heartsick... again...

[silverfish]

My H and I are divorcing. It will be final very soon. I do have my girsl with me a lot as H and I share 50/50 custody of them now. My girls and I have been decorating my/our apartment and really happy as a little family. My H is struggling quite a bit, but please remember he was abusive to me and was arrested for domestic battery when I finally left the home.

 

I AM interesting! I have hust forgotten how to share that with anyone but MM. He and I bring out the best of each other's personality. As of now I can't imagine ever finding that kind of relationship again. He just rocks my world in every way... his smile, his patience, his gentle soul. Then there's the dark side

 

Ah sorry I didn't know your H was abusive...that's interesting. Did you ever get any help with that before you got into this R with your MM? I'm learning about the subtleties of abuse only recently and they take many forms.

 

I'm still learning myself BTW but I don't want it to stop me being happy.....you ARE interesting of course and I hope you share that with your girls as well. How do you find the 50/50 custody with your ex H considering his past behaviour with you? I just wonder if your MM is another abusive 'type' or something and you aren't spending any time on yourself dealing with your M and what happened there - made the same mistake myself.

[I Miss the Kiss]

MM just emailed me a short email:

 

"Goodbye U meant to me everything I ever said... Please be true to yourself. You deserve a lot better... better than me."

 

I think I'm gonna be sick

[whichwayisup]

Keep posting and please, if you need help, ask for it - Call a friend, a sibling, your parents, a neighbour so you won't be alone. I'm not sure if you have your kids with you at the moment..

 

I am sorry you're hurting.

[I Miss the Kiss]

Keep posting and please, if you need help, ask for it - Call a friend, a sibling, your parents, a neighbour so you won't be alone. I'm not sure if you have your kids with you at the moment..

 

I am sorry you're hurting.

 

I do have all 4 of my girls, but they are all safely tucked in bed I'm ok. After I read his email I caught my breath, cried a bit, and came back here to LS. I feel at least semi-strong. I admit I did fire back an email to him, but it was very curt and to the point:

 

"Enjoy the life you've chosen, xxxx. "

 

And that's where I intend to leave it.

[awkward]

MM just emailed me a short email:

 

"Goodbye U meant to me everything I ever said... Please be true to yourself. You deserve a lot better... better than me."

 

I think I'm gonna be sick

 

You are going to be okay. Don't make yourself sick. This isn't about you. He is messed up and needs to fix himself.

[White Flower]

Is this the same thing as "Traumatic Bonding"?

I wouldn't know but will have to research it. It does sound like it is on similar lines though.

[White Flower]

MM just emailed me a short email:

 

"Goodbye U meant to me everything I ever said... Please be true to yourself. You deserve a lot better... better than me."

 

I think I'm gonna be sick

Did he write the 'I think I'm gonna be sick' part or was that from you to us?

 

I find it interesting that his W call involved with a lawyer but now he says goodbye. Do you think the call to the lawyer was a bluff (even if she went through the motions)? And how soon do you think it will be before he calls again?

[pureinheart]

This is how I was able to forgive exDM...he didnot set out one day and say..."gee I think I will screw this one or that one over"...it was never intentional, he is just confused, so I have detached my heart and leaving it open for another that is not so confused (that is once I am ready).

 

This is where I am with this. Although his way of 'ending" it is despicable, I don't think he truly meant to hurt me. But he did, in the worst way possible. I can't think of a more cowardly way to break it off with someone you supposedly love so much.

 

I believe my MM is confused on how to have the best of both: Not upset his kids and have me at the same time. Not gonna happen

 

I am so sorry you had to go through this, especially the hospital stay, it was all just too much.

 

The only thing to do now is wish him and his W all of the best in your heart and mind...I even prayed for their M...I was left alone to deal with the aftermath of my own issues...although in my heart I knew their road was much more complicated and I knew it wouldn't last.

 

Their M ended much quicker than I thought it would, mainly due to her filing a restraining order and D at the same time...she wasn't playing the game anymore.

[pureinheart]

I wouldn't know but will have to research it. It does sound like it is on similar lines though.

 

It sounds like it WF (Hysterical Bonding and Traumatic Bonding)

[pureinheart]

Keep posting and please, if you need help, ask for it - Call a friend, a sibling, your parents, a neighbour so you won't be alone. I'm not sure if you have your kids with you at the moment..

 

I am sorry you're hurting.

 

You are sooooo cool WWIU

[OWoman]

-----------------------

 

"What's best for that individual" .. The MM often regrets leaving his wife, once married to the OW ..

