"Nice" girls, like Sandra Bullock....

[desertmoon]

So, apparently all American girl-next-door Sandra Bullock's, bad boy husband is cheating on her with a "bad" girl-some heavily tatted up woman who models (among other things) Nazi paraphernalia!

 

Should we feel sorry for her? I mean, she CHOSE to date AND marry a "bad" boy, what did she expect?

[Tnerforireyeh]

Why are we assuming she is "nice?". I for one have never met her, let alone had a relationship with her.

[Taramere]

So, apparently all American girl-next-door Sandra Bullock's, bad boy husband is cheating on her with a "bad" girl-some heavily tatted up woman who models (among other things) Nazi paraphernalia!

 

Should we feel sorry for her? I mean, she CHOSE to date AND marry a "bad" boy, what did she expect?

 

Where do you draw the line with that thinking? I mean we're constantly told that all men cheat. I read it on this forum all the time, I've heard it from a man who cheated on me and an inordinate amount of women I know have been cheated on. By all kinds of men.

 

The sensitive geek might be just as likely to cheat as the "bad boy". More, if he's not used to getting sexual opportunities and some woman suddenly hands it to him on a plate because she's feeling competitive against his girlfriend.

 

So what's the sensible response to all this overwhelming evidence of the majority of men cheating the moment they get half a chance? Just avoid getting into serious relationships with men full stop? Stick to fairly meaningless f*ck buddy relationships with men you don't care about, and have your emotional needs met by family and female friends?

[EricaH329]

Before I comment, i'd like to say that I respect and appreciate Tarameres posts. Always have and always will.

 

I mean we're constantly told that all men cheat.

 

Yes, we are constantly told that. But we are also constantly told that females cheat. I think there are just as many threads on this forum that has to deal with females cheating, as men. If i'm wrong, I apologize. But both sexes are equally able to commit infidelity.

 

The sensitive geek might be just as likely to cheat as the "bad boy". More, if he's not used to getting sexual opportunities and some woman suddenly hands it to him on a plate because she's feeling competitive against his girlfriend.

 

I disagree with this. Mostly because a sensitive male understands and acknowledges when he is appreciated. He would not take that for granted. And if a female were to approach him in a sexual manner, he wouldn't recognize it because he is already happy with another person. One that he knows to be true to him.

 

So what's the sensible response to all this overwhelming evidence of the majority of men cheating the moment they get half a chance? Just avoid getting into serious relationships with men full stop? Stick to fairly meaningless f*ck buddy relationships with men you don't care about, and have your emotional needs met by family and female friends?

 

I really hope this is sarcasm.

[Chrome Barracuda]

Women, whether they be nice or whores, end up falling for bad guys reguardless.

 

Women tend to fall for it, because that's what attracts them, they are weak for it. Maybe at first jesse had some redeeming qualities to him, but he's a man. he's falliable just like everyone else is.

 

I'm just looking at his choice in affair partner and im like WTF was he smoking. Sandra has a banging body and she's very pretty! The OW has a tattoo on her godamn forehead!

 

I saw sandra nakid in the proposal. yowsers!

 

But some people are never satisfied. some people can be greedy. no matter what they have sometimes it will never be good enough.

[Taramere]

Before I comment, i'd like to say that I respect and appreciate Tarameres posts. Always have and always will.

 

Thanks

 

Yes, we are constantly told that. But we are also constantly told that females cheat. I think there are just as many threads on this forum that has to deal with females cheating, as men. If i'm wrong, I apologize. But both sexes are equally able to commit infidelity.

 

I don't dispute that at all. I think women are probably less likely to be found out. Would you disagree that a certain double standard remains? Tarring the woman who is sexually involved with more than one man, in a way that a man wouldn't be tarred (eg he's seen as a cheating scoundrel, she's regarded as a worthless slut)?

 

I disagree with this. Mostly because a sensitive male understands and acknowledges when he is appreciated. He would not take that for granted. And if a female were to approach him in a sexual manner, he wouldn't recognize it because he is already happy with another person. One that he knows to be true to him.

 

Sensitivity in a man doesn't always result in him being a better, more loyal man. Sometimes it simply means that there's a lot of turmoil and conflict going on. He might feel worse about cheating, but it doesn't mean he won't do it. I think the man who is least likely to cheat is probably the very strong minded one who has a strong belief in adhering to promises.

