She cheated and left me

[learned2 love 2late]

I was with her for 3 and a half years. We lived together for 2 years, she said she loved me everyday and i did to. In the last year she started getting close to a guy she works with.

 

At christmas 09 she asked for space and time but did not offically break it off. After getting back from her perants on new years day after her shift at work she decided to stay at this guys house who she works with and slept with him. two days later she said it would be a good idea if i move out. i begged and pleaded and she said think of us as not together anymore and when we get back to together we will be so much stronger.

 

having not knowing about her secret love affair, a week went by and i asked if i could pick some of my stuff up, she wasnt in i had keys so she thought that was ok.

 

I went to pick my stuff up but cldnt help log into her computer and check her facebook which always used to appear without loggin in.

 

And there it was... an email to her brothers girlfriend sayin "ive been sleeping with this guy i work with for the past week does this mean im not in love with my ex no more?"

 

my heart broke right there and then. worst thing is this guy she works with has a GF abroad and visits her often and my ex knows this!

 

a hell of alot happened after. But the main question is i figured out her facebook password and got so angry that a couple weeks later i emailed this guys girlfriend from my ex's facebook account saying ive been sleeping and living with him. i havent seen any results yet from it but i have seen that this guys girlfriend has deleted him of his facebook which means she got the messege sent by me from my exes facebook account.

 

He will be returning home to the UK next week and i am anxious about what the outcome will be towards my ex.

 

Will he chuck my ex out and not believe her when she says she has no idea about the messeg (which she wnt do). or will he accept it and make her his new girlfriend and they live happily ever after? either way i am prepared for any outcome i just needed to take a chance

 

to be honest its been 2months and NC has been going on for 6 days now the longest period yet, the last messege was sent by my ex and i ignored it.i am slowly gettin over her just the dreams that dnt help specially the ones of when we went italy venice 4 months ago

 

Your thoughts please people and what you reckon the out come will be, P.S i deleted the messege i sent from my ex account so she has no idea and she wnt be clever enough to figure out i have her password i know its bad but she lied and cheated to me so i feel slightly better that i am saving another persons heart abroad by teling her the truth about her cheating boyfriend and my cheating ex girlfriend.

 

It made me feel maybe 5% better but the ultimate outcome would be my ex girlfriend comes crying back to me sayin that she made a mistake and when she does i can finally tell her to piss off and continue to dig her own grave. harsh i know but she tried every trick in the book to make me beat her down for cheating lieing etc but i aint guna get sent to jail for no bitch especially one that i am still in love with goddam it.

 

what u gys think??? any thoughts rite now wld help

[LovelyDaze]

Okay..so you feel only 5% better after giving your own version of Karma to your cheating ex and her cheating new BF. Now what?

 

What you need to do is go NC permanently. Your ex is wrong.You two won't be "stronger" from any of this mess. There are so many fractures that I don't know where to even start.

 

Your ex has proven in your face AND on the FB account you hacked that she is untrustworthy. Ask yourself if you could ever trust her again....really.

 

Also, she has shown that she could care less who she hurts. She didn't care about your feelings OR the feelings of her new BF's original GF at all. Love is NEVER that selfish. Yeah, yeah, yeah...we all make mistakes but no one just trips over a rock and falls on another naked body...over and over and over...

 

Do yourself a favor, break clean and stay NC from this one. If she should come back begging and pleading STILL say NC. Love is an action word. She will have to prove she is serious about working things out by dumping the guy and doing everything to show you that her infidelity is ALL her mistake. Nothing you did or said was at fault. SHE has to own that she was in the wrong period.

 

You did nothing wrong, right? Like did you cheat on her, was physically abusive or whatever? Then SHE owes you the honest apology AND the honor of doing everything she can to work things out.

 

You DO NOT owe her a single phone call, text, pedal of a flower, or anything. Find the strength to move on from this debacle unless she is damn serious that she f***ed up big time. Anything less is all BS.

 

Good Luck.