 

And which MM would that be? None of the fMMs I know who went on to marry their fOW have ever regretted leaving their xWs, let alone regretting it "often".

 

My father became a different person - happy, carefree, physically healthier and lighter of spirit - once he married his fOW. They've been together for decades now, and not even the most fleeting of regrets has ever crossed his mind.

 

My H left his xW more than two years back. His only regret is that he didn't do so sooner, that he wasted so much time with her. He has absolutely no regrets about leaving her, or about marrying me.

 

Several colleagues and friends have been happily M to their fOWs for timescales ranging from years to decades. From none of them have I ever heard any regrets, nor seen any evidence of any.

 

I'm sorry if my life doesn't comply with your prejudices or expectations.

[OWoman]

Someone asked me in a reply what my ideal outcome is. Well, right at this very moment: MM realizing he wants to follow through with his promises to me, and we would be in counseling together from the starting line. But I know this is not likely, and even if it were to happen, it is not healthy. If he comes to me now, I am second choice. Plain and simple.

 

IMTK, I asked you that, because your answer was what I suspected. You are still holding out hopes of being together, ultimately.

 

TBH, I don't think "counselling together" is the prize just yet. I think IC, separately, is what you both need first. Right now neither of you is in a whole, healthy enough position to take on a sustainable R. This A has damaged you, and he is damaged (whether by the A, by his M, or by something preceding both). He cannot love either you or his W (or even his kids) in a healthy adult way - he first needs to mend what's broken in himself. As do you. That you are so vulnerable to his shifts and swings - landing up in hospital last time - illustrates how eroded your base and your sense of self has become. You need to recover YOU before you can self-actualise in a R, whether with him or with anyone else.

 

It's really tough - especially getting such mixed messages from him, claiming love one minute and expressing rejection the next - right now, but your best bet is to take a break. Rather than change your cell no, I'd suggest a compromise - get another SIM with a new number. Hand your current SIM to a friend you trust. Let her take messages for you. Not pass them on to you just yet (unless something really urgent comes up that requires your immediate response) but hold them for a while, until you're in a better space where you can, and want to, deal with them. At that point you might not even want to know if there are any - or you might want the satisfaction of deleting them unread, if there are - but having someone else keeping an eye open for you, allowing you the space to heal, the time to focus on yourself, and the distance to allow clarity to settle, could address your concerns while meeting your needs.

 

Your MM can't love just now - he's right that you deserve a lot better. A lot better than he is capable of being as he is now. He could become that "lot better" - the man you've seen at times, the man you know he's able to be sometimes, the man you've lived in hope of him becoming all the time... but first he'd need some hard work, IC and reflection, and some basic R skills in dealing with all the people in his life - his (?x)W, his kids, and you or anyone else he wants to have a grown-up R with. That might be too much to ask from him - he might be happier staying with someone like his W who has lower expectations, who is OK with him being broken and unable to sustain adult Rs, who puts up with him loving someone else and lying to her and is willing to take him back time and again. Perhaps it's just easier, and that's all he sees himself capable of at present. And if he's happy to remain that damaged, broken, limited person unable to love properly - that's his choice. He's choosing to stunt his growth and remain a child, not to become a partner. You can hold out hopes of him changing - but it's up to him to want to change.

 

Hang in there IMTK. Take care of yourself and your girls.

[califnan]

And which MM would that be? None of the fMMs I know who went on to marry their fOW have ever regretted leaving their xWs, let alone regretting it "often".

 

My father became a different person - happy, carefree, physically healthier and lighter of spirit - once he married his fOW. They've been together for decades now, and not even the most fleeting of regrets has ever crossed his mind.

 

 

----------------------------

 

"Sexual Detours" by Dr. Holly Hein Ph.D. :

80% of those who divorce during an affair - regret the decision

75% who marry partners during an affair, eventually divorce.

Divorce rate & ratio of infidelity are much higher among marriage partners in an affair.

 

My exhusband told many of his family, years before he died - of his regret.

My aunt and uncle have appeared to be happily married for 45 years - she disclosed to me in recent years, regret of leaving her first husband, and that although she loved her second husband - she was sorry..

 

OW / FA: If someone caps on a MM or MW - because it runs in their family to do so, that is a family rendition that could stand to be broken, for everyone's sake.

[OWoman]

----------------------------

 

"Sexual Detours" by Dr. Holly Hein Ph.D. :

80% of those who divorce during an affair - regret the decision

75% who marry partners during an affair, eventually divorce.

