Has anyone got any

[Pink_orchid]

Hi I am new here does anyone have any advice for me. I hope not to be judged. I am struggling to feel positive today. I sent my 'ex' friend who is married, a message, which he read today (I know because I sent it via a social networking website and he has logged on) and I asked him never to contact me again and not talk to me if we see each other anywhere as it is the best thing for us both and straight away he deleted me off facebook which has upset me. I think it may have upset him or made him pissed or both because he didn't expect me to do that? The reason I sent the message to him is because I am really sad, he wants to mend his marriage for his wife and child's sake (and he told me he loves them) he told me this a while ago but he was still in touch with me too, I have told him how I feel about him and that I wanted a proper loving 1-1 relationship, not an affair or just sex. he went off on me the other day because he is so stressed with it all, and so am I, and we were mean to each other, I couldn;t handle it because I am in love with him and I wanted more. So I sent the message. It's not the first time I have said 'that's it let's cut the contact' but it never lasted. You could tell that I meant business in this message by what I said.

(we have a mutual friends group that meet up but all live in different cities, I won;t see him until the next group meet up which is not planned yet but our common interest will undoubtedly mean we are both online together sometimes on that website).

I also felt that it was best (as terribly painful as it is for me) that he goes off to sort his head and life out and if he wants to mend the marriage he has to try that if that's what he wants, there is a child involved. I feel terribly sad for wanting him and feeling so lost and I feel terribly sad at sending that message, I will find it so hard after daily contact not to hear from him, and I am sad for the state it has left us both in and how it's turned out, we were great friends for a long time. I just want him to knock on my door and say he wants me. But I also feel bad about that because of the marriage, it's weird. I'm in turmoil and so muddled up. We didn't have sex, we nearly did on two occasions, things got very passionate, there has been some kissing and sexual contact but not the whole way.

And the facebook deletion, what's that all about, because I know he wanted to keep in touch, he's kept me as a friend all this time and now it's gone, along with all the posts from him and stuff. Is he upset. I suppose I am looking for a sign that it has upset him in a way, to know that he cares, I really feel that he does, I've had lots of reasons to know that, but of course he hasn't chosen to be with me. Any advice, how do I cope with it all, and do you think he's likely to come back.

[Art_Critic]

And the facebook deletion, what's that all about, because I know he wanted to keep in touch,

 

He isn't upset...

 

You asked him to never contact him again then you get upset that he deletes you, Which by the way he should have done when he decided to work on his marriage not when you told him to not contact you anymore.

 

Time for you to put this behind you and date an available man.

[ladydesigner]

Sorry you are hurting (((Pink_orchid))) and welcome to LS. I understand what you are saying. I remember when I went NC with my XAP and then my mind kept wandering into "wow he must not care he has not contacted me". It hurts. It hurts to end, it hurts during, and it hurts during NC. It will start to get easier though. Like you my XAP was a friend before it crossed the line. We tried to continue as friends after the A, but I could not handle it, plus I didn't feel it was fair to his girlfriend or to my H that we stayed in contact.

 

You did the right thing. Be pround of yourself. Yes he may be angry, but in time these heavy emotions fade and I'm sure after it has all been processed you will both look back and the anger won't be there anymore.

 

I have been 8 months NC and I am finally letting go of the hurt, anger, humiliation, and biggest of all for me was the rejection.

 

Hang in there and keep posting and reading on LS (Loveshack) it has been so helpful in my healing. I hope it is for you too.

[Fallen Angel]

If you asked for no contact, and that is what he is giving you, then you should be grateful. There are many men who keep making contact, never allowing the other woman to begin to heal.

 

If your intent was to use no contact to heal, then be glad he cares enough for you to respect your wishes.

 

If you were using no contact as a way to try and force a decision from him, then consider that decision made, and use this time now to start healing and move forward in your life. ((hugs to you)) I know it is painful, but you will get through this.

[califnan]

It is always hard when a relationship ends on a bad note, that is why you are questioning if you were right in ending it - and he didn't try to mend the relationship .. But the good part is that the relationship had to End anyway - as it would have continued to cause You time and Pain.

