Really struggling after 14 year relationship ends :-(

[lisal0u]

Hi Everyone,

 

Im new here but Id really appreciate your help!

 

6 weeks ago tomorrow my boyfriend of 14 years told me that he thinks we need to split up. It was out of the blue and Im completely devastated. We'd just spent a lovely weekend in the Lake District and he was so loving and sweet. When we got back he dropped the bombshell.

 

A year and a half ago we bought our first home together and renovated it, its taken the year and a half to get it finished. We had only been moved in a month It was stressfull but it was his idea to buy the house. I thought this was it now that I was set for life.

 

He said it was because of reasons like Id put on weight and was lazy around the house, things that I was working on fixing if he'd given me a bit more time. He said he couldnt see us getting married or having babies together. I asked him if we could work at it and he said he didnt think that it would help and he aready had. He said he had to be on his own and become a better person because he didnt think we were good for each other!

 

I dont know what to do, I love him to bits, he was my world and all I want him to do is come back.

 

Whats making it worse for me is that he has a female work college thats hes always been friendly with and now were not together he goes to see her a lot and they talk all the time (she lives 5 hours away and has just split from her husband). I know he can do what he likes now but its so hurtfull that hes replaced me so easily, the friendship we had they are now having. He swears to me that nothing is going on and that they are just good frieds but Im struggling to get passed it! He says its nice to have a friend that doesnt know me (all our friends are the same) to talk to and hes just sorry she's a she.

 

We havent been in contact for a week and its absolutly killing me.

 

I went for a night out with my friends last night to try and cheer myself up but it didnt help. I even got asked for my phone number but I couldnt be anymore less interested in other men!

 

Ive started jogging and have lost 15lbs so Im trying to make myself feel better and look better but I feel so lost. Ive spoken to him everyday for the last 14 years and now nothing, its just too hard!

 

How do I get over this? Its been 6 weeks and I still feel awful and sad everyday! How can he be over me so easily!

 

Any advice from you guys on how I can cope with this would be much appreciated!

[ADF]

Sorry for your trouble. But you made one serious mistake. A man who will spend 14 years with a woman--14 years!--without marrying her is a bad, bad bet. That is a man who is likely unwilling to commit, period. The chances a guy who won't commit will dump you one day out of the blue is almost 100%. Yes, married men also sometimes dump their wives suddenly. However, the fact this man was content to be with you that long without making any kind of commitment should have been a giant red flag.

[lisal0u]

Hi,

 

It did bother me sometimes that he never asked me but I was also never bothered about marriage. To me it doesnt mean anything, I didnt need a ring and a certificate to know we were good together. We were 17 when we started our relationship. Im 32 now and that scares me, Ive never been sure about having children but I also don't want that choice taking away from me! I cant imagine meeting anyone else like him and getting into another relationship.

 

I thought him suggesting him buying a house together was as good as a marriage proposal.

 

He said he'd only been feeling like this for the last 3 months to0. I just wish he'd said something then, then at least we could have worked at it. Im still so sure our problems could be fixed, but if not at least I could be happy that we'd at least tried!

 

He's said he still wants to be friends and always wants me in his life and cant imagine it without me and I want to be friends too, hes my best friend. Im trying so hard to go NC but today its killing me.

 

I dsperately want him to miss me and realise he's made a mistake but I don't think he will because of this new friend :-(

[feelingfine]

Just breathe! Being abandoned is a horrible thing and nearly impossible to wrap your brain around. I KNOW! Give it some time...that is really all you have right now.

[LovelyDaze]

 

I dont know what to do, I love him to bits, he was my world and all I want him to do is come back.

 

 

That was part of the problem...."he was my world"

 

NO ONE should be your world. YOU should be who's everything to you.

I am so proud that you attempted to go out with friends and not barricade yourself in your home all day long. This guy is not healthy. If he can throw 14 years away for another..just like that, he is not even worth a dime.

