Lizzie60 Posted March 20, 2010 Share Posted March 20, 2010 Maybe he was unattached? But the thoughts that go through my head when faced with temptation (and I've been there!): --how would I face my partner if he found out? --how would I face my partner if I gave him and STD? --how would I face my partner if I got pg and wasn't sure who was the father? --how would I live with myself if my infidelity broke up the family? --how would I explain my actions to my children? You can see how this is sort of a kill joy Men don't have these thoughts? I believe that men who enjoy their marriages and family, and really love their wives, absolutely have the same thoughts. And the same capacity for impulse control. Maybe he was unattached.. but I was saying that whether he was attached or not.. doesn't make any difference.. Of course, men have these thoughts.. but it's like anything else.. they always think they will NEVER get caught.. I know tons of men who enjoy their marriages, family, love their wife, kids, etc.. but still cheat from time to time.. whenever they have a chance. Link to post Share on other sites
sweetjasmine Posted March 20, 2010 Share Posted March 20, 2010 IMO.. it's time to 'review' those stupid vows... That's something people should do before they get married. If they view it as stupid, then why are they agreeing to it in the first place? If you don't want to be tied down to a single person, then don't promise that person that you're willing to be tied down to them for the rest of your life. I agree with most of Cali's posts on this thread... every single man IMO would cheat if he had the opportunity and knowing he would never get caught.. Yeah, every single man is a lying piece of trash. Awesome. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted March 20, 2010 Share Posted March 20, 2010 This is what I don't understand. Research confirms that married people have more consistent sex than single people (on average). So you are married...presumably getting sex...and cheat. Get divorced. And now you are single and getting less regular sex. Isn't that shortsighted? This is the average guy, of course. Not Jesse James Humm.. methink a lot of people lie on those surveys... I very much doubt that a guy would admit face to face to someone that he is sex starved.. I don't believe in those surveys.. the reality is very different. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted March 20, 2010 Share Posted March 20, 2010 That's something people should do before they get married. If they view it as stupid, then why are they agreeing to it in the first place? If you don't want to be tied down to a single person, then don't promise that person that you're willing to be tied down to them for the rest of your life. Yeah, every single man is a lying piece of trash. Awesome. I meant every single man .. not meaning 'single' as not attached.. Link to post Share on other sites
Twenty-ten Posted March 20, 2010 Share Posted March 20, 2010 This is what I don't understand. Research confirms that married people have more consistent sex than single people (on average). So you are married...presumably getting sex...and cheat. Get divorced. And now you are single and getting less regular sex. Isn't that shortsighted? Totally! Why do you think so many guys get married? Because they can't pull as many chicks as they would like so they might as well hang up the bachelor shoes. Then they suddenly get more attention when they are attached because women see some worth in them simply for getting a woman any woman, and of course they go overboard with the first temptation that crosses their path. It's like a rags to riches story only, dud to stud. Link to post Share on other sites
sweetjasmine Posted March 20, 2010 Share Posted March 20, 2010 I meant every single man .. not meaning 'single' as not attached.. Me too. I meant that you're saying all men are lying cheaters. Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted March 20, 2010 Share Posted March 20, 2010 I never believed in 'vows' .. how can you swear at 20 yrs old that you will be faithful and love your partner 'till death do us part'... this is completely ridiculous.. and not very realistic IMO. Lizzie, I don't put much stock in vows either. But if you make a commitment to fidelity (which most couples do long before marriage), you should be honest with your partner if you want to change the arrangement. You gotta do what you gotta do, I guess, but give your partner the benefit of knowing what (and who) you are doing since it has huge potential impacts on their life. What is wrong is leading your partner to believe you are faithful, thus securing their fidelity, when you are secretly being unfaithful. Frankly, men would expect as much from women. Why should women expect less from men? Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted March 20, 2010 Share Posted March 20, 2010 Me too. I meant that you're saying all men are lying cheaters. not ALL.. but MOST... I would say about 95% Link to post Share on other sites