 

 

I really hope this is sarcasm.

 

No, it isn't sarcasm. It comes from a place of extreme hurt that I probably should have got rid of years ago, but that will probably never go away.

 

People get horrifically burned by falling in love with and making the decision to trust those who end up cheating. If you've been in that situation yourself, you might know that you're left wondering if it can possibly be worth ever loving and trusting someone again.

 

Particularly when cheating is apparently so prevalent, and when every man you ever discuss this matter with you agrees that "yes, realistically any guy you get involved with probably will end up cheating on you because most men will cheat if they think they can get away with it."

 

And I'm very sorry if this isn't cheerful, positive Taramere speaking...but it's how I feel right now.

[harmfulsweetz]

Women are conditioned to believe that men think with their d!cks. Sorry to say that, but we are. Because of men's capability for emotionless sex. It's not to say that women do not cheat, women do. Most definitely. But, we, from an early age, (not very age, say like teens) are fed to believe that all men cheat.

 

I second Taramere completely. I think all types of people cheat, including the ones you least suspect. My friend has just caught her boyfriend of 5 years cheating, for three of those years with multiple women. To be honest, I didn't peg him as the sort. But there you go.

 

I don't think it's a matter of going for the bad boy, she clearly trusted him etc, and he betrayed her. Is that really about her choices? You can't really say that, because no one really thinks that the person they choose to spend their life with, will do the dirty on them someday.

[calizaggy]

Many of you are forgetting 2 things..

 

Women come onto him all the time.

 

She is always away from him for months at a time.

 

 

Any man would cheat with a wife that is always gone with her own career. What they had is not a real marriage in my book.

[terra]

Women, whether they be nice or whores, end up falling for bad guys reguardless.

 

Women tend to fall for it, because that's what attracts them, they are weak for it. Maybe at first jesse had some redeeming qualities to him, but he's a man. he's falliable just like everyone else is.

 

I disagree.. I find the bad boys a turn off and have plenty of friends that feel the same way. I don't really get the appeal. Maybe it's because they seem emotionally less available to me?.

Now if a man has a soft spot for kittens and is nice to old ladies then bang, I'm attracted.

[Taramere]

Women are conditioned to believe that men think with their d!cks. Sorry to say that, but we are. Because of men's capability for emotionless sex. It's not to say that women do not cheat, women do. Most definitely. But, we, from an early age, (not very age, say like teens) are fed to believe that all men cheat.

 

I second Taramere completely. I think all types of people cheat, including the ones you least suspect. My friend has just caught her boyfriend of 5 years cheating, for three of those years with multiple women. To be honest, I didn't peg him as the sort. But there you go.

 

I don't think it's a matter of going for the bad boy, she clearly trusted him etc, and he betrayed her. Is that really about her choices? You can't really say that, because no one really thinks that the person they choose to spend their life with, will do the dirty on them someday.

 

Thank you, harmfulsweetz. It's a message we're given pretty much from the point we start teething. "Men need variety, men get bored of the same woman all the time....sooner or later, most men cheat."

 

Then almost in the same breath, women are criticised for being with men who have cheated on them. "She goes for bad boys....only got herself to blame...she didn't try hard enough in the marriage...was too nice....wasn't nice enough.....loved him too much.....didn't love him enough...."

 

So what's the message in that? "Ladies, you must pull out all the stops to stop this man from cheating. Though the likelihood is that he's going to cheat anyway."

 

 

Any man would cheat with a wife that is always gone with her own career. What they had is not a real marriage in my book.

 

If that's the case, then he's doubly at fault for entering a contract he knew or should have known he wasn't capable of fulfilling. He married Sandra Bullock knowing who she was, what the demands of her career were etc etc. He then broke the contract. Everything else is just self-justifying noise.

 

The only thing Sandra Bullock needs to take any responsibility for is the decision she makes next.

[calizaggy]

 

If that's the case, then he's doubly at fault for entering a contract he knew or should have known he wasn't capable of fulfilling. He married Sandra Bullock knowing who she was, what the demands of her career were etc etc. He then broke the contract. Everything else is just self-justifying noise.

