why do i always fall for selfish men & have so much trouble losing 'em?!

[yes]

my heart goes out to you. you must've had really bad luck with the women you've known if you've formed such an opinion of us - i hope your luck improves in the future! i can't speak about myself, but i know many women who know what they want, are very self-examining, etc.

 

good luck man!

-yes

[moimeme]

There's the tragedy of relationships. Sometimes someone will take up with the wrong person and have a very bad experience. In response, the wounded person snaps a padlock around his/her heart and becomes bitter and cynical. S/he paints all the other gender with the same brush - they are ALL bad.

 

It's not untoward. After all, once burned, twice shy. It takes a LOT of strength (and not everybody is gifted with resiliency to the same degree) to move past that sort of experience and be fully trusting or open in another relationship. It is very sad.

[BlockHead]

yes

you must've had really bad luck with the women you've known if you've formed such an opinion of us - i hope your luck improves in the future!

I’m trying to learn from my experience, and from books on psychology and dating. I’m also thinking about dating a psycho to improve my b!tch handling skills before I go for the ladies.

 

The psycho I’m thinking about.

- Has moimeme’s brain.

- Has the rage of an angry pit bull.

- Has the insightfulness of a twit.

- Yes, I know she is very manipulative.

- Thinks it is her right to make life miserable for others.

[amerikajin]

>>>whoa, buddy, how do YOU know what *I* think? back off and ease up!! Your lack of luck with women ain't my fault. <<<

 

What makes you think I lack luck with women? I've had good relationships with women, but through these relationships and my experience in dating I've also gained a lot of wisdom. Nowadays, I just cut straight through the bulls*** and I play the game so that I don't lose. My experience has taught me that if I don't play it this way, I'll get hurt, and then I'll have to date another woman and hope she's not playing the same games as the one before.

 

No, I don't have problems collecting phone numbers. My list has been growing by leaps and bounds lately, and intend to keep adding to the list. That's right, ladies: I'm a playboy now. And I'm going to keep playing the field until I find the woman I want. No more dating one woman at a time and waiting for her to decide what she does or doesn't want from me. No more going "ga ga" over one babe and being at her mercy. No, I don't have a problem getting the ladies; in fact, lately I've had the opposite problem - how to juggle them. But I suppose now that makes me the bad guy, when in fact women do the same thing all the time. Sure, women can do this and say "I think we need space" or "I'm not sure we're compatible"....but if a guy does this to a woman then he's a pig. Sorry. I don't have time for the games. When I meet the woman I want to settle down with, I will treat her with the utmost respect and courtesy, and I will be committed to her. But until then, play ball.

[BlockHead]

amerikajin

And I'm going to keep playing the field until I find the woman I want. No more dating one woman at a time and waiting for her to decide what she does or doesn't want from me. No more going "ga ga" over one babe and being at her mercy.

This should be framed.

 

The moral of the story.

When dating, depend on yourself because you cannot depend on women.

[moimeme]

The psycho I’m thinking about.

- Has moimeme’s brain.

 

Gosh, thanks

[BlockHead]

moimeme

Yes, I think you are a really smart person.

I was thinking of Frankenstein.

 

Moimeme’s brain + pit bull rage + extreme manipulative behavior + hate = antichrist = psycho chick

I can imagine her head spinning.

[moimeme]

Oh, ok. And thank you! Thought you were saying I was a psycho.

[InmanRoshi]

I was once the platonic “nice guy” for a girl who preferred a “bad boy”. This happened when I was in college. The reason I describe him as a “bad boy” is because he actually had a full time girlfriend that he shared an apartment with, and just saw the girl that I was interested in on the side whenever his girlfriend was away. I used to think she was attracted to him simply because he was a “bad boy”, and inherently not attracted to me because I was a “nice guy”, but in truth I don’t find that to be the case anymore. She was attracted to him because he was simply the better “catch”. He was tall, attractive and came from a ridiculously rich family that spoiled him rotten. I was just average looking and came from working class parents and was dirt poor in college. She probably saw a lot more potential in him than she saw in me. She probably felt as though she were settling if she had chosen me. I asked her one time why she would rather have him, who only offered only a fraction of himself and his affection, over me, who thought she was the center of the universe. She said that if she didn’t at least try to pursue the other guy, she would regret it for the rest of her life. I found this answer to be rather ironic. She frequently took me to meet her family and friends back home, and her mother absolutely loved me. Her mother always urged her to date me. Her father frequently cheated on her mother. Her mother confessed to her that she once had an opportunity to choose a nice guy, but instead picked her father because she felt like he would eventually change. She said she has regretted the decision ever since. So her mother regrets not picking the nice guy, and she said that she would regret picking the nice guy … I guess we are just creatures of regret, no matter which path we choose.

