First love broke my heart. My story inside.

[justaguy123]

Ok, kick my a** LSers, I'm thinking of contacting my ex like I planned when she got back from the Bahamas. She is back now and I know I shouldn't and I will probably just get heart ache from doing it but I am really contemplating talking to her.

 

Please kick my butt.

 

What good can come from me talking to her? (don't say nothing give me an explanation)

 

What bad?

 

I don't want to talk about our relationship all I want to do is talk to her and catch up and see what kind of attitude she has toward me.

[Perhaps]

Simple.

 

If she loved you and wanted to get back, she would contact you - she knows where you live, she has your number.

 

Man up before I kick your a** lol

[starwolf242]

What good do you think will come from talking to her? What bad do you think talking to her will happen.

 

With me and my ex I tried to be civilised, told him there was no hard feelings, that I'd like to still be friends. I sent that email on 20th Jan this year... he still hasn't replied. With them giving us the silent treatment and appearing to move on, we assume there's nothing but happiness in their lives. If they were to contact us we'd know they were having weak moments or maybe they aren't so happy. But it works both ways. You said before you wanted to show her you're fine well if you give her the silent treatment then perhaps she'll think there's nothing but happiness in your life and that you're moving on.

 

As for the bad, she may never reply, she might reply and be a total bitch, she might reply and act like you're friends and nothing has happened (believe me this is still heartbreaking), she might decide that yes you can be friends and tell all the gory graphic details of her new relationship to you, there are a million and one ways it could go. Both bad and good but at the end of the day, the scenario you are most hoping for (and all of us here know what it is) is probably the least likely to happen.

 

You said you felt you needed to make the mistakes for yourself and this is your first love so if you let it go without a fight you may regret it but just be aware of how much disappointment you are willing to take. Though you may regret not doing anything, it's equally as likely that you may regret the things you do do.

 

What do you think?

[mcorrigan]

She sounds like an unstable loser. Somewhere along the line she didn't learn that you can't treat people like that and if she continues behaving this way, it will be disastrous. Her mother is probably the same way. Count your blessings and look for a sweet woman who is loyal and not a fault finder.

[starwolf242]

Actually, I just checked my emails and my ex has replied. Exactly 2 months after I sent him the civilised email, he's replied back and has actually apologised for hurting me. Hasn't said about wanting to get back together and although when I saw his email name my heart jumped into my throat and I thought I was going to choke on it, I don't have an overwhelming desire to get back with him. I think I still love him but i think everyone always leaves a bit of their heart with their first love.

 

So Justaguy, there's a chance one day she will apologise to you. But i still stand by NC and if I'm totally honest, I gave my ex until 18th March (in my mind I didn't tell him this) and promised myself that if I hadn't heard from him by that day, I would draw a line under it and move on. He replied on the 19th! Go figure. It really is true. As soon as you fully let go of what your heart is begging for, it finds you.

 

I hope that gives you a bit of encouragement that things do get better.

[justaguy123]

She sounds like an unstable loser. Somewhere along the line she didn't learn that you can't treat people like that and if she continues behaving this way, it will be disastrous. Her mother is probably the same way. Count your blessings and look for a sweet woman who is loyal and not a fault finder.

 

Actually her mother is the sweetest woman alive. She married her university sweetheart and they have been together ever since.

 

My ex idolizes her and she tells her mom everything. She wants to be exactly like her mom.

 

When her parents came by to get her stuff from my house (ex was too much of a coward to do it herself) her mom told me that she hated this but there was nothing she could do. She gave me a hug and told me to be strong.

 

I miss them so much too. I thought of them as family and they said that to me too. Right now all my family has moved to different cities and they were a constant in my life for a long time.

 

All I had was everything she gave me it seems. I know now that that was wrong. I know now that being that dependent on a person is never a good thing. I have changed a lot from that person of a month ago and yet not as much I would have hoped.

 

 

As for contacting her, yes I'm hoping for the best, but I know that it will probably not happen. I just feel like not trying is what I always do. I'm always scared about the fear of rejection and the pain of not getting what I want that I never try. I never try. I always wait for someone else to try, someone else to pull me along and show me the way.

 

I never lead in head held high and try to get what I want my way. I always expect someone else to do it.

 

I feel like this phone call, this pain that I will most likely get from it will be one of the worst or best experiences of my life.

 

We will see. I'm not going to do it right away. I'm going to take a shower, shave and go swimming to clear my head. If by then I still want to do this, I think I will.

 

You will most likely hear from me later this afternoon hopefully with pride in my words.

[starwolf242]

Justaguy, ALWAYS trust your instincts. If something inside you is telling you to try, do it. If something inside you is telling you you're making a mistake, listen to it. I have very strong intuition and foolishly always think I know better. I do what my head tells me and rarely does it work out properly. When i listen to my instincts, it 10 times out of 10 works out for the best.

