Has anyone got any

[jj33]

Pink its natural to be sad. You asked for total NC because your heart hurts so much that you need the distrance. At the same time, knowing he deleted you from facebook makes it so final...

 

But he is honoring your wishes. That is an act of respect and of friendship. Sometimes there are loves and memories of love that can only live in our hearts. They cant be nurtured with facebook sightings because that only makes the pain worse.

 

The pain will subside in time. Be patient with yourself. I know how difficult it is.

 

Big hugs

 

jj

[Pink_orchid]

Great comments everyone, thank you!

 

I still feel tearful, went three days without crying, thought I was getting a bit better, but no, tears today for some reason. But it's sure helping me getting everybody's comments. No I guess I didn't want the situation as it was and that's why I called a halt. I want a proper loving 1-1 relationship (yes with this man I hope) but it's not happening so I have to walk away and only time will tell what his real feelings were/are. I have to wait it out and see what he does. I wish I could be in a place where I don't want him anymore so that I wouldn't hurt so much but I'm being honest, I am not there yet, and I can't give up the hope. Maybe a few months down the line if I haven't heard from him I will feel differently. But I am going using this time to work on myself, diet, fitness, career, and take one day at a time, that's all you can do really isn't it.

 

Incidentally re him doing the facebook deletion, apparently he has gone from all our mutual friends 'Friends List', I don't know why because he hasn't fallen out with anybody. I think he must have just decided to remove the temptation to contact me, hear about me, see my pictures, and vice versa.? We used other means to contact each other, rarely facebook, but of course you see everyone's posts and pictures and the like amongst your friends, and so the reminders of each other's lives would have been there for both of us. But we will see each other at one of our group gatherings sooner or later so it's not like it's a case of never ever seeing each other again. I think deleting me may have been a fit of anger or retaliation because I took control??!! One of our mutual friends who I talk to (who knows a little about what's been happening - it's no secret amongst our mutual friends - we've been to things together, arrived/left together quite openly, even been seen going to a hotel together) reckons he will realise he's been an a$$ to me and things will work themselves out.

Edited March 24, 2010 by Pink_orchid

[Pink_orchid]

Just missing him and not hearing from him... want to say something to him... I'm just used to chatting to him and I can't any more... so I'm posting on here... otherwise I will contact him, that damn man! Can't get him out of my head. Good that this place is here, it's like a confessional!

[VBH]

Yep, the whole NC thing is tough at first, but it gets easier over time. Patience is key here. Just keep posting as you need...we're here for you.

 

It is difficult when you really miss someone, but being in contact with a person when you are not getting what you want is worse. Really. You feel great initially, but then there is a letdown when the things you wanted to change are the same. You know, there is a saying, "Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want". NC, is an experience....not necessarily one you prefer, but it is just that, an experience (nothing more nothing less). I always remind myself tomorrow is a new day.

 

VBH

[Pink_orchid]

Thanks for your support VBH! You're so strong! You're right. I did have the friends thing for the last three months after he said he couldn't be any more than that for numerous reasons (We just sent emails, due to the distance between us no sightings although the emails were pretty much daily from him, even Christmas Day, Boxing Day etc!!) but the emails were not saying a lot, and I wasn't happy with it because I wanted more. I was also annoyed that he had pursued me then kind of left me up the creek without a paddle. I really did feel he was struggling to resist taking it any further, well he told me, actually, but the point is, it wasn't happening and although he might have changed his mind in time (he flip flopped about for some time) I had to think of how it was making me feel on a daily basis, just having this restricted sort of contact, and it was not what I wanted. The only thing I am worried about now is that I have burned my bridges completely. My friend thinks it would have been better to stay in contact with him as a friend and see what panned out, but me being Mrs Impatient (I had to laugh when you said that you are impatient too!) couldn't lie low and leave things on the back burner oh no I had to keep turning the heat up and pressurising him and now due to that and other stresses in his life I feel like I have ruined the whole thing. But back to what you said, it's worse being in contact and not getting what you want, and I'll try and keep that in my head, thank you. Your MM has had a hard time letting go like mine. Mine repeatedly said when I went NC the first couple of times 'we can still be friends' and he did keep on writing. It's like they want to hold you in the loop and don't want to lose you, that's good I suppose but it's very frustrating isn't it.

