LovelyDaze Posted March 16, 2010 Share Posted March 16, 2010 No relationship is guaranteed to last. Obviously, Most don't. There's a new member of LS everyday and a lot of us don't have just one ex...we have a background of other people that dumped us before or that WE even dumped. Your ex's new GF/BF is more than likely not going to be the last,greatest love of their lives. Your ex probably doesn't know what's coming either. Their new love could cheat and lie on them causing them major heartbreak...hence why a lot of exes come calling us some weeks or months later because they see the grass isn't as green as they thought. The best thing we ALL can do is go into a relationship being honest about our boundaries, ethics and what we will and won't accept. Even the best relationships are hard to maintain. You have to upkeep the romance, communication and interest in each other after the honeymoon period. It's work. So for those who get jealous and upset that their ex is involved with someone new, don't be. Especially if your ex had issues with being a liar, cheater, abuser, etc. They take that baggage with them to the next GF/BF. Link to post Share on other sites
bananaboat11 Posted March 16, 2010 Share Posted March 16, 2010 LD, will you be my girl? Link to post Share on other sites
cdt76 Posted March 16, 2010 Share Posted March 16, 2010 I know I've thought the same thing. I think it's an ego thing. I mean, I feel like I was lacking in some way for her to leave me for him and that somehow she finds him a more compatible mate, even though I know for a fact that is not the case. So, as my self-depreciating, low self-esteem side likes to take over and tell me that of course it will last forever, it has too because she left ME for him. So in order to make ourselves feel less crappy, they have to stay together. Why would she leave me if it wasn't the love of her life?! You see?! But then when it does fail, I will be the most bitterly happy person on the planet! Link to post Share on other sites
Rearden Metal Posted March 16, 2010 Share Posted March 16, 2010 Well said. I think a lot of us know this, we just get caught up in the emotion of our ex's saying "I love you" to someone else, depending on them and sleeping with them. The truth is that period will wear off for them, too. And then they'll have to put in some work. Not many stick around for that. Link to post Share on other sites
nowomanocry Posted March 16, 2010 Share Posted March 16, 2010 is that only 1 out of 10 marriages last (this is a statistics I got based on my married friends - just a small sample of people) Link to post Share on other sites
Ilovecake Posted March 16, 2010 Share Posted March 16, 2010 I'm an exception as most of my exes married the girls they dated after me and are all still together. One’s been married 12 years and he’s going nowhere. Link to post Share on other sites
sean1970 Posted March 16, 2010 Share Posted March 16, 2010 just a small sample of people) Big people have the same problems... Just sayin.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author LovelyDaze Posted March 16, 2010 Author Share Posted March 16, 2010 I'm an exception as most of my exes married the girls they dated after me and are all still together. One’s been married 12 years and he’s going nowhere. Just go to the Infidelity, Divorce and/or Marriage forums and you will find people married 15, 20 years or more that are now kaput. Just because something is NOW doesn't mean it won't turn into a THEN. Bad analogy about change but Adolf Hitler used to be a cute little cooing baby too.... BTW to bananaboat: LOL! You are sweet! Link to post Share on other sites
Silver_star Posted March 16, 2010 Share Posted March 16, 2010 No relationship is guaranteed to last. Obviously, Most don't. There's a new member of LS everyday and a lot of us don't have just one ex...we have a background of other people that dumped us before or that WE even dumped. Your ex's new GF/BF is more than likely not going to be the last,greatest love of their lives. Your ex probably doesn't know what's coming either. Their new love could cheat and lie on them causing them major heartbreak...hence why a lot of exes come calling us some weeks or months later because they see the grass isn't as green as they thought. The best thing we ALL can do is go into a relationship being honest about our boundaries, ethics and what we will and won't accept. Even the best relationships are hard to maintain. You have to upkeep the romance, communication and interest in each other after the honeymoon period. It's work. So for those who get jealous and upset that their ex is involved with someone new, don't be. Especially if your ex had issues with being a liar, cheater, abuser, etc. They take that baggage with them to the next GF/BF. So true lovely. I dont really care who my ex is conversing, dating or screwing because i know that the poor girl who is involved with him next will face the same immaturity, and the same lying and neglect he once bestowed on me. I almost find it harder to beleive that another sucker of a girl will be trapped like me...but it will, i think he has a knack for the vulnerable, and for the ones that are new to "romance" they have no clue what they are getting into that way. Link to post Share on other sites
