Kanuk Posted January 12, 2004 Share Posted January 12, 2004 I am, unfortunatly, a shy guy. The only reason I ended up with my incredible ex was that she flirted with me all night at a party i just happened to go to. I figured "no guts, no glory' and told myself that for over an hour before i finally got up the courage to make a 'move' on her. That was over a year and a half ago, and since then she's given me the old heave ho. I've come to the recent conculsion (after 3 months of her not saying a word to me) that she's never coming back and will never change her mind. SO i must get back to this 'no guts no glory' thing. Probelm is, i'm very shy, and especially after this recent breakup, very self-concious and fearing any further rejection. I see attractive women from time to time that meet my personal tastes, but i have no idea what to say to them. I don't want to shoot them a line (besides, i have no 'lines') so i end up chickening out. What do you say to a women that will get her attention, but not turn her off like i'm some sort of 'player' I'm useually at the gym, but very very hesitant to talk to try to meet women there. I'm under the distinct impression that if a women is at the gym, she's there for one reason, and one reason alone, to work out, not to be hit on. And if someone hits on her there, it's etra annoying. Is this true? How can i approach one of these girls (other than class or home/work, it's where i spend a lot of my time). All i want to do is go up to them and say something very sincere like "Hi, i'm not good at this, but i just wanted to let you know that i think you're a very attractive women. I was wondering if you'd like to get together sometime and get to know one another" Soudns pathetic right? Probelm is, apparently, that's a line, wether you mean it or not. I'm clueless with women, i honestly thought i'd never have to bother with this sort of thing again, i thought my last gf was 'the one'. She said so too, but apparently i was wrong. Someone please help this clueless tool. Please? Link to post Share on other sites
silk_sword Posted January 12, 2004 Share Posted January 12, 2004 well lets touch on this gym thing first. i don't personally think it is a good place to ask a girl out, but it could work. some women actually go to a gym for the attention from men. they may be the ones you should ask out. however, you have the risk of them being stuck on themselves and then being rejected. so i would say just stear away from the gym. do you have any clubs or activities you are in or are interested in? this would be a great place to meet a girl. first instance, you already have an idea of what she likes. also, you need to be confident. don't use lines (the corny pickup lines you laugh at when you hear them on tv). i hope that was obvious already - lol. it is a good idea to go up to a girl and say hi. introduce yourself. start a conversation (not about the weather). talk to her about a class or whatever activity you both are in together. try to iniate friendships with girls first. i mean you don't want to jump into anything too fast. just build up confidence and your comfort around women first. this will help you and you will probably meet the right one. but never rush. just take your time and enjoy. i wish you luck. have confidence. Link to post Share on other sites
yes Posted January 12, 2004 Share Posted January 12, 2004 wherever you are, first strike up a conversation. at a gym, you can ask about an exercise or whatever else comes to mind. the tone of the reply will let you know if it's OK to procede. if you end up having a nice chat, ask when she comes to (wherever you are), usually. in a few days, show up and chat with her again. if it goes well, you can ask her out for a coffee, after a few chats. just be casual about it. if she doesn't like you - no sweat, who knows what's up with her; if she does - good, get to know her, see if you like her. good luck, -yes Link to post Share on other sites
longlegzs80 Posted January 12, 2004 Share Posted January 12, 2004 You know, the reason why I joined the gym is to meet guys along with working out. So, I guess every women is different. But I think with you, you need to get involved in activities. I too need to do the same and that is an excellent way of meeting people. Sure I can't say I know that for sure because I have not done it myself, but from what I heard, that is a great way of meeting people. Make a list of things you want to get to do, like what would be fun to me would be joining an art class of some sort to meet the artsy type of people. Or just anything. The gym is nice, but alot of the women who go there, or maybe I am just speaking only for the women who go to my gym, seem to be standoffish and think they are better then others. I know if I would be approached by a guy at the gym, just to talk to him, I think it would be great. Sure it might not go into a dating relationship, but it might be someone you can meet up with time and again to hang out with or meet up at the gym and have a work out partner, which would be awesome. So, your best bet is to get out and do something with your life. Like joining clubs, organizations, go to parties etc, to meet the ladies. And too, you mentioned about how you don;'t want to be rejected, I think everyone feels that way. No one wants to deal with being rejected by someone else. But just do what the other people on this forum mentioned which is go up and talk to whatever women your interested in and see where it goes. Hey, you never know. Take care. SARAH Link to post Share on other sites
Natural9 Posted January 12, 2004 Share Posted January 12, 2004 Whatever you do don't hit on a girl at the gym. When I was a personal trainer I've witnessed this move countless times and its never pretty. If you MUST, wait till after her workout. Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted January 12, 2004 Share Posted January 12, 2004 Maybe a change of language would help. When you talk about "hitting on" or "making a move on" a girl, I cringe. Women do like to be admired, and perhaps even pursued, but I don't think most of us like to be coldly hunted down like a deer in someone's gunsights. Location is not really the issue. Instead of jumping from "total stranger" to "future boyfriend" in a 10 second "move", how about trying to cultivate friendships with many girls and women, as well as more guys? Don't just be friendly to the cutest ones, or the ones your age, be nice and chatty with all and be open to some of them becoming friends. Then they introduce you to their friends, and it will become easier. Although this may seem a slow process, I guarantee it will work better and faster than what you've been trying. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kanuk Posted January 12, 2004 Author Share Posted January 12, 2004 I haven't been trying anything as of yet. Cause i can't even approach women i don't know, not even for casual conversation. I have no problem talking to guys, or if i'm out with friends and their friends are around, I can talk to them But if i'm on my own, i can't bring myself to approach a women, or even talk to them unless i know them first. I just don't know what to say or do. The looks i get sometimes are enough to make you run to a corner and hide. I don't want to have to go thru that anymore, as unavopidable as I know it is. Link to post Share on other sites