[VBH]

Thanks for your support VBH! You're so strong! You're right. I did have the friends thing for the last three months after he said he couldn't be any more than that for numerous reasons (We just sent emails, due to the distance between us no sightings although the emails were pretty much daily from him, even Christmas Day, Boxing Day etc!!) but the emails were not saying a lot, and I wasn't happy with it because I wanted more. I was also annoyed that he had pursued me then kind of left me up the creek without a paddle. I really did feel he was struggling to resist taking it any further, well he told me, actually, but the point is, it wasn't happening and although he might have changed his mind in time (he flip flopped about for some time) I had to think of how it was making me feel on a daily basis, just having this restricted sort of contact, and it was not what I wanted. The only thing I am worried about now is that I have burned my bridges completely. My friend thinks it would have been better to stay in contact with him as a friend and see what panned out, but me being Mrs Impatient (I had to laugh when you said that you are impatient too!) couldn't lie low and leave things on the back burner oh no I had to keep turning the heat up and pressurising him and now due to that and other stresses in his life I feel like I have ruined the whole thing. But back to what you said, it's worse being in contact and not getting what you want, and I'll try and keep that in my head, thank you. Your MM has had a hard time letting go like mine. Mine repeatedly said when I went NC the first couple of times 'we can still be friends' and he did keep on writing. It's like they want to hold you in the loop and don't want to lose you, that's good I suppose but it's very frustrating isn't it.

 

No problem! Support is what you came here for, right? Ah yes, that patience issue...I have none of it. Know where I can buy some? lol You haven't ruined anything. I have felt that way in the past and really if the OP really knows and cares about you, they will find a way to move past it. That is their issue...not yours. You were only trying to protect yourself and keep your self-esteem intact. If the OP cannot reflect upon this and hopefully understand, then you don't really want them anyway. Listen, the fact of the matter is, men and women both know when they are behaving poorly and not giving 100%. I know I do. So, if someone reacts negatively, then I have to have some self-reflection in there. Patience and understanding is truly needed here...oh and a little faith too.

 

I had to chuckle when I read you had to go stir that pot! I have done that too. Funny how great minds think alike. Doesn't work you know. As I have said before, things happen in their own time or they do not. You must have faith that this will work out in your favor. It may not, but you can then move on to find what is best for you. You will be clear and strong and never accept less than what you want again. The way I see it, this is a win/win situation for you with or without your MM.

 

I should provide some clarity on my situation here....when I met AP, he was a MM. He is no longer, but I am still a MW. We have known each other for about 4 years. Many times I have thought this is so over and much to my surprise it is not. I am not saying this is a good thing from a healthy relationship perspective, nonetheless these are the facts. I didn't post this the other day, but I talked to SM on Tuesday after some weeks of NC. I don't know what to make of it really. The conversation was pretty good overall. However, strangely he mentioned that we had 2 issues...1) I am married and 2) we have a distance issue geographically. Funny, he never mentioned that my being married was an issue before. Maybe this explains some of his flip flopping? SM then told me he wouldn't mind being able to go to the movies and dinner (wouldn't mind a "happy ending" either....gotta love men throwing that in there LOL)....sounded like a date to me. I told him he'd be required to pay, open doors and hold the popcorn. lol He agreed. Hmm, he hadn't said anything like this in a long time. I don't know exactly what he wants from me or what his intentions are (FWB maybe???), but I did tell him I will not do FWB and NSA encounters are not for me. He said he understood. Ugh, what now? lol

 

I haven't tried to contact him since and I will not. He can sit back and think about what I said and decide how to proceed or not from here. I will then let him know if I am in agreement. Stay strong..you have more power in this relationship than you realize.

