BS got new "girlfriend" preggo

[Doing it Since '78]

Hello once again,

 

My story is here on LS, as I shared it a few months ago while all of this was going on. To make a longer story even longer, in the midst of dealing with my two toddlers, the mom leaving and sticking me the aftermath of her now extinct income into our mutually owned assests, I ran into an old girlfriend/friend from high school.

 

Feeling vulnerable, and lonely we immediatly started in, and lo and behold sh eis now pregnant. Their is no way I can either afford financially or mentally to taker care of another child, and she already has a son who is 10. SHe lives afew states away, but is very unhappy about her circumstances in her state, as well as her strained relationship with her parents, and her sons dad.

 

So many red flags popped up before this happened, but like a sucker I ignored most of them. She has flip-flopped from having an abortion, to having the child. As far as the WS, we are done, however until the first of the month, we are still legally married, and I am just now getting into the swing of things moving on from her and being a single parent.

 

She has also just gotten a stroke of religion, as it was okay to commit adultry and fornicate with me, but all of a sudden abortion is wrong. Is this just one that I have to deal with?

 

Any advice? I stepped out the hot plate and into the chimney shoot.

[dreamingoftigers]

Dude,

 

You have a mess on your hands, it makes sense that you would seek some temporary companionship while dealing with the emotional impact of a D. This must have come as quite a shock.

 

However, being an adult means that you have to clean up the mess you made as well as possible. You are just as much responsible for creating the pregnancy as she was, and really it was you that was adulterous, not her. although you may not like the mother so much right now, the real victim is the child that is on its way. Even though you may feel that your energy and finances are strained as it is, you owe that kid the same amount of love and attention as the two you currently have.

 

16- year-olds know what a condom is, and despite whatever games she may be playing, you are well aware of the risks that come with sexual contact, even if you weren't sure what her "values" were.

 

Man up my friend, worse things have happened, good luck

[TaraMaiden]

I agree with her.

Why should a new baby have to pay for your (literal) screw-up?

you're a big guy now. You've had children already. You know how they're made.

The one preventative is called contraception.

That thing should not have gone in without a jacket.....

 

Take this one on the chin, buddy.

You put it about, and created a new life.

You saw hundreds of red flags, yet chose to ignore them?

Kinda feeling dumb now, aren't you?

 

Now - meet the consequences.

 

Sorry chum.

Since when did seeking comfort and solace, mean losing control of your mental faculties, and common sense....?

[Chrome Barracuda]

Well the baby is gonna come anyways. If anything, you need to get another job or work another shift then you do so. I know it's hard, and i know it sucks, but you need to take care of your kid. no matter the costs.

[Doing it Since '78]

Dumb isn't the word. I feel like a grade A chump. I can not imagine how reckless and foolish I was, I got so caught up in getting over my situation that I threw all caution to the wind. I have been trying to convince her to abort, and she agrees that it does make logical sense, however it isn't right to do so.

 

But in her mind, she thinks this will bring us together, when in fact I see it making me possibly resent her, and maybe the kid. She knows the whole situation, yet still refuses to get the abortion

 

On one end, I also feel as if she ran a hustle on me. She saw her own situation,cramped two bedroom apartment, sons father is a total deadbeat, my interaction with my own kids, and what looked like it was a secure home (if she only knew I am fighting tooth and nail to prevent inevitable foreclosure!) and "got" preganant. I used a rubber for the first couple of times, but I was too green, and we both got tested together, so I felt it was cool, well it wasn't. I hadn't had sex in a long time, so I imagine my sperm count was pretty high.

 

My brother told me to call her bluff, and wait and see if the kid is even mine in 9 months, before doing anything drastic. I would rather fork over the $300 bucks, even if I am paying for anothers dudes baby

 

I am at a total loss for words

Edited March 17, 2010 by Doing it Since '78

[Chrome Barracuda]

Dumb isn't the word. I feel like a grade A chump. I can not imagine how reckless and foolish I was, I got so caught up in getting over my situation that I threw all caution to the wind. I have been trying to convince her to abort, and she agrees that it does make logical sense, however it isn't right to do so.

 

But in her mind, she thinks this will bring us together, when in fact I see it making me possibly resent her, and maybe the kid. She knows the whole situation, yet still refuses to get the abortion

 

On one end, I also feel as if she ran a hustle on me. She saw her own situation,cramped two bedroom apartment, sons father is a total deadbeat, my interaction with my own kids, and what looked like it was a secure home (if she only knew I am fighting tooth and nail to prevent inevitable foreclosure!) and "got" preganant. I used a rubber for the first couple of times, but I was too green, and we both got tested together, so I felt it was cool, well it wasn't. I hadn't had sex in a long time, so I imagine my sperm count was pretty high.

