of the other 3 single people besides myself, I am the only single woman. The other three are guy friends of mine, and of those, I know at least two of them are bringing dates. I think when I was 23 I didn't care if I was single, but at 28 I somehow feel like I'm sick of being one of the single people still forlornly sitting at her table when the first slow song comes on and all the couples join the bride and groom on the dance floor. Sounds pathetic but whatever. I am the perpetually single one. You would not guess it by looking at me....my friends don't understand why I'm always single. Looks and personality aren't the only factors that determine if you're single or not, so I guess their love for me overlooks my horrible taste in men thus far in my life :-P And no, I am not in the wedding party, I suspect I will be at a table near the bride and groom, as I'm in the group of "close" friends so I won't be at a table out on the outskirts or anything, but I am not actually in the wedding party as I am closer friends with the groom than the bride, and I'm sure he would have been happy to make me a "groomsman" (hell, he invited me to his bachelor party), but I don't think I'd look great in a tux. Or maybe I would, who knows. I digress....so, hopefully that answered some more needed info. It doesn't matter much to me if there will be single guys there for me to flirt with or not, lol, I suppose it's cool if there was but it's not a big deal to me if I brought a date and couldn't potentially flirt with single male guests. I feel sort of uncomfortable asking this new guy to be my date purely because we don't know each other super well yet, despite the apparent attraction, and I don't want to scare him off by him thinking I'm that type of girl that rushes into relationship-land after like three dates. I'm not at all, I just think it would be more fun to go with someone. Everyone at the wedding is planning on getting hotel rooms for the night as the wedding is a 2 hour drive away (and no one is driving back to the city that late after drinking all night) and hanging out all night, and it would just be more fun to have a date, I guess. So...thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
Author KismetGirl Posted March 14, 2010 Author Share Posted March 14, 2010 Maybe you should consider that might not be the reason why she wants to attend the wedding? Anyway, OP, glad you are dating again...it has been quite a journey for you! I would bring him(as long as it is clear between that two of you where you are at in your relationship)..and who cares about what other people think or assume-that is their problem. I do understand the trepidation since some people seem to take being in a wedding allow them to ask intrusive relationship questions-i.e. "so, are you guys close to something like this (this=wedding)?". Just be ready for that. Thanks Tami! I have come a long way, it's been rough, which is why I think I get so nervous about this new guy. I feel like I'm 12 again with this awkwardness. Like when you had a crush on someone and had no idea how to act anymore. I absolutely do not have any need or desire to go to a wedding to pick up on single dudes...I'm going, obviously, because my good friend is getting married, and I will have lots of other friends there so hitting on someone is the least of my priorities. I just think it would be fun to bring a date, for once. After years of coming to all events as a single person because the one person I wanted to bring was...unavailable...it's a nice feeling to think someone COULD come with me. just don't want to freak him out. I think some people look at being a wedding date as sort of a "signal" to other people that you two are together in a relationship, which we aren't, yet, we're just getting to know each other and etc. Dating is such a headache. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 14, 2010 Share Posted March 14, 2010 OK, so do what *you* want to do. If the guy wants to go, he gets his own room. Personally, I don't worry about what others think. Their lives aren't so perfect anyway. It's about having fun celebrating a friend's marriage. Go have fun. Link to post Share on other sites
Barky Posted March 14, 2010 Share Posted March 14, 2010 Dating is such a headache. Yikes what a sad attitude. Dating is a blast... it seems all your interpersonal political maneuvering is the headache. Link to post Share on other sites
Author KismetGirl Posted March 14, 2010 Author Share Posted March 14, 2010 Yikes what a sad attitude. Dating is a blast... it seems all your interpersonal political maneuvering is the headache. Sarcasm doesn't transmit well via my typing, apparently. In case you don't know what that is, here's a definition: http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/sarcasm Hope that makes you feel better dear. Link to post Share on other sites
Barky Posted March 14, 2010 Share Posted March 14, 2010 Yeah because it's the reader's fault when your communication is misunderstood. Link to post Share on other sites
Author KismetGirl Posted March 14, 2010 Author Share Posted March 14, 2010 Yeah because it's the reader's fault when your communication is misunderstood. Well, considering I said "apparently my sarcasm doesn't transmit well via typing", then no, I didn't blame it on you, I blamed it on my trying to be sarcastic via a medium that does not transmit it to the reader very well at times. Stop being so insecure, you're taking the topic off thread. Either say something related to the topic at hand, or kindly keep your comments to yourself. I really dislike getting moderators involved to remove irrelevant postings, and I'm sure you have better things to do with your day. Cheers. Link to post Share on other sites
Barky Posted March 14, 2010 Share Posted March 14, 2010 Ok goody, another person to add to my ignore list. See post #3. Link to post Share on other sites
yume Posted March 14, 2010 Share Posted March 14, 2010 I just think it would be more fun to go with someone. I don't see why all the alarm bells go off when you want to ask someone to go with you to a wedding....after all, you're not the one who's getting married...and if all your guy friends are bringing dates (but not girlfriends), why can't you? Just ask him if he'd be interested in going with you. You said you think it would be funner with someone, sooo... Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted March 14, 2010 Share Posted March 14, 2010 My thoughts would be that asking someone after two months of dating to be your date to a wedding is too soon too fast, but hey, figured I'd ask just to get a consensus and some general views from people on here anyway. no, anytime after a month is fine. as long as you've been on at least 4 or 5 dates and know the chemistry is there between you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author KismetGirl Posted March 15, 2010 Author Share Posted March 15, 2010 no, anytime after a month is fine. as long as you've been on at least 4 or 5 dates and know the chemistry is there between you. Cool thanks, wanted some input from a few people, particularly guys. I know someone else said if my guy friends are bringing non-girlfriend dates it shouldnt be an issue for me to bring a non-boyfriend date, but somehow it seems like while girls (if they like a guy) are thrilled to be asked to be a date somewhere immediately, guys might be put off by it or something. But yeah, I mean, there seems to be a good chemistry going so far, but maybe I'll wait another date or two and just casually mention it. Maybe make a joke of "so, you wanna be my date?" and see how he responds. I sort of mentioned I have a wedding of a friend to go to when I saw him last night, but I didn't say anything about not having someone to go with. We were just discussing it in the conversational thread of how it's odd that we're at an age where our friends are starting to get married and *horror* have kids. He's actually one year younger than me, which shouldn't be an issue but I find that guys are somewhat stunted emotionally in their 20's sometimes ;-) Men can be silly but that's why I love them. Hey, I get to go to the bachelor party either way, so yay to that! Thanks for the opinions, to everyone but Barky, who is somewhat of an imbecile. Thank eff he blocked me, his comments are idiotic and useless. The rest of you all, however, are lovely. cheers! Link to post Share on other sites
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