 

The only thing Sandra Bullock needs to take any responsibility for is the decision she makes next.

 

Well, let's say you choose to walk around crack town at 3am.. Yes, that is your right, and yes if you are robbed or raped the perpetrators are wrong. However, you should have known better.

 

She probably married the "younger bad boy" with hopes of reforming him, but unfortunately it did not work.

 

In a way, the entire marriage deal is lopsided. Men yearn to have sex and variety.. The urge for men to have other women is 100 times stronger than the female urge. If you are not a man you would not understand. Men live to have sex.. Ask any man if he would like any amount of money, but is unable to ever have sex.. I bet most men would choose poverty.

 

If my wife is with me every night, and devoted her life to me, chances are I would not cheat.. If I marry a woman who leaves for months at a time, chances I would cheat are 100%.. The trade off for me supressing my urges should be 100% devotion and attention..Or else why would I marry? And if I did marry a woman who leaves for monthst at a time she should be mature and intelligent enough to understand the ramifications.

Edited March 20, 2010 by calizaggy

[bayouboi]

Sandra Bullock is NOT a nice girl. I heard she turned away several young girls that looked up to her seeking autographs because she was "trying to get into the zone" before a shoot.

[bayouboi]

^of course just because she isn't nice, doesn't justify this guy cheating on her.

[Taramere]

Well, let's say you choose to walk around crack town at 3am.. Yes, that is your right, and yes if you are robbed or raped the perpetrators are wrong. However, you should have known better.

 

She probably married the "younger bad boy" with hopes of reforming him, but unfortunately it did not work.

 

I know nothing about Sandra Bullock beyond having seen a couple of films she was in. I know even less about this husband.

 

From a general sense of right and wrong, however, he was the one who committed the wrong here. If she was a bit naive and idealistic about this guy's character, then that's very unfortunate for her. I don't see that it makes her a target worthy of criticism.

 

In a way, the entire marriage deal is lopsided. Men yearn to have sex and variety.. The urge for men to have other women is 100 times stronger than the female urge. If you are not a man you would not understand. Men live to have sex.. Ask any man if he would like any amount of money, but is unable to ever have sex.. I bet most men would choose poverty.

 

If my wife is with me every night, and devoted her life to me, chances are I would not cheat.. If I marry a woman who leaves for months at a time, chances I would cheat are 100%.. The trade off for me supressing my urges should be 100% devotion and attention..Or else why would I marry? And if I did marry a woman who leaves for monthst at a time she should be mature and intelligent enough to understand the ramifications.

 

What you're describing sounds more like the relationship between a mother and a toddler. The more energy and attention she puts into the relationship, the less likely it is that he'll grow up as a delinquent....but there can't be any certainty about that. No guarantee. However, the mother puts in that effort because she knows how much the child depends on her...and she's instinctively driven not to let it down.

 

It isn't reasonable for a grown man to demand the kind of attention and devotion a mother would extend to her child as the payment for his agreement to not cheat. Women have sexual urges and often have a need for variety too, as touched upon by Erica's previous post. Do you think it would be reasonable for a woman to demand that her husband be at her beck and call "or else I might just have to give in to my urges..."?

[John Who]

So, apparently all American girl-next-door Sandra Bullock's, bad boy husband is cheating on her with a "bad" girl-some heavily tatted up woman who models (among other things) Nazi paraphernalia!

 

Should we feel sorry for her? I mean, she CHOSE to date AND marry a "bad" boy, what did she expect?

 

 

How do we know how she eally is as a person,she could be "bad"sure she has a cleaner image than the ow.

 

Not all self proclaimed bad boys are going to cheat,maybe he was lonely,needed a women was vulnerable and made a bad choice.

 

My older brother who is also my bestfriend is in the military for 15 yr's to be exact,he tells me all the time being away from his W makes him lonely vulnerable but he said he has never cheated on her, sure he thought about it,but never done it he would have told me if he had done so,a few years ago he found out his W was cheating on him,her reason she was lonely and vulnerable being left alone for months sometimes even longer,he was hurt seperated for a few months but took her back,why?? because he told me he has been there and know's the feeling of being away from your wife and feeling lonely and vulnerable and missing that feeling of being with someone,he said I guess she's just weaker than me,not all men cheat.