 

Of course you are hurting, my ex left me cold-heartedly also. The first thing for you to do is feel the pain. Cry, spit, throw dishes and punch walls if necessary. Don't pretend like he didn't hurt you. Feel it. It's all part of healing.

 

Second..DO NOT contact him. That is imperative. If you allow him to toy with your emotions, you will stay stuck in the hope that he will turn into the guy you THOUGHT he was. Your ex has introduced you to the man he really is. Believe it and go NC completely. Doesn't matter if it's been 14 years, 14 decades or 14 millenniums, you have to stay strong now more than ever so don't respond to him dangling carrots.

 

Third..Don't date. That's right. Don't date yet. Take as many numbers as you want, it's nice and reminds you that you are still attracting people to you. Don't call them though. Rebounding is not good because it's a wet band-aid that usually comes apart quickly and then you're back grieving about your ex AND the new BF/GF that didn't work out.

 

Take time out for you and stay strong. There is an LS member on here who's ex left her after 18 years. Nothing is promised to you. Relationships grow and die out of nowhere constantly. To be blunt, we all may meet a new GF/BF tomorrow, have a great 12 years and *WHAM!!!!* they leave us for a new love.

 

You have to love yourself and not make your S.O. your whole world, make them a wonderful addition to your world, but not all of it.

 

You will get through this, trust me. Just take it one day at a time and keep coming on LS for great support.

[lisal0u]

Thanks for your words of support!

 

He was my world but I never gave up my friends or put off doing anything I wanted to do. We didnt live in each others pockets even though weve lived together 11 years. I was always out and about with my friends and am still trying to do that. I could never be one of those people that give up their friends and family for a significant other!

 

I cant help wondering if he will change his mind and I know I shouldn't but I know he was the man for me. Is there any chance he might change his mind? Im not going to put my life on hold for him, Im trying to do all the things suggested on here to move on! Just wish I could fast forward 6 months!

[xpaperxcutx]

Look at it this way, you can now truly enjoy enjoy being single and meeting new people.

 

I think him using your weight is an excuse because any man who loves a woman wouldn't mind the extra pounds and even if they had minded, they would be supportive about helping them lose weight. I figure he realizes that he just wants to see other people since it's been 17 years since he was actually single and on the prowl.

 

Take this time to heal, get yourself together, get in shape and feel better about yourself. Your ex is a baggage that needs to be disposed of so you can live happily.

 

Most of all, focus on yourself and your happiness.

 

As for your house, are the both of you mortgaging it? I fear it's the only thing that's linking you to him. If you have to live with him the only thing you can do is be civil. I figure once you start dressing up to go out and go to bars, he would sit home in his boxers wondering why the hell he broke up with you in the first place.

[LovelyDaze]

Thanks for your words of support!

 

He was my world but I never gave up my friends or put off doing anything I wanted to do. We didnt live in each others pockets even though weve lived together 11 years. I was always out and about with my friends and am still trying to do that. I could never be one of those people that give up their friends and family for a significant other!

 

I cant help wondering if he will change his mind and I know I shouldn't but I know he was the man for me. Is there any chance he might change his mind? Im not going to put my life on hold for him, Im trying to do all the things suggested on here to move on! Just wish I could fast forward 6 months!

 

To be honest? Yes, he could change his mind. My ex came back shortly after he got engaged to his new fiancee'. My friends and family taught me well. I didn't move a muscle from staying clear of going back with him. He came over to my home in Dec '09 to ask if I will wait for him to get back from his tour in Kabul....all while he was still engaged to the other!

 

All kinds of red flags continued to pop up and I just stopped accepting his phone calls and he STAYED with the fiancee'. Think about it. She has NO idea he did all of that. Sad and sick.

 

Even if your ex comes back, leave him right were you found him. An ex has to intensely work hard to get someone they dumped back. That means willing to do whatever they need to do to fix it on mutual terms, not just getting back together because of nostalgia, loneliness, or sex.

