For the wives

[stillafool]

I know that when you find out your husband is cheating it is devestating. But come on, you felt something wasnt right. What I don't get is why all the hate to the OW. I find it appalling this "women should stand behind women" menatality, Really? Why? The reaction is so hatefull to the OW, and many times unjustly. Many times women do not know the men are married! By the time they find out, they are IN a relationship. Yes, it is a relationship. Why not feel for her? She gets hurt as well. Where is her support? So that is a hypocritical statement. I am watching two married men I work with right now who are married, but have the girlfriends with them on this job right now. (I work out of town).

 

I have never been the OW, but I know some who are. Trust me when I say, your man does too care for her. If it is long term? Yes, he cares very much. I see how they treat her, how she treats him, it is romantic, sensual and it is an adult relationship. All this " he is using her", not what I am seeing, I am watching a man in love. I work in a male dominated industry and see it quite a bit. Do they leave the wife? some do, some don't. But make no mistake, the relationship is real. Don't assume that because he doesn't leave his wife he doesn't care about the OW, some are staying so they don't loose half of what they have earned, kids, what ever. But don't think he stays because he loves the wife so much, if he did, he would NOT be in another relationship. He has already checked out.

 

Why would you want to stay with a man who has been intimate with another woman? Making love, going out to dinners, trips, all the things he USED to do for you is now bestowed upon another. Because YOU don't want to lose half of what has been built, savings, kids, a life. I get it. I do.

 

To many people blame the other woman, "how dare she" etc, the sanctity of a married couple, what ever, that is baloney.

 

I know the wives and know the girlfriends. Let me tell you what I have seen, I work with these guys, they are hardworking, decent guys, not overly handsome, but attractive, charming. I have met a few of the wives as well, it has been interesting. WOW, is all I can say. No wonder he looked elsewhere, some of you sit and count his drinks, tell him to quiet down if he is being a little tipsy, and letting off steam, and treat him like he is a boy, you are not his mother. And for gods sake dress like a woman. Act like a woman. It amazes me how many let them selves go, then cry the blues because he moved on to another.

 

I feel bad for the wives when they come to town for a weekend, he takes her out to eat, (some probably could skip a few meals), he screws her, he looks bored. I see them out, I am watcing this. It is not the man I see with the girlfriend. Both of these men seem much happier with the girlfriend, one has been a long, long relationship. She is treated to wonderful trips, great evenings out, she is beautiful. She does not think twice about the wife. And neither does he. It is amazing to me to watch how this works. So to ask what do they think of the wives? I don't know.

 

Ladies, if your man is cheating, I am not saying it is your fault, but in some cases it truly is, the sexy woman he married has turned into a frumpy, MOTHER (his exact words!), yes, I know how hard it is to balance work, kids and a man. but the man must come first to your friends, your family, even your kids! Your relationship should always come first.

 

I talked to one of them about his situation, he stays with his wife " I feel bad for her" He is in love with the girlfriend, but feels bad for his wife, the girlfriend doesnt care. She has his heart, alot of his time. And don't for a minute think they do not celebrate holidays. Don't think she is 'getting the short end of the stick', quiet the contrary, she gets treated very well from what I am seeing.

 

He does love the wife, but 'in love' no more. He stays because he cant afford to lose half his things, he truly doesnt want to hurt his kids, trust me when I say the girlfriend in this case understands, she too has kids. She does not want his kids hurt.

 

Ladies, I know I sound like a broken record on this, TAKE CARE OF YOURSELVES, eat right, exersise, keep your hair styled, dress and be the woman you should be!! I felt so bad for both of the wives I met, but seeing how they acted and treated their men, vs how the men were with the girlfriend was like night and day. Be a woman. You are not his mother. THESE

MEN HATE THAT!

 

I know I am going to get blasted by this, and that there are many, many different twists to this. I am just saying what I am seeing right infront of me everyday right now. It is crazy.

 

So if you truly believe in the "women should stand up for women", it has to be two sided. They get hurt too. Those relationships are just as real, in the heart and body and soul as a married one. The feelings are the same.

 

So think about that. Before you put down the OW. She is a woman to, have her back too.

 

 

And how do you feel about women who cheat on their husbands? Any advice for them as to how to keep their wives from cheating?

[sally4sara]

And how do you feel about women who cheat on their husbands? Any advice for them as to how to keep their wives from cheating?

 

They should keep themselves trim and primped, freshly dressed in something without spit up stains on it, and make sure dinner is on the table and all the children are clean and groomed when their wife gets home from work.

[Jeff1962]

And how do you feel about women who cheat on their husbands? Any advice for them as to how to keep their wives from cheating?

 

Grow a chocolate penis that squirts money.

[herenow]

But you do NOT live in the marital home, thus, do not see the REALITY. All you hear is a MM running his mouth.

 

Right and she isn't there when the MM begs his fat and ugly wife to stay with him. Or when the same fat and ugly wife kicks his sorry a** out the door and he still begs. And when said wife files for divorce and he still begs. The question is, why doesn't he go to the OW when it's clear that the BW wants him gone?