 

VBH

[Pink_orchid]

Thanks for the reply VBH. What's happened in your situation since you last posted? Has he contacted you again.? Now that he is not married maybe is he ready to have a proper relationship with you? Would you leave your marriage for him? You asked what his intentions could be? When you know what YOU want, the best way to find out his intentions I guess is to sit down and ask him isn't it. It sounds like he can't forget you. Update us when you get a chance! Hope it's good news for you.

 

I am really feeling rotten today. I have had a week no contact and it's horrible. I never wanted it to end this way, well actually I never wanted this outcome to it at all. I really want to contact him but it would just look stupid wouldn't it!

[Just a stone's throw]

Hugs PO. Keep keeping on.... stay strong. I'm right there with you but I'm not giving in. Take it a day at a time.

[Heather1]

Power through that feeling of contacting him!! I'm almost at 4 weeks. I've done (or he has) the flip flopping too. I would never use NC as a manipulative tool. Do it because you're done & you're quickly ripping the band aid off. The relationship isn't working & he doesn't make you feel good anymore.

As for the FB thing, that's a blessing. My OM's wife made him close his account & I was relieved. Hard to make a break when you're seeing photo's and updates, hardly a break. He had my password to FB & I changed it a few days later....for his sake. I don't want him to know what I'm up to or for us to hurt anymore.

Believe me, if this is how it is for you now....after sex it just gets worse, especially for women!! He turned cold after sex, I never saw it comng.

[VBH]

Hey PO,

 

DO NOT CONTACT THAT MAN!!!! I understand you feel rotten, but believe me, you will feel much worse if you contact him and either one of two things happen: A) you get no response (now you feel crushed) and B) you get a response and it doesn't turn out to be what you hoped for...it might even hurt your feelings (again, you feel crushed). Doesn't appear that when you break NC that positive things happen now does it? lol Not what you wanted to hear, but I have BTDT. It is not pretty. Then, you go on and on for days second guessing yourself and the "what-ifs". Don't do it! It isn't healthy and you aren't going to come up with any satisfactory answers. Stay strong!!! Time is the only healer...not AP's.

 

Don't worry I am not ignoring your questions from above about me, but I am a bit pressed for time (and the fact that this is your thread...for you:) ). I will try to answer those in the next day or two, ok? I just saw your post and wanted to remind you that feeling better is up to you...not your ex-AP. Got it? This time is all for you. Take a class...learn something new...excercise...look fabulous (I'm sure you already do btw)...read a good book. DO something, but what ever you do...DO NOT CONTACT THAT MAN!!

 

You may want to check out the book "What Smart Women Know" by Steven Carter and Julia Sokol. I read that book when I felt not at my best and it really helped bring a smile to my face (it is somewhat humorous) and also helped put things in perspective. Every now and again when I need some reminding...I still pick the book back up.

 

Let us know how you are doing!

 

VBH

[Pink_orchid]

Thanks again VBH. Let us know how you are doing when you have a chance.

 

Been doing a lot of thinking about the pro's and con's of no contact. It certainly helps with self reflection!! Gosh I am doing so much of it!! NC is not what I wanted of course. I DID contact him again at the weekend. I haven't received a reply yet. I just sent something very brief. I said that I regretted some of the things I've said and if he wanted to contact me I would like that, I didn't want to leave things on a bad note etc. I feel a bit calmer and have done a lot of soul searching since I sent the no contact message when I was in my angry and upset state. What I want is the chance to see him if and when he's free, and time will tell on that one.

 

I have a lot of conflicting feelings all at once, in no particular order...