[ohwhyme]

Lovelydaze is right. Though I don't believe in going into someone elses account etc without permission, your better off without her. She's going to do the same thing to some other poor guy unless she pulls herself together. If you get back together, are you going to forget everything that happened? It most likely won't be the same. No contact all the way buddy. Make yourself better show her what shes missing out on. Go to the gym. Do what makes you happy. Your free now man It's not your fault you didn't do anything wrong. Don't buy her anything, don't write to her etc. She's not worth the time or money.

[learned2 love 2late]

No i never cheated lied or beat her for the whole entire relationship, i loved her, helped her with alot of stuff, we spent everyday for 3 and a half years together we went on 3 holidays the last one being to venice in the summer, she wasnt good with money and i helped her with all of that, paying for her credit card, food shopping everything the only thing she missed is that she wanted to spend time with my family more but we had our own place. worst thing is i was going to propose next month and had booked a trip to miami for two weeks. when we argued about the break up she actually beat me for checking her facebook account i was shocked truelly that she was slapping kicking and punching me and i cldnt hit her back, so i just stood their and took it coz i can take physical pain but its the emotional onslaught that really got me she described her sex with this guy to me again i think she was trying to get me to lash out. i guess she was trying to give herself an excuse to leave me? i just dnt understand why she sacrifised a secure future relationship for a quick buzz with this other guy who obviously is no good if hes cheating his own gf with her. i am just hoping he kicks her out becoz she really has done some harsh stuff to me and said she dnt give a crap about what she done. she has had one abusive relationship in the past and one of her exes blew up her car, i should of seen the signs, coz i guess she cheated and left them to. very dangerous girl if you ask me but does not look like it she was so cute and lovey dovey but she said she got tired of being stable?!? what do girls want these days sex with different partners or marriage happy family etc? i dnt understand but i have been reading up into woman phycology and it is helping me unlock some answers. I WILL ONLY FEEL BETTER IF SHE COMES BACK AND REALISES SHE MADE A MISTAKE but i am prepared never ever to see her again and it crushes my heart everytime. she was my first real love, its guna be hard for me to start again and love someone like i loved her. i am 22 everyone says im to young i can live life by myself but i want to be in love and love a girl, i miss everything about her or everything about being in love. we had it perfect untill she got horny for this guy at work. im still shcoked 2 months on, sum people say 6months to heal. i feel it may take me a little longer then that maybe a year. worst thing is i had yet another dream of her and she came back to me but this time i told her i had slept with 3 other girls and in the dream i saw her face break down and cry and when i woke up i wondered if gettin back at her will actually make me feel any better coz i cldnt even bare to see the pain on her face in this dream!? why is love so complicated?! its guna be hard for me to love again. i have had no closure or anything so far, just dnt understand why she went for the less attractive sweet guy i guess she just got bored of me? by the way the sex we had was great she cldnt get enough only in the last few months it became less and less. her last facebook status was "times going so slow cnt wait for him to get back" i am seriously wundering what he is going to do when he gets back and confronts her about how his GF abroad found out about their affair!

[LovelyDaze]

Just like we've said. Basically don't waste your time on anything about your ex besides healing.

 

We understand you. Here on LS, many of us as dumpees miss what we HAD with our ex. She screwed it up. Doesn't matter if he takes her back or dumps her a$# on the side of the freeway. Don't make the outcome of the two your problem.

 

You just wrote that BOTH are cheaters. What that means is that they hold little of a conscience. They may laugh it off and stay together or realize that their affair is bat s*** crazy and leave each other.

 

True. She could come crawling back to you. A lot of dumpers do. But you need to find your own self worth that you won't tolerate such crap in your life and move on with yours. At 22, you have plenty of time to leave your heart open to finding a girl who wouldn't think of even winking at another guy much less lying down and having another guy give her pleasure.

 

You must find out what you will and won't tolerate in a relationship. Without boundaries, the other person CAN and WILL do whatever they want to you.

[learned2 love 2late]

thanks guys it helps i have been talking to almost everyone i trust about what happened to me, i guess its been a big learning curve for me and i see life differently know. i just suppose time will eventually heal my heart or someone will come and mend it for me

[Silver_star]

I was with her for 3 and a half years. We lived together for 2 years, she said she loved me everyday and i did to. In the last year she started getting close to a guy she works with.