Ilovecake Posted March 16, 2010 Share Posted March 16, 2010 Just go to the Infidelity, Divorce and/or Marriage forums and you will find people married 15, 20 years or more that are now kaput. Just because something is NOW doesn't mean it won't turn into a THEN. Bad analogy about change but Adolf Hitler used to be a cute little cooing baby too.... BTW to bananaboat: LOL! You are sweet! You're right. I think the person I mentioned who has been, married for 12 years will be with her till one of them dies. I just know him and he would never give up on the relationship he has, nor should he. They really are wonderful together. I was with him 6 years and not once did he get angry with me nor did we have a fight. He’s a complete feminist who is not at all interested in other women. His wife and he share so many similar interests it’s like they’re the opposite side of a coin. They still act like they just started dating and are absolutely giddy in love. I would be flabbergasted if they didn’t stay together for the long run. My recent ex however who is planning his wedding as we speak is a different story. He has so many issues that unless the girl is def, dumb, has no sense of smell, possibly has severe down syndrome and self esteem issues plus is in a coma there is no way this will last. His is mentally ill, abusive and has tremendous personality disorders. He only operates in extremes. He either loves you or hates you, no in between. It doesn’t take much to make him hate someone either, just be a woman and you’re on his wrong side. Oh and he has very closeted homosexual tendencies, not too many women can put up with that and I have a feeling she hasn’t found out about this yet. I ran across some disturbing things on our shared home computer. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LovelyDaze Posted March 16, 2010 Author Share Posted March 16, 2010 Well said. I think a lot of us know this, we just get caught up in the emotion of our ex's saying "I love you" to someone else, depending on them and sleeping with them. The truth is that period will wear off for them, too. And then they'll have to put in some work. Not many stick around for that. Absolutely. It's that damn luscious honeymoon period. We all have been there. Your heart races as if you are falling off a mountain and the two of you can't get enough of each other...then the other shoe drops. It becomes mundane, predictable and sadly in most cases-boring. You get used to anybody. Even the best romances have some level of monotony. You're right. I think the person I mentioned who has been, married for 12 years will be with her till one of them dies. I just know him and he would never give up on the relationship he has, nor should he. They really are wonderful together. I was with him 6 years and not once did he get angry with me nor did we have a fight. He’s a complete feminist who is not at all interested in other women. His wife and he share so many similar interests it’s like they’re the opposite side of a coin. They still act like they just started dating and are absolutely giddy in love. I would be flabbergasted if they didn’t stay together for the long run. My recent ex however who is planning his wedding as we speak is a different story. He has so many issues that unless the girl is def, dumb, has no sense of smell, possibly has severe down syndrome and self esteem issues plus is in a coma there is no way this will last. His is mentally ill, abusive and has tremendous personality disorders. He only operates in extremes. He either loves you or hates you, no in between. It doesn’t take much to make him hate someone either, just be a woman and you’re on his wrong side. Oh and he has very closeted homosexual tendencies, not too many women can put up with that and I have a feeling she hasn’t found out about this yet. I ran across some disturbing things on our shared home computer. You know what IS nice. Some relationships like your friend have the legs to possibly make it while others are just a NOT waiting to happen. But we all shouldn't give up anyway. We might find the one we will be with for all time. It's always worth a shot. Link to post Share on other sites
bananaboat11 Posted March 16, 2010 Share Posted March 16, 2010 You love it LD Link to post Share on other sites
Andrew1984 Posted March 16, 2010 Share Posted March 16, 2010 Why do some dumpees think their Ex's NEW relationship will last forever? well, because she told me that she wants to find someone who is ready to get married have kids, buy a house and has a stable career. she said shes ready to start a family and im not ready yet. she said she wants to find someone that can look after her. I also suspect my age and body size was a factor too. She told me love isint the most important thing in a relationship. her new boyfriend is 7 years older than me, about 100 lbs heavier, has a stable career and a big house with a nice car and is everything I am not. when she left I asked her if i just wasant good enough and she denied it, but we both know the truth. she has to live with that but as far as i can tell, it dosent bother her one bit. And I kinda see her point. life is too short. Link to post Share on other sites
