a lonely man...

[Confused]

hi...

 

i've had this long crush on this girl in school and in the last month, we have started to talk to each other. She seemed kind of interested in me but I wasn't sure.

 

After school ended, she called me and we decided to hang out with each other (only the two of us). We went out to eat, went to a movie, and basically had a fun time. I did have a good time but it wasn't so great because we were both hesitant in holding each other. See, she has a boyfriend and that's the reason which hinders me from making a move.

 

Then a couple days later, I told her that I had liked her for a long time. She said she really admired me for telling her because it took a lot of bravery. She said she liked me more as a friend but did have some feelings for me. She said she did like me "on and off" for awhile but she said she also likes and cares about her boyfriend a lot too. Ever since then, I haven't made much effort in trying to keep in touch with her. I was hurt to hear that she didn't like me as much as I liked her. Yesterday, she called me because we haven't talked for awhile. Whenever we talk now, it seems very superficial and we rarely talk about real things like our relationship. Also it feels like our conversation is so dull at times. But I still really like her and she is always on my mind. I don't know what to do now. Should I call her? Should I keep telling her that i like her or just pretend not to care.

 

Also, her boyfriend goes to another college while her and I will probably see each other more in the future because we both go to the same school. I'm confused. Pleae give me a good advice on how to win this girl and make her want to come to me. We haven't known each other for long and I really want to be with her.

 

Confused man...

[Randy]

This girl has very clearly told you she wants to be just friends. The fact that she admits having some on again/off again feelings for you may indicate something could happen in the future.

 

However, it sounds like she's a pretty decent person and loyal to her commitment to her boyfriend. That's an excellent trait and one that you should respect in her.

 

I know it's hard to be just friends with someone you want more from but your only hope here is to continue doing things with her and being her friend. It's a big gamble because if she continues caring for this guy who is going to be away, then won't work out for you. But there is a very slim chance, I repeat, very slim chance, that something may happen between the two of you in his absence.

 

So I have given you the above alternative in order to give you a shot at this fine lady. Myself, knowing there are many sweet and wonderful ladies out there, would appreciate and value her friendship and move on. Like travels with like so I would ask her to introduce me to some of her girlfriends who might be interested in going out. You could probably meet some of her friends by accident while you are with her, and since there is absolutely no commitment other than friendship with her, I'm sure she would have no problem with you asking one of her friends out. Chances are she picks friends who have the same general principles as she does. You might even like one of them better, who knows?

 

Basically, you should really give up the idea of more with this lady. You will drive yourself up a wall if you don't. If it happens, it happens. If not, it wasn't meant to be. But don't press her any more, stop feeling uncomfortable yourself, be her friend, and in time you can restore the friendship to its former warm character when she sees you are interested in other ladies.

 

I know all this sounds confusing and it should. These are not easy situations but if you just play it by ear and be willing to go where life takes you, it all works out in the wash.