Tell me guys...am I screwed here ?

[2sunny]

Smells like a troll to me. Nobody is that ignorant and insensitive, are they?

 

let's add selfish and self serving to the mix...

 

the answer to his original question is YES, you're screwed if you leave and screwed if you stay. it's your attitude and perspective that's screwing you...

[Gunny376]

Well I think "Fit" is long gone!

 

But there are some real SOB, MF's etc out here in civilian la~la land with no integrity, dirty, rotting, cheating, selfish, self-serving, etc (You get the idea)

 

I worked for one and all he had to do was say "Good Morning!" to PMO!

 

I didn't even get into the crimp on his so called "love life" that having a "fat" X wife and the government getting half of his $100,000 a year income and two children ages 8 yrs and 8 months would have on his "LOVE" life.

 

You can scratch that Jack!

 

Living in an apartment on the "Front-side of Forty" isn't like living in a "HOME" with a loving and devoted wife and children?

 

And WTF does it matter?

 

All of the women at the Old Folks Home and Nursing Home all look the same!

 

The difference that matters is the true love, care, and devotion of a lifetime? That's what matters!

[trippi1432]

All I am saying is ) .....xxxxoooo to you guys. This guy is a superficial cad....I feel sorry for his wife and kids.

[fit]

well...I made this post at a very bad time and really I was just looking to get information. If/when I would actually use it is unlikely at this point.

And I am awarre it takes more than 5 months for a woman to lose weight..this has been going on for over 18 months(the weight gain). Probably should have put that fact in.

Anyway---I hate to break it to some of you but losing weight is not that difficult. Stop eating and start exercising....HARD... and watch the pounds come off. Its hard work but if you want it you can do it. Most people dont have the discipline, which is why 90% of the people out there are overweight.

[trippi1432]

well...I made this post at a very bad time and really I was just looking to get information. If/when I would actually use it is unlikely at this point.

And I am awarre it takes more than 5 months for a woman to lose weight..this has been going on for over 18 months(the weight gain). Probably should have put that fact in.

Anyway---I hate to break it to some of you but losing weight is not that difficult. Stop eating and start exercising....HARD... and watch the pounds come off. Its hard work but if you want it you can do it. Most people dont have the discipline, which is why 90% of the people out there are overweight.

 

Wow, you are probably correct about a lot of that. I really do think you should just file for the divorce.....tell her you are leaving her because she is fat...and move on so she can find someone who loves her for her. Guess you got lost somewhere along the way of what a trophy wife really is.

 

Go find you a beautiful, superficial woman that goes to the gym every day. Oh, and by the way....better make sure that you are looking as good as her....else she might dump you no matter how well you treat her. Good Luck.

[Gunny376]

It really doesn't matter who your with the fact of the matter is? Neither you nor her are going to be same in the years to come. Your not going to end up with the same person you started out with?

 

http://www.smithtimeline.com/

[White Flower]

OK heres the deal I am married with 2 kids...40 years old, 5 year and 5 month old.

My wife was working for years earning the same amount as me(close to six figures). We bought expensive house that only our two incomes can support.

After second baby she refuses to go back to work. In addition shes put on a ton of weight and isn't really doing much to take that off either. Seems very clear to me she could care less about me or our marriage so I am looking at options.

 

What can I expect divorce wise ? Will a judge make her go back to work or will I be stuck paying for her lazy ass ?

Shes not working right now and is at home with the two kids. I am the sole provider. Whether she realizes it or not she is ruining our marriage and any hope for our kids to have anything in the future or any retirement we could have. So again...I am looking at options. Please advise.

How long were/are you M? More than 10 years? If so, you'll be paying her alimony for the rest of your life or until she remarries.

 

The judge will not make her go back to work as long as she takes care of your children. If you were not working but showed years of being gainfully employed and she was working and had your kids in daycare the judge could force YOU to get a job. The same is true if the roles were reversed. Do you live in a no-fault state?

 

BTW, why can't men understand that their W's body changes WHILE PRODUCING CHILDREN FOR THEM??? And sometimes it is very hard to get back to their original shape. I hope you love your children because she went through hell bringing them to you and that includes the hell of knowing you hate the size she became while carrying those children.

[2sunny]

well...I made this post at a very bad time and really I was just looking to get information. If/when I would actually use it is unlikely at this point.

