Moving Away

[poodoo]

Hi everyone,

 

To make a long story short, I moved across country for college. During my last year of grad school, I met a local girl and pursued a relationship with her because I planned on sticking around after graduation to find a job, thinking that I'd have tons of contacts and opportunities.

 

Then, the economy tanked. For the past year I've been working a job that I hate. The area where I am now is terrible for my field and I fear I'll never a job I love here.

 

During this time, my girlfriend and I have had our fair share of problems but we make things work. For the last six months or so, the idea has slowly crept into my mind that I should be doing more with my life - that I'm very fortunate to have parents who were able to help pay for my schooling and that I shouldn't squander my education. The feeling that I need to make a better effort to do more with my life has started to consume me.

 

The problem is, I know where the jobs are. They are 1200 miles away, near where I'm originally from. I would love to go back home, reconnect with friends and family, and start building a career that I'm passionate about.

 

My girlfriend has said before she doesn't want to move and will not do long distance (I actually dismissed applying for a good internship because she flat out told me she'd dump me if I moved away for the three months it would last). Part of it is that I'm also unsure if I'm at the point where I'm ready to ask her to move so far for the relationship.

 

Hard as it is to accept, I think I know deep down that if I don't pursue a rewarding career now, while I'm still young, I will regret it down the road. And I will hate myself for that, which will be devastating for me and the relationship.

 

I just am curious if anyone else has faced a situation like this. Am I doing the right thing to leave?

 

Thank you

[Rollercoasterr]

Honey, if she isn't even willing to think about doing LD or moving with you then you aren't as important to her as she is to you. LDR's aren't the end of the world. This forum is full of happy successful LDR's and we all make it work.

 

I said this in someone elses thread, but I feel it applies here too. You need to do what makes YOU happy. You are the only person that is guaranteed to always be in your life.

[poodoo]

Thank you both for the replies, I really appreciate them.

 

My girlfriend has severe trust issues (father abandonment, mother turned to drugs and neglected her) and that's why she doesn't want to do LD. She sees a therapist but still struggles.

 

I have always been the type of person to put someone else's feelings before my own. But I can see how I've sacrificed so much to the point where I don't feel fulfilled any longer. If I'm always aching inside, wondering "what if?" my girlfriend will be getting cheated out of a strong, satisfying relationship.

 

The bottom line is, I already feel some regret for not making a move last year. It is constantly in the back of my mind.

 

I can't imagine what the regret would feel like next year, or in five years, or in ten. It would be unbearable.

 

Thank you again

[OnlyJake]

Trust me, I believe in love and true love and "the one" and everything, but some relationships do end. In fact, many of them do. I would never put my dreams, future, career, education, etc. behind me for one person.

 

Looking at it from a cheerier point of view, if she is "the one" and you want to marry her, what does that say about her level of flexibility for your future as a couple? Not to say that she should, without question, uproot her life for you, but the fact that she won't even try gives me bad feelings for you two.

 

The worst thing is regret; you do not want to look back at this time of your life thinking about all the things you could have done.

 

Couldn't have said it better myself. Faced with a similar situation once. I chose to move. Can't rely on him to look out for me, gotta look out for myself.