 

Remember, if your ex does come back, be on your guard. Do the opposite of what your heart wants. Use your logic and always give it time to accept what an ex is telling you. No one deserves to be hurt TWICE.

[hopesndreams]

Yes, there is a chance he could change his mind, that's why he wants to remain friends with you. He wants you to be the option and has made his new woman, the priority. If things don't work out with her, he has a back-up plan, YOU. Knowing this, would you take him back?

 

I would also like to add, and this will be hard to hear, he did not end things with you and end up with his new "friend" after the breakup. He chose her to replace you while you were both still together and loving it up on vacation.

[ADF]

Hi,

 

It did bother me sometimes that he never asked me but I was also never bothered about marriage. To me it doesnt mean anything, I didnt need a ring and a certificate to know we were good together. We were 17 when we started our relationship. Im 32 now and that scares me, Ive never been sure about having children but I also don't want that choice taking away from me! I cant imagine meeting anyone else like him and getting into another relationship.

 

I thought him suggesting him buying a house together was as good as a marriage proposal.

 

He said he'd only been feeling like this for the last 3 months to0. I just wish he'd said something then, then at least we could have worked at it. Im still so sure our problems could be fixed, but if not at least I could be happy that we'd at least tried!

 

He's said he still wants to be friends and always wants me in his life and cant imagine it without me and I want to be friends too, hes my best friend. Im trying so hard to go NC but today its killing me.

 

I dsperately want him to miss me and realise he's made a mistake but I don't think he will because of this new friend :-(

 

I have to respond to this.

 

Trying to be friends with this man would be a HUGE mistake. Just huge. Being friends may seem like a less painful choice right now, but I promise it will end up being sheer torture.

 

Your ex said that though he no longer wanted a relationship, he "always wants you in his life." Let me translate that for you. When a man says something like that, 8 times out of 10 what he means is, "I don't want to make any commitments to you, but I still want you available for sex now and then." I would bet almost any amount of money that if you two remain friends, he will almost certainly try to lure you into some kind of FWB arrangement eventually. And you may go along with it, thinking it may rekindle the romance. But it won't. It almost never does. And you'll end up going through this all over again.

[lisal0u]

 

As for your house, are the both of you mortgaging it? I fear it's the only thing that's linking you to him. If you have to live with him the only thing you can do is be civil. I figure once you start dressing up to go out and go to bars, he would sit home in his boxers wondering why the hell he broke up with you in the first place.

 

The house is making it difficult, I love that house and have spent the last year and a half making it into the home I wanted it to be! I was only there a month and never really got chance to enjoy it.

 

We are both paying the mortgage at the minute. I have moved back in with my Dad (not dealing so well with this at 32) and he is staying in the house. Its rubbish but is the best thing at the minute. He can afford to pay half the mortgage and all the bills and I cannot.

 

I really want to keep the house but I have to pay some debts off before I can afford to. My Dad is hoping to help me out here as he has some inheritance due which I will pay back.

 

I cant cope with selling the house and never being able to enjoy it, being 32, living with my Dad and in debt because of the house. It will never be worth what we spent on it as it was supposed to be a long term home and I dont want to lose money on it.

 

He says he doesnt want buying out but I suspect it may be in negative equity anyway. He has just requested his deposit back. He paid it so thats fair enough! He is going to arrange some valuations just to see where we stand.

 

On the 'him coming back' train of thought I dont actually know what it would take for me to forgive him. I would never want him seeing or talking to his work friend again, they dont actually work together in an office, they work in sales so are home based. They live 5 hours apart so I dont really see how a relationship will work anyway unless one moves.

 

I keep clinging to things hes said to me, like he had nightmares about me sleeping with other guys. Hes always been honest about when he's going to see her, I know I shouldnt ask but I cant help it!

 

I do wonder if her husband knows whats been going on?! Id love to message him to find out and see what he thinks about the situation!

