Spark1111 Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 So can love. I think that is the woman's perspective; it romanticizes the male libido.
2sure Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 Being a BS, as much as I really really hate to admit it: Affair Sex is the best. With love or without it. Even a long term affair is kind of like always being in that third date mode. That anticipation. Even with lovers that werent that great, the tension made it better. That plus, in an affair with a MM he makes you feel like you are "all that" (whether you are or not) much more than single guys or your H because ...thats a big element of the lure of the affair to him. And...at least in the beginning...its a free kind of sex because there are no expectations or impressions that inhibit other relationships.
JustJoe Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 I agree with 2sure, but only up to a point. It's the anticipation of affair sex that makes it more exciting, plus there is the possibility that the sex before the A, was really bad, for any number of reasons. Being an experienced "femme fatale", 2Sure probably does have more insight than I do, so I will defer, having had only one A, but I also believe that the sex in my LTR in college was way superior to that in my A, because the affection was much more profound.
2sure Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 My experience is only valid when also coupled with my very real issues. I should add that as a disclaimer every time I post.
JustJoe Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 (edited) You have issues? Who knew? You remind me in many ways , of my MW. Though you at least, have a real career. I mean, that you are a real working person, instead of a trophy wife like my MW. Edited March 23, 2010 by JustJoe
JustJoe Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 BTW, 2Sure, I editted my post, because I didn't want you to think I was being critical of you, I'm not. I'm very critical of my ex-MW though.
2sure Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 Oh wow...I would never have thought you were being critical of me! For me to think that one would have to throw rocks directly at my head.
JustJoe Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 I make it a rule to NEVER throw rocks at pretty women. I may throw her over my shoulder, I may throw a pass at her, but rocks......nope!
grogster Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 Being a BS, as much as I really really hate to admit it: Affair Sex is the best. With love or without it. Even a long term affair is kind of like always being in that third date mode. That anticipation. Even with lovers that werent that great, the tension made it better. That plus, in an affair with a MM he makes you feel like you are "all that" (whether you are or not) much more than single guys or your H because ...thats a big element of the lure of the affair to him. And...at least in the beginning...its a free kind of sex because there are no expectations or impressions that inhibit other relationships. That pretty much nails it. And throw love between the APs into the mix, the marriage becomes ground zero.
JustJoe Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 If your MM was that worried about evidence, Jthorne, I'm betting that this wasn't his first affair. I agree, however about your premise that there are far more distractions during an affair, than in a regular relationship with a single person.
2sure Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 For me, one of the nicest things about an affair, which are the same as the worst things about an affair: You KNOW exactly where the lines and boundaries are. Whether you like them or not.
JustJoe Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 2sure, Your affair(s) seem much more civilized than mine. One of the biggest drawbacks, to me, was the uncertainty of it all. My Mw was all over the charts. It got to be that the sex was the only stable aspect of our relationship.
OWoman Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 I'm a very passionate person and like certain things, and ok, frankly, like to scratch. I was never ever allowed to scratch him, wear perfume around him or anything else that might leave evidence. Interestingly, this was never an issue in any of my As. The MMs didn't seem remotely fazed by that, and some seemed to want me to leave a mark, whether it was scent or physical (scratches, love bites, whatever) even loose strands of hair on their clothing, that they could carry about with them as a reminder, later.
JustJoe Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 Owoman, keeping "souvenirs", from my MW held no attraction for me. She wasn't prey, and I wasn't a hunter.
2sure Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 2sure, Your affair(s) seem much more civilized than mine. Admittedly, they were ultimately more like "arrangements" which MM disguised to himself as a love affair, and I disguised to myself as empowerment. Still, like I said ...affair sex is awesome. Of course, I'm never having sex again so I can admit this too!.