And I am awarre it takes more than 5 months for a woman to lose weight..this has been going on for over 18 months(the weight gain). Probably should have put that fact in.

Anyway---I hate to break it to some of you but losing weight is not that difficult. Stop eating and start exercising....HARD... and watch the pounds come off. Its hard work but if you want it you can do it. Most people dont have the discipline, which is why 90% of the people out there are overweight.

 

i wonder what happens when you - as a beautiful body - start to get old and are so empty on the inside (as is obvious to a gal like me) - what then, do you fall back on? looks only take a person so far. a person who is empty is never attractive to me. it is what is in the person's soul that makes them beautiful - or not...

 

i'd have to advise you to look at filling up what is so empty about yourself - so that you MAY have the chance to offer to someone else more than you seem to have now...

 

and yes, btw - i am tall, slim, fit and considered strikingly beautiful by many. but i never really take my looks into consideration at any moment.

[2sunny]

for what it's worth - your scenario here sounds like many MM who come here and are getting ready to justify in their minds an OW...

 

the signs are all the same - and they look like yours.

 

you could solve the money issue by selling the big house. it's just a house. do you both choose a house over your M? not when you really love one another.

 

your W will lose the pregnancy weight when she's ready to - in the meantime - love and support her - it may help the issue more quickly.

 

but then again - i don't see her weight and the money problems as the "real" primary issue here...

 

an adjustment in your perspective would benefit everyone in your life. kids feel that negative energy so easily and soon become terribly unhappy.

[White Flower]

for what it's worth - your scenario here sounds like many MM who come here and are getting ready to justify in their minds an OW...

 

the signs are all the same - and they look like yours.

 

you could solve the money issue by selling the big house. it's just a house. do you both choose a house over your M? not when you really love one another.

 

your W will lose the pregnancy weight when she's ready to - in the meantime - love and support her - it may help the issue more quickly.

 

but then again - i don't see her weight and the money problems as the "real" primary issue here...

 

an adjustment in your perspective would benefit everyone in your life. kids feel that negative energy so easily and soon become terribly unhappy.

Yes, I forgot to suggest downsizing in my first post.

[xxoo]

And I am awarre it takes more than 5 months for a woman to lose weight..this has been going on for over 18 months(the weight gain). Probably should have put that fact in.

 

18 months before she got pg?

 

Otherwise, of that 18 months....9-10 months she was pg, and then the 5 months postpartum...so that leaves 4 months for her to be gaining weight.

[2sunny]

18 months before she got pg?

 

Otherwise, of that 18 months....9-10 months she was pg, and then the 5 months postpartum...so that leaves 4 months for her to be gaining weight.

 

ummmm, yeh... :rolleyes::mad:

[xpaperxcutx]

So when you go bald or can't get it up, I bet it's also justiable for your wife to divorce you...

 

You have no idea what it's like to give birth not to mention the psychological impact on her to contend with gaining weight. If she had wanted, she could have said " hey, I don't want your kid because I want to keep my figure" she could have easily done so. Apparently she wanted a family with kids and a husband who loves her. Unfortunately, she had the kid but ended up with a selfish superficial cad.

[silverfish]

So when you go bald or can't get it up, I bet it's also justiable for your wife to divorce you...

 

You have no idea what it's like to give birth not to mention the psychological impact on her to contend with gaining weight. If she had wanted, she could have said " hey, I don't want your kid because I want to keep my figure" she could have easily done so. Apparently she wanted a family with kids and a husband who loves her. Unfortunately, she had the kid but ended up with a selfish superficial cad.

 

So in answer to your Q OP - yes you are screwed....you will leave her, she'll get the house, you'll have to support her and your kids, she'll probably lose a ton of weight and get the man she deserves while you live in near poverty and turn to drink....another man will call yor 5 month old 'daddy' while you may salvage some sort of relationship with your 5 year old...although with your attitude I doubt it.

 

She'll pick up her career in a year or so with the support of her family / new man...don't worry about her, she'll be just fine without you - you do what you have to do....I'll leave the rest to your imagination....you think you're too good for her, so, follow through with that and see where it gets you instead of patronising her with your prescence in her life and that of your children.

[2sunny]

and when you find yourself single again and looking - i don't care how good looking you may be - with an attitude like yours, it could never make you attractive enough to consider spending any time with.

