Hesitating to make my move...

[stonefree22]

Hey everyone. This is my first post so bear with me here. I am wanting to take things to the next level with a friend of mine but there are a lot of thoughts going through my head, I'm high on a bunch of different emotions and I really can't make sense of anything. All I know is that I've fallen for her and need to say something soon before the window closes. Let me explain how things got this far first. I apologize if this gets long... but I have a lot to say.

 

Roll the calendar back two years. My best friend and his girlfriend wanted to hang out and drink, so we all got together at his place. A few mutual friends were also there. Some time passes, some people leave, more people show up. Eventually, my friend's girlfriend has her best friend come over. This is the first day I met her, but at this point we weren't even friends. She came over with another guy, but I found out thru eavesdropping that they weren't together, but that she also wasn't single. Anyway, gave her a ride home at the end of the night because the girl she came with ditched her and her house was on the way back to mine anyway so I didn't mind. When she got out she gave me her number, I didn't ask for it.

 

Fast forward about a year. It's Halloween. Again I am hanging out with my best friend and his girlfriend for the night, except this time her friend is also joining us. This time she was not with another guy so I was able to talk to her some more. It was pretty normal conversation, I wasn't flirting or even trying to really because the last time I saw her she wasn't available and she is pretty good looking so I just put two and two together and played my cards safe. Once again I end up giving her a ride home. She gives me her number again, only this time taking my phone and putting it in there for me. She is a little surprised to see that her number is already in there, but I reminded her that she gave it to me the last time I saw her. She laughs it off, smiles and gets out of my car.

 

I spent a few months interning in another city and recently moved back. I decide to stop being such a wuss and call her. She doesn't pick up, so I send a text saying "Hey, just moved back, we should hang out with Sally and Jack again." About a week goes by and she calls me wanting to hang out. I go over to her place and chill for a few hours. Watch TV, talk, met her sister and one of her friends. At one point during this hangout, she is talking about guys with her friend and says something like "Every guy I know is a complete douchebag," but then looks over at me and apologetically says I'm an exception. Of course she's just trying to make me feel better because she doesn't know me that well and doesn't want to seem like a bitch. During this time she also mentions that she is now single. A commercial for a movie came on the TV, so I tapped her on the shoulder, looked at her and asked if she wanted to go see that movie the next day. She said yes, but her friend overheard me and then invited herself with us. I didn't really care though because at that point I needed to spend more time with her anyway before pursuing anything so I was still getting what I wanted.

 

Took the girls to the movie the next day and after the movie they wanted to go to a party and invited me to go with them. The party was kind of lame and the girl I'm into felt the same, but her friend was into one of the guys there and kind of forced us into staying longer than we wanted. I could tell that she was getting pissed and wanted to leave so I kind of stepped up and asserted my authority and talked her friend into leaving then. By the time we got back to her place it was 5:00AM so we just hugged and split ways.

 

Midway thru the next week she calls me over to hang out again. This time I am a little more prepared and before I went over I sabotaged my guitar to make a flower out of one of the strings. I figure giving her this flower is a subtle way to say "I like you" without having to say it. I wait until I'm about to leave to give her the flower. At first she asks what it is, and then after I tell her she's interested in how I made it. Then she smiles really big and tells me it's the dorkiest flower anyone has ever given her. I ask her if she wants to go to a movie again, and she says to just call her. We hug again, this one definitely a lot more "touchy" than the previous one, smiles all around and we split ways again. I called her up two or three days later to follow up on my movie invite and she says it's her father's birthday so she can't. I tell her family is more important and good movies are always coming out so maybe I'd ask her some other time. She says to call her the next day anyway to see if she's not busy, maybe we could go then. So I call the next day and again she can't go. I say it's cool because my friends are going to the movies too so I'll just meet up with them.

 

After the movie gets out I end up hanging out with my best friend and his girlfriend, who initially introduced me to her. My friend leaves the room at one point so I pull his girl aside and tell her that I'm starting to get feelings for her friend and want to tell her but don't know what to do. She immediately discourages me from doing this because her friend has had terrible luck with men. She says if I do say anything, I need to wait another week or two. She tells me I'm great and says she truly believes I wouldn't hurt her friend and probably am a good match, but she has no idea how her friend will take it just based on all the ****ty guys she's had to deal with.