 

xpaperxcutx - I think youre so right about him wanting to see if the grass is greener. Our sex life hasnt exactly been brilliant for a while and I know a lot of it was to do with my self esteem. He said he doesnt know if this is how he is supposed to feel after 14 years but he knows something isnt right. He said he has no desires to be with other women at the minute and cant imagine doing so for a long long time! I just hope he's being honest about that!

 

Thing is he's never going to know if thats how he's meant to feel even if he gets into another relationship as they will all be different!

 

Im feeling much better chatting to you guys, thanks so much! Youve stopped me texting or ringing him as I was feeling pretty desperate earlier!

Thankyou xx

[hopesndreams]

Whats making it worse for me is that he has a female work college thats hes always been friendly with and now were not together he goes to see her a lot and they talk all the time (she lives 5 hours away and has just split from her husband).

 

He has been lying to you for such a long time and is still lying to you now. Keep being friends with him and you will see him move on with his life, with her and you will get a call here, a call there, an email here, and email there, telling you how wonderful life is without you in it.

 

The best thing you can do for yourself right now is to NC him completely. Only then, will he realize what he is losing but by the time that happens, if ever, you will be free of his lying, cheating face and he will no longer be in your thoughts 24/7 and you will then see him for what he truly is.

 

You are still young. There are no kids from this relationship. Grieve the loss, start making plans, for you, do what you want to do and leave his sorry azz at the curb.

[LisaUk]

Hi

 

I'm the LS member who Lovelydaze was reffering to I think? My ex left me after 18 years together after we, finally, set the date to marry. We booked the church (had been engaged 8 years, living togther 10 years and together since we were 15) and a few weeks later he ran. It's easy for some people to tell you it was a red flag, I have had it said to me also, but you love and trust them so implitily you don't see the commitment phobia.

 

Your ex left when you moved into your new house? Sounds like he freaked to me, commitment phobia has different triggers for different people.

 

I know how much pain you are in, truely I do. It's been just over a year for me and I still have bad days (having one today as it goes), it's only been 6 weeks for you, don't be so hard on yourself, thisis going to take time. I post mainly over in the divorce and seperation board, 14 years is a long relationship, longer than a lot of marriages, you might like to come over to the board as I have found people on there going through divorce (and others like us, not married but in LTR or engaged and jilted) really get where I am coming from and understand.

[lisal0u]

Hi Lisa,

 

Im so sorry to hear youre having a bad day today! Ill pop over and have a look at that board too!

 

Im so sad today cant stop crying, havent cried for nearly a week! I find weekends are the worst, we used to do fun things togther and do diy on the house and now I'm at a bit of a loss. My friends and family have been really good but they cant babysit me all the time, i think they are getting a bit sick of me now but my two closest friends have never been dumped or in my position.

 

A lot went on in the year and a half we had the house, the renovation had lots of problems and cost lots more then we thought (he'd never been in debt before) all the trades people were a nightmare. We had no time to spend quality time togther the last 6 months because we were working so hard on the house. His Dad was also diagnosed with liver cancer and had to have most of it removed. He's ok now but was very poorly! His Gran died and so did my Uncle and Gran so its not been a great 18 months!

 

He just said the last few months he got more and more depressed. I wrote him a few letters to tell him how I felt just after it happened and he said he never knew I felt like that about him. That made me sad :-(

 

I really didnt think he was a commitment phobe as he was with me 14 years and it was his idea to buy a house. We were even going to buy a puppy together (not the same as a child I know).

 

I just think this other woman must be the reason but I just wish he would be honest about it, it would actually help me get mad and move on! He just said he's not going to make things up that aren't true just to make me feel better.

 

I am at least grateful that we have been able to talk and discuss things rather then what happens to some people when their SO just leaves with no discussion.

 

Thanks again for all the advice people!

[LisaUk]

Hi Lisa,

 

Im so sorry to hear youre having a bad day today! Ill pop over and have a look at that board too!