[BlockHead]

InmanRoshi

The bad news is that you were friend and not her lover. There is a big difference between the two.

Maybe you were also too available, and she took you for granted.

Her loss.

[InmanRoshi]

Part of the problem I see in the “nice guys” vs. “jerks” debate is that is assumes all other things being equal, the girl will pick the jerk. The reality is rarely in life are all things otherwise equal. If I were the tall, rich, handsome guy, she would have probably picked me over the jerk. I think shlubby looking jerks would have just as much trouble getting the girl over the handsome charming nice guy as vice-versa.

 

At any rate, I don’t think I’m entitled to the girl just because I treat her or others with kindness. I don’t believe in karma, and think it’s a Hollywood fairy tale. I treat others with kindness and respect because it’s a personal choice I made, not because I believe there’s a reward in it for me waiting down the road. I could very well live a virtuous and charitable life and end up alone. One really has little to do with the other, IMHO.

[InmanRoshi]

Originally posted by InmanRoshi

Part of the problem I see in the “nice guys” vs. “jerks” debate is that is assumes all other things being equal, the girl will pick the jerk. The reality is rarely in life are all things otherwise equal. If I were the tall, rich, handsome guy, she would have probably picked me over the jerk. I think shlubby looking jerks would have just as much trouble getting the girl over the handsome charming nice guy as vice-versa.

 

At any rate, I don’t think I’m entitled to the girl just because I treat her or others with kindness. I don’t believe in karma, and think it’s a Hollywood fairy tale. I treat others with kindness and respect because it’s a personal choice I made, not because I believe there’s a reward in it for me waiting down the road. I could very well live a virtuous and charitable life and end up alone. One really has little to do with the other, IMHO.

 

Just wanted to add that the sonofabitch has every much chance of finding a winning lottery ticket on the sidewalk as the saint. And vice versa, the saint has every much chance of standing in the way of a runaway bus as the sonofabitch. Its hard for us to accept this cold-natured randomness in life and nature, which is why religion has been a booming business since the beginning of man.

[moimeme]

I could very well live a virtuous and charitable life and end up alone. One really has little to do with the other

 

Ah, thank heavens! A voice of reason!! A breath of fresh air!!!!

[meanon]

Ho hum grow up guys. In South Africa after massive human rights abuses they had the truth commission and many people have risen above their pasts and are getting on with living in true a multi racial society. People get over experiences of torture, death of loved ones etc by taking responsibility for their own mental health and getting help to break the cycles of alienation and damage. If we all generalised based on bad experiences to entire genders/races we would constantly be at war. To those of you in the women = manipulator/psycho b*tch/game player category: you may prevent yourself from ever being hurt again by refusing to view women as equals but if you don't risk you will never love so unless you want to remain lonely you will need to forgive and let go. Of course there are gender differences (long may they live!) but we are united by more than we are divided ie. our humanity.

[amerikajin]

>>> She was attracted to him because he was simply the better “catch”. He was tall, attractive and came from a ridiculously rich family that spoiled him rotten. I was just average looking and came from working class parents and was dirt poor in college.<<<

 

And yet I bet this wonderful girl of yours probably complained to her friends about how she can't find the right guy. Just like a good girlfriend of mine used to complain to me about the guy who cheated on her - who just happened to be the guy she left me for two years earlier.

 

Look, I don't blame women in this situation anymore. I didn't "get it" then, but I do now. I understand how the game is played. It's just that, now, I've decided that I can play the same game too, and I can have just as much fun and variety of choice in relationships as they do...and I don't wanna hear any lip about how I'm a bad guy for acting this way now. I was the nice guy who gave my full undivided attention to one woman at a time...and it didn't get me anywhere. It's true: women don't want men who are available. If you don't believe me just go take a look at "The Other Man/Woman" thread and see for yourself. That's citing examples in the extreme, I realize, but it just goes to show how the dating mind works.

 

None of this means I don't have any ethics when it comes to dating - I do. I still believe that if I've asked a woman to date me exclusively then I should be good to my word, though that doesn't mean I can't trade the old car in for a new one if I'm so inclined. But what I've realized is that when you're playing the dating game, it pays to keep your cards close to your chest.

 

If you don't like any of what I've written above, well I guess I'm sorry. Don't hate the player, hate the game.

[moimeme]

I was the nice guy who gave my full undivided attention to one woman at a time...and it didn't get me anywhere.

 

Faulty cause/effect analysis.

[amerikajin]

I look at the results, moimeme. I get women now; I didn't then.

[moimeme]

Um. You must have had women since you seem to have had relationships with them which soured you on them. I believe you said the difference is that you have them now plural rather than singular. And I'm not exactly sure how that puts you ahead of how you were before in any way. It's just now you're finding multiple people who still aren't right for you, right?