here is my dilemma

[thrillaveza]

okay so this is my situation. there is this girl, whom i dated before and so on; she was i guess my first receptive "first love". at that time, i was young and new to love (i was 18 at the time, and i guess i am still new to love) and so when i was having a "thing" with her, i was afraid of the entitlement to the terms of bf and gf. so we agreed to just be friends but then it turned to 'friends with benefits' within time. even when i liked the other girl (see my first thread) she was there who gave advice and such (and she even liked at time too). so i basically made her feel like **** for a while.

 

as time grew by, she started to talking to this one guy (which recently became her ex). and while she was talking to him, I secretly got jealous (though i focused all my feelings for the other girl); ironic how it became a 180 degree turn of events. with her seeing that guy, i couldn't take it and basically called off our friendship, putting it on hiatus. i tried to reconcile things with her this past summer (which was the last time i saw her in person) and she said how things for her were going great while my dilemmas are getting worst (referencing the problems with the other girl in my first thread) and i couldn't take it. i then stopped all contact with her (a lot of things happened there and such, just too lazy to jot it all down)

 

it wasn't until recently, where she started to contact me (via formsprings facebook etc.) and how she's starting to get into things that i am into and such, i felt that i should talk to her again. so a few weeks ago, i contact her, and we had good chats here and there. she told me that she broke up with her bf in bitter terms (he was seeing someone behind her back). i told her about how i was getting better and such. these conversations started bringing itself to around valentines day and i wanted to give her something (which would've been flowers and a note) because the past 2 years she deserved from me or me in general on that day (she never had a legit valentines day/date). when i asked her if she had like 5-20 minutes to spare so i can give the gift to her, she questioned me that i was just going to use her so that we wouldn't have a 'lonesome' valentines day. so then i didn't bother trying to convince her and left it at that.

 

she then messages me saying 'when you're right, you're right" in reference that her ex was a total ******* and last monday was when i messaged her and started talking to her again.OK NOW HERE GOES THE ACTUAL DILEMMA PART. i still have some feelings for her and for all i know it can grow strong again. but just a few hours ago, while talking to her on aim, she told about how her day was and such and she said she went on an awkward date with this guy. and i for sure am getting a bit jealous/sad etc with these emotions about it. we've been back and forth(ing) it for a while now and it sucks. i want to tell her how i feel and such but i think i have no way of convincing her anymore.

 

i haven't spoken to her on the phone (like how we used to do it every night) in like a year and every time i want to speak to her or talk to her outside of the internet it's short text messages (maybe im looking too deep into this, but it's reasonable that i would be since she really enjoys night calls (esp before the whole downfall)). i know i wrecked up most of the relationship we had and i take full blame of it. since when i had feelings for the other girl, she still talked to me like normal and when it was her turn, i completely shut her off and such. i just wanna know a few things.

 

is there still hope for me and her? do you think the things with her and her awkward date would even get anywhere? how do i handle this situation?

 

i'm sorry that it's too long but thanks for reading.