Divorce rate & ratio of infidelity are much higher among marriage partners in an affair.

 

I'd be interested in her study design. She certainly didn't interview every single person who Dd as a result of an A, in the entire world, and get her figures from that. Besides which, few countries require grounds for a D - so a great many Ds that may well have arisen because of an A would not list an A as the grounds, but merely something as innocuous as "irreconcilable differences". Even where D can be awarded on the grounds of adultery, only the BS can sue on those grounds. A WS cannot sue for D on the basis of their own adultery; they'd need to sue for "unreasonable behaviour" (on the BS's part) or some such. And, I suspect, those WSs who want to M their OW would be the ones suing for D, thus those Ds would be masked as something else. While the WSs whose BSs sue for D on the grounds of the WS's infidelity would likely be those WSs who would rather have stayed M, whose BSs kicked them out, and who are thus more likely to regret the A in the first place - thus, skewing the findings of necessity, since it would be only that pool she'd have been sampling from. No surprises there - just flakey research design (or flakey conclusions!)

 

If you look at fWSs on LS who have Md their fAPs, there's not an awful lot of regret being expressed...

 

OW / FA: If someone caps on a MM or MW - because it runs in their family to do so, that is a family rendition that could stand to be broken, for everyone's sake.

 

I can't speak for FA here, but certainly I've never done anything in my life "because it runs in my family to do so, and my love life is no exception. I make choices based on all the information I have available to me at the time, with my best interests (and, while they were dependent, those of my kids) in mind, and I act on those choices. Contrary to what some people believe, choosing to be an OW from a position of strength because the alternatives are less suitable, palatable or attractive, is not the result of some gross personality flaw. It's merely the result of a different set of values, objectives and political beliefs to those so dear to so many other posters here.

[califnan]

I'd be interested in her study design. She certainly didn't interview every single person who Dd as a result of an A, in the entire world, and get her figures from that. Besides which, few countries require grounds for a D - so a great many Ds that may well have arisen because of an A would not list an A as the grounds, but merely something as innocuous as "irreconcilable differences". Even where D can be awarded on the grounds of adultery, only the BS can sue on those grounds. A WS cannot sue for D on the basis of their own adultery; they'd need to sue for "unreasonable behaviour" (on the BS's part) or some such. And, I suspect, those WSs who want to M their OW would be the ones suing for D, thus those Ds would be masked as something else. While the WSs whose BSs sue for D on the grounds of the WS's infidelity would likely be those WSs who would rather have stayed M, whose BSs kicked them out, and who are thus more likely to regret the A in the first place - thus, skewing the findings of necessity, since it would be only that pool she'd have been sampling from. No surprises there - just flakey research design (or flakey conclusions!)

 

----------------------

 

I could post Any documentations - and they would be picked apart, dissected, or disallowed by those who choose not to believe ..

 

There is God's marriage covenant. Marriage is under God.. It is considered sin to break up a marriage .. That could be another reason why marriages built on adultry, have a high rate of failing ..

[OWoman]

I could post Any documentations - and they would be picked apart, dissected, or disallowed by those who choose not to believe ..

 

that's the way science works. People publish their research findings in peer-reviewed journals so that their peers - other scientists - can look at their findings, look at their research design, and can challenge what they've concluded if their design doesn't match their claims. It has nothing to do with "choosing not to believe", and everything to do with insisting on rigour and evidence "beyond reasonable doubt".

 

There is God's marriage covenant. Marriage is under God.. It is considered sin to break up a marriage .. That could be another reason why marriages built on adultry, have a high rate of failing ..

 

Perhaps that applies to people who believe in a god, or more specifically people who believe in your god and your particular reading of your religion. Since I don't believe in either, none of that applies to me - just as I'm not bound by the religious texts of the Muslims, Hindus, Buddhists, Sufis, Sikhs, Mormons (LDS), Adventists, Jews, Kabbalists, animists, Jains, wiccans, druids or anyone else who has religious texts. I live by my own moral code and the legal framework of the country I find myself in.

[Fallen Angel]

----------------------------

 

"Sexual Detours" by Dr. Holly Hein Ph.D. :

80% of those who divorce during an affair - regret the decision

75% who marry partners during an affair, eventually divorce.

Divorce rate & ratio of infidelity are much higher among marriage partners in an affair.

 

My exhusband told many of his family, years before he died - of his regret.