 

I don't know what intuition is or where it comes from, all I know is it knows more than we do and it wants what's best for us. But you have to quieten your mind in order to hear it.

 

Go for it justaguy and report back with how you feel about how things panned out.

[HLP234]

My story is exactly similar to yours. The same thing happened, the worst part is after she said that, she never even got back to me and I found out she is with someone else. Its been horrible, but what can you do?

 

Its been 4 months of no contact for me. I don't even know what is going on with her or anything. Its best to not think about it and not look forward to communicating with this person if they hurt you badly.

 

You can see my posts here, similar stuff and it still hurts months later, but there is nothing else to do but move on and wish to forget everything.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t210688/

 

and

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t215983/

 

I wish I knew all this advice before hand, wish I had listened to my friends, and just done what was right for me, because obviously they were looking to do only what seemed right for them.

[justaguy123]

Well I go her voice mail yesterday. Her phone was off so it went directly to that. I didn't leave a message though.

 

Right now I am at work and I see her on msn. I'm debating if I should say something to her.

 

I know I shouldn't but I really want to talk to her.

 

Is it better to just get it over with or not do it and keep on wondering?

 

Well here I go. Wish me luck. It won't end the way I hope, I know but well I'm tired of not trying.

Edited March 22, 2010 by justaguy123

[justaguy123]

Well I talked to her. It was over msn so I couldn't get a tone in her voice but she agreed to meet up tomorrow for a quick meet up, to catch up.

 

I don't want to get my hopes up because it will just make me fall harder.

 

We will see how it goes. Anyway i have to get back to work.

[starwolf242]

Good luck!

[justaguy123]

Good luck!

 

Thanks. Well I'm going to stop coming back during work. lol. I keep on thinking someone is going to yell at me.

 

(I bet they might just do that now)

[justaguy123]

Well guess what. It didn't go how I wanted. lol. She texted me saying that she had to work late so she couldn't meet up. Then said next week she is free.

 

I have to admit I'm disappointed but it just confirms to me that she doesn't want to talk to me.

 

She is probably just humoring me that she want to see me at all.

 

Ugg I just wish I could stop thinking about her.

 

I know exactly what you guys will tell me. That I should not contact her and not see her next week and just go NC again until I have to see her during school.

Edited March 23, 2010 by justaguy123

[starwolf242]

Sorry she let you down mate. There is of course the possibility she is telling the truth but you must know her fairly well to be able to work out whether her job would make her work late on such short notice?

 

I'm not going to tell you I told you so and I hope no-one else on here will. Like you said, you want to try. Do whatever you think is right but just promise yourself you will stop yourself from doing anything that will be too painful for you to deal with.

[justaguy123]

Sorry she let you down mate. There is of course the possibility she is telling the truth but you must know her fairly well to be able to work out whether her job would make her work late on such short notice?

 

Thanks, well I do know that she would stay late for her job because she wasn't there all day, but I don't think they asked her to. I think she chose to so that she wouldn't have to see me.

 

I know for a fact that right now she is with the group/club at the university. We were going to meet right before she had to go to her meeting at the club and I believe that she decided that she could miss meeting and catching up with me, but she has her responsibility at the club so she went to that.

 

I guess that shows how low on her priorities I am to her.

 

Well I'm not going to initiate contact again. If she wants to talk and feels like she has time for me then she knows how to reach me. I'm just going to try and put it out of my mind.

 

Thanks for listening. It's very therapeutic to right this stuff down.

[starwolf242]

Anytime buddy. It's always helpful to have someone who knows what you're going through to listen and give advice. And I know sometimes you can feel guilty about bugging your friends with it all the time.

 

NC will be hard but it is neccessary. Once you get over the need to text her regularly like you did when you were together, it gets surprisingly easy to not contact her. But facebook stalking is still a temptation so make sure you block her and him and promise yourself not to look at anything they are doing.

 

Look forward, you know what's behind you, heartache, hurt and rejection but ahead of you there could be anything! And hopefully ahead of you is true love and someone who once they set eyes on you will never look away again. I have a good feeling about you, I think you'll be fine and come out of this better than she will.

[justaguy123]

 

Look forward, you know what's behind you, heartache, hurt and rejection but ahead of you there could be anything! And hopefully ahead of you is true love and someone who once they set eyes on you will never look away again. I have a good feeling about you, I think you'll be fine and come out of this better than she will.

 

Thanks for your kind words. I know I'll be fine without her. I just wish that I never had to see her again if we can't be together. I hate the prospect of seeing her at school with another guy and also all of our mutual friends being buddy buddy with her.

 

Uhg I just wish she would get out of my head. I haven't gone an hour without thinking about her this last month. I've been keeping busy and going out with friends and just generally taking good care of myself, but then she just pops out of no where like a plague.

 

I know I'm strong enough to not contact her ( I did it for a month). I just wish it got easier.