 

My brother told me to call her bluff, and wait and see if the kid is even mine in 9 months, before doing anything drastic. I would rather fork over the $300 bucks, even if I am paying for anothers dudes baby

 

I am at a total loss for words

 

Ohhh i can totally sympathize with you, ive seen alot of women trapping men with babies and maybe you feel that way too. You didnt want anything serious and she ends up getting preggos. Did you use your own protection.

 

Like i said its a sucky situation but you gotta deal with it.

 

just mentally be fit to deal with it right now, things will be fine.

[Doing it Since '78]

She recently agreed to abort, however wanted me to wire the cash to her, and she would take care of it. If I am not there, no way in hell i'm forking over cash for her to either to not do it, or for her to come up with some bull$hit about she got cold feet, and use my $300 to buy a new purse.

 

She doesn't take me as the type of person, but her own situation is kind of bleak, and I imagine drastic times call for drastic measures. Even if I end up being a weekend dad (which I wouldn't want to be), I guess if she were to hit me for child support, that is a few dollars extra that she didn't have before

[dreamingoftigers]

If she did "run the hustle" on you, then it wasn't worth it, was it?

 

If she wanted to bring the two of you together, it didn't work, did it?

 

Now she can have a cramped two-bedroom apartment with two kids by two different Dads. One of whom clearly want to reject his own child.

 

So no, I wouldn't be too bitter if I were you, you got your sex, you got your just desserts, and now it looks as hough she is going to have a newborn to herself (what fun!).

 

IMHO I think abortion is running away from the consequences. I think it's odd when people who already have and love children want to abort out of inconvenience. Really, try to concentrate on how cute this little one is going to be. Sorry, but you are coming across as the victim here, when really she isn't really winning anything herself. CONCENTRATE ON THE KID AND WHAT YOU CAN DO TO MAKE THE CIRCUMSTANCE BETTER INSTEAD OF JUST TRYING TO GET YOR WAY. BE GREATFUL FOR WHAT YOU HAVE MANY PEOPLE TRY FOR CHILDREN AND CAN'T CONCEIVE THEM.

 

Good luck to you. Sounds lke you need some right now.

[Doing it Since '78]

Ohhh i can totally sympathize with you, ive seen alot of women trapping men with babies and maybe you feel that way too. You didnt want anything serious and she ends up getting preggos. Did you use your own protection.

 

Like i said its a sucky situation but you gotta deal with it.

 

just mentally be fit to deal with it right now, things will be fine.

 

CB,

 

thanks for the encouraging words bro, and to top it all of she knows that under no circumstances do I want any more kids, or would ever want to remarry, your right though, their is not too much that I can do, but see how it plays out.

 

SHe just texted me and said she an appointment for a abortion next Friday, I guess we shall see. She is delusional, she told me she can feel her body growing, wow that must be a miracle baby, you having a baby bump at 4 weeks? Come on now, that is probably the malt liquor!

 

She also attempted to "guilt" me into agreeing, by saying this may be her last chance at having a baby, because of her age (32). I have been trying to "convince" her that we can try again in a few months, but I have already set an appointment to have a vasectomy the second week in April

[2sure]

She is not asking you to come with her for her appointment?? Just send cash?

 

She isnt pregnant. But just in case, you have to go with her and pay in cash directly.

 

Get the vasectomy, for everyone's sake.

[Doing it Since '78]

If she did "run the hustle" on you, then it wasn't worth it, was it?

 

If she wanted to bring the two of you together, it didn't work, did it?

 

Now she can have a cramped two-bedroom apartment with two kids by two different Dads. One of whom clearly want to reject his own child.

 

So no, I wouldn't be too bitter if I were you, you got your sex, you got your just desserts, and now it looks as hough she is going to have a newborn to herself (what fun!).

 

IMHO I think abortion is running away from the consequences. I think it's odd when people who already have and love children want to abort out of inconvenience. Really, try to concentrate on how cute this little one is going to be. Sorry, but you are coming across as the victim here, when really she isn't really winning anything herself. CONCENTRATE ON THE KID AND WHAT YOU CAN DO TO MAKE THE CIRCUMSTANCE BETTER INSTEAD OF JUST TRYING TO GET YOR WAY. BE GREATFUL FOR WHAT YOU HAVE MANY PEOPLE TRY FOR CHILDREN AND CAN'T CONCEIVE THEM.

 

Good luck to you. Sounds lke you need some right now.

 

Thanks, I feel as dumb as you said. I guess at the end of the day, it comes down to her either wanting the baby, and a harder life for both of us, or not wanting it and her contniueing down her same road, which was pretty piss poor. I imagine she is not going to take door number 2

[Doing it Since '78]

She is not asking you to come with her for her appointment?? Just send cash?

 

She isnt pregnant. But just in case, you have to go with her and pay in cash directly.

 

Get the vasectomy, for everyone's sake.