 

At christmas 09 she asked for space and time but did not offically break it off. After getting back from her perants on new years day after her shift at work she decided to stay at this guys house who she works with and slept with him. two days later she said it would be a good idea if i move out. i begged and pleaded and she said think of us as not together anymore and when we get back to together we will be so much stronger.

 

having not knowing about her secret love affair, a week went by and i asked if i could pick some of my stuff up, she wasnt in i had keys so she thought that was ok.

 

I went to pick my stuff up but cldnt help log into her computer and check her facebook which always used to appear without loggin in.

 

And there it was... an email to her brothers girlfriend sayin "ive been sleeping with this guy i work with for the past week does this mean im not in love with my ex no more?"

 

my heart broke right there and then. worst thing is this guy she works with has a GF abroad and visits her often and my ex knows this!

 

a hell of alot happened after. But the main question is i figured out her facebook password and got so angry that a couple weeks later i emailed this guys girlfriend from my ex's facebook account saying ive been sleeping and living with him. i havent seen any results yet from it but i have seen that this guys girlfriend has deleted him of his facebook which means she got the messege sent by me from my exes facebook account.

 

He will be returning home to the UK next week and i am anxious about what the outcome will be towards my ex.

 

Will he chuck my ex out and not believe her when she says she has no idea about the messeg (which she wnt do). or will he accept it and make her his new girlfriend and they live happily ever after? either way i am prepared for any outcome i just needed to take a chance

 

to be honest its been 2months and NC has been going on for 6 days now the longest period yet, the last messege was sent by my ex and i ignored it.i am slowly gettin over her just the dreams that dnt help specially the ones of when we went italy venice 4 months ago

 

Your thoughts please people and what you reckon the out come will be, P.S i deleted the messege i sent from my ex account so she has no idea and she wnt be clever enough to figure out i have her password i know its bad but she lied and cheated to me so i feel slightly better that i am saving another persons heart abroad by teling her the truth about her cheating boyfriend and my cheating ex girlfriend.

 

It made me feel maybe 5% better but the ultimate outcome would be my ex girlfriend comes crying back to me sayin that she made a mistake and when she does i can finally tell her to piss off and continue to dig her own grave. harsh i know but she tried every trick in the book to make me beat her down for cheating lieing etc but i aint guna get sent to jail for no bitch especially one that i am still in love with goddam it.

 

what u gys think??? any thoughts rite now wld help

 

Well the whole situation is just so unfortunate, but in the grand scheme of things its a blessing in disguise..you dont really want a girl that doesnt feel the same for you...and your ex gf just didnt carry the same feelings for you anymore or she wouldnt have behaved this way...and if they need to ask someone if they still love someone...they dont. Its very simple.

Its unfortunate but you need to start the process of moving no. Dont get tied into drama revolving her. Think about yourself..and only yourself...Move out, no questions...dont contact her. She has betrayed you, regardless if you were on a break or not. You dont need to hate her, but you need space to learn to be without her and move on, because shes not the right girl. Relationships that are painful and dramatic are not worth fighting for.

[learned2 love 2late]

i kno shes not worth it anymore, its just the memories the what if's she has this guy to take her mind of me and i have nothing but my dreams, i have other girls in my life that care but they just arnt the same it so difficult, i just dnt understand why she would leave a secure relationship for a guy who is already in a relationship, and i dnt kno if i shud if got my "revenge" by emailing the other girl, but she has a right to know, there are some evil people in this world and these two i kno for a fact are a cple of em. makes me angry i dedicated my life for this girl and she threw it back in my face but i WILL MOVE ON NO DOUBT ABOUT IT

[learned2 love 2late]

yeh hardest thing ive been thru in my life so far, i understand wat depression means but thankfully i feel myself starting to get back to normal, just finding stuff to get her off my mind is the hardest thing, clubbin, gym, other girls and cars are doin the trick so far but wen going sleep thats the hardest, even sleeping is hard these days, dreams mess me up sumtimes

[just1guy]

Sorry to hear about that man,..the same thing pretty much happened to me, except we were together for two years. Like you, I provided the stability and security that my ex gf wasn't used to, but come to find out, she had been with another guy a week before we broke up during the holidays. We also lived together and I was going to propose to her this summer.