 

a) silly me for getting involved with a MM.

b) regret for how I have treated him: dropped him, picked him up, dropped him (I know he's kinda done that too) but I've been worse.

c) I really feel hurt, he was obsessed with me constantly contacting me, and now he has panicked and run.

d) compassion for his situation, he's showed me pics of the child... he loves his kid. He loves his wife. It seems he can't understand how he got involved either. I know he's been going through inner turmoil over it.

e) annoyed I can't forget him... hook, line and sinker on this one, don't want to be, cos it hurts.

f) sad that it's come to this, no contact situation, I really miss him.

g) pleased I laid down boundaries and stuck to them, it's all or nothing

h) guilt about his wife and child, I know it's not nice to have someone trying to get your man, or suspect your man is cheating, it happened to me.

i) the biggest one... I fell in love with this guy... I just long to see him, feel his arms around me, hold him, kiss him, make love, talk and laugh, just be together and I wish all the problems and obstacles would go away so that could happen...

 

It felt so natural to be in his arms. Something I can't explain.

 

I do have a lot of feelings for this guy and I just kept getting angry at him for not wanting to be with me full time, even though he is married with a child. I am now angry at him because now his marriage is at crunch point and he has chosen to try to sort that out, yet I agree it's the first thing he has to do, because we couldn't be anything unless he is properly free. So I am sad I got angry at him if that makes any sense!

 

Someone asked on another thread, is the attraction because the married man is married? No definitely not in my case! What I'd give for us to have met when he was single. We could have had a chance and we wouldn't have turned into complete wrecks both of us.

 

Strangely, although I haven't received a reply (yet), I feel better for sending the reaching out message. Of course getting no reply is not great, after all, he used to not be able to stop contacting me! I miss him a lot and this no contact thing is very hard. But it's also what we both need. He needs to sort his head out. I think there's a very good chance he will contact me again. Also I happen to know that he read my message early hours Sunday. Nothing sinister! I just know because of his log time in on our favourite band website, we always use that messaging facility, and there is currently no news about the band, so he's only logged in to check his messages. There's been phone calls and texts too but mainly we use that band website to write. So he's sitting up half the night and seeing if he's got any messages from me... so I know I am not the only one in a turmoil... makes me think the marriage ain't going to be saved. If you're happy right, you're not sitting online at 2:00am on a Saturday night, you're having great sex with your partner.

 

NC has certainly helped me to think things over. But the thing it didn't help me with was that I had slammed the door shut for good, when I really didn't want to. It's 'Fallen Angel' I think who said it's not a good idea in some cases to slam the door, and I think doing that has unsettled me. He might not come back I know, but I just feel he will. It is not nice during this NC time but it's means that the marriage will go one way or the other and although I'll have to wait to find out the answer, if I do see him again it will only be if and when he's free, and he knows that anything else is not an option for me. It's the hardest wait in the world though, thanks to everyone for their comments and support at this time.

 

I'm not going to do any more. But I am fighting the urge to do more. I feel like I want to fight for this, but at the moment I can't do any more. I do not think contacting him again will help at this point. I am just stressing him out. I just have to wait. And I would just compromise my value wouldn't I, I want him to fight for ME. The difficult part is doing nothing! And just waiting to see what happens. I am not 'waiting' as such; I'd go on a date if I met someone I liked. But at the moment I still want him. In my thoughts 24/7.

 

Thanks for listening. I know it was a LONG one.

Edited March 29, 2010 by Pink_orchid

[Just a stone's throw]

Hugs, PO. That took a lot to express what you did. You did what you felt was right at the time. What's done is done and all you have control over now is what you do next. It's what you do next that counts.

[Pink_orchid]

Aw thanks stone'sthrow (and Heather and VBH). I have read some of your story J.A.S.T. I too miss the daily contact, and it was several times a day. It was exciting. I am sure you felt the same, you described that 'ZING' with your affair partner, yes mine certainly had/has that zing, we just do have zing together, sometimes very feisty with each other, almost bickering but always smiling never boring. In bed, never went the whole way, but the zing was there in what we did do, oh yay! I do appreciate your reading my long post. Sometimes it feels like you have no one who you can tell and unload it all with. I do have one good friend I confide in who has been supportive (I have many what I would call good friends, but people frown upon you getting involved with married men I think and so I don't tell them).