My aunt and uncle have appeared to be happily married for 45 years - she disclosed to me in recent years, regret of leaving her first husband, and that although she loved her second husband - she was sorry.. .

 

I have to agree with OW in that one study (Where is the research data to back up these figures? What was the focus group? Did they specifically seek out people who had divorced after marriage to their affair partner? Did they target people who were in counseling to get their study group?) does not prove to me the point you are trying to make.

 

I agree that many marriages after divorce and remarriage to an affair partner do probably end in divorce, but I would hazard a guess that the divorce rate is not really so different from that in second marriages in general. How does this figure at which you arrived compare to the figures for second marriages where there is no disclosure that the relationship started as an affair?

 

I would think you should possibly find more than one source to confrim your theory, as the results of such "studies" are often skewed to reflect the author's point of view. Meaning that if you are reading a book that suggests that having an affair is "unhealthy, sinful, and should be avoided at all costs" a book in which the author advocates for restoration of the marriage, then the results of any "study" they conduct will tend towards proving their theory.

 

If you read a book that focuses on the MP following their heart, and making a healthy choice for themselves, even if that choice is to divorce and marry their affair partner, then a study conducted and quoted in that book is likely to show much different statistics on how lasting that second marriage may be.

 

OW / FA: If someone caps on a MM or MW - because it runs in their family to do so, that is a family rendition that could stand to be broken, for everyone's sake.

 

I'd be interested in her study design. She certainly didn't interview every single person who Dd as a result of an A, in the entire world, and get her figures from that. Besides which, few countries require grounds for a D - so a great many Ds that may well have arisen because of an A would not list an A as the grounds, but merely something as innocuous as "irreconcilable differences". Even where D can be awarded on the grounds of adultery, only the BS can sue on those grounds. A WS cannot sue for D on the basis of their own adultery; they'd need to sue for "unreasonable behaviour" (on the BS's part) or some such. And, I suspect, those WSs who want to M their OW would be the ones suing for D, thus those Ds would be masked as something else. While the WSs whose BSs sue for D on the grounds of the WS's infidelity would likely be those WSs who would rather have stayed M, whose BSs kicked them out, and who are thus more likely to regret the A in the first place - thus, skewing the findings of necessity, since it would be only that pool she'd have been sampling from. No surprises there - just flakey research design (or flakey conclusions!)

 

If you look at fWSs on LS who have Md their fAPs, there's not an awful lot of regret being expressed...

 

 

 

I can't speak for FA here, but certainly I've never done anything in my life "because it runs in my family to do so, and my love life is no exception. I make choices based on all the information I have available to me at the time, with my best interests (and, while they were dependent, those of my kids) in mind, and I act on those choices. Contrary to what some people believe, choosing to be an OW from a position of strength because the alternatives are less suitable, palatable or attractive, is not the result of some gross personality flaw. It's merely the result of a different set of values, objectives and political beliefs to those so dear to so many other posters here.

 

I am assuming you mean a "family tradition", and I have to agree with OW that I in no way based my decisions on my mother's affair. Firstly, I was not even aware of My Sweetheart's maritial status until our affair had already been initiated, thereby discounting your suggestion that I had "cap"(ped) on a married man as a result of repeating my mother's role as OW.

 

Secondly, I have not before been involved with a married man, nor do I have any plan to be OW to anyone but My Sweetheart in the future if our realtionship does not work out. I simply fell in love with a man, who fell in love with me. his maritial status has little to do with our realtionship, and does not enhance his status in my mind at all.

 

I am sorry for you that your ex-husband expressed regret that he married you. that must have been very painful to you. As to your aunt, perhaps you misinterpreted her "sorrow" as her being sorry that she married her partner, perhaps she was expressing regret for the pain that was caused to others in her decision, but not the decision itself.

 

I think Califnan that you are making assumptions and speaking in generalities based on one or two bad expereinces for you. That is dangerous, as you are closing your mind to the possiblity that true love can be the end result of a relationship which starts as an affair, it makes you sound bitter and unwilling to educate yourself to the reality.

[Fallen Angel]

There is God's marriage covenant. Marriage is under God.. It is considered sin to break up a marriage .. That could be another reason why marriages built on adultry, have a high rate of failing ..

 

If all marriages are "under God" then would not that also suggest that the marriages as a result of a man and woman falling in love, having an affair and marrying each other not also be "under God"? Who gets to pick and choose what marriages are "under God" and which are not?