OWoman Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 Owoman, keeping "souvenirs", from my MW held no attraction for me. She wasn't prey, and I wasn't a hunter. I've never been prey, either. I'm always the hunter
JustJoe Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 I don't want to insult you, 2sure, but from your last post I am curious as to whether these affairs were not "professional", in nature. Were you an escort? Please uunderstand that I am not judgemental, I asked to clarify it in my mind.
JustJoe Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 I'm sorry to the OP for my thread-jack, but the women here are just fascinating to talk to. I think that whether or not we agree about the original premise, the quality of the sexual aspect of an affair is in proportion to the amount of emotional investment we as AP's have made in the A, and the ability of a M to recover from an A is also influenced by how good the sex was in the marriage, before the A.
2sure Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 Professional ? No. There was a time in my life when I felt the constraints of a regular relationship were not something I could deal with, yet I still wanted the attention & affection of someone special. So, I deliberately sought an affair with a MM, with no intent of it ever being more than just that. I did it more than once. Eventually, I realized that I was giving up and sacrificing more than they were even within the limits of our relationship - by being available, being exclusive, being interested with no real benefit. So, I asked for cars, tuition, jewelry, vacations, stuff like that. To me, MM giving me things and making my life easier was one of the few ways they could show me they cared and take care of me when they werent around. But some people here, mostly OW who receive nothing but phone calls and grief from their MM, OR MM who have nothing to offer but still want affairs...call it "professional".
JustJoe Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 Oh, I really struck a nerve , didn't I? I tried to put it as innocent as I could. Please understand , I meant nothing personal. You are a fascinating woman and I'm truly sorry if I've said it wrong.
2sure Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 No, No! Joe, you did not over step anything, your question and my answer are both straight forward and sincere. If I ever sound offended its because you cannot see my face or hear my inflection. Its all good babe.
OWoman Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 I think that whether or not we agree about the original premise, the quality of the sexual aspect of an affair is in proportion to the amount of emotional investment we as AP's have made in the A, and the ability of a M to recover from an A is also influenced by how good the sex was in the marriage, before the A. I don't agree with this. Some of the best sex was in Rs in which I hadn't made the remotest emotional investment - it was pure, unbridled passion and lust. How good the sex was in the M, pre-A, is also difficult to ascertain, post-A, as both partners "rewrite" the marital history and remember selectively rather than with any kind of objective accuracy (as we all do, in any event). Perhaps it's related to how good both MPs choose to remember it being?
JustJoe Posted March 24, 2010 Posted March 24, 2010 Owoman, pure, unbridled lust is a misnomer. Lust is a physiological response to both emotional and biological stimuli. There is no such thing as completely un-emotional sex. There are different levels, yes, but all sentient beings will have some emotional response, before, during, and after. I do agree with your second paragraph. Memory is subjective, so each person will remember the sex differently.
OWoman Posted March 24, 2010 Posted March 24, 2010 Owoman, pure, unbridled lust is a misnomer. Lust is a physiological response to both emotional and biological stimuli. There is no such thing as completely un-emotional sex. There are different levels, yes, but all sentient beings will have some emotional response, before, during, and after. I know what I experienced. I was there. No random person on an internet forum can tell me that what I experienced "doesn't exist". It simply shows that they have yet to experience it themselves. Pure, unbridled lust rocks!
JustJoe Posted March 24, 2010 Posted March 24, 2010 (edited) I agree that pure lust rocks, because of the emotions involved. What I've said about the emotional aspect of sex isn't a matter of opinion, it is biological fact. If there was such a thing as completely un-emotional sex, then there would be no sexual preferences. We(humans) would have sex like animals for procreation only, The only criteria would be if the OP was male or female.. It is the emotional aspect that points us to our partners, lets us decide if they are acceptable, if we are attracted to them and how we will respond. Every human activity has BOTH an emotional and physical aspect. If you cut your finger, you experience the physical pain response, but you also experience the emotional response as shock or trauma. Yes, you can be indifferent to your sex partner, but even indifference is an emotional reaction. Edited March 24, 2010 by JustJoe
Recommended Posts