1. The First Rule of No Contact (NC) is...

[bananaboat11]

(Sorry I felt this deserved a thread in its own right)...

 

1. The First Rule of NC is you don't contact the dumper... NO MATTER WHAT.

2. If the Dumper contacts you, you don't contact the dumper.

3. If you have a moment of weakness, you DON'T contact the dumper.

4. Unless the dumper does EVERYTHING that you, the dumpee, WANT to do to get back the dumper... you DON'T contact the dumper!

 

 

I think the only thing I did RIGHT in my last breakup was establish No Contact, a concept I learned through LS!

 

So thank you LS!

[counterman]

Right on.

 

Cannot stress the importance of No Contact enough.This was also something I learnt from LS and I cannot thank it enough as I am reaping the benefits of NC until this day.

[georgia girl]

Me, too! (And NOT because we got back together, although we did.) But because had I not gone no contact, I would have been drawn into accepting less than what I really wanted in a relationship. By the time my ex came back, I had a clear idea of what I would and wouldn't accept; whatmy epectations for the future were and how I was willing to proceed. I would have taken crumbs before no contact. After, I knew I deserved the whole meal (and a fat-free dessert)!

[LovelyDaze]

Three Cheers!!! :D:D

 

I have just advised a few members to not accept ANY contact from the ex.

 

Even when I went NC and my ex was the one contacting me, I realized that it was all ego, crumbs and drama. Nothing about it was love.

 

Like you have stated, an ex has to prove they are serious by wanting to work on a healthier relationship together. Getting past the weakness to hear your ex's voice makes you stronger.

[Ilovecake]

NC is the only way to go if you want to keep any dignity. There are no exceptions in NC IE birthday, wedding, court date, 4th of July, Christmas, rainy day, your favorite t-shirt left at the dumpers...let it go.

[onewillburn]

This is a really great break down of the no contact rule. I made the mistake of returning contact before and it destroyed my progress. I had to start over again a few times because I just couldn't learn. Learn from my mistake everybody. It's never worth it to contact the other person unless they're banging at your door and begging you for the time of day.

[leoine]

just asking for opinions:

 

can i send a short b-day message like:

 

----

 

happy birthday

take care

x

 

---

 

that's all.

[counterman]

Think about it... what would it really achieve? What do you want it to achieve?

 

It's not worth it.

[leoine]

well

 

when we ended i said some horrible things, from being so hurt and angry, and well i don't want to look like an uncaring b*tch. I guess i am trying to erase how I seemed when we broke up and i don't want that image of me stuck in his mind forever. The message i also want to send across is that I've accepted the break up and i am getting over it. like 80% over.

 

And I think i would want him to send me a b-day message on my b-day - and if he doesn't - then i can say that I will have FULL closure.

[TaraMaiden]

Read the first post again.

Read the first post again,

 

and finally,

 

Read the first post again.

 

That should give you a clue.

 

(Briefly? "No.")

[Ilovecake]

well

 

when we ended i said some horrible things, from being so hurt and angry, and well i don't want to look like an uncaring b*tch. I guess i am trying to erase how I seemed when we broke up and i don't want that image of me stuck in his mind forever. The message i also want to send across is that I've accepted the break up and i am getting over it. like 80% over.

 

And I think i would want him to send me a b-day message on my b-day - and if he doesn't - then i can say that I will have FULL closure.

 

Why are you asking for opinions when you're going to argue those opinions to fit what you're going to do anyways? I don't understand why folks waste people's time on here like that? Do you think you'll feel better about doing what you know you shouldn't do by making excuses to a bunch of strangers on a website?

[georgia girl]

leoine,

 

Briefly put:

1) He knows WHO you are; he got to know you as you were dating not just at the breakup

2) He knows WHERE you are

3) and most importantly he knows HOw to contact you.

 

DON'T do it. The brief rush you will get when he responds - and he will likely respond - will be offset by the disappointment that his response won't be nearly enough of what you need/want from him. You'll only feel worse afterward.

 

Truly, if it's going to work out, then HE needs to be the one pursuing. Otherwise, it's all setting yourself up for more pain.

 

Good luck!

[LovelyDaze]

leoine,

 

Briefly put:

1) He knows WHO you are; he got to know you as you were dating not just at the breakup

2) He knows WHERE you are

3) and most importantly he knows HOw to contact you.

 

DON'T do it. The brief rush you will get when he responds - and he will likely respond - will be offset by the disappointment that his response won't be nearly enough of what you need/want from him. You'll only feel worse afterward.

 

Truly, if it's going to work out, then HE needs to be the one pursuing. Otherwise, it's all setting yourself up for more pain.

Good luck!

 

I loved that last part for sure. I see a lot of dumpees wanting to fix what the dumper ended. It's giving the dumper more power than they deserve when you hatch plans, little schemes, beg, plead and try to get so-called closure, all in an attempt to get back with your ex.

 

That's all breaking NC does when you're the dumpee. It's not that favorite jacket left at her place, it's not that $50 bucks he owes..it's them the dumpee wants and that's all.

 

Breaking NC is opening a door that should have been nailed shut. You saw your ex as the person they REALLY are and not who you wish they were. That alone encourages me to never accept another call from him again.

[leoine]

okay - thanks for the elaborations

 

i just needed it to be hammered in personally. i'm like that.