 

I went down this past weekend, and saw the EPT test, so she is preggo, maybe not by me, but she is preggo.

 

Not to get too graphic, but when we first hooked up she was on the rag, that was about a month ago. So at least I know the time when it happened was in between that one month period, so she at the very least didn't walk into by bed already preggo by some other dude.

 

Unless she was with me and a few others during that one month time period, chances are it is mine. Like I said, she doesn't seem like that type of person, but who really knows?

[MichelleZB]

Dude, you're still telling her that you can "try again" to have another child in a few months, but you have no intention of following up? So, basically... you're still acting like a lying douchebag.

 

If you're actually telling her that, then she doesn't know that you don't want more children under any circumstances. You told us that, but you haven't told her that. She's probably thinking, "Hey, if he wants to have kids in a few months, then what's wrong with keeping this one? It'll only be a few months early!"

 

Also, you said that you used a condom for the first few times and then got tested together. Did she at that point tell you that she was on the pill? Or did you just assume 'it would be okay' to have sex with no protection?

 

Look, man up, and take her out to lunch. Tell her what you told us. Tell her that you are ruined financially and that you have no intention of having any more children, ever. That you are going to get a vasectomy and that you hope she aborts this child. Tell her you're sorry you didn't tell her this earlier, but you were afraid of hurting her. Then tell her that you don't intend on being involved in this child's life, or in her life, but if she does choose to have the child, you will abide by a court's decision and pay a support payment.

 

Not having you in her life, having to get a lawyer and go to court to get them to decide how much you owe her for support is not going to seem like fun to her and keeping the child after that will not be a decision she will make lightly.

 

Whatever she does decide, you should do her the favour of ceasing to inflict yourself on her.

[Doing it Since '78]

Dude, you're still telling her that you can "try again" to have another child in a few months, but you have no intention of following up? So, basically... you're still acting like a lying douchebag.

 

Your right

 

If you're actually telling her that, then she doesn't know that you don't want more children under any circumstances. You told us that, but you haven't told her that. She's probably thinking, "Hey, if he wants to have kids in a few months, then what's wrong with keeping this one? It'll only be a few months early!"

 

Another good point

 

Also, you said that you used a condom for the first few times and then got tested together. Did she at that point tell you that she was on the pill? Or did you just assume 'it would be okay' to have sex with no protection?

 

Told me she was on the Nueva (sp) ring, but it wouldn't mattered anyway, I was too pressed

 

Look, man up, and take her out to lunch. Tell her what you told us. Tell her that you are ruined financially and that you have no intention of having any more children, ever. That you are going to get a vasectomy and that you hope she aborts this child. Tell her you're sorry you didn't tell her this earlier, but you were afraid of hurting her. Then tell her that you don't intend on being involved in this child's life, or in her life, but if she does choose to have the child, you will abide by a court's decision and pay a support payment.

 

I'll try that, thanks for the brutal honesty

 

Not having you in her life, having to get a lawyer and go to court to get them to decide how much you owe her for support is not going to seem like fun to her and keeping the child after that will not be a decision she will make lightly.

 

Whatever she does decide, you should do her the favour of ceasing to inflict yourself on her.

 

Thanks for the good words

[BearMox]

Honestly asking her to get an abortion is selfish. Most women incur major psychological trauma from an abortion despite efforts not to. That baby deserves a chance.

 

Give her a gift and support her desire to keep it. Put that baby up for adoption if you guys aren't going to parent this baby the way it deserves!

[dreamingoftigers]

Holy crap! Telling her you can try again in a few months! WTF??

 

So basically you are telling this woman you are in for the long haul when you have _0_ respect for her. 0

 

If I could make that zero any bigger I would. "Must be the malt liquor." This is not someone you respect.

 

Get yourself some respect and be honest with this person before you screw up two more lives with your selfishness. You own self-interest may get you "off the hook" but if you ever come to your senses, you'll just feel like a real turd about yourself. The people you use for sex (this is clearly not love) and your future potential child deserve better than this.

 

Quit playing around until you get snipped, at least that way you are only risking some hurt feelings instead of a torrential misery.

[Enema]

I'm not going to repeat all the bashing by other people. You know it, we know it.

 

I think you need to establish with no ambiguity that you don't want more children and that you're not going to have anything to do with this one except that which is required by law - then go NC.

 

When she's faced with the harsh prospect of single motherhood again, it should dispel any notions she had of the baby bringing you closer together and make her confront reality.

 

GJ on booking the vasectomy. Better late than never.

[Doing it Since '78]

thanks everybody for the good words, she made a doctors appointment for this afternoon to get on prenatal meds, but we still have an abort date scheduled for next friday. Pretty obvious which one she is not planning to do.

 

I do love kids, so this is just one of those things where the timing is more than off, however it is what it is. Trust me, that first rebound after and A and looming D should not turn out like this, stay strapped fellas!