[Awesome Username]

I just want to let you know that you're free to vent WHENEVER YOU WANT on this thread, when you need someone to talk to. I've never been in that exact situation but I know what it feels like to have a hurt heart. We're listening. <3

[starwolf242]

It does get easier. In another month or so you'll suddenly realise you haven't thought about her for an hour. Or that she isn't the first thing you think of when you wake up. As for my ex contacting me which was what I wanted for so long, talking to him has just made me realise what an arse he is. I was in love with the person I used to know not the person he is now. Actually having heard from him again has made me get over it completely. I think once you've nearly moved on you need that little push to stop you from always wondering what if. So once you aren't thinking about her all the time and hopefully have met someone better if she gets back in touch you'll have that final push to get you over the hump.

 

And on the plus side, we've both loved and been loved now. So we'll recognise it when we see it again and we know that we're lovable ) you may not see it yet, but it's all uphill from here. Hard work and a bit of a struggle but there's something amazing at the top that makes it worth the climb.

[justaguy123]

I am glad that now I do know what it is like to love and be loved. I know now that that is what I want for me. I just wish it could be with her.

 

What should I do if she contacts me next week to go out and catch up?

 

What should I do if she doesn't?

Edited March 26, 2010 by justaguy123

[starwolf242]

Do whatever you think you should. When my ex got in touch I suddenly realised I didn't want him anymore. I wanted what I had but you can never get that back. Anything that comes now will be something new. It will be different. Maybe better.

 

When she contacts you (she will eventually, almost certainly when you stop waiting for it) you'll know straight away what the right thing to do is. It may take a while for your brain to catch up, but your heart will know.

 

As always, do as much or as little as you can handle. If you think ou can handle going out with her to catch up and you feel it is a good idea then go for it. If you feel even the slightest bit wary, I'd probably ask her to give you a bit more time to settle. Be careful with your heart.

[justaguy123]

Just an update on my situation. Talked to her again today to see if she actually still wanted to catch up tomorrow. (I know, mistake right). Anyway she didn't give me a definiate anwser. She said she is sick and doesn't even know if she will be going to the university tomorrow.

 

I can believe this because she gets sick a lot, but I also feel like it might be just another excuse.

 

We had a short convo and then I ended it. Either way, it looks like either her or the universe or both doesn't want us to get together tomorrow.

 

Not going to do this again. Life isn't that bad without her, just miss her.

[starwolf242]

It's a gap. We fill our lives with things that occupy our minds and when one of those things just disappears without our consent, there's a huge gap that we aren't prepared to fill. That's why panic sets in after a break up.

 

Time heals the pain because after a while you get used to that gap. You fill it eventually. I think the Universe wants us both to learn that being negative is no way to live. Since being dumped i have really tried to change my thinking. And you know what, although my first reaction to most things is to be negative I find that being positive makes me feel stronger. Being negative used to wear me down and I can see how it wore my ex down too.

 

Do you ever wonder if there is any such thing as soulmates? I've been thinking about this alot recently and I was always of the opinion that when I fell in love I would be with my soulmate. But now I'm thinking that maybe there isn't just one soulmate for each of us. If you really think about it how can there be? if there was only one person for each of us then what would happen if that person died? We'd then never find our true love? But then you could argue that those people who die early are meant to die early in which case they never had a soulmate to begin with. Or maybe they did have a soulmate but didn't find them in time and their soulmate gets another soulmate to compensate?

 

What if there are a few or hundreds of soulmates for each person? What if each of them are supposed to teach us something? She was your first love, first soulmate and first lesson. Really look at your relationship and work out what one thing she taught you about yourself that you need to work on? If you can't find one then maybe you were meant to teach her something?

 

I know my lessons were to stop being so defeatist and to think more positively, have more faith in myself and do my best to give myself the best life I can get.

 

No matter what other lessons you take away from a relationship, every single break up and heart ache teaches us that we are stronger than we know because not only do we survive the heart break but we start all over again. That shows resilience. And frankly i am damn proud of myself that I pulled myself out of the darkest moments of my life so far and carried on with my head held high. And what's more, I still have faith in love.

 

You should be proud of yourself as well.

[justaguy123]

No matter what other lessons you take away from a relationship, every single break up and heart ache teaches us that we are stronger than we know because not only do we survive the heart break but we start all over again. That shows resilience. And frankly i am damn proud of myself that I pulled myself out of the darkest moments of my life so far and carried on with my head held high. And what's more, I still have faith in love.

 

You should be proud of yourself as well.

 

I am proud, thank you for your heart felt post. You are an amazing person. (and yes, so am I )

[starwolf242]

lol exactly! We are amazing because we tackle adversity head on and without someone else as a crutch whereas our exes bury their heads in the sand by jumping from relationship to relationship because they aren't strong enough to face heartbreak alone.