 

I don't know about you but I find that some people can be quite catty (bitchy) I have certainly experienced that in my/our mutual friends group that me and the MM belong to. I know two or three seem jealous as I always have his attention and they don't! So there you go! I've seen quite a few posts in reply to your original post that aren't very sympathetic. Luckily there seems to be a great group on here that does understand. I don't think anyone intentionally sets out to get themselves in this situation, I didn't! You can't help who you fall for can you?!

Edited March 29, 2010 by Pink_orchid

[Just a stone's throw]

No, I would never have pegged myself for falling for someone and definitely not who I fell for. I have had better days, that's for sure. Today is not good either for me. I would never expect anyone to feel sorry for me in my situation, that's for sure. I did it to myself. Being selfish, I guess justifying it by having missed out on what I was now experiencing full throttle. Shouldn't everyone get a chance to experience that at some point in their life. (rhetorical question as I know there will be those that jump on this and say Yep, with your H!!)

 

Like I said, all I can control is what I do next. It's what I do next that counts. [sigh]. I have one friend who I told about this early on, she was so sweet and didn't judge me at all. She had an EA and could relate. She is also one of my more religious friends. She is the only one I told or will tell. It's just too painful and embarassing. I can't even tell my best friend. She would tell her husband and it would be all over from there.

 

[VBH]

Hey PO,

 

How are things going? Did you hear anything back yet from exAP? Are you still feeling better? Hope so!

 

Nothing new to report here. Haven't heard from exAP again, but that's ok. I am so busy with other things going on in my life...I went back to school recently and have tons of other great things going on. I really don't have the time or patience for any flip flopping with regard to exAP. To answer your question, no, I would not leave my marriage for exAP. If we ended up together down the line...great. However, if and/or when I leave my marriage it will be b/c that is what is best for me. As far as what exAP's intentions are, I have tried asking him, but I have never received any adequate answers. Maybe even he doesn't know? Not sure. Still, I agree with you, he can't seem to forget me nor can he completely let go.

 

I do know what I want in life and what would make me happy, so I have certain peace and sense of calm. Took me a long time to feel that way though. As much as I care about exAP, what would make him happy may not make me happy and vice versa. If there was no interest on his part or we just did not have a meeting of the hearts and minds, I would be willing to very sadly let go.

 

 

Let us know how you are doing!

 

VBH

Edited March 30, 2010 by VBH

[Just a stone's throw]

PO! Was thinking of you today! So nice that you popped onto the forum. How are you and what is happening with you these days? Please update (good or not so good, no judgement - just LS friends here to support!)

 

JAST

[Heather1]

I think we all started out this way.....

 

Yours is a common dynamic from what I've read & experienced on these boards.

 

The spark, followed by the flirt dance, followed by the mutual attraction verbalized, then the kiss (oh no, we shouldn't this is wrong!) which adds to both wanting the other sexually more than any human being on the face of the earth, to the sex (oh, he feels so guilty! What a decent man!),backing off to friends, he gets horny, WE get horny, build up of sexual tension, back to sex, he feels worse this time, now we're addicted AND love him, poor crappy marriage that he's in (victim - not to mention the crappy M we're probably in that lead us to this in the first place) & then all the manic rollercoaster events that follow. Then we want him as our spouse? Knowing how he's treating his current spouse & us?

 

Oh...so to your question of NC & FB, in that he did you a favor. Nothing could be worse than seeing his happy life up on FB with all his friends & family. Why not just cut yourself? I saw xOM's FB posts & replies from all these women & was VERY shocked. His W made him take his site down, and I felt bad for her because she was trying to control something she at least knew about. She has no clue about me.

 

Dust yourself off, go on a trip, stay busy. It really only gets worse.

[Pink_orchid]

Well hello... is anyone who responded to my original post still here?!