 

Others may say to you that he will be back - and maybe so, but the end result will be the same.. You will always have a feeling of hurt and incompleteness if your life is centered on the Wrong person ..

[whichwayisup]

He isn't upset...

 

You asked him to never contact him again then you get upset that he deletes you, Which by the way he should have done when he decided to work on his marriage not when you told him to not contact you anymore.

 

Time for you to put this behind you and date an available man.

 

I totally agree with AC on this one. You asked him not to contact you ever again, and he reacted by deleting you off of facebook - Which means goodbye forever.

 

Seems maybe this might be abit ego related? Did you (hope/expect) that he'd contact you anyway and possibly plead to keep intouch with you? Or did you not truly mean "never contact me again" but still, keep me on facebook so we can keep tabs on eachother.

 

Either it's over completely or it's not. HE decided it is/was completely over, hense deleting you.

 

No, I don't think he'll contact you again. He's chosen his wife, his marriage, his family.

[Pink_orchid]

Thank you very much for the supportive messages and for the two that aren't well I guess you can't control what people reply when you post on an open forum. i KNOW what he's chosen, you don't need to rub it in, I am upset enough thanks.

[whichwayisup]

Sorry if my post is harsh..

 

Grieve the loss, cry and let yourself begin to heal. Surround yourself with good friends and family.

 

Be glad it's over in some sense, no more lying, sneaking around, helping him hurt and betray his wife and kids. Plus, you now aren't the OW anymore, no more rollercoaster ride of emotions....

 

It's OK to miss him and all that he may have represented in your life .. Just don't go looking for him in the future. For your own sake.

[Leia]

All responses have been supportive, just worded in a different tone than what you call "supportive".

 

You asked him not to contact you anymore and you got what you asked for. Simple.

 

Now focus on you. You shouldn't be dwelling on him. Move on.

[ladydesigner]

(we have a mutual friends group that meet up but all live in different cities, I won;t see him until the next group meet up which is not planned yet but our common interest will undoubtedly mean we are both online together sometimes on that website).

Be careful with this. If you are NC I would try to avoid him at all costs. i'm sorry you share mutual friends, this will make it really hard on you.

 

I asked him never to contact me again and not talk to me if we see each other anywhere as it is the best thing for us both

This is NC loud and clear.

 

So you should not want this anymore

 

I just want him to knock on my door and say he wants me.

Try not to think this way it only causes false hope

 

Think of Whichwayisup's post to help you get angry and move on.

 

Either it's over completely or it's not. HE decided it is/was completely over, hense deleting you.

 

No, I don't think he'll contact you again. He's chosen his wife, his marriage, his family.

Be thankful it didn't turn into a blown-out physical A then you would be even more attached to him. I am sorry there are really no words that will take the pain away, we all have had to go through it (well those of us in A's that have ended).

 

It's not easy but you will be okay and hopefully in a better state of mind months from now. You will be stronger. Hang in there.

Edited March 19, 2010 by ladydesigner

[Fallen Angel]

I didn't see a reply that I thought was mean spirited, and as someone who is in a relationship with a man who has prior commitments myself, I am not one to pass judgement on anyone who is suffering from being in an affair.

 

I am not one that pushes people towards No Contact, but that is what you asked for. I see it all too often that a woman asks for No Contact, not because that is what she really wants, but because she is trying to force the hand of her married lover.

 

I personally think this is manipulative. If you want him to leave his wife and be committed to you, then that is what you should have said to him. Does that mean he would have done it? No, not necessarily. But at least the truth would have been open for discussion. Perhaps he would have explained why he felt he could not leave his marriage RIGHT NOW. perhaps he would have realized that if he left his marriage that you were willing to make a commitment to him. But rather than be completely honest with him, you told him you were through with the relationship.

 

If My Sweetheart were to tell me that he was through with our relationship, it would devastate me, but I would respect his wishes and stop contact. I would suffer greatly, but I love him enough to let him go if that is what he requests of me. I do not understand your anger at your sweetheart because he complied with your wishes.