[herenow]

Grow a chocolate penis that squirts money.

 

Yummy! But no loose change please. And can you make it milk chocolate? I don't mean to be picky, but I like what I like. I guess I could go for some dark chocolate as well.

[herenow]

They should keep themselves trim and primped, freshly dressed in something without spit up stains on it, and make sure dinner is on the table and all the children are clean and groomed when their wife gets home from work.

 

and for goodness sakes, act like a man! and don't cry the blues if your wife cheats on you if you don't do all of the above.

[sally4sara]

Yummy! But no loose change please. And can you make it milk chocolate? I don't mean to be picky, but I like what I like. I guess I could go for some dark chocolate as well.

 

I prefer caramel.

[BlueeyedJonesy]

oh good lord, I am so sick of this ongoing argument and women who get on here and think they are doing BS a service in telling her that she should make an effort to look good every day and her H wont go and drop his pants...I'm sorry but this **** IS BANANAS! Why don't you ever see men getting on here saying guys..."if you just shaved that hairy belly of yours, started using rogaine..maybe went to the gym isntead of focusing your efforts on sitting in front of the tv...your wives wouldn't cheat." Men and Women cheat...and I am so sick of this black and white thinking...what do we live in the 50's? I wonder if I forget to iron my H's pants and starch his shirts he will go have an affair...because I'm not "taking care of my womanly duties" HA this post is just ridiculous.

 

OP~ I think you are have some issues of your own, otherwise you wouldn't feel it was necessary to bash the BS for no reason at all..first you say shes ugly, overbearing, fat...then u say u didn't mean for it to sound like that, well what did you mean for it to sound like?

 

The thing is...these men are *******S for what they are doing to BOTH women and the fact that you make up excuses for them is disgusting~!

 

YOU have no idea what things are like at home or behind closed doors..for all you know his wife is getting something on the side as well. Worry about yourself and stay away from men like that.

[NoIDidn't]

Given that you have not been OW or BS or WS....the self righteous tone of your convictions...

 

Sounds a lot like the kind of advice you hear about children from people who have never had them.

 

Great analogy. People that don't have children always have advice about what they would or wouldn't do, and things they have or haven't seen concerning children. And usually, they only come off clueless about the reality of actually having children.

 

I wonder if the OP is married? I don't recall reading that she was or wasn't. It would explain a lot of the opinion she shares in her OP and how she came to her conclusions.

 

I think she is good friends with the OW mentioned though. Why else would she be hanging out with them in public to see how they are treating the OW? Most people at work overhearing about affairs don't defend them unless they have emotional investment in one of the players involved. And if the OP posted it here, she has likely spoken about it at work to others. This can't be a good work environment for people actually looking to get work done. My Opinion, of course.

[herenow]

I prefer caramel.

 

OK, I'm there. How about we coat the caramel with chocolate. As far as the cash goes, I would like it in 20's and 100's. Does it have to be dollars? Can I get some foreign currency when we are on vacation?

[sally4sara]

OK, I'm there. How about we coat the caramel with chocolate. As far as the cash goes, I would like it in 20's and 100's. Does it have to be dollars? Can I get some foreign currency when we are on vacation?

 

Sounds like a choking hazard. Can it not just come in a continuous string of PEARLS? :lmao::lmao:

[herenow]

Sounds like a choking hazard. Can it not just come in a continuous string of PEARLS? :lmao::lmao:

 

That is so funny on so many levels.

[herenow]

I

 

I know the wives and know the girlfriends. Let me tell you what I have seen, I work with these guys, they are hardworking, decent guys, not overly handsome, but attractive, charming. I have met a few of the wives as well, it has been interesting. WOW, is all I can say. No wonder he looked elsewhere, some of you sit and count his drinks, tell him to quiet down if he is being a little tipsy, and letting off steam, and treat him like he is a boy, you are not his mother. And for gods sake dress like a woman. Act like a woman. It amazes me how many let them selves go, then cry the blues because he moved on to another.

...

 

Ladies, I know I sound like a broken record on this, TAKE CARE OF YOURSELVES, eat right, exersise, keep your hair styled, dress and be the woman you should be!! I felt so bad for both of the wives I met, but seeing how they acted and treated their men, vs how the men were with the girlfriend was like night and day. Be a woman. You are not his mother. THESE

MEN HATE THAT!

 

 

OK, so let me see if I understand. The MM can do and act however he wants and the BW shouldn't say anything. But, the BW should "act like a woman", "dress like a woman", basically look good and shut up. Where are you from? Not trying to insult you, but maybe you and I are from different cultures (or a different century).

 

Are OW really willing to become what you have described here? If so, then I do feel bad for them. What a sad existence, IMO.

Edited March 16, 2010 by herenow

[Spark1111]

Nicole, if it was all about fitness and beauty, why do some of the most beautiful people in the world get repeatedly cheated on?

 

Look at film and media stars....