HurtinginVA Posted January 12, 2004 Share Posted January 12, 2004 But if i'm on my own, i can't bring myself to approach a women, or even talk to them unless i know them first. I just don't know what to say or do. The looks i get sometimes are enough to make you run to a corner and hide. I might get yelled at for this If you are truly that shy though, why not try one of the online dating sites? I know, in real life, people that have used these and it's actually worked! Gives you a chance to get to know someone without all of the real life blunders (red face, stuttering etc) That way, you could find out if you were compatible with someone, instead of taking them out, and realizing halfway through your date "what was I thinking?!?!?!" LOL Just a suggestion http://www.match.com http://www.myspace.com Those are 2 that are decent enough Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted January 15, 2004 Share Posted January 15, 2004 >>>"no guts, no glory' and told myself that for over an hour before i finally got up the courage to make a 'move' on her.<<< I have to go quickly so I can't write another long-winded post, but the short of it is, just do what did that night. No guts, no glory. Don't be cocky, but be confident in who you are. More later. Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted January 15, 2004 Share Posted January 15, 2004 Use what you consider a 'weakness' as a 'strength'. Women happen to draw to the 'shy silent' type. Use it to your advantage. A man can just make eye contact with a woman,look away, then look back at her.... not saying a word, not even smiling, .....and be the sexiest man in the room. I know a lot of men...I have seen men like this melt hearts and make women quiver!!! Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted January 15, 2004 Share Posted January 15, 2004 >>>All i want to do is go up to them and say something very sincere like "Hi, i'm not good at this, but i just wanted to let you know that i think you're a very attractive women. I was wondering if you'd like to get together sometime and get to know one another" Soudns pathetic right? Probelm is, apparently, that's a line, wether you mean it or not. I'm clueless with women, i honestly thought i'd never have to bother with this sort of thing again, i thought my last gf was 'the one'. She said so too, but apparently i was wrong. Someone please help this clueless tool.<<< First off, before I even start, I wanted to say that HurtinginVA brings up an excellent idea. I've heard it said before that a good general knows how to pick his battlefield before going into battle. Well, for some people, it's the bar. For others it's the gym. Maybe it's a wine tasting club. But the dating sites were created, in part, for people like you who feel a bit uncomfortable in just striking up a conversation with someone on the street. The Net is more controlled and perhaps a bit less stressful than trying to whip up a sales pitch, which in all likelihood, the intended target has heard before anyway. So yeah, I think that's definitely a possible lead. One thing you've got to do though before you get started is to get your confidence up. Chicks dig confident men, because they want to look forward to a date as being a fun occasion. Women have enough dramas in their lives without having to build up someone's self esteem, so you've got to do that part yourself. Truth is, you're probably going to flop a few times before you get your groove back. After my breakup with my ex, it took at least three months before I even THOUGHT about dating. And when I finally started getting my pulse back, I realized how long I had been out of the dating game and it scared me (I can only imagine how divorced people or widows/widowers feel). And, yes, the inevitable happened: I had a few one-night dates - I don't mean one-night stands, I mean one-night dates as in she didn't want to see me after the first night. Things are better for me now, and I know they will be for you, too. You just have to look at the first few dates as though you're Alex Rodriguez and it's the first day of spring training. Step in the batters box. Relax. Get comfortable...and start swingin for the fences. Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted January 15, 2004 Share Posted January 15, 2004 Originally posted by amerikajin And, yes, the inevitable happened: I had a few one-night dates - I don't mean one-night stands, I mean one-night dates as in she didn't want to see me after the first night. Good point Amer. I think we've all had our share of those. (were they all Republicans?? HAHAHA!) Just kidding. I always look at it like....just cause you meet someone and it isn't a 'love match' doesn't mean anything is wrong with you or anything is wrong with her.....the vibes just aren't there. I never take it personal....and try to remain friends with the person. I've got several male friends....who originally started out as very bad dates. We laugh about it now. Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted January 16, 2004 Share Posted January 16, 2004 >>>(were they all Republicans?? HAHAHA!)<<< Some of my best dates have been with Republicans! Never materialized in the end, but I remember there was a girl I used to see in my college days - hardcore, card-carrying member of you guessed it: The College Republicans. You're absolutely right, though, Arabess: you can't take those kinds of things personally. Chemistry is chemistry, and if it ain't there, why bother trying to force it? I think things get more sensitive when the feelings start to develop as the romance progresses. The proverbial Rubicon gets crossed, I guess. Link to post Share on other sites
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