My ex gets married this year but still contacts me!

[troumba01]

My ex and I only went out for a short period of time, then he broke up with me. He meant alot to me and something I hadn't felt for many years. So I was devastated he never gave us a chance!

Anyway, I remained friends with him for nearly a year after the break. I know I should have let go!! Then BAM! After not hearing from him for a few weeks, I contact him and he tells me he's started to see someone and really likes her.

He contacted me a few times after that but each time it was too hard for me to bear. He's in love, he's moving in with her, he's bought an engagement ring ( after 2 months), they're planning the wedding etc.

I found Loveshack and the NC rules and thought it the best for me to try it and move on.

Nearly 5 months go by and he calls!! Upset about things in his life. She was pregnant and miscarried. He's not seen his own daughter for months (previous relationship moved away and not told him where), his relatioship a bit difficult but really loves her and where off on holiday to get things back on track.

Then 2 months later he calls again! He's had a row with her, she treats him like a child, has attitude, wish he had some space sometimes. Yet he loves her!

Then again 2 months later, a few weeks a go, another call! He's had a row with her, she told him to pack his bags.Things were difficult and complicated. Would I be there if he needed a shoulder to cry on.

 

The date is set for the wedding, June this year. Her father has paid and everything going ahead.....he loves her! So he keeps reminding me.

So I know I said I would always be his friend but why only make contact with me when things are not going right for him.

 

I never make any contact and when he does call I just listen, don't judge or give advice. I keep it friendly and upbeat. I don't talk about our past, my hurts or anything.

I don't get it, he's moved on, he's marrying her, so why does he stay in touch with me??

[Tamia78]

I'm sorry that's happening to you. I don't think you should take his calls anymore. It seems that you are only a "friend" when he's having problems. Personally, I don't think it's a good way to be. Since he "loves" this girl so much, why is he still keeping in contact with his ex? Something just doesn't fit, in my opinion. I think you should stop answering the phone the next time he calls. It might make you feel a teensy bit better.

 

--T

[LovelyDaze]

Sounds like he wants you to be his means of escape for two reasons. One, is that he wants you to be the soft place to land every time he and his soon-to-be wife have trouble and he can throw all of his problems on you. Two, just in case the marriage isn't all that sunny, he'd always have somebody else to love...you.

 

Stop all contact and let him deal with his situation like a mature adult. You need to focus on bettering your life and leaving your heart open to someone who will be good to you and for you.

[leoine]

Agreed with Tamia

 

He's only contacting you when he's got problems and needs to vent them out to somebody. Has he every just asked how YOU were going? Even if it wasn't your ex, but just a 'friend' doing this to you - they're not really a friend - in my books at least.

 

Also, I think he gets an ego boost when you are open to listen to him - as he knows that you'll be there. You need to stop being his emotional crutch - because I don't know what you are getting out of this 'friendship' anyway because he doesn't seem like he'd be there for you when you need your true friends.

 

You should put your good intentions and energies for someone who deserves them.

[troumba01]

Thankyou for the replies.

He does always ask how I am and what I've been up to. The past couple of times he caught me unawares as he called on my home phone, oterwise I wouldn't have answered if it was my mobile.

So, yes, am now screening my calls at home.

Onwards and upwards!!