 

If you did not mean it, and you wish to continue in your relationship with him, let him know. Tell him the truth, and I am sure you will find that the door has not been closed on you.

[Pink_orchid]

Thank you fallen angel and I did not mean that yours was one that stung me I am sorry if you thought that, I am appreciating ALL the posts, I really am finding it interesting to get perspective from everyone, and really examine / question my own behaviour.

I can see that it would be manipulative to try and force his hand, but no, this decision was made for me, by him saying that he wanted to get his wife back and for me to do it (walk away) for wife/kids sake and him not wanting to take things any further with us. Ok he got upset telling me, and he wanted to stay friends and he clearly did not want to break contact but I just felt I couldn't handle it because I was still in the loop, and it wasn't going anywhere, I am in love with guy and like I said, when I think about it, I agree that he should sort his stuff out, and then and only then if the marriage ends could we ever be anything. Lately you see he's been backing off, and not contacting me as much, and after some 'go away/come back' conversations (online) and after he told me that he wanted to work on his marriage, and we were 'friends' I wanted to talk to him and meet up with him to tell him exactly how I feel, which was to say exactly what you said, that if he left the marriage I would love to have a relationship with him, but he wouldn't see me, he would only talk to me online, and after weeks of this, I felt I had nowhere to go. Keep the thoughts coming and advice. I am still very fragile emotionally and it is really helping to talk about it. I also feel stupid for getting involved in the first place but I thought I could handle it, ha ha, famous last words, is this how everyone else's started.

[whichwayisup]

Pink, like it or not, he has the right to change his mind and end things.

 

You two cannot be friends as it's not fair to you. You'll never begin to grieve and let go if he is still in your life. You'll always keep that door open for the hope/what if's he changes his mind.

 

You are on the right path..Figuring out the why's and your part in this..It's going to give you closure and acceptance, so you can let go and move on with your life.

[Hazyhead]

He's pulling away because he has to PO. I don't think that it's in your best interests for him to come back, although I understand that you love him. He will hurt you . He won't want to but he will do it, and when he apologises you'll forgive him. Because you love him. I've been there and watched my xMM flop back and forth and it gets worse over time. Read Broken Lady's threads and posts, she's been through hell with a flip-flopper and her posts taught me a lot. I know it's so hard but it might be best just to cut your losses and walk away. If he contacts you when properly single, then maybe you could seriously consider it, but I fear for you here.

[fooled once]

I agree with the others.

 

YOU said don't contact me. He deleted you so that you can't see his page, see what he writes, effectively telling you that he doesn't want you in his life.

 

I don't mean to make you sadder, but you really didn't think this affair would end without hurt feelings, did you?

 

Did you only say "don't contact me again" to get him to beg and plead with you to not cut off contact? Did you only send that message to get a rise out of him? For him to pursue you?

 

Let him work on his marriage. Let him see if he can rebuild it. Do you really want to be with someone who is married? Do you really want to be with someone who can so easily dismiss a marriage, a commitment? Do you really want someone who doesn't take his vows seriously?

 

Be glad he has 'set you free'. Mourn it and then move on. Find someone who isn't already in a relationship. I would venture to guess, in time, you will be just fine and realize it was BEST that it ended this way. Most affair partners cannot go on and be best buddies. Heck, many former married people are not best buddies after the divorce.

 

I am sure you are sad and hurting, but you will heal and you will move on.

 

Also, just remember, support comes in various ways -- some will give you cookies and milk, some will give you sunshine and rainbows, some will blow smoke up your behind and some will be matter of fact and blunt. I don't think there is a single person here who is malicious and/or mean just to be malicious and/or mean.

[awkward]

Is he upset. I suppose I am looking for a sign that it has upset him in a way, to know that he cares, I really feel that he does, I've had lots of reasons to know that, but of course he hasn't chosen to be with me. Any advice, how do I cope with it all, and do you think he's likely to come back.