 

Im so sad today cant stop crying, havent cried for nearly a week! I find weekends are the worst, we used to do fun things togther and do diy on the house and now I'm at a bit of a loss. My friends and family have been really good but they cant babysit me all the time, i think they are getting a bit sick of me now but my two closest friends have never been dumped or in my position.

 

A lot went on in the year and a half we had the house, the renovation had lots of problems and cost lots more then we thought (he'd never been in debt before) all the trades people were a nightmare. We had no time to spend quality time togther the last 6 months because we were working so hard on the house. His Dad was also diagnosed with liver cancer and had to have most of it removed. He's ok now but was very poorly! His Gran died and so did my Uncle and Gran so its not been a great 18 months!

 

He just said the last few months he got more and more depressed. I wrote him a few letters to tell him how I felt just after it happened and he said he never knew I felt like that about him. That made me sad :-(

 

I really didnt think he was a commitment phobe as he was with me 14 years and it was his idea to buy a house. We were even going to buy a puppy together (not the same as a child I know).

 

I just think this other woman must be the reason but I just wish he would be honest about it, it would actually help me get mad and move on! He just said he's not going to make things up that aren't true just to make me feel better.

 

I am at least grateful that we have been able to talk and discuss things rather then what happens to some people when their SO just leaves with no discussion.

 

Thanks again for all the advice people!

 

Hi Lisa

 

It's only been six weeks and if you are going through anything like what I went through you won't be ready or able to hear negative things about your ex because to you he is the man you love and thought him to be. I did the same thing, I couldn't ebleive he would do that to me and I kept thinking he would come back.

 

It's really important that you see a solictor about your house and that you get your own valuations done, now is not the time to be trusting your ex. I let him organise all the valuations etc because I was terrified that if I wasn't agreeable or fought him, either about the finacial things or emtional things then I might annoy him and he wouldn't come back. I know now with hindsight this was the worng thing for me to have done. I did get a solicitor though and thank goodness I did because I discovered he had moved joint savings into an account in his sole name. It was then he started to get nasty and fight dirty. PLEASE, protect your interests, get a solicitor (I am also doing a law degree right now and I can't stress how important it is).

 

Only you know your ex and maybe he isn't commitment phobic, my ex was with me 18 years but was, marriage was his trigger and looking back on it I can see he always maintained some distance from intimacy. I'll recommend a good book that explains it incase you decide later that it might me applicable He's Scared, She's Scared by Stephen Carter.

 

Your ex telling you he is leaving b/c you put on weight is an excuse, this is going to be hard to hear but I do think your ex may have been cheating on you with the other women. You don't leave someone you have been with for 14 years b/c they put on a bit of weight or b/c you have had a stresful time with the builders etc. I really get the impression that although it was his idea to move in together, he freaked out with the commitment of it all, house, debt, stress, changes etc and ran to her. It is no coincidence, I think, that she has split from her H. Do some digging, see what you can find out, you mentionned calling her exH, do it, he may know for sure. Check his e-mails, cell phone etc, it's important you know you may need to get yourself screened for STD's.

 

Regardless of all that, that is just my opinion and only you know what happened in your relationship. Just ask yourself though, what responsibility has he taken in the break up? To me it sounds like he has placed all the blame on you, it takes two to make it and only one to break it. After 14 years hun, you deserved the opportunity to try and work things out before he left. You didn't fail him, he failed you.

 

PS Sorry for the typos, spelling mistakes, I have a bad headache this evening.

[LovelyDaze]

LisaUK....surprisingly there IS another member on here that was on the Breaking Up/Coping boards who had an ex left her after 18 years!

 

Hope both of you Lisas heal soon and get to find love again like we all deserve!

[lisal0u]

Hiya,

 

Hope you're feeling better today Lisa!

 

I honestly believe he didn't cheat on me, he just wouldnt do that, he's an awful liar and always has been. Hes never lied about their relationship while we were togther so I don't really see why he would start now.