ingridh Posted March 16, 2010 Share Posted March 16, 2010 I am 9 years older than him. He cheated and dumped me for a beautiful (she is, I saw her picture) college girl (senior) whom he met online 15 years his junior. Told me that he fell in love at first sight when she came visit him and couldn't stop thinking about her ever since; that she made him happy; that he was going to marry her; that he would do whatever it would take to make it work with her. Two years with me, I had to pull teeth for him to say he missed me. NC five weeks to date, not a word from him either. Must be living in bliss, him with her. So l have a feeling he truly is committed to this girl and believe that they are going to live happily ever after. (I hate him and am angry at him, but that is entirely another topic, another thread.) Link to post Share on other sites
Rearden Metal Posted March 16, 2010 Share Posted March 16, 2010 I am 9 years older than him. He cheated and dumped me for a beautiful (she is, I saw her picture) college girl (senior) whom he met online 15 years his junior. Told me that he fell in love at first sight when she came visit him and couldn't stop thinking about her ever since; that she made him happy; that he was going to marry her; that he would do whatever it would take to make it work with her. Two years with me, I had to pull teeth for him to say he missed me. NC five weeks to date, not a word from him either. Must be living in bliss, him with her. So l have a feeling he truly is committed to this girl and believe that they are going to live happily ever after. (I hate him and am angry at him, but that is entirely another topic, another thread.) 5 weeks is nothing. A speck on the calendar. Link to post Share on other sites
threebyfate Posted March 16, 2010 Share Posted March 16, 2010 I'm not going to soft-sell you ladies and gents. What you're doing is wasting energy and emotion, on someone who wants to be elsewhere. Instead of doing this, focus all that energy and emotion on moving forwards in your own lives. Whatever it takes to cut the cord that binds, do it, as long as it falls within your own personal value system. In other words, don't do anything, you're going to regret later. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LovelyDaze Posted March 17, 2010 Author Share Posted March 17, 2010 I'm not going to soft-sell you ladies and gents. What you're doing is wasting energy and emotion, on someone who wants to be elsewhere. Instead of doing this, focus all that energy and emotion on moving forwards in your own lives. Whatever it takes to cut the cord that binds, do it, as long as it falls within your own personal value system. In other words, don't do anything, you're going to regret later. That's what I am already doing. My ex is in Afghanistan for a year so lucky for me, I won't have that kind of anxiety of him contacting me and vice versa. I have just dated a complete jerk and have decided on a "dating sabbatical" I noticed too many dumpees on LS state that their ex's new love must be "The One" Well, MOST of us thought we were The One to somebody and here we are....why can't they? And that's where you are right for us to just forget our exes new love lives because even if their new relationship goes to the dogs, what does that mean for OUR life? Nothing! Link to post Share on other sites
sean1970 Posted March 17, 2010 Share Posted March 17, 2010 (edited) I am 9 years older than him. He cheated and dumped me for a beautiful (she is, I saw her picture) college girl (senior) whom he met online 15 years his junior. Told me that he fell in love at first sight when she came visit him and couldn't stop thinking about her ever since; that she made him happy; that he was going to marry her; that he would do whatever it would take to make it work with her. Two years with me, I had to pull teeth for him to say he missed me. NC five weeks to date, not a word from him either. Must be living in bliss, him with her. So l have a feeling he truly is committed to this girl and believe that they are going to live happily ever after. (I hate him and am angry at him, but that is entirely another topic, another thread.) Infatuation is not even a second cousin of love. Nor does it produce anything lasting that love hopes to (love is far from all it takes). Smirk at his naiveté and be happy he is now her problem and not yours... Edited March 17, 2010 by sean1970 Link to post Share on other sites
phoenix1 Posted March 17, 2010 Share Posted March 17, 2010 Yeah, sometimes I trip on my ex's new relationship. Especially the one he just started, it's been only a few weeks, but he is sprung! The one before, eh, I knew she was just a fill in. But the truth is, wherever you go, you take you with you. And I know nothing has changed with him, actually I think he has regressed since breaking up with me. He still can't communicate, has intimacy issues, can't be trusted, selfish, etc etc. I will just try not to think about it, and bide my time. Hopefully by then I will be with someone that truly appreciates me. Link to post Share on other sites