 

Yeah he is probably upset and probably does care. Since he hasn't chosen to be with you, does it matter? I think he is likely to come back. Is that what you want?

 

How do you cope with it? It depends on if you want to resume your relationship with him. Do you?

[NoIDidn't]

A man gets a message that says "don't ever contact me again" from a woman, so he removes the ways that he was able to contact her. But she gets upset about it, when it was her idea.

 

Its no wonder men say women are confusing.

 

PO, I hope you take this as a good sign. He respected your wishes. He is likely not going to want to hear from you for a good long time either, so he will want you to respect his decision as well.

 

This may be hard to do, but it sounds like it is for the best. He doesn't sound ready to leave his family, or like he even wants to. It might hurt now, but he did you a favor.

[Pink_orchid]

Thank you so much for the posts everyone, I really appreciate it, tried to reply to all here I hope ...

 

'whichwasisup' no I agree that being friends was not going to work, friendship was offered and I know that was genuine because I would get messages off him everyday about this and that, just about general stuff, and I found that difficult because I wanted to hear that he wanted to see me, and I used to tell him that, but he used to say he wouldn't trust himself alone with me.

 

'hazyhead' yeah, he has kind of flip flopped abit in the months I've known him, after the kissing and the ending up in bed a few months ago (no sex, we didn't have any protection and we agreed to just foreplay!) although it was all lovely he then went quiet on me during the days after, then rang me to say couldn't do it again, sorry and all that, but he felt too guilty. This after all the pursuit... I was upset but agreed it was wrong to be doing what we were doing (I do honestly. And then there's that paradox where I'd be with him in an instant) Anyway and then after the back tracking he started being all attentive and nice again, doing nice stuff for me, jealous of attention I got off other guys etc and he wanted us to meet again, then he backtracked again, couldn't do it, seemed very confused though, blowing hot and cold, all over me one minute, and not the next, one minute upset then asking me to go quite resolutely.

 

'fooled once' no I really didn't say no contact to him to get a rise out of him, I really meant it (at the time..) because I thought that it was the best thing for him and for me and he had sloped off with the contact anyway recently. I would not ever want to be the OW and he knows that (and we haven't had an affair if you weren't sure - friends that stepped over the lines (big time) I think would be more accurate). I am glad that he is the sort of guy who would not dismiss a commitment or a marriage lightly, I honestly believe that going back to try to sort the marriage out is the first thing he needs to do, it just hurts, knowing that I might not see him again, in fact, even in the few days that's gone by since I heard from him, I really find it weird not hearing from him and I keep thinking, is he thinking about me, does he find it as strange as I do with no contact... although he was so stressed out and really lost it the other day so maybe he just finds it a relief. We've had no contact before (always my idea) but it's never lasted long (always me that breaks it too) so the other possibility is that he doesn't actually realise I am gone this time... I am not gone in my heart, but I know that it's best to leave him alone and only if things change with his situation and he makes a proper play for me would I take it up again. I tried being friends after the last time he said he couldn't do this anymore, because I love his friendship, but really because I love HIM and in the hope really that it would come back to 'us'. But I couldn't do it because nothing was changing.

 

'awkward' yes I do want him, as I said, he's never been able to stay away before and nor have I. I hope he gets in contact, but after the big blow up last week and the fact he says he's going to make his marriage and his children his first priority then I think I would have a wait on my hands wouldn't I. He would always contact me every day sometimes several times, but I have heard nothing for a week, and before that, he'd dropped right off with the contact.