CLC2008 Posted March 20, 2010 Share Posted March 20, 2010 Lizzie, I don't put much stock in vows either. But if you make a commitment to fidelity (which most couples do long before marriage), you should be honest with your partner if you want to change the arrangement. You gotta do what you gotta do, I guess, but give your partner the benefit of knowing what (and who) you are doing since it has huge potential impacts on their life. What is wrong is leading your partner to believe you are faithful, thus securing their fidelity, when you are secretly being unfaithful. Frankly, men would expect as much from women. Why should women expect less from men? Agreed in which case why not just do an open marriage or find someone who is into open marriages and/or relationships. That way you aren't really cheating. Wouldn't that make it easier? Link to post Share on other sites
sweetjasmine Posted March 20, 2010 Share Posted March 20, 2010 not ALL.. but MOST... I would say about 95% I thought you meant "all men" when you wrote this: every single man IMO would cheat if he had the opportunity and knowing he would never get caught.. Did you mean to say "almost all men"? Sorry, I read it literally. Link to post Share on other sites
Twenty-ten Posted March 20, 2010 Share Posted March 20, 2010 every single man IMO would cheat if he had the opportunity and knowing he would never get caught.. Well it is just your opinion, reality is different. Some men joined into the discussion here and expressed that they have had plenty opportunities and they won't cheat, they have no reason to lie here so does your personal opinion override what actual men are saying? Who cares if they fantasize all day long about other women the point is they still say no to temptation. Only scumbags do it. I will agree there are a lot of scum bags out there. If all men cheat and all men need sex on the side then why don't all men go to prostitutes? They can have all the sex they want whenever they want and no one will ever find out, yet they don't. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted March 20, 2010 Share Posted March 20, 2010 Lizzie, I don't put much stock in vows either. But if you make a commitment to fidelity (which most couples do long before marriage), you should be honest with your partner if you want to change the arrangement. You gotta do what you gotta do, I guess, but give your partner the benefit of knowing what (and who) you are doing since it has huge potential impacts on their life. What is wrong is leading your partner to believe you are faithful, thus securing their fidelity, when you are secretly being unfaithful. Frankly, men would expect as much from women. Why should women expect less from men? I know.. but in the real world... it doesn't work like that.. When 2 young people decide to marry and make their vows.. they are SURE .. THEN.. that they will be faithful and they will love each other for life... then they get a mortgage, kids, bills, routine.. etc.. they find themselves.. 15 years later.. in a situation they wished had never happened.. but it's too late.. they have obligations.. so I guess the easiest way to 'let the steam out'..is to cheat.. Link to post Share on other sites
Twenty-ten Posted March 20, 2010 Share Posted March 20, 2010 every single man IMO would cheat if he had the opportunity and knowing he would never get caught.. yeah they could pay for it, yet they don't. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted March 20, 2010 Share Posted March 20, 2010 Well it is just your opinion, reality is different. Some men joined into the discussion here and expressed that they have had plenty opportunities and they won't cheat, they have no reason to lie here so does your personal opinion override what actual men are saying? Who cares if they fantasize all day long about other women the point is they still say no to temptation. Only scumbags do it. I will agree there are a lot of scum bags out there. If all men cheat and all men need sex on the side then why don't all men go to prostitutes? They can have all the sex they want whenever they want and no one will ever find out, yet they don't. It's not always that easy... men and women work together.. we spend more time with colleagues than we spend with our partner... most affairs start at work.. we don't always choose who we are attracted to.. attraction and lust or chemistry is very complicated.. Link to post Share on other sites
CLC2008 Posted March 20, 2010 Share Posted March 20, 2010 yeah they could pay for it, yet they don't. Well something is keeping those prostitutes in business... Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted March 20, 2010 Share Posted March 20, 2010 yeah they could pay for it, yet they don't. You'd be soooo surprised to know how many men use 'massage parlors' and/or escort services... Prostitution is viewed as crack whores on the streets.. but it's sooo not just that.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author desertmoon Posted March 20, 2010 Author Share Posted March 20, 2010 Why are we assuming she is "nice?". I for one have never met her, let alone had a relationship with her. First, why are you responding on this thread, don't you have me on ignore? That personal comment just put you on my ignore list. God I love the ignore list, it's like you can wipe annoying people completely out of your life forever, I know you could not help it-cuz you are lying-you read all my posts ! Second, for you and all the others who said that I assumed that Sandra Bullock IS nice-hello? that is why I have the word "NICE" in quotes-as it might just be a persona for public consumption! But this thread is about the hypothetical niceness of Bullock as portrayed in the press, purely for the sake of discussion, is that okay? In other words, without using Bullock (so people won't get bent out of shape)- for nice women who choose (seek out) and marry bad boys and end up being cheated on and/or not treated well should we feel sorry for them? or should we show them "tough love"? Link to post Share on other sites