 

So this is the crossroads I'm at. I've met a girl who is fun to be with, laughs at mostly everything I say, has a million and one things in common with me, a great smile, beautiful eyes... she's great. I am interpreting her body language plus her reaction when I gave her the flower as a sign that she might like me back. What I'm stuck with wondering is how do I make the next move? I want to tell her that I like her and understand that men haven't treated her the way she should be and that I can change all of that. But I can't just come out and say that, right? My mind is somewhat agreeing with my best friend's girlfriend. That I should wait a little bit longer. But my heart is telling me I'm a fool for not going over there and telling her right now.

 

It's possible that I'm over-thinking the hell out of this. I just want to get to know this awesome girl better and see what happens. So if there's anyone out there who has been in this position before and has advice for me, I would really appreciate some guidance. Also to any women reading this, try to get me inside her head... If you were her, how would you want me to go about telling you? I am really, really lost here. Thanks for listening.

[spiderowl]

I can only give first impressions really. I don't get the impression this girl is lacking in confidence with men and so the story that she's been treated badly by them may not be true. But it may be - attractive women are often targeted by guys who are only interested in a conquest.

 

I can't imagine why a friend of hers would tell you to wait. I don't think her reasons ring true. What would be more appropriate would be to not go rushing in telling her your feelings. I think this girl's used to being pursued by men. This doesn't mean she won't be interested, but I think you need to stay strong and in control. You could let her know you are interested a little bit at a time, but definitely. Make sure this is a playful, fun time for both of you. Believe me, she'll notice! If she backs off a bit, let her. If she moves towards you, encourage her but don't grab at her. That way, you won't spook her and she won't feel you've fallen at her feet either. You need to find a balance between the two.

 

Just carry on asking her out every so often and getting closer. Be cool if she's not available and go and do something else. Ask her to let you know when she is free. The idea is to spend more and more time together and put the ball in her court sometimes so she has to make an effort to contact you too. I think this way she will respect you and not see you as one of the crowd. Hopefully, as you and she are getting closer and you are letting her know bit by bit how you feel about her, she will be feeling it too.

[Jeff1962]

Dude. Don't even bring up how she has been treated by other guy's. Forget them. This is your turn. Tell her what you like about her and ask her if she would exclusevly date you. Tell her how she makes you feel when you are together. Tell her!

[stonefree22]

Thanks for the responses guys. Here's what's happened since that first post. . .

 

I was planning on cutting off contact for a day or two because I felt like I called too much trying to ask her to the movies. I mean, she did say to call, but the man in me is saying if you call more than four times in a day it's probably coming across to her as annoying. Anyway, I had made it one day without contacting her and randomly woke up in the middle of the night. Before I went back to sleep, I checked my phone and I had a message from her saying she was sorry she didn't get to go to the movie with me but she was really busy last weekend and to call her again. Good sign, right?

 

Talked to her friend again too. I wasn't going to bring it up again because last time she didn't tell me anything I wanted to hear, but she went ahead and asked me if I told her yet. I said no because I haven't had an opportunity, but that once I get one I'm going to do it. She still seemed like I shouldn't do it, but I told her that rejection hurts less than wondering if someone likes you back and I have to find out.

 

Right now my plan is to ask her out on a date (other than a movie, probably bowling because I'm terrible at it) and then try to seal the deal when we're out.

[SadandConfusedWA]

Her friend already told her that you are interested. In fact she told her 5 minutes after the first time you told her. Just saying.

[Dolos]

The above poster is right that her friend already told her. Though I still agree you're doing the right thing by making your move soon. Even if you get rejected you will feel significantly better knowing rather than wondering "What if?".

[MichelleZB]

They are right that she already knows you like her. So far, she's been calling back and showing interest, so I can't imagine why you should hold off for weeks what you'd been planning to ask her now. Being open and honest is a non-jerky thing to do, and she's complained about jerks in the past, so why should she dislike your non-jerky approach?