 

'no I didn't' yes I am totally confusing aren't I it's because I am very confused myself. I wish I hadn't sent the no contact message but it was as a result reading on some other relationship website (not this one) that it was the best thing to do, to stop yourself hurting and take control of the situation. How it makes them miss you etc and respect you more and gets you feeling more positive so that you can either have a better relationship with them or move on. I thought yeah that's what I need to do for the best because I was just feeling so upset about everything. I would like to be with him properly of course but having not got that option so I thought the best thing is to move on and send that message. But I regret it. Especially as I've said it before and gone back in contact. Now I just think about how I've probably done irreversible damage. Having thought about it non stop I wish I hadn't sent it. All I feel like I have done is alienated him from me, I feel like I have now left it in such a way that he really will never contact me again and his last memory of me will be a nasty phone call and a nasty message, and really I am sad about that because we get on great and have so much in common and such a laugh usually. Does no contact ever really bring people back together? I think with hindsight after he cooled it off I should have accepted it gracefully and stayed a friend so if any time in the future he did split with his wife I'd be there but the 'friends zone' is the worst place you can be according to the so called experts isn't it?? It's so hard to know what to do sometimes.

'FallenAngel' I thought what you said earlier about limited contact being better than no contact was right.

[VBH]

Hi PO,

 

I understand where you are coming from having been there myself. I too had a MM that I sent the "do not contact me anymore" message and that is what he did....at least for a good long time anyway. MM had definitely slacked off on the amount of contact and personal/intimate we once had. Guilt I suppose. So, I felt I would do both of us a favor and just end it. It really really hurt at the time, but it was the best decision in retrospect. Consider this your "free time", move on in your life, be positive and above all become clear about what you want and need in a relationship. If and when MM contacts you again, you may need to lay your cards out on the table and then back off. If it was meant to be, he will come back to you. That's it.

 

As far as the "friend zone" thing goes. It might seem like that is a good route, but do you want to accept crumbs? I tried this (after MM contacted me, but I wasn't strong enough to be honest about what I wanted or needed). Over time, it didn't feel too good. To be there for someone who isn't professing their want/love for you allows you to feel like second best. Do you want that? As much as NC hurts, trust me, this hurts more. I know. At the moment, MM and I are not in contact, but if he does pop out of the woodwork again, I am prepared to tell him what I want and need and to then go NC (unless he is in agreement and want to work on things with me). I deserve better than the "friend zone" and so do you:)

 

VBH

[Pink_orchid]

Thanks VBH. Much appreciated feedback. So do you still consider that no contact was the best decision.? So he came back around after you did it once?

 

I am really struggling with my decision. Miss him. In some ways wish I hadn't pushed him for more. I'd still have him around. Mine wouldn't let me go no contact before, always thought of something to say, something he needed to tell me about something, an excuse to contact basically! I was always pleased though. Either that or I'd contact him (he'd contact me straight back). No contact message I sent was very TERSE this time, polite but no messing. Maybe he's thinking I'll get in touch? Maybe he is just going to leave it? Maybe he daren't contact me after what I said? Maybe he's glad it's over... maybe this... maybe that... all the thoughts in my head!! It's driving me crazy!! I thought no contact was supposed to help you. HUH. I know it was my choice, I know. It was not something I did without a lot of thought. I was at my wits end. Is this normal to feel totally confused and regretful and sad and not stop thinking of them even though you're the one who said it. I DO want more though, it's as simple as that. Friendship had become too hard. Yet I love the friendship of course.. oh I dunno!! Between the devil and the deep blue sea ain't it?! Has anyone felt the same?

 

VBH how long has your no contact been in place, how are you coping.

[ladydesigner]

Friendship had become too hard. Yet I love the friendship of course.. oh I dunno!! Between the devil and the deep blue sea ain't it?! Has anyone felt the same?

I absolutely felt the same way. My XAP and I had remained friends for a year after the A ended. He always managed to passively flirt through the emails which became entirely too confusing to me. Of course I wanted to hear that he missed me and still thought of me and he did say those things. Near the end before I went NC he tapered off a bit maybe he was feeling guilty maybe he thought I would directly ask for more (I never did). I did sometimes flirt back but then I stopped that after a few emails realizing that it was not helping either of us. Near the end there were a couple of my emails he directly ignored (and they were friendly not flirtatious). It was then that I realized we had no friendship. Friends do not ignore emails and most importantly friends do not have affairs with someone who is married with kids. I went NC and have remained so to this day.