 

A very difficult few months. He won't speak or correspond with me. Although I have had some intermittent replies to my contacting him (I just found it so hard to let go, not only that but I really did care about him and he was so f*cked up - his words - I didn't want to walk away). I have also had a quite funny response (nice funny) to something I put online. I saw him at an event in October, he was not with his wife (that night I mean) and he was lovely and friendly with me in front of everyone. I asked to speak with him privately to which he agreed. I said how are you, I have missed you. But he said 'DON'T'... looking at me and kind of saying don't tempt me, don't do this... I won't go into the conversation but he left me standing, after a heated conversation, he got his picture out of his daughter and said THIS is what is at stake here. He was very het up and agitated and asked me not to do 'this' and then left, almost running off into the night.

 

The next night I saw him again (day 2 of our event thingy) and he was in the pub with a group of our mutual friends. When I arrived we didn't speak even though we all stood together. It was hard to act cool. It was all bubbling up inside me though. He got his jacket and almost in a repeat performance of the previous night, ran off. I said to him - as he had to walk past me - you're going? He made some excuse. I said look, you and I were friends, and we've hurt each other and stressed each other out - he agreed - and I said let's just try to be nice to each other, I know you don't want anything to happen again (at this point we are standing quite close to our friends and they can't fail to wonder what's going on, although some of them know). We smiled at each other and said no hard feelings. (I don't have. I just hurt!). I said, come here give me a hug (quite normal in our group) and he said I don't even want to do that (smiling)! He couldn't touch me! I said jokingly, you hate me that much?! His reply: I... don't... hate... you... do... I... and he tails off. He then disappears out of the pub leaving himself alone wherever he went while our mutual friends and I are still in the bar together.

 

I then see him in the event although he is a few rows behind me in the auditorium and we smile and I gave him something for his daughter (I had some things to give out and I had a spare pink one which I thought she would like).

 

Later that night at the end of the event/evening, he comes up to me and gives me something nice (a souviner) that he's got for me. I was touched.

 

He then says goodbye, he's gotta go, he missed his train last night and needs to get going, and ran off out the door and into the night..! He wasn't seen again by any of us!

 

After that when we are all back home, he replied to two or three general posts by me on a social website that we both belong to. But no direct contact from either of us. I am still longing to speak to him even though I can't say it would change anything!

 

I texted him in November to tell him something related to our big interest and to ask him if he had a cd of a particular thing (which I won't identify to keep my anonymity), and could he lend it to me. Which he frequently did in the past, he used to lend me things or make me stuff all the time, was always offering in fact. He replied thank you etc and that he would have a look at what he had and get back to me.

 

Heard nothing since! Even though I have texted him again and said hello?! Any joy?! I have asked him what's wrong, how come he would reply to my text, comment on my posts, etc etc then not respond again. He's not speaking.? I would have liked to talk with him for longer but he didn't give me the chance.

 

It's difficult to say why I still want to contact him from the above isn't it, but I do.

 

I have had another man around for a few months but that isn't going anywhere, as nice as he is, he is not ready for anything.

 

*sigh*

 

How's everyone doing then.

[Owl]

OK, I'm going to say something you're likely to take as harsh...it's not meant that way, but it's meant to be obvious, so that you stop and see what's going on.

 

How many different ways/times does he have to tell you that the affair is over, and even just being "friends" with you is a risk to his life as he knows it today???????

 

You need to move on, my friend.

 

There's nothing for you with this man.

 

He's telling you this. He's BEEN telling you this.

 

It doesn't even matter that there was infidelity in all of this mix...the bottom line is that he's spelled it out very clearly for you.

 

Again...not attacking you. But you're really missing the point he's making.

 

The relationship is done. There can be no friendship in the current circumstances. Grieve...and move on.

[Hazyhead]

OK, I'm going to say something you're likely to take as harsh...it's not meant that way, but it's meant to be obvious, so that you stop and see what's going on.