 

I also seem to recall many instances in the bible where men had numerous wives. Were not all those marriages also "under God"? So by that token would it be considered less sinful to you if My Sweetheart and I marry without the benefit of him divorcing his first wife?

 

Again, Califnan, when logic fails, you use God as a weapon... makes perfect sense to me..

[califnan]

I have to agree with OW in that one study (

 

 

 

If you read a book that focuses on the MP following their heart, and making a healthy choice for themselves, even if that choice is to divorce and marry their affair partner, then a study conducted and quoted in that book is likely to show much different statistics on how lasting that second

 

------------------

 

Of course there are going to be books published that will give back up to cheating - under the guise of "following their heart" .. ha

 

----------------------------

 

I am sorry for you that your ex-husband expressed regret that he married you. that must have been very painful to you.

 

--------------------

 

Thanks for the compliment ha .. but it is too funny how the OW manages to turn everything around - to suit Her needs .. My exhusband actually told his brothers, cousin, sister-in-law of his sorrow for divorcing me - over Aliede ..

 

----------------------

 

As to your aunt, perhaps you misinterpreted her "sorrow" as her being sorry that she married her partner, perhaps she was expressing regret for the pain that was caused to others in her decision, but not the decision itself.

 

---------------------

 

Sorry again, she was expressing that the second marriage was a greater transition, and that there was no turning around .. She volunteered it after my divorce.. I had not even known her first husband.

 

-----------------------

 

I think Califnan that you are making assumptions and speaking in generalities based on one or two bad expereinces for you. That is dangerous, as you are closing your mind to the possiblity that true love can be the end result of a relationship which starts as an affair, it makes you sound bitter and unwilling to educate yourself to the reality

 

------------------------

 

Not.. You read books to backup for possition of wanting someone else's husband - and he to want you. Any Documentation I would present, would be without the author (or readers) having motives ..

[califnan]

If all marriages are "under God" then would not that also suggest that the marriages as a result of a man and woman falling in love, having an affair and marrying each other not also be "under God"? Who gets to pick and choose what marriages are "under God" and which are not?

_______________________

 

Marriage founded on adultery, is not blessed..

 

_______________________

 

I also seem to recall many instances in the bible where men had numerous wives. Were not all those marriages also "under God"?

 

____________________

 

No.

 

_______________________

 

So by that token would it be considered less sinful to you if My Sweetheart and I marry without the benefit of him divorcing his first wife?

 

-----------------------

 

Adultery is adultery .. Not blessed by God ..

[Fallen Angel]

If all marriages are "under God" then would not that also suggest that the marriages as a result of a man and woman falling in love, having an affair and marrying each other not also be "under God"? Who gets to pick and choose what marriages are "under God" and which are not?

_______________________

 

Marriage founded on adultery, is not blessed..

 

_______________________

 

I also seem to recall many instances in the bible where men had numerous wives. Were not all those marriages also "under God"?

____________________

No.

 

_______________________

 

So by that token would it be considered less sinful to you if My Sweetheart and I marry without the benefit of him divorcing his first wife?

 

-----------------------

 

Adultery is adultery .. Not blessed by God ..

 

Really? so then you do not believe in the Bible as truth?

[Fallen Angel]

Califnan,

 

Choosing which parts of a post you wish to acknowledge and thereby twisting the intent of the post, does nothing to help you in the debate. It serves only to make you appear desperate and foolish.

[califnan]

I have to agree with OW in that one study

 

------------------------

 

In your position - you would argue Any study..

 

------------------------------

 

 

I think Califnan that you are making assumptions and speaking in generalities based on one or two bad expereinces for you. That is dangerous, as you are closing your mind to the possiblity that true love can be the end result of a relationship which starts as an affair, it makes you sound bitter and unwilling to educate yourself to the reality.

 

-----------------------

 

Certainly Not unwilling to educate myself - That is why I am here on LS .. Unwilling to allow myself to be in the mire and the trap .. Determined to see the Light of God .. Affairs (or emotional relationships w MM) are hurtful, drag you down, Not of God, Keep us from being the Whole, Complete women that God has created us to be..

 

Although the divorce after 22 yrs, and was tramatic .. it was also 24 yrs ago .. I am able to speak to both sides of the issue ..

[bestplayer]

Hi everyone, I have been reading each and every reply to my post, and I am just too tired to respond to each one individually at this point. But I do thank all of you for your thoughts. A lot of it makes perfect sense and I need to hear it.