 

i live in an area that places extreme importance on being fit, looking young and good... it still doesn't matter if the person isn't extremely nice and kind hearted at the same time.

 

selfish and self centered = really ugly on the outside.

[fit]

So when you go bald or can't get it up, I bet it's also justiable for your wife to divorce you...

 

You have no idea what it's like to give birth not to mention the psychological impact on her to contend with gaining weight. If she had wanted, she could have said " hey, I don't want your kid because I want to keep my figure" she could have easily done so. Apparently she wanted a family with kids and a husband who loves her. Unfortunately, she had the kid but ended up with a selfish superficial cad.

 

 

Yes I can totally see the relation to going bald(genetic) and "getting it up" (part of older age or a medical condition) and being fat(something totally within a persons control) or not working (a conscious decision)

 

[BearMox]

...and being fat(something totally within a persons control) or not working (a conscious decision)

You know very little on the subject.

 

fact: genetics do affect fat storage profiles and metabolic rates.

fact: psychological issues affect fat storage

 

I could go on. I've seen women eat calorie perfect diets working out 12+ hours a week and not be able to burn off their last 20.

 

I hope you stop this foolishness.

[fit]

You know very little on the subject.

 

fact: genetics do affect fat storage profiles and metabolic rates.

fact: psychological issues affect fat storage

 

I could go on. I've seen women eat calorie perfect diets working out 12+ hours a week and not be able to burn off their last 20.

 

I hope you stop this foolishness.

Actually I know quite a bit about diet, nutrition and training.

There are exceptions to every situation.

The one your outlining is an exception. The MAJORITY of people who are obese have poor diet and little or no exercise.

The majority of people who are overweight are overweight for those reasons...yes some people have a thyroid condition or something else that may limit their ability to lose weight, but for the most part diet and exercise works.

I'm not saying its not harder for some, but thats not an excuse to just give up and do nothing, which sadly is the choice of most.

Using a one in a million case as your argument is pretty weak. Stop the madness and face the truth.

[trippi1432]

Yes, I agree, you are clearly here looking for justification, I tried to offer you balanced advice, even in the face of your arrogance, but you picked up on the one negative aspect of my post to you, ignoring all the rest, which I might add i spent a lot of time thinking about your situation and how best to try and help before I posted, looks as though i should not have wasted my time and energy. Just for the record, I am not touchy about my weight, I'm a size 6, but I DO have a problem with shallow superfical people. You are actually trying to justify leaving your wife and CHILDREN b/c your wife gained some baby weight, oh PLLLLLLLEASSSSSSSSEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. You are a father now, GROW UP!

 

I'm with Lisa on this one as well....it seems that a lot of people here have tried to let you know, fit, that what you are insinuating is superficial, shallow and in total disregard for anyone's feelings but your own.

 

The excuses you are using are simply justification of your selfishness and disrespect for your wife AND your children. Sorry, but you deserve a blasting for your arrogance and vanity.

[tojaz]

Hmmmm, ever consider that she is content with her body as it is and you are just incredibly shallow?

 

TOJAZ

[carhill]

Backstory

 

Here was my initial advice in that thread:

 

Doctor for physical

 

Counselor for marital help

 

Lawyer for options

 

Don't sit on this. It will eat you if you do. Part of being a man is knowing when to lead. Accept the results. Get going. Welcome to LS

 

Any progress?

[Guitarjeff]

Yep, divorce her fast so she can find a real partner to travel through life with. What a shame that you would let looks break your children's family up. Are you even capable of putting yourself in your children's place? Uh, it's called empathy. In your wedding vows, did that include a clause about weight? not that I know of. Admit it, you are eat up with shallow worries about looks and it's over riding your love of family, your honor when you took your vows and shows you to be very shallow. men on average don't live as long as women. So when you get old and need your diaper changed, it would be reasonable for her to then start threatening you with divorce because you just don't look good enough to be with her?

 

Yep, people like you usually get what you deserve. You live a meaningless, shallow existence caring about nothing but how good you look, how nice your house is, and how much money you make. What a shame your kids and family don't come first.

 

Let me say that again.

 

WHAT A SHAME THAT YOUR KIDS AND FAMILY DON'T COME FIRST IN YOUR LIFE.

[fit]

ah yes the shallow argument again. Have you bothered to read any posts beyond the first one ?