Edited March 20, 2010 by John Who

[lora22]

Should we feel sorry for her? I mean, she CHOSE to date AND marry a "bad" boy, what did she expect?

This is a terrible attitude.

 

I don't know much about Bullock, and less about her husband (Jesse? I don't even know his name). Yesterday I saw a clip where a reporter was asking them (individually) questions....Bullock said something very sweet about her husband/marriage to him. You could argue that it was a PR thing and she didn't mean it, but at least she wasn't trying to embarrass her husband, which is exactly what HE did when asked about her:

 

Her husband LUAGHED at her. He stated what her idea of a happy marriage was, then what his was....and he was LAUGHING at her.

[calizaggy]

It isn't reasonable for a grown man to demand the kind of attention and devotion a mother would extend to her child as the payment for his agreement to not cheat. Women have sexual urges and often have a need for variety too, as touched upon by Erica's previous post. Do you think it would be reasonable for a woman to demand that her husband be at her beck and call "or else I might just have to give in to my urges..."?

 

 

haha you have no clue..

 

The female quest for variety is completely different, and I am sure you know it.(or atleast you should).So your comparison is based on a false premise. That men and women have the same outlook on sex and the same urges coming from the same place for the same reasons.

 

Men see dozens of women they would love to have sex with everyday, and they would if they could. Once the opportunity finally arises, they do.

 

Women are not going out and having sex with strangers everyday, are they? They can, why don't they?

[Taramere]

haha you have no clue..

 

The female quest for variety is completely different, and I am sure you know it.(or atleast you should).So your comparison is based on a false premise. That men and women have the same outlook on sex and the same urges coming from the same place for the same reasons.

 

Men see dozens of women they would love to have sex with everyday, and they would if they could. Once the opportunity finally arises, they do.

 

Women are not going out and having sex with strangers everyday, are they? They can, why don't they?

 

Social conditioning, for the most part, I would say. I know of quite a few women who will go out, hook up with a guy and have sex with him purely for the physical experience. I would say that the main thing which prevents more women from doing that is that they hold out some kind of hope that one day they'll meet a decent guy who might not appreciate her having slept with 500 blokes.

 

However, more and more it would seem that a lot of the men who are the best bets relationship wise don't mind women having had a lot of sexual experience - assuming they themselves (the men) have also had a lot of sexual experience. It's about fair play. If we expect from others a standard of behaviour that we're not prepared to meet ourselves, we're hypocrites who deserve to be disappointed. One of the reasons women fought so hard for gender equality was to break free of the hypocrisy and double standards that seek to promote male happiness at the expense of female happiness. That hypocrisy still exists in great dollops....and is most evident in the differing attitudes extended to promiscuous men and promiscuous women.

 

Just as men talk about the wisdom of being a "bad boy" rather than a "nice guy", from the female perspective, being considered a "slut" might be a far more tempting prospect in this day and age than it is to be the female equivalent of a cuckold.

 

Any man who wants to have a serious relationship with a woman who isn't prone to promiscuous behaviour really needs to check his own behaviour. It's not a woman's duty to coddle a man like a baby in an effort to stop him from straying. If she's being faithful, she's fulfilling her part of the bargain as far as fidelity goes.

 

If that's not the unspoken agreement between a couple...if the woman has to not only be faithful but also devote every waking moment to the man in an effort to retain his loyalty (and if the man is not required to respond in kind) then presumably other factors are involved which would, in some people's eyes, justify the relationship being an unequal one. For instance, the guy being the breadwinner and the woman being completely dependent on him. From your posts, this is the set-up you consider to be ideal. It's not difficult to see why, in that this is the set-up you personally would benefit most from.

[xxoo]

haha you have no clue..

 

The female quest for variety is completely different, and I am sure you know it.(or atleast you should).So your comparison is based on a false premise. That men and women have the same outlook on sex and the same urges coming from the same place for the same reasons.

 

Men see dozens of women they would love to have sex with everyday, and they would if they could. Once the opportunity finally arises, they do.

 

Women are not going out and having sex with strangers everyday, are they? They can, why don't they?

 

Have you ever been deeply in love?