 

How many different ways/times does he have to tell you that the affair is over, and even just being "friends" with you is a risk to his life as he knows it today???????

 

You need to move on, my friend.

 

There's nothing for you with this man.

 

He's telling you this. He's BEEN telling you this.

 

It doesn't even matter that there was infidelity in all of this mix...the bottom line is that he's spelled it out very clearly for you.

 

Again...not attacking you. But you're really missing the point he's making.

 

The relationship is done. There can be no friendship in the current circumstances. Grieve...and move on.

 

I agree!

 

What are you doing, PO? You are only making it harder for yourself to move on. I know what it's like to long for someone, but sweetie, you gotta go through the motions. Tough? Sure. But necessary. Cut it off, as soon as you can (like, now?) and start moving forward, one step at a time and those steps will get bigger and bigger. Eventually NC will become your saviour. This guy isn't going anywhere, except home to his wife, please don't wait for him, I know you think you aren't but by keeping contact open in the manner that you are, you kinda are waiting for the news that he's left.

 

I'm not surprised that things are not going anywhere with New Fella, you're still pining over xMM! Give things a real go with him, without hanging on for xMM. Even if it doesn't go anywhere, you gave it a shot AND you get the fun of dating again. All those hot, single guys and you're being wasted on ex-dude.

 

I'm sorry if I sound harsh but I honestly believe you need to let him go.

 

Hugs,

Hazy

[Star_Bright]

Hi pink orchid. I wasn't here for your original thread, but just reading your update makes me wonder why you are still pursuing him? He obviously had some kind of feelings for you and enjoyed certain aspects of the affair and those things don't just go away overnight, yet he has repeatedly asked you to not tempt him and he has even shown you a photo of his daughter and said she was at stake if you two continued. I just don't understand how you can still even talk to him after that? Basically you are okay with him risking his relationship with his daughter/family to still talk to you? I hope you can just leave him alone b/c I think it will do loads for your self-confidence and you will see that this has all been a very bad idea.

 

Good luck.

[BB07]

After reading your post I had the same reaction that OWL and Hazy did and also like them I don't want to sound harsh but hon he is DONE and you need to be also for your sake. It isn't fair to you nor him to keep that door open and I don't mean to hit you with a 2x4 but you aren't respecting his wishes in that it's over nor respecting yourself by refusing to accept it's in the past. Also you need to understand that you can't be friends, there is just too much water under the bridge and you can't go back to that.

 

Can you get some help, maybe some IC to help you to move on past this?

 

Hugs.....

[Pink_orchid]

"When one door of happiness closes, another opens; But often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us." Good quote!Thank you for all of the posts. I know it's finished, yes he's told me, it is just that I just keep seeing him in my head! And I think knowing that he's still tempted (I think I can safely say that) makes it harder. I am losing the urge to contact him because I do realise that he has cut me off, it's just that trying to tell myself 'move on' is easier than actually doing it...

 

I think I want him to say 'sorry' as well. He really chased me, made me think he really liked me, and then walked away when I wanted more. Ouch.

Edited December 2, 2010 by Pink_orchid

[BB07]

I think I want him to say 'sorry' as well. He really chased me, made me think he really liked me, and then walked away when I wanted more. Ouch.

 

Think of it like this.........chasing you and then walking away, NOT a nice thing to do is it?

You need to get mad, get angry, it will help you move on, really it will. You have him up on a pedestal and he doesn't deserve it. Keep that in mind.

[Owl]

Then take active measures to make it more difficult to contact him when you're feeling weak.

 

Remove him from your phone, delete and block his email addresses from your email accounts, etc...

 

And I think that WWIU's advice about seeking some counseling is good as well.

 

Develop/use whatever existing support structure you've got out there. Friends/family/etc...that can help you change your focus and rebuild your self-esteem.

 

Grieve the end of the relationship...basically you need to realize that he's "dead to you" now. Accept that, grieve...and let yourself start healing.