 

Do I miss the friendship, I used to A LOT, now I know that it is not right for me to remain friends with him. He has a girlfriend and I have a husband and we should have NEVER crossed that line.

[VBH]

Thanks VBH. Much appreciated feedback. So do you still consider that no contact was the best decision.? So he came back around after you did it once?

 

I am really struggling with my decision. Miss him. In some ways wish I hadn't pushed him for more. I'd still have him around. Mine wouldn't let me go no contact before, always thought of something to say, something he needed to tell me about something, an excuse to contact basically! I was always pleased though. Either that or I'd contact him (he'd contact me straight back). No contact message I sent was very TERSE this time, polite but no messing. Maybe he's thinking I'll get in touch? Maybe he is just going to leave it? Maybe he daren't contact me after what I said? Maybe he's glad it's over... maybe this... maybe that... all the thoughts in my head!! It's driving me crazy!! I thought no contact was supposed to help you. HUH. I know it was my choice, I know. It was not something I did without a lot of thought. I was at my wits end. Is this normal to feel totally confused and regretful and sad and not stop thinking of them even though you're the one who said it. I DO want more though, it's as simple as that. Friendship had become too hard. Yet I love the friendship of course.. oh I dunno!! Between the devil and the deep blue sea ain't it?! Has anyone felt the same?

 

VBH how long has your no contact been in place, how are you coping.

 

Yes, NC was the best decision I ever made. NC allowed me to really evaluate what I wanted in life and to really work on me. Staying in contact with MM was just too painful and my self-esteem was going down the toilet. It was so much better in the long run to have the time to get myself together really. By focusing on me, so many other things in my life either improved or fell into place. I truly have grown as a person if this makes sense. Did I like the hurt the A brought into my life, no...but, the life lessons I learned and the amount of self-reflection would not have taken place otherwise. Blessing in disguise if you will. It sure didn't seem like it at first though.

 

Well, MM did come back into my life after the 1st NC about 8 months after my polite please NC message. I did try to contact him during that time twice, but it didn't work out well and he did not respond. People will respond in their own time not yours, you know? I had to learn to be patient (which is definitey not one of stronger traits... lol). MM finally contacted me on my birthday. Simple message, but I realized that after all those months...he did not forget. I would say we then had sporadic contact over this past fall which instead of putting my foot down...I was just trying to stay in the "friend zone". Yeah, that didn't work so well and I was not happy. My fault for accepting his less than stellar behavior and acting like a doormat.

 

Since the holidays, we have been in sporadic contact again, but quite frankly, I find the inconsistency too annoying these days. MM tried in the last several weeks to contact me, but I wasn't terribly receptive at first. The when I did try, he went "invisible" online and I dropped him an IM letting him know you can see when someone is hiding...blah blah blah. I didn't point the finger at him, but I am sure he got the message. I haven't heard from him since (I bet the cat has his tongue), however I suspect at some point I will. I am still on his FB page (immature, but if that counts for anything).

 

If a person cannot step up to the plate and really be genuine and have a relationship with me, then I do not want to deal with them. That doesn't mean I don't care about them or miss them, but their poor behavior affects my psyche negatively. I have a life to lead and negativity has no place in it. As far as the NC goes, it has been about 2 weeks since MM contacted me and I sent him that IM. It is possible he will choose to not conact me again, but his loss if he doesn't. I have alot of good things going on in my life and to offer/share with others and he wants to either share those with me or he does not. To answer your question, I am coping just fine.

 

VBH

[EyesOpened]

Hey Pink - just read your post, after reading your response to mine! Firstly, I'm very happy to hear you haven't slept with him. That's great - my advice DONT GO THERE! The sex just gets the emotions going on an even higher level, and continues to cloud your vision even more. I know, believe me. What you are doing is SO normal in these situations. You asked for no contact because you know deep down that you don't want to do this, that it isn't going to be good for you, that you deserve more than what he can possibly give you. However, you don't want to lose him, or those feelings you were having/have. I do know how hard it is, and I think you should be proud of yourself for telling him it was over. You clearly know what you should do, and what will be best for you. But you are waivering, that is SO normal, and so understandable. I know all about it. But once your heart catches up to your mind, as mine miraculously did one day, you will feel so much better.