 

Did a lot of thinking last night which lead to weird dreams, woke up at 5am My brain went into overdrive and struggled to get back to sleep! I was silly too, I tried to add him back on Facebook (deleted him about a week ago) and sent him a message saying I hope youre ok, I miss you as my friend! He'd hurt his leg so I asked him if it was any better too. I know I shouldn't have done but I dont seem to be able to stop myself at the minute! He replied saying:

 

Thanks that means a lot - but I'm as bad as you for Facebook stalking, I've been constantly looking at your profile / photos / seeing which men you're friends with etc etc so I think in the short term its probably for the best so now neither of us can do that! Looks like you had a really good night in Leeds, you look pi**ed in all the photos anyway - so hope it was good! Leg is better than yesterday thanks, still really sore and I'm having to limp about but I had it elevated, iced and ibuprofened all last night! Shi*ty having to hobble home in shorts in the rain though - tell Joy she's in trouble for not being my ambulance ride back!

 

I was glad he replied, didnt think he would. This morning I felt really sad, had nothing to do, all my friends were busy so I text him seeing if he wanted to meet up for a drink, again stupid thing to do! I just cant cope with no contact, not yet anyway!

 

He messaged me back saying 'that sounds nice but I think it might be a bit soon, we only saw each other on Monday - plus I have loads of work to catch up on, how about next Saturday?'

 

We'd discussed meeting up every couple of weeks for a catch up not so long ago but I'd decided against it. I would like to meet up with him though so I said yes.

 

I know what you've all said about him being an ar*e but he was a good man to me! I feel like he was my soulmate and to have him just be gone out of my life is too painfull. I can't imagine finding someone else like him, we had so much in common. I really want him to come back and change his mind as I honestly believe we can be great together again! Is there a way I can fix this?

 

I know you are all going to tell me I'm an idiot and I probably am but would meeting up be such a bad thing?

[SarahRose]

Of course you aren't an idiot.

 

NC really is the way to go though.

 

He can't miss you if you are there. So meeting him wouldn't be a good idea.

[lisal0u]

I'm just worried if I'm not there he'll forget me

 

I wish I was stronger and felt the same as him so it was an amicable decision! He said he was sure I felt the same as I had seemed to have lost interest in him lately! I didn't mean too I just got lazy and Im mad at myself for that.

[LovelyDaze]

 

He can't miss you if you are there. So meeting him wouldn't be a good idea.

 

That advice is invaluable. This is a typical path of breaking NC and getting "good" results. Most of us have been there and done that.

 

What can happen is a small stint of "reuniting" then an even worse breakup. It happens all of the time. Only NC will ensure that he'd be serious about reuniting and making it work. He even said a few times that some of the contact and meeting is "too soon"

 

I'm just worried if I'm not there he'll forget me

 

 

Don't be mad at yourself at all. And NO, he won't forget you at all. You learn by experience. Most of us are telling you this advice based on our experiences. I have broken NC myself with different exes and here I am on LS.

 

Now, if you decide to still see him, just be aware of your logical sense over your heart. Exes have a way of telling us the things we want to hear and then pull the rug right from under us...again. Our advice is to NC, no question. But if you go hang out with him because you don't think you can help it, pay close attention to your intuition when he talks of getting back with you. If he doesn't want you back at all? That will tell you what you need to know so you would need to move on.

[lisal0u]

Hi,

 

Thanks for the understanding words! I am feeling less desperate then earlier! Mornings are always the worst as you wake up and it all comes rushing back and slaps you in the face again!

 

Im going to see how I feel nearer to Saturday but I wasnt planning on bringing up our relationship just catching up on what weve both been up to. I want to show him Im stronger, I am much better then I was, and working on myself losing weight, jogging swimming and going out with friends lots!

 

I dont want him pitying me I want him to look at me and think what have I done, but it all has to come from him! I will not beg!