 

I don't see dozens of men a day, period, lol, but I do have passing sexual thoughts about the men I see, and sexual curiosity about many men I know. I think about having sex with lots of people. I did it a LOT more when I was younger (20s), and still do it often when I don't have a toddler on my arm.

 

Why don't I have sex with them? Because the consequence would be losing the man I love. The costs greatly outweigh the benefits.

 

Even if a woman is unattached, sex has more potential consequences for women than for men. We have more biological and social reasons to resist our natural urges.

 

I wonder if you have the same compassion for a woman who cheats on her husband while he is stationed abroad with the military for months at a time? After all, a woman has needs....

 

Men and women both have choices and consquences. If the relationship is important enough to you, you don't risk it with infidelity. If it isn't very important to you, the risks are much easier to take.

[LovelyDaze]

Everyone is responsible for themselves and definitely responsible for the reaction they decide to do in certain situations.

 

It doesn't matter if Jesse is a so-called "bad boy". He(and Michelle) knew that messing around; if found out, could hurt his wife and children. That is irresponsible behavior and lacks tact.

 

Yes, people are adults and can do what they wish..that's called free will. However, being an adult doesn't give you an excuse to cause pain for those that love you.

 

If this is fact, Sandra did the right thing leaving. She needs breathing room from Jesse for a while. It's like if someone punches you in the face, it wouldn't make sense to sit and watch "Law & Order" with them immediately afterward. She needs to assess what she will and won't tolerate any longer.

[stillafool]

So, apparently all American girl-next-door Sandra Bullock's, bad boy husband is cheating on her with a "bad" girl-some heavily tatted up woman who models (among other things) Nazi paraphernalia!

 

Should we feel sorry for her? I mean, she CHOSE to date AND marry a "bad" boy, what did she expect?

 

 

As with men "nice girls finish last".

[stillafool]

[

QUOTE=xxoo;2710959]Have you ever been deeply in love?

 

I don't see dozens of men a day, period, lol, but I do have passing sexual thoughts about the men I see, and sexual curiosity about many men I know. I think about having sex with lots of people. I did it a LOT more when I was younger (20s), and still do it often when I don't have a toddler on my arm.

 

Why don't I have sex with them? Because the consequence would be losing the man I love. The costs greatly outweigh the benefits.

 

Even if a woman is unattached, sex has more potential consequences for women than for men. We have more biological and social reasons to resist our natural urges.

 

I swear looking at Ryan Reynolds on the red carpet literally made me have to take a cold shower. Smoking hot!:bunny:

[deux ex machina]

...If this is fact, Sandra did the right thing leaving. She needs breathing room from Jesse for a while. It's like if someone punches you in the face, it wouldn't make sense to sit and watch "Law & Order" with them immediately afterward...

 

I know it doesn't make sense, but you would be surprised by how many people do just that. It could be the shock of it all. Any number of reasons, really - in my case, I was "trained" so very well. Going along...all the while knowing it's wrong. By the time I found my spine and my voice, I was one wretched human being (as 'going along' =/= 'being unaware/unaffected/unconflicted').

[Woggle]

Just because somebody has tattooes and likes bikes does not make them a bad boy. She had every reason to believe he would be trustowrthy and faithful and then he betrayed.

 

As for all men cheating this simply not true and women are just as bad. I know the male bashers are going to use this as a chance to bash all men when there are plenty of men who don't cheat and plenty of women who do.

[Toodamnpragmatic]

Many of you are forgetting 2 things..

 

Women come onto him all the time.

 

She is always away from him for months at a time.

 

 

Any man would cheat with a wife that is always gone with her own career. What they had is not a real marriage in my book.

 

He had a past with strippers, porn stars and who knows what else. Yep Sandra chose a bad boy and see what happened..... However the two should be living a fairy-tale life.....

 

They are people of huge means.... Sure she is working and so is he, however for either of them to get on a plane (private for that matter) every 5 days is pretty damn simple. Hollywood, while it may be demanding hours, that is all, is pretty damn cushy for them earning millions of dollars.... At worst if separated they could be together every weekend, living what is pretty much what we all dream of. I doubt they are worried about what groceries to buy, paying the bills, mortgages due and cleaning the house...... Basically play with Jesse's 5 yo, go out for dinners, party and have sex.........