 

I'm just going to ramble here... If I were to be 100% honest, I can say that I am not at the enough-is-enough phase. I wish like h*ll I was. I know this because a riend told me on Friday when I got the text that I should IMMEDIATELY go change my own cell # in case he ever tries to text or call again. My response was that MM changed his number the last time he did this to me and he chanaged it again this time, so SURELY he won't be contacting me again. SURELY he means it this time and is truly going to work on his M like he keeps telling me every time this happens. I keep thinking there is NO WAY he will come calling again.

 

So the fact that I won't make a simple call to change my number tells me I am not there yet... I'm not ready to cut all ties. I want it to be HIM who doesn't contact, but I want to know if he does try. I can't stand not knowing if he truly misses me or not, as sick as that is. And I do know how sick that is...

 

In a nutshell, I am crazy in love with this man beyond my comprehension, and I believe in my heart of hearts that he feels the same. We never argue, we are never rude or disrespectful, we laugh, we step out of the box both sexually and just in daily life. We understand each other, we are patient with each other, and we still feel weak at the sound of each other's voice after a year.

 

BUT... those are the things I love about the man I know. He has another side to him, the side that breaks my heart over and over, the side that has no problem SHATTERING my soul with a single text. And my bet is that his W is thanking her higher power that he has AGAIN decided to "work on the M"... only this time she has a little more information... I called her.

 

Ok, well I "voice mailed" her. I called into our cell provider (we are on the same one) and did a backdoor voicemail without calling. I basically told her that this past Sunday night on his way back through my state after a semi business excursion down there with his best friend, he (all of this was his idea completely) made arrangements for his best friend to drop him off in my city on the way through town. MM spent the night with me and rented a one-way car rental (expensive!) to drive to his hometown the next day. THAT is how bad he wanted to see be (or have sex, however you want to look at it rationally).

 

So yes, I lost my mind and I told her this. I told her he had been with me a mere 4 days prior, proclaiming his deep love for me, so much so that he told me exactly this: "XXXX, I love you in a Bible kind of way... the way a man SHOULD love his wife. We are emitonally bonded, free and open, and intimate in every way and every part of our life."

 

I told her that, too.

 

I told her EVERYTHING, and I told her she would never hear from me again, which she will not. I have never, ever called her in a year's time. I have never wanted to. I have PROTECTED MM each and every time he has broken my soul. But this time he just pushed me too far, and I let it all out.

 

So I have no idea what he is dealing with now. None whatsoever. She could be in completel denial, she could be in "protect"mode where she wants him even more. But as of friday he was still not living with her after 2 months since the last D-day. I have no idea if she will let him back now. And I am trying not to care.

 

Someone asked me in a reply what my ideal outcome is. Well, right at this very moment: MM realizing he wants to follow through with his promises to me, and we would be in counseling together from the starting line. But I know this is not likely, and even if it were to happen, it is not healthy. If he comes to me now, I am second choice. Plain and simple.

 

His kids' spring break is in two weeks. He had told his W he was not going, she was going to go ahead and go with MM's family, etc. I know he was freaked about not going for his kids' sake. I believe this is a large part of his latest breakdown, paired with his son having a hard time with Mm not living at home for the last 2 months.

 

MM's W had seen an attorney last week and had asked their accountant for their tax returns. She had told hime she was "done" with him. I believe the reailty of her possibly filing for D hit him hard. And I drew the short straw.

 

So that's it for now. Keep the replies coming. I value each and every one, whether I want to hear it or not. And for those who wondered, yes this truly is D-day #7. She has taken him back on some level each time, and so have I. Its like when he gets too comfortable with me and she pushes him away, he goes back to her. A couple of weeks later, after reality sets back in, he comes looking for me.

 

I can't imagine in any way that he will ever contact me again. I really can't.

 

IMTK

 

It seems MM has created so many confusions that their marriage is impossible to be recovered now . It has never worked & will never work this way , his wife should just accept the fact that her husband can't get over his feelings & she should herself divorce him .

That will be best for her too. I can't say weather U & mm will eventually be together or not but it seems It is just a matter of months that his marriage is over .

[califnan]

Califnan,

 

Choosing which parts of a post you wish to acknowledge and thereby twisting the intent of the post, does nothing to help you in the debate. It serves only to make you appear desperate and foolish.

 

------------------

 

Not desperate and foolish FA. Women who - for one reason or another, attach themselves to MM, that is one thing .. But those who continue their relationship with the MM, are as you describe: desperate and foolish.

 

I consider myself very knowledgeable on both sides of the issue, and will continue to post as such ..