 

Im hoping he realises that the grass isnt greener and that this relationship he has with his work friend fizzles out! I think they will rely on each other too much and it will put a strain on their friendship. I also think the 5 hour distance will be a problem unless one of them moves and he's said he has no intention as he needs his friends. I asked what her plans were and he said she was staying where she is, she moved to be with her husband, hated it at first but has a lot of good friends there now. He also said she wouldn't be visiting him here, which Im very pleased about, I expressed how much that would not be acceptable!

 

I wish I could record our conversations so I can listen to them afterwards. It might sound very different when Im not in his presence and other people being able to listen to it would probably give me a different perspective. Wish I had a photographic memory or whatever the alternative would be for ears ha ha

 

Thanks again for listening

x

[xpaperxcutx]

Lisa I agree with the others that you have to proceed with NC. It's for the best especially since the breakup is still fresh on your mind. You musn't let thoughts of your ex hinder you from making progress in your own life. Focus on doing your thing, protecting your assets ( in regards to the house issue) and work on moving on.

 

Whether the green is greener for him, only he will know, and second guessing his motives, feelings, and him and his friend will only make you miserable.

 

Don't you look forward to the days when you can finally stop crying because he left you and laugh more because you're actually happy? Sure it's not possible to think about anyone else to take his place but that possibility isn't entirely impossible. But it's important for you to understand that contacting him wouldn't make him miss you more or want to reconcile with you.

[lisal0u]

Hi again,

 

Having a rough one today! Ive decided that Im going to have to do no contact cos I cant keep doing this to myself!

 

I want to talk to him one last time as I have a few things I want to say that Ive been too scared to up to now and also want to lay down some terms for the no contact. What is the best way to communicate about the house in the future?

 

Had another bad feeling he was with the other woman today so just rang him and he's at a team meeting, so she will be there! I cant take knowing when they are together I don't get how or why I know and I dont want to either!

 

Whats the best way to handle a final meeting?

[Eve]

Hi again,

 

Having a rough one today! Ive decided that Im going to have to do no contact cos I cant keep doing this to myself!

 

I want to talk to him one last time as I have a few things I want to say that Ive been too scared to up to now and also want to lay down some terms for the no contact. What is the best way to communicate about the house in the future?

 

Had another bad feeling he was with the other woman today so just rang him and he's at a team meeting, so she will be there! I cant take knowing when they are together I don't get how or why I know and I dont want to either!

 

Whats the best way to handle a final meeting?

 

Girl.. he traded you in.

 

*Eves thinks through her past final meetings*

 

A final meeting in my younger days would be a very dramatic affair indeed.

 

In summary, I think it important that you exit whatever they are building together. Some people will feed off you, you see. A letter is just as effective as a meeting but only do this when you are ready.

 

Stay close to friends and those who love you.

 

... and agree that you will communicate about the house through the Estate Agent only.

 

Whatever you do, dont mistake your hurt as reason for him to come back. Dont give him your heart at this tender time.

 

Let him go because he is gone.

 

*Hugs*

 

Take care,

Eve xx

[lisal0u]

Hi everyone,

 

Had a very up and down week this week! Always manage a week without contact then desperately crave talking to him!

 

We have arranged to meet Friday evening and go for a drive so it's neutral territory! I've told him i cant see him again after this! It makes me so sad that I'm not going to see him for who knows how long!

 

I've written a list of things I want to say so I can't get confused and muddled! He does that to me! I don't want it to end badly but I want him to know that I want him back and untill I dont feel like that anymore we cant be friends!

 

I'm going to suggest contact via email regarding the house as we don't have an estate agent, hoping to not have to sell!

 

I still can't quite believe it's happened, haven't cried for a few days so I guess it must be sinking in! I'm still desperate for him to change his mind buri guess time will only tell!

 

Ill be posting here quite a lot i imagine to kep me on the straight and narrow with regards to no contact! I hope i can be strong!

X