Can it work when a Mormon marries a non-Mormon?

[rmagnus]

Hi there. I had a hard time putting a title to this. My husband was a Mormon growing up, but left the church @ 17. We live a good, clean life, and we believe in God, and always try to be right with God first. But here is the challenge; I came from a very relaxed, liberal background. I am not a bad person, but there seems to be residual judgementalness going on. As if I am in a different "caste" than him. At one point, our marriage was sailing along, and we both were happy, but he was secretly planning to divorce me, because he thought he was superior to me, because we grew up differently. It extended to my family as well. I saw an email between he and his father (we often share accounts) and his father was using terribly hurtful language to represent me, and my family. The words were devastating. After that my husband and I went to counseling, and I forgive him. I treat him well, because I just love him. But for some reason, once in awhile, my heart sinks if I think about it. Has anyone experienced anything similar? Thank you!

[Confusedguy81]

I dated a mormon girl that constantly tried to convert me and make me join her ward. My beliefs or approach to religion really meant nothing to her because she knew nothing else. Her parents hated me immediately, usually speaking in a condescending manner. I was angry that I was the one that had to compromise while they didn't have to. Ultimately, I refused to compromise because that would invalidate my own personal beliefs and imply that their beliefs were superior to mine.

 

Oh well im kinda ranting and I dont know if that helped ya

[Toki]

Anyone will tell you that a successful relationship relies on compromise. It's not that he's Mormon, I've lived around them most of my life, and I've seen them marry outside their faith and be nominally happy at least. The problem Im seeing is that you feel invalidated because he's a pig headed chauvinist and it's likely he got that from his equally pig headed and chauvinist father.

 

In a nutshell you need him feel as though your opinion and that it matters, and if he can't do that then he go off and sodomize 13 year old girls with the rest Mormon fundamentalists.

Edited March 15, 2010 by Toki

[axisdenied]

Hi there.

 

Much of my extended family is mormon (in a practicing sense). Most of them I get along with, but there are a few who refuse to even talk to me due to the fact that I am not, nor was I ever lds. Some of them are on the fence about interacting with me . . . they'll exchange pleasantries but there is definitely a superiority complex preventing them from making the effort to know me that well.

 

I really don't know what the church tells practicing members of the lds community about people who aren't mormon. I do know that mormons are a tight knit group with a lot of solidarity among themselves, and that their church professes to be the 'one true church,' a propaganda which is eaten up by its true believers.

 

Given that your husband is inactive, but his parents aren't too fond of his relationship with you, I'm inclined to believe that they are still part of the 'true believer' camp. And really, it just seems to be a matter of personality on whether or not these people will choose to like or dislike you on the basis that you aren't part of their club. The only way that you can reasonably handle the rift in your relationship is to make efforts toward fostering a good partnership in all the ways you think are important. If that doesn't do anything to relieve the problem, then your husband may need to take a closer look at his relationship with the church and determine what he really thinks about it. He may not recognize that his parents' opinions are largely based on their faith.

 

My experience with inactive mormons is that most of them won't resign entirely from the church because they aren't sure what they really believe about it yet. It's a big step to take because the priesthood will make every effort to keep the inactive mormons in the member list -all the way down to using 'fear for your soul' tactics. It takes a lot of commitment to researching the organization and introspection on "what is important to me?" to decide how to go about one's relationship with family members who are lds (if you choose to not be lds) because the church is such a large part of its members' lives.

 

I hope this helps. Good luck!

[D. It Is Written]

I grew up and went to school in a neighborhood that was, probably, about 50% Mormon. I am not and have never been a member of the church, but I have close friends that are active LDS members.

 

Any sense of superiority or negative attitude that your husband or his family has is not to be attributed to Mormonism itself. So, don't feel like you're not "in the club." The majority of Mormons, like devotees of other religions, try their best to be humble, caring people that live their lives according to God's will. You believe in God, and there is no reason you should be looked down upon for you upbringing or beliefs, which really aren't that dissimilar from your husband's.

 

I don't really understand the basis for his feelings and/or actions given that he isn't even an active member of the church. Does he want to become active again? Maybe, let him know that you would support him if he were to choose to be? Regardless, I know active LDS members that have interfaith relationships (with other Christian denominations) that are happy and plan on marrying in the future.

 

Point being, these problems originate from your husband's and his family's personalities, not from their faith. I think it would be best to work on communication, compromise, and understanding the true nature of God. I think these are the things that will bring you closer together.