Author desertmoon Posted March 20, 2010 Author Share Posted March 20, 2010 Where do you draw the line with that thinking? Line of thinking? Do you mean the line of thinking that 'bad boys" will do "bad things" even when they have promised and vowed they won't? If you have talked about this more, I apologize. I am just going down the responses and replying as I go along. Link to post Share on other sites
Twenty-ten Posted March 20, 2010 Share Posted March 20, 2010 Well something is keeping those prostitutes in business... yeah something keeps crack pushers in business as well, would you go as far and say therefore most the population uses crack? You'd be soooo surprised to know how many men use 'massage parlors' and/or escort services... Prostitution is viewed as crack whores on the streets.. but it's sooo not just that.. I wasn't even referring to crack hookers on the street I mean high end call girls and rub and tugs and the like. Not all men visit those places. I know a lot of men who never have and never will, they have no vested interest in lying to me as they are not my romantic interest. And I actually wouldn't be surprised I get that there is a chunk of men that do do that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author desertmoon Posted March 20, 2010 Author Share Posted March 20, 2010 Many of you are forgetting 2 things.. Women come onto him all the time. She is always away from him for months at a time. Any man would cheat with a wife that is always gone with her own career. What they had is not a real marriage in my book. So is this the same as that saying " A man is as faithful as his options"? and do you subscribe to that? Link to post Share on other sites
Twenty-ten Posted March 20, 2010 Share Posted March 20, 2010 So is this the same as that saying " A man is as faithful as his options"? and do you subscribe to that? He already said he does, please don't get him started again. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted March 20, 2010 Share Posted March 20, 2010 yeah something keeps crack pushers in business as well, would you go as far and say therefore most the population uses crack? I wasn't even referring to crack hookers on the street I mean high end call girls and rub and tugs and the like. Not all men visit those places. I know a lot of men who never have and never will, they have no vested interest in lying to me as they are not my romantic interest. And I actually wouldn't be surprised I get that there is a chunk of men that do do that. Of course not ALL men visit those places.. but a huge chunk of the male population does... therefore the multi-gillion dollars sex businesses.. And how exactly do you know that a lot of men never went there.. I very much doubt they would brag about it.. you have no clue.. maybe someone very close to you.. have.. Link to post Share on other sites
CLC2008 Posted March 20, 2010 Share Posted March 20, 2010 yeah something keeps crack pushers in business as well, would you go as far and say therefore most the population uses crack? No I wouldn't go that far to say that in those terms. But then, also...what about massage parlors, escort services, and the likes? Link to post Share on other sites
Author desertmoon Posted March 20, 2010 Author Share Posted March 20, 2010 ^of course just because she isn't nice, doesn't justify this guy cheating on her. no, of course not-BUT do you think she bears ANY responsibility AT ALL? Link to post Share on other sites
Twenty-ten Posted March 20, 2010 Share Posted March 20, 2010 And how exactly do you know that a lot of men never went there.. I very much doubt they would brag about it.. you have no clue.. maybe someone very close to you.. have.. I don't know that, I am not passing it off as fact, I am speculating just like you are. We just happen to have differing views on what we "think" is real. I choose to believe that most men aren't interested in paying a woman for sex just to have some secret time of thrills. I think most men will just sit in front of a computer or fantasize in the shower and rub one off, and that will satisfy his need for variety and change in a committed relationship. To me that is more feasible than spending thousands of dollars on prostitutes. I think my way is how most men operate but again, I could be wrong. We have no way to prove either so.... Link to post Share on other sites
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