 

And why is it, the vast majority of married people DO NOT CHEAT?

 

.....Try to think on that........I think that is a better place to start these ruminations.....

 

Do you think your man would have stayed with your if you were younger, prettier, sexier or more attentive to him? Didn't he have several woman all over the place?

 

And doesn't that behavior say a lot more about what was broken inside of him, then the tone and shape and fitness of your body or personality?

 

Doesn't it?

[NoIDidn't]

Sounds like a choking hazard. Can it not just come in a continuous string of PEARLS? :lmao::lmao:

 

OMG! LOL.

 

I didn't know you guys were planning on swallowing the money!!!!

[herenow]

OMG! LOL.

 

I didn't know you guys were planning on swallowing the money!!!!

 

NID, don't you know, wives don't swallow. That's why the penis needs to be chocolate and squirt money. Why else would we touch that thing? And how do you think we all got so fat? Too much penis! What I want to know is how do the OW's stay so fit? Are they not doing as much with the candy penis' as the BW's are?

[NoIDidn't]

NID, don't you know, wives don't swallow. That's why the penis needs to be chocolate and squirt money. Why else would we touch that thing? And how do you think we all got so fat? Too much penis! What I want to know is how do the OW's stay so fit? Are they not doing as much with the candy penis' as the BW's are?

 

You know this all starts at the Bridal Showers. LOL

 

I made chocolate "cock" cakes filled with chocolate syrup for my GFs bridal showers occasionally. Its telling how squeamish some of the women were about just touching them, let alone putting them into their mouths.

 

My friends have pretty raunchy bridal showers. We especially go all out for those that are virgins when they get married.

 

You guys are too much with this chocolate penis theme. LOL

[herenow]

You know this all starts at the Bridal Showers. LOL

 

I made chocolate "cock" cakes filled with chocolate syrup for my GFs bridal showers occasionally. Its telling how squeamish some of the women were about just touching them, let alone putting them into their mouths.

 

My friends have pretty raunchy bridal showers. We especially go all out for those that are virgins when they get married.

 

You guys are too much with this chocolate penis theme. LOL

 

Oh, NID, please make me one of those cakes. I promise I'll eat the whole thing. Can you put some cash into it? I need inspiration.

[herenow]

I think the original poster is very hurt and jealous of women who are married. She wants to be married and is lashing out at those that are.

 

A bit of advice to the original poster. If you acted more like an intelligent woman and not some dress up doll who just wants to please men you may find someone who wants you for the long term. You need substance not just this pretty happy I will do anything package on the outside.

 

Sure sounds that way. How rude to judge woman just based on their looks. She has no idea what these MM are like at home. They could be very abusive to their wives in many ways. To portray the MM as good men who are cheating because they don't like how their wives look or act is..(fill in the blank, I don't want an infraction)

[greengoddess]

It's actually a very sad post and just screams of a little girl who was raised to believe that women have no value except to please a man. Very sad. I hope she realizes her self worth one day and is herself around men and not just a pleaser.

 

I am sure the ow on here who's men left did not get him to be with them by being the perfect barbie doll all the time. How boring would that be and where would the challenge be.

[crazycatlady]

You know, Men play with themselves enough as it is, if H's penis gave cash, I would never get a chance to play with it again. He would be too busy trying to milk it for all its worth.

[OWoman]

I am sure the ow on here who's men left did not get him to be with them by being the perfect barbie doll all the time.

 

I am anything but a barbie doll - but that doesn't detract from the reality that physical stuff is also important. If my H "let himself go" and simply expected me to be OK with that, and still find him as hot and desirable as ever, he'd have a surprise waiting. Similarly, if I slipped into Flo Capp, I wouldn't expect him to find me remotely sexy, either - and I sure as hell wouldn't find myself sexy! Taking time to keep oneself looking decent is part of the respect due to your partner, IMO - and that cuts both ways!

[greengoddess]

I am anything but a barbie doll - but that doesn't detract from the reality that physical stuff is also important. If my H "let himself go" and simply expected me to be OK with that, and still find him as hot and desirable as ever, he'd have a surprise waiting. Similarly, if I slipped into Flo Capp, I wouldn't expect him to find me remotely sexy, either - and I sure as hell wouldn't find myself sexy! Taking time to keep oneself looking decent is part of the respect due to your partner, IMO - and that cuts both ways!

 

I totally agree but keeping fit and looking nice is about respect for yourself, for your appearance and health. I would not respect someone who did not respect themselves which is what I think the original poster is doing. Not respecting themselves or their mind by saying you have to look great all the time. What fun is that?

[NoIDidn't]

You know, Men play with themselves enough as it is, if H's penis gave cash, I would never get a chance to play with it again. He would be too busy trying to milk it for all its worth.

 

OMG, what a way with words.

[herenow]

You know, Men play with themselves enough as it is, if H's penis gave cash, I would never get a chance to play with it again. He would be too busy trying to milk it for all its worth.

 

You make a good point. Let's make it a team sport. Now all we have to figure out is who gets to play.