 

Two weeks after our breakup, she already has a new boyfriend that she's still with and I learned from a mutual friend that this isn't the first time she ran from a relationship when the honeymoon period wore off. She has issues with commitment and the fear of failure or whatever trials a relationship runs into. Now she's off playing house with the new guy and his two bastard kids. With her track record, she's bound to run from this guy eventually and off to another victim. Oh well, a blessing in disguise.

 

So go NC, and don't even bother. Looking back the past 3 months of NC, I'm pissed that I wasted my energy crying, dreaming, wishing that she'd come back.

Edited March 16, 2010 by just1guy

[jazzpur]

the more i read these forums the more it seems EVERY girl in their early 20s is a ticking timebomb set for 2 to 3 years.....boom... cheats or leaves for somebody else.

 

 

at least you didnt propose yet.

 

google search "grass is greener syndrome, eNotAlone"...see how common this occurrence is

 

stick to NC, i assure you..the more you ignore her contact...the better youll feel.

 

....just realize she isnt the same person she once was, if your still holding onto memories, just cry and get it out of you.

 

if and when she comes back youll be strong enough to tell her to dig her own grave.

[learned2 love 2late]

Yeh NC is the way forward, just guna be hard waiting/finding the one for me, life aint as easy as i thought, and it has made me wake up n smell the coffee, ive heard this from alot of guys, i guess alot of women cheat just as much as guys these days, but the worst thing is, its never one night stands its on going relationship which is just screwed up! women can sorta click their fingures and get wat they want mainly sex, us guys have to chase or wait around which just makes life LONG!, il keep you guys posted if "my created Karma worked or not" but dnt worry im not thinking about that at all now, wats done is done

[nowomanocry]

I was with her for 3 and a half years. We lived together for 2 years, she said she loved me everyday and i did to. In the last year she started getting close to a guy she works with.

 

At christmas 09 she asked for space and time but did not offically break it off. After getting back from her perants on new years day after her shift at work she decided to stay at this guys house who she works with and slept with him. two days later she said it would be a good idea if i move out. i begged and pleaded and she said think of us as not together anymore and when we get back to together we will be so much stronger. --> wtf this biatch is saying? There's no way you can go back to a cheater! She's using you as a doormat

 

having not knowing about her secret love affair, a week went by and i asked if i could pick some of my stuff up, she wasnt in i had keys so she thought that was ok.

 

I went to pick my stuff up but cldnt help log into her computer and check her facebook which always used to appear without loggin in.--> well done!

 

And there it was... an email to her brothers girlfriend sayin "ive been sleeping with this guy i work with for the past week does this mean im not in love with my ex no more?"

 

my heart broke right there and then. worst thing is this guy she works with has a GF abroad and visits her often and my ex knows this!--> hmmm, now now...

 

a hell of alot happened after. But the main question is i figured out her facebook password and got so angry that a couple weeks later i emailed this guys girlfriend from my ex's facebook account saying ive been sleeping and living with him. i havent seen any results yet from it but i have seen that this guys girlfriend has deleted him of his facebook which means she got the messege sent by me from my exes facebook account.

--> to complete this whole mess, the gf abroad was probably ****in 'other guys too thus do not think you saved a life there mate lol

 

He will be returning home to the UK next week and i am anxious about what the outcome will be towards my ex.--> pray that he will dump her and when she comes begging to you and playing the big drama asking you back you be the second to give her the boot mate

 

Will he chuck my ex out and not believe her when she says she has no idea about the messeg (which she wnt do). or will he accept it and make her his new girlfriend and they live happily ever after? either way i am prepared for any outcome i just needed to take a chance ---> Prolly shes gona lie and convince him she's an angel, seriously .... They will prolly live happily live happily ever after in 3sums, 4sums, moresums, gb s, cuckolds etc

 

to be honest its been 2months and NC has been going on for 6 days now the longest period yet, the last messege was sent by my ex and i ignored it.i am slowly gettin over her just the dreams that dnt help specially the ones of when we went italy venice 4 months ago ---> Even if you are still in love with him, and you can't help it, never ever show that to her.

