I don't know, I'm so lost.

[LostInTurn]

Hi,

 

I've been in an LDR for about 6 months now, my first LDR and I'm lost.

 

I met an incredible man on vacation who surprisingly lived the next state over from me (away from vacation) We hit it off. We decided that we wanted to be closer to one another, so he started looking for a job close to me. The process has been slow, but things have been looking good on the job front the past couple weeks. A month ago... I brought up the option of living with one another when he gets a job. At first, he didn't know what to say, so he thought about it and came back saying he decided there was no one else he'd rather live with and yes, he wanted to do the same.

 

An LDR, in my mind... is such a difficult situation. The distance is crippling to me (daily) I miss him so much, all the time. However, I love him enought to know it's worth every minute of it... knowing (hoping we'll be closer one day) and things will be easier.

 

The past couple weeks... I've been worried. For no good reason, just worried. I have stopped doing some of the things I used to... i.e. sending random 'I love you' messages and our long phone conversations. Please understand, I love him no less... I'm genuinely scared.

 

Last night, he told me... when he thinks about living with me, he only sees it as a positive and he wants it; however, he's not ready (this is the first time he'd be living with a gf) My heart sunk and I wanted to run. Immediately, I felt like I was in a bad dream and wanted to badly to be woken up. He said he's confused because of how I've been acting, and honestly... there's no reason for it other than... I'm scared. I'm afraid of getting hurt. I love this man, who lives far from me right now so much. I want so badly to be closer to him, and live with one another. I feel like my motions have been a defense mechanism (although not a good one) He says he needs to know I can be happy with him before he can move in with me.

 

I'm planning a romantic beach side picnic at sunset for Saturday night. I want him to see I'm no different and that my heart is still his. He has me.

 

Any help, insight, similiar experiences... would be so helpful.

 

Thanks,

LostInTurn

[Meminger]

Obviously things are different, but something similar happened to me in December. After 5 months of being in an LDR, we finally decided to meet.

I started getting scared because I loved him so much and I didn't want things to change, and I hated the thought of losing him if things went badly. So I became distant and talked to him less.

I was lucky, though. My SO, after about a week of pure frustration, finally figured out what was going on with me and called me and we had a really long talk about it.

 

That's what you need to do. Tell him your fears. He will understand. He probably has the same ones. Just talk. That's something that is so great about being in an LDR (if not the only great thing). You get so much time to talk, because you can't do much else.

 

Even if he hasn't figured out what is going on, and is simply confused about you distancing yourself, talking is what is going to help. It will likely calm your fears and help your relationship in the future -- being able to open up communication lines when something is bothering you.

[Away]

My current boyfriend spent every night at my apartment and practically lived with me after 2 weeks of dating. I think that neither of us thought too much about it because he was moving, away very very far away in 4 months. It was amazing, and it is the only time I've ever "lived" with one of my boyfriends.

 

I think it's normal to be scared, but if you love him... it will be awesome to have him with you all the time. To share a home... to find him in your bed every morning. It will all be wonderful, I assure you.

 

I'm so jealous you'll stop being LD soon... !!

 

I hope everything works out well for you.

[hoping2heal]

Hi,

 

I've been in an LDR for about 6 months now, my first LDR and I'm lost.

 

I met an incredible man on vacation who surprisingly lived the next state over from me (away from vacation) We hit it off. We decided that we wanted to be closer to one another, so he started looking for a job close to me. The process has been slow, but things have been looking good on the job front the past couple weeks. A month ago... I brought up the option of living with one another when he gets a job. At first, he didn't know what to say, so he thought about it and came back saying he decided there was no one else he'd rather live with and yes, he wanted to do the same.

 

An LDR, in my mind... is such a difficult situation. The distance is crippling to me (daily) I miss him so much, all the time. However, I love him enought to know it's worth every minute of it... knowing (hoping we'll be closer one day) and things will be easier.

 

The past couple weeks... I've been worried. For no good reason, just worried. I have stopped doing some of the things I used to... i.e. sending random 'I love you' messages and our long phone conversations. Please understand, I love him no less... I'm genuinely scared.

 

Last night, he told me... when he thinks about living with me, he only sees it as a positive and he wants it; however, he's not ready (this is the first time he'd be living with a gf) My heart sunk and I wanted to run. Immediately, I felt like I was in a bad dream and wanted to badly to be woken up. He said he's confused because of how I've been acting, and honestly... there's no reason for it other than... I'm scared. I'm afraid of getting hurt. I love this man, who lives far from me right now so much. I want so badly to be closer to him, and live with one another. I feel like my motions have been a defense mechanism (although not a good one) He says he needs to know I can be happy with him before he can move in with me.

 

I'm planning a romantic beach side picnic at sunset for Saturday night. I want him to see I'm no different and that my heart is still his. He has me.

 

Any help, insight, similiar experiences... would be so helpful.

 

Thanks,

LostInTurn

 

Right now you two are at a place where you can either grow stronger together, or grow further apart. Have you told him how afraid you are? That is why YOU have pulled back? Instead of deciding to run; you should actually realise what a positive it is he said he wasn't ready. It means he isn't being impulsive. It shows he instead really wants things to work out, and he's taking this really seriously. Throwing all caution to the wind for a relationship may sound romantic, but it's often the kind of thinking and behavior that brings it crumbling down. Relationships need passion, spontaneity and emotion to start yes, but they also need a good dose of common sense to survive. That dose needs to at some point come from BOTH You both need to get on the same page. You are operating out of fear and you need to start thinking with a level head much like he is starting to do. You have the passion and the emotion and that's important but if you two are going to finish the marathon together you also need to start thinking with some practicality as well and looking at the whole picture. If you're afraid, tell him. Let him re assure you and then jump on the "let's be smart" bandwagon. It will do wonders for the long term.

 

Best of luck