WiseOne1 Posted March 17, 2010 Share Posted March 17, 2010 It's because the (DUMPER) glorfies the new relationship. Just look at the threads on Loveshack, once the dumpee finds out the dumper is dating someone new all hell breaks loose....The Dumper seems to be more happy than they ever been or were in there relationship with you. Example 1 : My ex told me she never had felt this way about a guy, she bragged about how great he was, how good he understood her and how great he treated her. Example 2 : She would go against all her friends for this new guy, but she wouldn't do that for me or her past BF's before me that I knew about Example 3 : She would say things like "I can't live without him" ^^ With her acting this way it made me think that her and the new guy would last forever. I don't know if ex's do this on purpose, but this has nothing to do with the honeymoon stage...you might even found out that your EX did something with the new guy/girl that they would never do with you. They might go farther out of there way to make it work..ya know.. So its bassically the perception that the EX is on "Cloud 9" since they dumped you. Link to post Share on other sites
sadheart2010 Posted March 17, 2010 Share Posted March 17, 2010 Well i think and know from experience that most people tend to take their baggage to the next relationship.Especially the dumpers which couldnt find a way to work on a solution with someone that treated them maybe good. Of course there are cases where you just need to be without another but i think most people dont want the confrontation with their own true feelings ,fears and whatever else is in them deep inside. In the first year of a relationship people tend to test out each others limits and of course there gonna be conflicts which is a normal thing when two strangers meet and become one. I feel like some just leave a relationship because they dont want to invest too much into it and think that a conflict here n there isnt okay. But some of you guys know that a relationship can be a beautiful thing of both do their part on it Link to post Share on other sites
Weird Posted March 17, 2010 Share Posted March 17, 2010 I'd say many do this because of the ego and thinking that they were lacking for the person and this new person will be amazing. I initially thought that when I found out my ex of 925695 years ago got involved with someone who I believe was the first since me. I then realized she has some selfishness issues and chances are it'll end and sure enough it did and there she was contacting me. As it is today, I have confidence that unless she has a major epiphany that chances are she'll keep having the same outcome and realize that maybe, just maybe I was/am the best guy for her and she actually has some issues that I looked past which others won't. I do want her to be happy so if she finds Mr. Right for her and he is more compatible than I am/was then great but I just don't see it happening. On the flip side, I have yet to meet a woman who has more of my wants than she had and it'd be nice if that changed down the line if things between us could never happen again which probably is the case because she is too stubborn to look at things now and assumes because it didn't work ages ago it couldn't know. Link to post Share on other sites
jlr Posted March 17, 2010 Share Posted March 17, 2010 Many of you are making great points. I like this thread. My ex broke up with me not because it wasn't good, but because it wasn't "spectacular." She's not cut out for the day to day part of love. Once the honeymoon period wears off, and things become routine, she freaks. This has alot to do with her past. She runs when things get rough. She starts to think maybe something better is out there. She admits this, but refuses to do anything about it. She hasn't worked through it or gotten help. We broke up in October 2008. She knew I still loved her and would do anything, so she kept me on a string, until she found something else. She never took proper time to just work on her. Because of this, I think she's gonna have a hard time with relationships in general. This one won't last either - the shine will fade, and she'll realize there's a real person there, and she'll get scared. And she'll run. I have yet to meet a woman who has more of my wants than she had and it'd be nice if that changed down the line if things between us could never happen again which probably is the case because she is too stubborn to look at things now and assumes because it didn't work ages ago it couldn't know. I feel the same way. But my ex is also stubborn. She even told me things like "even if I wanted to come back, I can't. we already tried it and it didn't work." She's a firm believer in leaving things behind, and not looking back. Sucks, because sometimes you can fix things. If there was something there to begin with, it seems like it's worth it to me to fix it, especially with all we know since the breakup about ourselves and each other. But, that's just me. Link to post Share on other sites
threebyfate Posted March 17, 2010 Share Posted March 17, 2010 And that's where you are right for us to just forget our exes new love lives because even if their new relationship goes to the dogs, what does that mean for OUR life? Nothing! Exactly! When someone decides they don't want to be part of your life, they are nothing and their actions mean nothing. Link to post Share on other sites
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