 

Your thoughts please people and what you reckon the out come will be, P.S i deleted the messege i sent from my ex account so she has no idea and she wnt be clever enough to figure out i have her password i know its bad but she lied and cheated to me so i feel slightly better that i am saving another persons heart abroad by teling her the truth about her cheating boyfriend and my cheating ex girlfriend. ---> you are not saving anyone's life mate. First concentrate on yourself and save your own arse, get rid of all these nuisances & dump 'em outta your life. You are a good man !

 

It made me feel maybe 5% better but the ultimate outcome would be my ex girlfriend comes crying back to me sayin that she made a mistake and when she does i can finally tell her to piss off and continue to dig her own grave. harsh i know but she tried every trick in the book to make me beat her down for cheating lieing etc but i aint guna get sent to jail for no bitch especially one that i am still in love with goddam it. --> Never ever let that happen...... If it ever comes to that point, make sure before you tell her to piss off you have a good shag and then kick her out of the house

 

what u gys think??? any thoughts rite now wld help

 

Take great care mate

[Tnerforireyeh]

cool story bro! Sorry about your pain but that was pretty funny what you did.

[phineas]

DO NOT TAKE HER BACK!

 

When my STBXW left after I found out about her affair I went to MC with her because she said she wanted to work it out.

 

she lied.

She was still sneaking around behind my back with OM.

 

She knew I would do anything to save the marriage & used me.

 

Till I finally wised up & gave her the ultimatum.

Me or Divorce.

 

I've been told papers are being drawn up.

I'm quite happy.

 

I got kids though & have to deal with her regularly.

 

as divorce draws closer her guilt grows.

 

She likes to offhandidly remind me what I did to make her cheat.

 

I just laugh to myself because their lame excuses like I didn't go food shopping with her or go with her to take the empties back.

 

Or didn't go anywhere with her & the kid on the weekends. (that one has some significance but only because she didn't want me to go because her boyfriend was)

 

Don't let her tell anything other than it was her fault.

She choose to sleep with another man.

If life with you was so horrible she could of just left you.

She didn't.

She put you on the back burner just in case.

[learned2 love 2late]

she did try and leave me as a back up plan, but i found out wat she had been doing and becoz her plan didnt go her way, she tried to push the blame on me, ***ed up in the head if you ask me, is their any sane women left in this world? phineas i feel your pain, i say u keep the kids to yourself aswell see wat she thinks of that, im sure you will bring them up to be decent respectable people more then that woman can.

 

its hard to get over a girl you love who is now a lieing cheatin whore, and i feel embarrised for falling for a girl like that. she wasnt even sure wat she wanted but she carried on sleeping with him anyways knowing he had a girlfriend haha!. messed up, so so messed up i wld of understood if she broke it off and gave her time before she slept with him but she didnt, but hes with another woman she must be an ultra whore

[learned2 love 2late]

So guess what.....

 

She called 4 times this morning didnt answer...

 

Got a text saying its important about our previous accomadation we where living in.....

 

Only thing is i sorted that months ago......my name is off the contract and i paid my last rent.......

 

Its been almost 2months no contact and out of the blue she calls.........big time wtf?

 

What should i do! Infact i kno what to do!

 

Stay no contact forever (ps hooking up with a hotter girl and laying her good and proper really does make you get over her alot lot quicker)

[cooldudeinberlin]

Dude, I feel your pain, but you arent making it any better...

 

the only way to get over this is deal with it head on and embrace it.

 

the no contact thing... first best thing you can do and sounds like you are keeping up with it.

 

If you miss her and pine for her, hard thing to do, but keep it to yourself and it will get much easier... even to the point where you do not feel the slightest for her anymore.

 

I disagree with you sending the other GF the message from your ex's FB account... that is just a child throwing a tantrum. Most likely backfired, as its easy to have someone access your account and mess around that way... Im sure he is smooth enough to have that already worked through.