Its not putting on weight...its putting on weight and not caring enough to do anything about it. (this has since changed thankfully and she is making an effort)

And just because I work out doesnt mean its all I care about, but it IS important. Being fit and healthy has numerous benefits beyond just looking better. And if I can teach those things to my wife and kids I sure as hell will. Read some books and educate yourself.

Getting old you cant control...your weight you can. Sadly I am around so many people on a daily basis (not my wife) but people I work with who are obese and are SOOOO in denial about it.

They are the first to judge people on everything BUT their weight. Sad but true. And then when they get off their butt and do something about it they confess just how miserable they were the entire time when they were overweight.

But some will still live in denial and deflect deflect deflect. Seems to be a lot of that going on here...you know who you are.

[nobmagnet]

ah the weight debate...........to eat or not to eat that is the question.

 

the boot was on the other foot for me. But I never said a word. I am slim and so was he. Over the 10years together he put on at least 4 stone. He always disbelived the scales saying they were wrong!:D

 

I would imagine having a go at someone about their weight would be upsetting. I got told i was too slim by my mates. That actually hurt. Why do people do that? OHHHHHHHH youve lost too much weight. They dont say... OHHHHHHH youve put on too much weight. Because thats not acceptable.

 

it is whats inside that counts. But in a backhanded way you want her to be healthy and thats a good thing. But rest assured if you push too hard the opposit occurs. I smoke and if im told to quit.............i get grumpy and light another one! I am pretty sure that goes for weight issues too.

 

 

Nobby xx

[Guitarjeff]

Ah, you actually came and basically tried to argue why it's proper not to put your family and children first. That's a tough one to sell, an impossible one.

 

"Being fit and healthy has numerous benefits beyond just looking better. And if I can teach those things to my wife and kids I sure as hell will."

 

And if she can't learn, why, you'll just have to break your children's family up, I see how that works. So family oriented of you, so faithful to your vows, aye?. You have no argument. Your only hope here is that you can convince that breaking your children's family up over your wife's weight is a good, rational, adult, caring thing from a good father, it ain't happening. Nothing worse than someone doing the ultimate selfish act by looking after their own vanity at the expense of their own children's family. No other way to coat it. You are considering doing the ultimate selfish act and then you are hear looking for others to support it. You either live for your children, or you don't. You either keep your wedding vows, or you don't. No other way around it. iether your wedding vows mean something to you or they don't. You either live for your children or you don't. You have clearly shown what's important to you, and you have told us that you would break your children's home up if your wife doesn't make herself look good enough to be seen in public with you. Again, you reep what you sew. I guess is you are shallow, you don't know what deep is, so how can you miss something without knowing what depth is to begin with? By all means, I hope she finds someone who actually will take vows with her and mean them, live by them. I feel sad knowing you aren't deep enough to put your children's security and family happiness before all else. That's a real shame, but I think your wife will be better off finding someone who cares about the heart, family, commitment... For better or for worse, wasn't that what you said? that was a vow, and it was a vow not just to her, but made to yourself as well. I wonder how she would have felt if during the vows you would have said, "BUT, if you gain weight and can't get it off, well then, all these words mean nothing and I'll divorce you, oh, and even if we have kids, well, that won't matter, their home and family will have to be broken up too" Somehow I get the feeling she might have thought twice. Do the honorable thing and tell the next woman these words instead of acting like you believe them and will live by them. Tell her up front that the vows are null and void if she gains weight and you have to go out in public with someone who doesn't look good enouh to deserve you. Why then, family, choldren, vows, all that stuff is out the window.

 

 

 

 

 

ah yes the shallow argument again. Have you bothered to read any posts beyond the first one ?

Its not putting on weight...its putting on weight and not caring enough to do anything about it. (this has since changed thankfully and she is making an effort)

And just because I work out doesnt mean its all I care about, but it IS important. Being fit and healthy has numerous benefits beyond just looking better. And if I can teach those things to my wife and kids I sure as hell will. Read some books and educate yourself.

Getting old you cant control...your weight you can. Sadly I am around so many people on a daily basis (not my wife) but people I work with who are obese and are SOOOO in denial about it.

They are the first to judge people on everything BUT their weight. Sad but true. And then when they get off their butt and do something about it they confess just how miserable they were the entire time when they were overweight.

But some will still live in denial and deflect deflect deflect. Seems to be a lot of that going on here...you know who you are.