[Hazyhead]

Thanks VBH. Much appreciated feedback. So do you still consider that no contact was the best decision.? So he came back around after you did it once?

 

I am really struggling with my decision. Miss him. In some ways wish I hadn't pushed him for more. I'd still have him around. Mine wouldn't let me go no contact before, always thought of something to say, something he needed to tell me about something, an excuse to contact basically! I was always pleased though. Either that or I'd contact him (he'd contact me straight back). No contact message I sent was very TERSE this time, polite but no messing. Maybe he's thinking I'll get in touch? Maybe he is just going to leave it? Maybe he daren't contact me after what I said? Maybe he's glad it's over... maybe this... maybe that... all the thoughts in my head!! It's driving me crazy!! I thought no contact was supposed to help you. HUH. I know it was my choice, I know. It was not something I did without a lot of thought. I was at my wits end. Is this normal to feel totally confused and regretful and sad and not stop thinking of them even though you're the one who said it. I DO want more though, it's as simple as that. Friendship had become too hard. Yet I love the friendship of course.. oh I dunno!! Between the devil and the deep blue sea ain't it?! Has anyone felt the same?

 

VBH how long has your no contact been in place, how are you coping.

 

This is completely normal, I think. During the first couple of NCs I felt the same... just, kind of, waiting for them to be over, I guess. Whilst you will still settle for the affair (though you may think you want out) you will feel like this. This NC, for me, is different because I was so sick of the hurt and the pain and the blah-blah-maybe-soons that I couldn't see the pleasure at all anymore and this NC has me feeling liberated. I do miss him... but in a better way, where I can think of the good moments and not have a stabbing feeling in my stomach that I won't have them anymore.

 

Don't settle for what's not enough for you, PO. You are better than that. Don't regret pushing him to a decision, if that's where you feel you are at. Some women can wait years and still be content with the times they have, but that wasn't for me.

 

FO, so many people on LS told me to do NC for me and not for him during the times before this one, but I didn't really fully understand that; I thought I was doing. Now I know what they meant. It's a fantastic feeling and it will be there for you if you want it.

[fooled once]

Thanks VBH. Much appreciated feedback. So do you still consider that no contact was the best decision.? So he came back around after you did it once?

 

I am really struggling with my decision. Miss him. In some ways wish I hadn't pushed him for more. I'd still have him around. Mine wouldn't let me go no contact before, always thought of something to say, something he needed to tell me about something, an excuse to contact basically! I was always pleased though. Either that or I'd contact him (he'd contact me straight back). No contact message I sent was very TERSE this time, polite but no messing. Maybe he's thinking I'll get in touch? Maybe he is just going to leave it? Maybe he daren't contact me after what I said? Maybe he's glad it's over... maybe this... maybe that... all the thoughts in my head!! It's driving me crazy!! I thought no contact was supposed to help you. HUH. I know it was my choice, I know. It was not something I did without a lot of thought. I was at my wits end. Is this normal to feel totally confused and regretful and sad and not stop thinking of them even though you're the one who said it. I DO want more though, it's as simple as that. Friendship had become too hard. Yet I love the friendship of course.. oh I dunno!! Between the devil and the deep blue sea ain't it?! Has anyone felt the same?

 

VBH how long has your no contact been in place, how are you coping.

 

It WILL help but only if you are truly DONE and give it time.

 

But it doesn't sound like you want it to be done -- like you are willing to accept whatever scraps he will give you.

 

You know he isn't leaving his wife.

You know he wants his marriage to work.

 

So honestly, that doesn't sound like he wants a relationship with you.

 

You really can't go backwards ... I know some think you can, but you IMHO, can't. Because you can't turn off the feelings you have and it will make things akward. He wants his wife/family.

 

So you regret the message now, but do you regret the MESSAGE of being done with the affair? Or are you willing to settle for the scraps?