 

Obviously something was wrong in your relationship before any of this happened. This just didnt happen overnight and all of a sudden. Any clues? Were you paying attention?

[ADF]

Ugh. Did you really need to go snooping through her facebook account to know she was having an affair? I doubt it.

 

Here are a few things to know for the future:

 

1) There are no "breaks" in relationships. A so-called "break" is just the first step in the ultimate break up. When someone asks for a "break," you know it is over.

 

2) 9 times out of 10, the person asking for a break, or who says they need "space," has found someone else.

 

3) People like your ex are all about making things as easy as possible on themselves.Your feelings don't count. They'll lie, hide things, stonewall you--anything to avoid having a difficult conversation. They are craven cowards.

 

4) It is natural to feel like you want your ex back. But please see that taking her back would be a huge mistake. She has proven herself to be a liar, a cheater and coward who has no respect for you. If you took her back, you'd be sending her a message that you're weak and needy and pathetic. You wouldn't be her BF, you'd be her b___h.

 

Lovedaze got it right. You have to draw lines, to signal clearly to others that there are some things you won't tolerate. In this world, people don't respect because you're nice. They respect you if you're strong.

[EmperorR]

Take it from a guy whose ex fiancé cheated and dumped me 4 months before the weddig date. Cheating women don't change don't Waste any more of your time and run.

 

Yes it's hard now I remember those days but soon u won't give a damn anymore and get on with life.

 

Go nc and don't look back,

[EmperorR]

Ugh. Did you really need to go snooping through her facebook account to know she was having an affair? I doubt it.

 

Here are a few things to know for the future:

 

1) There are no "breaks" in relationships. A so-called "break" is just the first step in the ultimate break up. When someone asks for a "break," you know it is over.

 

2) 9 times out of 10, the person asking for a break, or who says they need "space," has found someone else.

 

3) People like your ex are all about making things as easy as possible on themselves.Your feelings don't count. They'll lie, hide things, stonewall you--anything to avoid having a difficult conversation. They are craven cowards.

 

4) It is natural to feel like you want your ex back. But please see that taking her back would be a huge mistake. She has proven herself to be a liar, a cheater and coward who has no respect for you. If you took her back, you'd be sending her a message that you're weak and needy and pathetic. You wouldn't be her BF, you'd be her b___h.

 

Lovedaze got it right. You have to draw lines, to signal clearly to others that there are some things you won't tolerate. In this world, people don't respect because you're nice. They respect you if you're strong.

 

All true, the only time I think a break Is ok if someone is going rough a lifetime event say a parent died etc., besides that 99 percen of time people when someone wants a break or space it's done and over, even if they get back with you it's only because they haven't fully emotionally detached yet but they will.

 

And most people who take back a cheater grt cheated on again and again why? The cheater has no respect for you they know they can cheat and even if they get caught, you will just take them back like nothing is wrong

 

you look pathetic and weak and I know because I've been there I took back a cheater only a month later she was talking to another guy

 

never again

[learned2 love 2late]

ok so its now been a full 2 and a half months no contact ON MY PART, has seemed a hell of alot longer......

 

I totally agree with the guys comments above.

 

she still hassles me about rent contacting me saying you will need to pay ur rent so im just warning you, but the only thing, she knows im not guna pay rent and dont have to coz my names off the contract....

 

she seems to wna keep telling me she has moved out to her new bf's house and all there is at our flat is "bad memories" even though the last time we saw each other she was doing the ranting and raving and i was just standing there taking all her bull****.....

 

it seems like shes not happy about something and its not the rent......

 

Anyways im looking forward to this summer, i wna go the states maybe miami and just sit on the beach and check the chicks.

 

To all the guys out there who have been cheated on and left by the girl they love, i beleieve it will set you up for the next woman who comes along and u will have the power to keep her in ur arms forever......if u want her forever that is.

 

Women these days think they will take over the world, i say fellas keep letting them think that... they will soon realise that being whores and cheating and running purely on emotions and not logic like men do is not the way to live life...

 

To many whores these days, but im sure there are diamonds in the dirt....